HELP! 22 y/o Sister is being a spoiled little brat!!

[Ken785]

I need some advice on how to get through to my little sister. She lives with my parents and totally spoiled that its crazy. Shes 22, lives with my parents, She drives a 06 Lexus IS 350 which is a $36,000 car which i told her she couldnt afford, but she didnt listen to me, now my parents are making the payments for it and have been for awhile. Last week she totaled it...at first she went around saying shes going to buy a used car and blah blah blah....

then she goes and says "I know what car i want now!, but im not telling Ken because hes going to get jealous...people are going to think im hella "bossy" now if i have this car" (bossy=rich)...i said to her...it better not be a Porsche or something because you know you already couldn't afford the Lexus already like i told you so don't go off buying something crazy...she said "whatever..its going to cost the same as the Lexus"

then i see on my internet browser that shes been looking at a 03 Mercedes Benz E55 AMG which costs $40,000!! I went and told her..."You better think about what youre doing! Your so young and dumb! Why go out and buy a 40k dollar Mercedes when you know you already couldn't afford the Lexus?!? You're having mom and dad pay for it and You live with your parents anyway and it makes no sense to buy that kind of car because obviously youre broke!"

Then other little 16 y/o sister (who thinks she knows it all and is "more mature" than me) jumps in and says "Youre one to talk ken...mom and dad are paying for youre things too..."

(Granted I had to move back home because I was stuck in debt and couldn't pay rent and bills at the same time anymore...they think its ok because i did it and they think they can do it)

and i said "Yeah but my sh!t cost less than half what her car costs!" "Don't make a big ass mistake and buy a car thats even more expensive than the Lexus that you couldn't even afford was and make mom and dad pay for your sh!t again! I'll bet you could'nt even afford the gas on that car!" she said "Whatever...i pay for my own insurance and registration!"


*This was the same sister a year ago that that had the nerve to say she lost all "respect" for me because i was struggling when living on my own and having my parents help me out with some bills. She was saying that shes the only one that takes car off her parents and pays her own bills and stuff....look at her now...shes a freakin hypocrite!" :cuss:


Now I know that I don't have reason to talk much because i also live with my parents now and in debt and need my parents to help me out, ive made some mistakes and now trying to get my sh!t right and move out again when i can, but shes definitely not helping neither being that shes still in the phase of wanting to look fresh and a expensive car and have nice things she cant afford.

She has no idea how hard my parents work to make a living, my parents are no doctors or lawyers or anything either...they are blue-collar workers who started a gardening business when they first came to America some 20 years ago after escaping Vietnam after the war, They bust their ass 10-12 hours a day in the scolding heat moving lawns and picking weeds 6-7 days a week. I dont think she has any idea how hard they have to work to pay the bills and i dont think she cares...she just wants to be "bling blingin".

my question is...How do i make her realize how much of a spoiled brat shes being and tell her that shes not as "mature" as she thinks she is?

how do i get through to her??

 

[jt the azn]

you cant preach her. just let the parents not pay for the car and she will she the point.

 

[ChrizZ]

It's not her fault. It's her parents fault for spoiling her like that.

 

[Master Bates]

It's not her fault. It's her parents fault for spoiling her like that.

Pretty much. Parents who spoil their children like that are pathetic.

 

[Mr. Wolf]

Are you able to make your parents spend money on you? On education, or business? That way she will not have money.


The way I see it you two are eagle chicks. For one to survive the other must be thrown off the nest.

 

[Ken785]

The way my parents think is that if they take care of them now and get them the things they "need" then later they will be taken care of, its my sister who is 22 now who is old enough that she should know better then to keep making irresponsible decisions like this. We are not the type of family to give each other hugs and kisses or anything like that...

ive never even hugged my dad before, except maybe as a child...but the way they show that they care is that they buy whatever the kids want...my 16 y/o sister has like over 100+ pairs of shoes! ordans and stuff like that..she claims they are her collection and she can sell them later for profit..pssh......who needs all them freakin shoes?? She has more shoes than she can wear in her lifetime and she has 2 cell phones, 1 sidekick for texting and one for calling....

it makes me sick to think about it. My parents wont listen to me when i try to tell them not to give anybody anything...but i feel like im not in the position also to say things like that since they are helping me with my debt, as soon as im free of my debt of saving up to move out again.

 

[Ken785]

Are you able to make your parents spend money on you? On education, or business? That way she will not have money.


The way I see it you two are eagle chicks. For one to survive the other must be thrown off the nest.

what do you mean? i dont get your riddles...

 

[Mr. Wolf]

Your parents are spoiling and will continue to spoil. A way to cut her off is to let them spoil only you. Let them spend all the money on you instead of her. Get it now?

 

[Ken785]

if i had my choice i wouldnt let them spend that kind of money on any of us. Were way too old now. Im 24 and i know better but i have no choice right now because im in debt about $10,000 and have to clear it before i even think about moving back out, ive learned my lesson and will never use any kind of credit card ever again, except for my checkings which is money i have in the bank.

 

[Monster]

My younger brother is the same, throwing money away on useless stuff. But it's not up to us to tell them. They will learn on their own. The hard way.

 

[iqqi]

The way I see it you two are eagle chicks. For one to survive the other must be thrown off the nest.

Funniest. Sh!t. Ever.

Mr. Wolf, I am glad you are a sosuave regular.

I also like your avatar.

 

[squirrels]

It's not her fault. It's her parents fault for spoiling her like that.

What he said.

I've never seen it as my place to play father to my siblings. I don't know why some people do.

 

[Ken785]

can we not play the blame game and come up with a solution??

 

[iqqi]

Ken, I feel for you. I really do! Sounds like your sibs are real b!tches. Heartless, as well. It also sounds like your parents are very important to you, and you are viewing them as victims. They in turn are just trying to make sure their babies have the life they themselves didn't get to have. Even the bling bling.

