HELP for tomorow

[Smooth Player 056]

I made a thread about making friends. I dont think I explained it too clearly for people to answer

I found this while browsing and it is the same question I have:

I still cant find someone to chill with at lunch. I mean what am I suppose to do? Find someone I know and follow them around? Everyone has there own group of friends cause 90% of them came from the same middle school. How do I just hang wit someone?


Put yourself in this situation: *Ring* lunchtime and you dont knkow anyone. What would YOU do????

 

[immrtlwun]

Do what was already suggested. Talk to some people in your classes and then find out where they eat lunch and join them.

I'm assuming that you do have classes before lunch and you aren't afraid to talk to other people.

 

[08aisaac]

You are a DJ. You should have no problem.

Come back when you actually have a problem.

 

[IronRice]

Dont be shy man. Just join in where ever you want. Talk to people and just get to know them.

 

[strams4ever]

It's the beggining... TONS of people are going through the same as you are. Just try and find the coolest kids sitting at the coolest table... you know.. the table with 35 inch spinners and black leather seats. No biggie...

 

[08aisaac]

Originally posted by strams4ever
It's the beggining... TONS of people are going through the same as you are. Just try and find the coolest kids sitting at the coolest table... you know.. the table with 35 inch spinners and black leather seats. No biggie...

WOW. That was the funniest thing I have heard all day. lol. You truly are funny.

Yeah just find the most popular table, and have total confidence.

 

[shark]

Or just go to a spot where alot of the kids meet to go out for lunch and just walk up to them and tell them your gonna tag along for today and just work your way into the group.

 

[Inquire]

dont worry about it. is ur school indoor or outdoor?

indoor- find a place to sit and EMPTY bench. sit there wit ur food and eat it while lookin out the window. dont look at anyone. DONT LOOK AT ANYONE. jsut stare at ur food or a window and jsut stare at it with a smile and lookin happy, while eating. people who see u will stare at u. dont stare at them. DONT LOOK AT ANYONE. jsut keep lookin at ur food or the window. and they will want to see why u are smiling. they will come over to talk to u. and thats that. just say "im not lookin at anythang, its just nice sometimes silent, u know?" hopefully they'll know, if they dont then say "its all good, u can sit down and eat wit me if u want. like i said its all good" and tats tat.

outdoor- u can do the same as the indoor or u can find a nice hill or patch of grass no one is really around and just lay there and take a nice nap. if a person comes up to u, then do indoor style. if no one does, jsut do teh same thang. and then sooner or later in a class they'll ask where do u sit. say tat u found a nice hill or place where u can relax with not a lot of people hang around. then say "u can join me if u want sometime." and that tat.

let them come to u.

 

[eggnawgkid]

^^ That was a joke right? I don't mean to say you're wrong if it wasn't, it's just that I can't imagine that people are actually go over and talk to him like you said if he just sits by himself. But hey if it works then great.

 

[Zod]

Concerning your post Inquire, I can't say that I agree with either of your 2 suggestions.

Doing either of those 2 things will probably do more harm than any good.

In reality, if I saw someone just sitting alone looking outside the window (luckily my high school is an outdoor HS, and I can go off campus - but I digress) or looking at your food will make any person think the following things:

"The hell is that guy staring at?"

"He must not be very popular or cool sitting alone."

Anything along those lines.

You don't expect girls to approach you, so why should it be any different? Yes it happens, but more than likely it won't.

Anyways, to the OP -

Don't hover around or outside of a group, as this can typically be worse than being alone. If I am trying to make new friends, either:

Do it during class, and have it be 1 on 1. This way, you can probably keep discussing things with this person after class gets out until the person leads you to their group of friends. In which case you will most likely be introduced to the group. Definently participate in discussion, but at this point, I would suggest not trying to lead the discussion. If you don't like that particular group or don't anything in common do the same thing but just with a different person.

When out and about during your break / lunch, getting your lunch / a snack / whatever. If you see anybody waiting for something start talking to them. Keep talking with them even after they finished whatever they were doing. Most likely they will head back to their group of friends and introduce you like what I said above.

If all else fails, just go off campus (if your school permits it). Go to a popular spot where people who go off campus go (for me it's In-N-Out, theres at least 20-30 high school students there at lunch) and you might be able to strike up some conversation there.

