HELP Ex-GF found out I cheated on her

[animal crackers]

I wrote a thread about a week ago about how I was going to go back out with my ex. I know we both had mutual feelings for each other, but...

We got together tonite, and she seemed kind of strange, I thought it was just because her sister was there, but when I was leaving she asked me if I was with anyone when we were still together.

At first I said no, but then I just fessed up and said yes. We talked and I said that i didn't know if I loved her at the time. I did though. And I don't know how to get her to give me another chance because I REALLY ****ED UP.

Any advice would be helpful.

 

[Luscious]

There is a reason you broke up with her.

Remember that reason? It was good enough for you to cheat on her, right?

Regardless, cut ties. Plenty of other women out there - it's just not worth the work to rebuild some sort of semblance of trust with this one.

 

[PRMoon]

damage control

fear not this problem isn't the worst I've seen. Although you didn't really go into any detail concerning the outcome of your impromtu conversation, I can only assume she wasn't feeling too good.

First off when you coughed up the info, was it becasue she already knew and was just seeing if you were going to be honest about it? If so I'd say your chances for redemption are good. You can just feed her a premeditated Honesty speech about how you want to be honest with her from now on, and how you two should always be honest about your feelings for one another so you don't have to guess about your relationship.

I'd also concider a nice private dinner, with some kind of after event (Dancing, Moonlight walk if weather permits, a nice live show, something). Usually things like that seem apologenic and shows that you care.

You could suprise her in public somewhere with a gift or something equally romantic... The main point is to open up lines of communication between you for positive dialogue when neither of you are too distraught or emotional. Talking to someone in the right way will do leaps and bounds for any relationship no matter how rocky.

But If I've read your other post correctly, and I'm interpreting what you're saying, you really don't want to be with her in the first place. You're probably feeling a possesive loss meaning you'll want to get rid of her AGAIN as soon as things are smoothed over. I'd weigh both sides of this one and really concider cutting your losses.

 

[animal crackers]

She was pretty beaten up about it. I mean, if I was in her situation I would never get back together with me. I think the trust speech is probably a good idea. What else could I throw into it? After I cheated on her, it ****ed me up a lot, and I thought she was doing the same thing. She wasn't. She wouldn't even let guys hug her because she was with me.

This just happened about 2 hours ago, would it be better to call her tonite, or let her think about the whole thing until tomorrow?

 

[MacDiddy]

If it were I and I've been busted a few times... I'd never admit to anything coz my ideology is to deny deny deny... Something I learnt from the politicians

now... she will bust you for more dirt and this endless cycle will continue till she has enough evidence accumulated to send you on your way.... of course cheating is terrible and the truth will hurt... theres no doubt...

I have always denied it. but since you have openly admitted it, u could just spring back and refute your claim... say, I admitted it coz I wanted sympathy and I said it coz that is what I thort u wanted to hear, but now I feel guilty lying about it.... OK this might sound lame, so just adjust it if its applicable to your situation... this will shift her frame 90 degrees at least...

otherwise my next tactic would be to NOT talk about it again. just say I dun wanna talk about it... and move the conversation into a new topic.... never entertain it... portray what was said before as not a big deal... but the key is to consistently transition to other topics.... she will be frustrated and angry but she will not have the power... in the power play relationship... Think about politicians and their scandals.... the best method of getting the public of their backs about their scandals was to introduce some other headline issue.... that can take the public interest away...

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

Getting back with an ex is rarely a good thing. Get yourself a new woman.

 

[DeathDealer]

why do guys go back to their ex or try to remain friends with them? they're like gutless little girls who can't grow up.