help... girlfriend being influenced by others to not like me

[notsofunky]

So I've been following this forum for about 2 years now. Using what I learned, I bagged myself quite a catch and we've been in a LTR relationship for a year now.

The problem is some of her new friends, particularly this one bad apple that is into drugs and whatnot and doesn't really care about my gf but she's an old friend who returned to town. I barely know the girl except through her reputation and my best friend used to work with her. This girl and friends that my gf have met through this girl who do not know me AT ALL, explain to her that what I do through the DJ techniques (e.g. not CONSTANTLY buying her flowers and gifts, not calling her EVERY day, getting mad on the rare occasion where it really does warrant it ) means i don't really care about her.

I'm tired of hearing things like "he wouldn't have gotten mad at that if he really loved you!" and "You're too young to be with just one guy" that these girls are filling her head with.

Quote from my gf to one of my female friends when they were discussing this privately: "i didn't think he was so bad until they started to tell me..."

Yeah, i'm probably sounding whiny and afc at this point, but i'm at a loss as to what to do. "Nexting" her isn't the stage i'm at yet. I'm afraid I do have oneitis for this one. She's given me absolutely no problems until now, i've let her chase me, and i have never backed down with my beliefs with her and she's respected that and has utterly devoted to me and showering me with gifts all the time, etc... but now she's having doubts of being with me only because of these new friends and I do not know how to circumvent this. They told her she is supposed to see more guys so that she "knows" she's supposed to be with me since we've been talking about (she brings it up) getting engaged.

It seems like a lot of what is going on is one guy is pulling the girlfriend stealing act by poisoning her against me while her other female friend wants my gf around to party with and away from me because that's all she cares about. So my gf is being tugged away from me while proclaiming "i don't know what to do.. you're perfect for me.. i don't understand."

Maybe i SHOULD next her just because she's being a bit immature and turning into a follower, but that just doesn't feel right yet. Could this just be a phase? I know for sure she's not cheating because i'd have heard the word through the grapevine by now, but her friends might be convincing her to see someone else just because i look like an assh*le because of their afc mentality of the bf having to kiss ass all the time.

And NO this isn't one of those going overboard on the C&F into ******* land things.

 

[squirrels]

Don't change up. Think about it...if this girl IS any kind of LTR material, then she'll recognize you for the way SHE sees you and not be swayed by others.

If you start acting uncomfortable, it'll only validate what they're saying. She'll think, "Now that I'm on to him he's acting differently." You should act INdifferently to this, knowing that YOU are doing what YOU think is right and she will either continue to trust you and be a faithful girlfriend or she'll leave. And seriously, if her opinion about you is that corruptible that she'll start seeing you negatively based on some ex-druggie friend's opinions, then do you really WANT to invest emotional energy in her any more in the first place??

If she wants space, GIVE it to her. I don't want to hear you b!tching about having "one-itis." If that's your problem, then cure it. Don't use that as a crutch. Yeah, you may like this one BETTER than all the rest so far, but she's just a chick. YOU should be complete within yourself and not NEED someone else to validate you. "Being a man" is not some bogus DJ Internet trick for picking up chicks. It's a way of life!

If she's worth the value you put on her, then she'll realize that you're as good for her as she is for you. If not, then maybe your value-assessment was off.

As far as her seeing other people, if she decides she wants to do that, then let her. The dating world is a mess right now...see if she can find another "keeper" like you in that sh!thole. If it was meant to be, she'll be back. She'll realize that despite what her friends say, the kiss-up chump isn't NEARLY as much of a turn-on as a self-assured, MASCULINE man. If she DOES get into that kind of guy, it means eventually she would've tried to change YOU into that kind of guy and things would've turned sour.

And while she's getting around, YOU should see other people too. Might help cure your one-itis to find that there ARE other girls out there and each of them has a unique charm you won't find in the others.

 

[Doro Ajani]

notsofunky,

A business partner of mine had to contend with a situation very similar to yours.

The best thing you can do is to continue to demonstrate the admirable masculine qualities that initially attracted your current girlfriend to you in the first place.

If your current girlfriend ends her relationship with you on the basis of the bullsh!t put forth by her unhappy female friends, then that's a mistake she'll have to learn from.

If your girlfriend allows herself to be influenced, and starts to show you her ass as a result, put her in check, immediately.

As for the guy trying to talk sh!t about you to her, obviously he has yet to step to you directly. Confront him, and ask him if he has a problem with you that he needs to discuss, because you've been hearing things, and you figured that you'd go to the source.

Look him directly in the eye as you calmly ask him this, and see if he turns b!tch and denies it. If he does, you own him. If he's actually got some balls, he'll tell you what he's been telling your girlfriend.

Either way, you let him know that if he has a problem, he'd best talk to you about it, or shut the f*ck up.

