Help building confidence

[afchorn]

Here is my situation and I am in desperate need of help:

I am 24 years old, about 195lbs and 12%bf. I am a bodybuilder and built pretty well. Girls often tell me I am cute and/or hot. Usually I hear this through another source...ie my friend tells me that her friend thinks I am hot. I hear this a lot. Problem is I grew up the fat and unpopular kid my whole life. In the past 4 years I lost over 100lbs and probably 30+% bf so basically I have absolutely no confidence.

So this has been causing a lot of issues lately. I have no trouble getting dates, even with girls most guys drool over. Problem is making it a successful date and/or landing a second date.

For example:

This past Saturday I went to a wedding. It took me awhile but I built up the confidence to ask out this girl I know from the gym. She is absolutely gorgeous.
So we go to the wedding and instantly I go right back into my old mode of thinking "I don't deserve her/she is too good for me" and I become all nervous and shy and totally blow it. We started off having a great time then I see all these other guys at the wedding talking to her and hitting on her and I just go into a shell.

The worst part about it is that I am almost 99% certain this girl originally liked me from appearance and our limited communications. She drove 2 hours just to go to the wedding with me and called me almost every other day for a week before the wedding. Then I go and blow it because I become shy and quiet. Its now Monday and I have called her twice and haven't heard from her since I dropped her off after the wedding.

Needless to say this shoots down my confidence even more.

Sorry for making this so long, but to sum it up, im looking for advice on how to build confidence. I am a fun guy and have many friends but as soon as I get around attractive women I freeze. I even hear sometimes that women think I am an ass too because they take my quietness and shyness as me being rude.

Are their any books or anything anyone can suggest to help build confidence? I am in desperate need of help. Thank you if you read through this all. Sorry it was so long.

 

["Zee Germans"]

I too was the unpopular and fat kid in school. My words a purely my experience and i have mentioned the technique before because it works for me...it's comin' up.

I still occasionally freeze when i see a girl i fancy. The thing is, it's the girls I don't actually fancy that I get on with like a house on fire and I am pretty sure would be 'easy' but I don't want that.
When you see a beautiful woman and that imaginary voice kicks in your affirmations feel hollow. So I hit neutral and use the white paper method. I prefer to filter out both the hollow feeling self affirmations and imagination any day than sound phony to myself. I breath deeply, holding the breaths for a few seconds then I breath out, thinking 'white' breathing in and 'paper' breathing out.

Don't think because you're bound to overthink. Just do it. KNOW who you are. From what you say you are a good looking guy, you just need to stomp the fvck out of the anxiety that bites at you. I think looks and personality beats the **** out of having one over the other.

Sorry to burst bubbles.

But dude, choose something neutral, something that represents clarity so you can clear out the garbage your imagination tells you. Sh1t , if a dog, for some inexplicable reason represents clarity to you then run with it.

I am not DJ because I am not a label.

 

[englishman]

If the girl was getting hit on left right and centre then most guys would start to feel something negative. Gorgeous women are a pain in the ass, there always getting hit on, they have so many options that a lot of them are mixed up and cant be trusted, sure there good to fvck but beyond that?
Why not go for one whos a bit less than perfect but has a bit more about her, way easier on the nerves!
And whats that about not being worth it? go ***** slap yourself in a corner...:box: