HELP DJs. If I a cutting connections with her, today being the 1st day, and she ...

[I Am Lost 18]

DISREGARD THIS TOPIC. DONT POST IN IT. LET IT DIE.

 

[base2ball2boy2]

Ever try and break a bad habit? You can't just go cold turkey, and stop all at once. The need will be overwhelming, so overwhelming, that it breaks your grip, and forces you to give into the matter.

So you start out small. For example, if she sends you ten texts a day that say something like: "bored wanna hang?" you turn down one or two. You can say "too busy, hellofa calculus test tomorrow" (or whatever you're studying). Then, slowly, over a period of time, you increase the number of turn downs.

Problem solved.

 

[I Am Lost 18]

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[I Am Lost 18]

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[horaholic]

See, you are out of the friend zone, and into the 'brother-sister' zone, and you have noone to blame but yourself, so I would just accept that. If you dont want to hang out with her, just tell her you're busy. If you're trying to get with her, seriously, just forget about it. Go meet other women, and if she salts your game in any way, tell her you cant hang out anymore, and thats why. Chances are, she will hurt your chances with other girls, but not always. Unapologetically, tell her that you are a man, and you are looking for girls to date/fvck, whatever, and she is hurting your game. If she raises a fuss about it, you can accuse her of being a false friend trying to deprive you of your God given right to happiness. Dont be afraid to tell it like it is, especially when you know you have no chance. Forget her feelings. The second she gets a BF, you wont hear from her, except to be her emotional tampon when she's mad at him.

 

[I Am Lost 18]

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[I Am Lost 18]

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[horaholic]

BTW, you do not love this chick. You are infatuated with her, and hanging out with her is damaging you emotionally. I did the same thing. I pined over a chick for years, and she chased off any prospect I had. I thought I loved her. She was a selfish, manipulative chick. Just lik yours is. She is so selfish, she wants you to devote yourself to her 'freindship.'

If I were you I would tell her straight up, that its obvious she only wants to be friends, but you want a girlfriend, not a chick friend, so you need to stop spending do much time together. She's not in love you, so it wont break her heart. Quit being her emotional tampon and worry about YOU. YOU need to take care of YOU. She can go out and find a BF today if she wanted to, and you wil be replaced. Dont kid yourself, and dont do this to yourself. YOu will regret it for the rest of your life,. Trust me, I do. I literally wasted YEARS of my life being a chicks 'friend.' The rare occasions where I did get laid, she caused all kinds of drama, and got totally jealous, and accused me of replacing her. Yet, she had no problem fvcking my best friend in my parents bedroom, while I got to hear it and it tore my heart to shreds. Is that what you want. FVCK chick friends! Dont be afraid to tell her straight up. It will be SOOOO good for you, you have no idea. I dont mean tell her how you feel about her. Thats bad. Tell her the honest to God real reason you dont want to hang out with her anymore.

As for right now. Dont even answer her texts.

 

[I Am Lost 18]

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[horaholic]

Tell her that being 'only friends' is really hurting you. See what she has to say about that. Tell her how sick and tired you are of girls giving you the "scared,' excuse.

As for this:

SHE HAD a BF, of 7 months, and they broke up over the summer. BEFORE the breakup, she was hanging out with me, and we had intimate connections b4 the break up too(hugging/kissing cheeks). The bf is in her native country, they broe up cause of the distance, and she says she is scared of being hurt or hurting me, doesnt want to be clear about it.

Yes, she was hanging out with you while her BF was in ANOTHER COUNTRY. That means you were her surrogate BF, without the sex. In other words, you are her GIRLFRIEND. Girls have no problem touching, huggin, kissing, one another. Thats why you two are touchy feely like that.

You say you've read this site for awhile, so Im sure you've seen us give some tough love to newbies. Im sure you've also noticed, that the newbies always try to 'justify' and 'reationalize' their AFC'ness. Please dont do that!

Understand this: You are her bytch. She is dangling a carrot in front of your nose, so you follow her every move. Read the DJ bible, and meet and hang out with many more girls. Its ok be friends with a girl, IF neither one of you have feelings. It sounds to me like you both do, but your both too chicken to go for it.

I got out of the friendzone once by basically giving an ultimatum. I said "look. I like you, I thought you liked me, but i guess I was wrong, and Im tired of wasting my time chasing you for nothing, so either kiss me right now, or never see me again." And she did. I think it worked out of pure, unapologetic masculine domination. And if it doesnt work, she's out of the picture. you win either way. I dare you to try it.

 

[I Am Lost 18]

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[horaholic]

O.K. I am trying to help you here, so I will break it down:

Okay, I think we both( you and I) aren't understanding each other here, and I will HAVE to post a detailed "story", from the day we met in December 2008, to TODAY.

Yes, I know. your situation is 'different.' Everybodys is.

She is "too soft" to make anyone her *****. She is one of those shy, soft, sensitive girls, anyone can step on and crush. She only had one bf in her life, for 7 months, and when she broke up, she said "I HATE THESE SITUATIONS. These stupid situations." Meaning she was hurt and hated this "going out as bf/gf" stuff since then".

She doesnt seem to having a problem with hurting people by stringing them along. Dont buy that 'scared of getting hurt ' crap. Thats ALWAYS, as in 100% of the time, bvllshyt. If Brad Pitt tried to make out with her, do you think she'd reject him because she's 'too scared?'

Thats what I think I have to change, but I messed up somehwere(which you will see in my upcoming full story).