Doro Ajani

 

[AFK Protector]

I would try to talk some sense into her. You give her two choices:

1) Stay with you and eliminate those seeds of evil her gfs planted in her.

2) Go mess around with other guys and forget about you even considering taking her back.

You let HER choose. It's easier on you this way. It's either or. It's black and white. If she hesitates you say, " you have one minute, and it shouldn't even take that long."

Keep in mind, before all this, you should spend like a few minutes (not 1 hour) basically telling her this sh1t needs to end and you're going to end it here and now with those two choices.

I'm only 16, so take my advice or leave it, but I do know that you need to be assertive and life is too short to wait around for some girl (no matter how great she is) to prance around looking for guys while keeping you as a safety man.

I mean, wtf is that. No one deserves that treatment. I would just tell her to drop the antics and screw her friends because they're just wh0res with no future. Tell her that she doesn't see YOU running around keeping her as a safety pvssy and going through other chicks just to make sure she's the best for you. Seriously, I ****ing hate it when sh1t friends get in the way. ****ing homosexual **** eaters...

 

[cactus3178]

Ah, the old 'bad apple returns from out of town' thing. This is a tough situation.

I hate those kind of 'friends'. In the end, it's going to be up to your GF to make up her own mind. If the sh*t she's hearing rolls off her back and she can think for herself, great. If she's a tool, and can be influenced then you don't need her anyway.

The fact is that our friends do influence us to a certain degree. We value our friend's opinions and sometimes take their advice. So in a way, it's kind of a f*cked situation because having her friends work against you can be a big problem.

Sounds to me like these 'friends' that your GF has met through this one girl are a bunch of f*cking ho's. They want your GF to see other guys to make sure your the one?! That's straight up slut logic. And WTF?! Your GF needs to make these decisions on her own!

Seriously bro, you'd better get a grip on this ASAP if you want to keep her. Have you talked to her about any of this? Trust me man, the last thing you want is to have a girl who's easily influenced. It's problematic, nerveracking, and ultimately will blow up in your face.

You know your GF better than any of us on this board, so when it comes down to it, your the only one who knows if it's best to next this girl.

Sorry I don't have any real advice to offer, but at least you'll get a bump out of this anyhow.

 

[notsofunky]

thanks guys.. the problem now is that i no longer live in that town so i can't confront anybody

AND

she doesn't have much experience in LTRs so she's very susceptible to the peer pressure because she has no idea how it's supposed to be.



i guess i'll be letting her go and seeing what happens... i'm pretty sure she'll end up calling me after finding out about all the losers and users in the dating world and wanting me back.

Let's assume she does call me and want me back... Should i even bother? If do i bother, do i basically make her beg to come back and make her jump through hoops to prove herself worthy for me again like at the beginning... or what?

 

[squirrels]

Don't just DUMP her. Unless you really want out. Just if she says she needs some space, tell her "That's cool" and let her ride. And if she wants to come back afterward and you think she TRULY realizes how good you are for her and you don't have any other girls you like better, then take her back.

F*ck man, I understand this girl means a lot to you, but stop walking on eggshells and being a p*ssy about it.

 

[Juan_Man]

If she wants to leave you, then let her leave.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Why be with a woman who can't think for herself and is so easily influenced by other people?

 

[notsofunky]

Originally posted by squirrels
Don't just DUMP her. Unless you really want out. Just if she says she needs some space, tell her "That's cool" and let her ride. And if she wants to come back afterward and you think she TRULY realizes how good you are for her and you don't have any other girls you like better, then take her back.

F*ck man, I understand this girl means a lot to you, but stop walking on eggshells and being a p*ssy about it.

Sorry, i time shifted this a little on ya.

I left out a detail to make sure from you guys that what i should have done is what i originally wanted to do (before you all jumped on me for being such a retard.. which you don't need to do since i'm doing it to myself) but instead i went the stupid afc route for a couple days of being all kind and understanding and tried to "prove" that i care about her since her friends were telling her that i don't.

She did "put us on a break" saying we'd definitely be back together. I still think she'll end up coming back but i'm sure i pushed her away for longer than she would have originally strayed.

I f*cked up. I am angry as hell. Angry at myself, and angry at her for being so easily influenced.

I caught myself being afc, maybe too late and cut that crap out, and told her that while i do care about her i won't be calling her or waiting around for her forever and i'm not going to be "just friends" when she said "i can't handle you not being in my life" and "what do mean by forever?"

It's now been two weeks and the only thing i hear is from an email her grandmother sent me saying that the gf told her she'd probably be back with me (the family adores me, btw, and thinks she's being stupid)... not that i put much stock in grandma's word.

I am so disgustingly angry at myself for being so afc because i thought i had conquered this crap. I need to kill the oneitis, say to hell with her, and get some new women but my stupid heart is keeping me from being a man and i hate it.

This is the same anger that brought me to this site in the first place. It irritates me to no end that I have let it return.

Is regression normal?