Good luck with finding some friends, I bet going to a new school is a rough transition.

Regards,
Zod.

 

[October]

You know what? Having no "group" is great. Fresh start, you want to meet as many people as you can. It's an opportunity to meet people.

Start conversations with people. Are you doing that? Fluff talk, introduce yourself, get the names of some people, and make acquaintances with people, lots of them.

If you want to get into someone's group, it isn't that hard. You can either make one good friend and start talking to other people in his group, or you can be acquaintances with a few of the people in a group and just get into the group from there. It really isn't hard at all. Being acquaintances just means that you know them and have talked to them a few times. If you meet a few people, you'll eventually get to know some of the people they hang around. If you want to find someone to eat lunch with, just look for other people who are by themselves.

That advice on sitting with the popular kids, that isn't so good. Popular kids aren't always the most accepting people. Someone said that girls are usually more friendly and more accepting than guys, that's good advice. Remember, you want to know as many people as possible.

Don't worry, you WILL make friends eventually. If you need more advice on social skills you should run a search on "senor fingers" or "mr. fingers".

Hope this helps.

 

[Inquire]

Originally posted by Zod
Concerning your post Inquire, I can't say that I agree with either of your 2 suggestions.

Doing either of those 2 things will probably do more harm than any good.

In reality, if I saw someone just sitting alone looking outside the window (luckily my high school is an outdoor HS, and I can go off campus - but I digress) or looking at your food will make any person think the following things:

"The hell is that guy staring at?"

"He must not be very popular or cool sitting alone."

Anything along those lines.

You don't expect girls to approach you, so why should it be any different? Yes it happens, but more than likely it won't.

Anyways, to the OP -

Don't hover around or outside of a group, as this can typically be worse than being alone. If I am trying to make new friends, either:

Do it during class, and have it be 1 on 1. This way, you can probably keep discussing things with this person after class gets out until the person leads you to their group of friends. In which case you will most likely be introduced to the group. Definently participate in discussion, but at this point, I would suggest not trying to lead the discussion. If you don't like that particular group or don't anything in common do the same thing but just with a different person.

When out and about during your break / lunch, getting your lunch / a snack / whatever. If you see anybody waiting for something start talking to them. Keep talking with them even after they finished whatever they were doing. Most likely they will head back to their group of friends and introduce you like what I said above.

If all else fails, just go off campus (if your school permits it). Go to a popular spot where people who go off campus go (for me it's In-N-Out, theres at least 20-30 high school students there at lunch) and you might be able to strike up some conversation there.

Good luck with finding some friends, I bet going to a new school is a rough transition.

Regards,
Zod.

naw man, tat's just some people who will think your way. there are some other people who will be curious into getting to know u and what ur lookin at. i talk from experience, i did jsut tat indoor style and my friends tat i hang out with now came from tat.

 

[08aisaac]

Inquore does have a point. I mean there will probaly be people that will go up and talk but really I found a able on the first day. It aint too hard.

 

[Zod]

Originally posted by Inquire
naw man, tat's just some people who will think your way. there are some other people who will be curious into getting to know u and what ur lookin at. i talk from experience, i did jsut tat indoor style and my friends tat i hang out with now came from tat.

I'm not saying your approach doesn't work, but theres probably more reasonable and succesful ways to go about making friends.

Heres how I see it.

If you aren't the aggressor, and let people come to you, yeah theres a chance someone will come to you.

On the other hand, if you go out and try to mingle with people at your school. You are gauranteed (aslong as you attempt more than once) that you will be 'accepted' and will make friends.

Assertive vs. Passive

Your way works, but it isn't efficient.

 

[Inquire]

Originally posted by Zod
I'm not saying your approach doesn't work, but theres probably more reasonable and succesful ways to go about making friends.

Heres how I see it.

If you aren't the aggressor, and let people come to you, yeah theres a chance someone will come to you.

On the other hand, if you go out and try to mingle with people at your school. You are gauranteed (aslong as you attempt more than once) that you will be 'accepted' and will make friends.

Assertive vs. Passive

Your way works, but it isn't efficient.

i gotcha i gotcha, and it isnt tat it isnt efficient. its all about patience, and how much confidence ur showing.