For the last time, WHAT TO DO WITH THIS, #897(lierally, since about 2 weeks, thats the number of text messages she has sent me, etc) text message she sent me?

Told u, if I ignore, I'll have to tell her eventually WHY. But if I say now, "I'll reply u later", but ditch out, I can cover it with "oh I forgot", which does 2 things in 1:

-I have a simple excuse to give her
-It will shake her, that I forgot, and she will "start" to "hopefully" look at me different'y.

Well, I would just tell her you were busy hanging out with your friends, if you dont want to hurt her. If she grills you, tell her you're not her BF, and you dont need to explain anything to her.

WE DONT EVEN TRULY KNOW HOW WE LOOK AT EACH OTHER (well, I do, but dont know how she looks at me, she is always giving mixed signals, and we dont talk about it in person, etc).

One thing you should learn, is to disregard 'mixed signals.' mixed signals mean she likes you, and is frustrated that you arent making the moves, or took too long making the moves. Or, it means you are reading the signals wrong. When a chick treats you like her girlfriend, she will be touchy with you, and call you all the time. Thats what chicks do in friendships. Guys drink beer, watch/play football, and talk about slvts. This is how friend zones happen. Chicks get emotional, and talk about their feelings. If a guy talks about feelings, acts supportive, and sensitive, he is now acting like a girl. Any interest the girl has, is now on a friendship level. following? Meanwhile, the girl acts like she does with her girlfriends, I.E. touching, feeling, calling all the time, talking about feelings. This puts her our of the guys friend zone, because thats not how guys do it. Sooo, the guy develops an infatuation, because to him, she is acting like his girlfriend. Thats how this works. In conclusion...DONT BE HER GIRLFRIEND!

EDIT: I however, agree with your this part:



But get this straight too. I might have fell for her, but I am NOT her bytch, nor anyones. And I can't look at other girls the way I used to now, because of this girl. Every other girl I just see as a "friend", this one I see as "more than friend".

Sorry to say, but you are her bytch. Think about how many minutes you've spent on this site trying to come up with something to tell her about why you didnt text her. You are on here making excuses for her. You are hanging out with her nonstop in hopes that she'll straighten out her head, and realize that she's in love with you.

Hang out on this site for a while. You will see stories exactly like this EVERY DAY, all from guys who think 'their situation is different.' In a couple years, you should reread this post. You will laugh so hard, and say "Damn I was such a chump back then!'

Not exactly true. SHE left the bf in the other country. SHE came to USA, and he got left back in his country. HE was the one to break up with her. WHILE they were still together loving each other over the net, phone, SHE still hung out with me, talked to me about him once, but didnt want to talk about him, said she isn't comfortable doing so.

This part is completely irrelevant.

I knew they'd break up sooner or later. Long distnce relationships dont work at such young age (dude was in Russia, she's here in USA). She was just 17 when they went out, etc.

Anyway, do whatever the hell you want. Its not your job to protect her feelings. You are putting her feelings above your own, and you are not getting what you want in return. That is what makes you a chump. You have to recognize the fact that you are an AFC, and make a commitment to be a man from now on, starting with this chick. You were talking about respect earlier. If you respected her, you would be honest with her, instead of pretending to be her friend, while being eaten up inside pining for this chick that you think is so fragile and weak. Trust me, she aint as weak as you think. If you respected her, you would tell her the truth, even if it does hurt her. Thats what friends do. If you had a weak fragile guy friend that wouldnt leave you alone, would you be worried about hurting his feelings, or would you tell him you're busy, adn you dont need to explain shyt to him.

Thats all I have to say. Read the DJ bible, and protect your heart at all cost! You're more important than her. Do what YOU want, not what she wants. Read the DJ bible on the bottom of the page, and good luck.

 

[Prodigy746]

Maybe she is just scared man... if i was you i would talk to her like a man. Grab your balls set a date like usual and streight up tell her. You have feelings for her and will not be able to be just friends.... Ask her if she wants to start dating you and if not than you will not be able to be friends...

TRUST ME there is a descant chance that this will work... and if she says she wants to date her kiss her in the lips right away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no cheek , i give my mom kiss to the cheek wtf is that.

 

[I Am Lost 18]

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[IOS]

It seems like you're trying to justify all this in your head, but sadly thats not how it ends up working out. I had the exact same situation happen to me too. Girl seemed really interested in me, spent all of her time with me, she would constantly touch me, we had what I thought was sexual tension, we even went to prom together. Then she LJBF'd me. It seems like she already did this to you too. Girls do not use the word "friend" unless they mean it. A girl would never use the word "friend" to somebody they were genuinely interested in.

Sorry, but as horaholice put it, you're her "girlfriend", and no amount of justification is going to change that. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but that's how it is. I've been there, and the sooner you can get out of it the better.

 

[I Am Lost 18]

Yep, I definitely didn't explain myself or the situation well enough. I'm sorry guys, for wasting your time, but I'll be back here in a while.

(Oh, btw, I'm ignoring her right now, and she's constantly texting me online and by cell phone, but I haven't replied yet, nor do I have any intention doing so).

Heck, I'm thinking that this month or next, I'm gonna blast the truth in her face, and just tell her "If you want to be more than friends, I'll stay. Otherwise, you're not gonna see me again".

And she already told me once "she'll be destroyed if she ever has to lose me/if I ever leave her" <--this was just a general comment she once made about how wonderful of a person I am.

So it comes down to this final face-to-face talk. Either we will walk out arm in arm, or I will walk out alone, with her falling on her knees behind me. I would care less, at that point.

So be back dudes. ))