I think you should sit your parents down. I think you should start with yourself. Tell them that you know that they are helping you out of your financial troubles. Tell them that you know it is your fault, and you have learned a lesson from it. And that you are not proud of the fact that you need them to help you out of it, as they are such hard workers.

Then tell them that your sisters' don't seem to be learning from their mistakes. And that silly purchases, like cars, and shoes are not the same as real financial needs. And that they will not learn the tools they need to be self reliant adults, unless something is done about this. The something that needs to be done, is that mom and dad can't keep encouraging these same mistakes to be made over and over.

Tell them that you love them, and think that after all the hard work they have done, they deserve to spend their money on themselves. And that you are concerned for your sisters futures, because mom and dad won't be around forever to pay off all the car notes.

See if you can come to some sort of resolution based on commom concerns and goals.

 

[Ken785]

I just had a heated argument with my brat sister in front of my parents and uncle...i had just gotten home from school and my sister was on her laptop looking at cars and discussing it with them, i hear my uncle tell her that the maitenence on mercedes are ridiculus and that its too exspensive...she wasnt trying to hear it. She was saying how she just wants a used car now and blah blah blah, basically trying to sugarcoat that that used car costs $40,000...even more expensive then her previous brand new Lexus.

So i jump in and make the point again in front of my uncle saying to really think about her decision and realize how stupid it is...she couldnt afford the Lexus like i had told her from the beginning when she first bought it, she tries and makes an argument...

Sister: "I am paying for it...its just the last few months they have been paying for it!"

Ken: "Bullsh!t...I KNOW they pay for everything!"

then my mom tries and jumps in defending my sister says that yeah she does pay for it...

i tell her to quit lying for her...my dad is just sitting there in silence while my uncle agrees to me calling her out...

Sister: "What about you?? you make mom and dad pay for your car..who are you to talk??"

Ken: "take my car then...i dont care, i just dont want you to make a stupid decision to buy a 40k dollar car without considering that you still live with mom and dad and they pay for your sh!t..."

Sister: "Im graduating soon ill be able to pay for it...how do you know i wont?"

Ken: "Then wait till you graduate and get a real job..then do whatever you want...but for now you know your not taking care of mom and dad...5-6 when dad has to retire whos going to take care of them??"

then i say to my mom and dad....

"I know shes not going to take care of you! Im telling you that right now...when youre not able to work anymore...ill bet anything she wont be there!"

My uncle then agrees with me....

Then she tries to say to my mom "Mom..dont i take care of you??"

I wanted to say "How?? you dont pay the Mortgage or anything...you think cuz you buy her a purse or something and give her a couple hundred here and there youre taking care of her?? Whats the point of giving them money here and there saying youre taking care of them when theyre making $800 a month payments for your car every month?!?"

But then she keeps pressing at the fact that i dont have a job and that my mom and dad pay for my bills n stuff....

I basically tell her I dont want her to fvck up and make stupid decisions like i did just to have a flashy car to show off tp her friends...but i dont get the chance to since my dad told us to stop arguing...

Then i go upstairs and shes mad and saying...maybe i should make mom and dad pay for my cell phone bills too...refering to me, and that i was just jealous..

i wanted to slap her soo bad...

...Man shes a fvckin hard head....so fvckin stupid, doesnt care that my parents work hard to pay the mortgage and bills...if she wasnt my sister id say she doesnt care for them at all...only cares about the things they give her she doesnt consider them.

 

[Ken785]

Ken, I feel for you. I really do! Sounds like your sibs are real b!tches. Heartless, as well. It also sounds like your parents are very important to you, and you are viewing them as victims. They in turn are just trying to make sure their babies have the life they themselves didn't get to have. Even the bling bling.

I think you should sit your parents down. I think you should start with yourself. Tell them that you know that they are helping you out of your financial troubles. Tell them that you know it is your fault, and you have learned a lesson from it. And that you are not proud of the fact that you need them to help you out of it, as they are such hard workers.

Then tell them that your sisters' don't seem to be learning from their mistakes. And that silly purchases, like cars, and shoes are not the same as real financial needs. And that they will not learn the tools they need to be self reliant adults, unless something is done about this. The something that needs to be done, is that mom and dad can't keep encouraging these same mistakes to be made over and over.

Tell them that you love them, and think that after all the hard work they have done, they deserve to spend their money on themselves. And that you are concerned for your sisters futures, because mom and dad won't be around forever to pay off all the car notes.

See if you can come to some sort of resolution based on commom concerns and goals.

Thank iqqi...i really appreciate the advice...will do, hopefully my parents will understand.

 

[lurker]

dont let her get that car. drill-it,onto your parents head that you aint allow that.
these modern-times are harder, yes harder than the 60's where our parents grew-up. that why you see grown-ass men getting into financial troubles and end-up moving back home.most though is down to thier stupidity, and if you ken-are living -at home because you bought-into this consumerism crap,then you better smarten-up. your sister's,annoy-me lol,just by reading what you wrote-im pissed off ,and i dont even know them.

im an only-child, and even i wasnt as spoilt as that, i got my 1st -car when i was 25,now im 27 and never drained my parents financially.except for schooling in college-thats thier duty anyway. but your sister too me-sound like future gold-digger in the making-and she's one of these girls that guy's could use her for the only fact that she's got a nice whip.or money. and she''l fall hard -if she meets a real player.

if i were you ,she wouldnt get any help from my parents. i just know i wouldnt allow that. wtf's wrong with having a fuccing nice honda when your in college?
you are the man of the house after your dad with you being the first-born. talk to your dad. if he dont listen then,you ppl are doomed to face future debt in the comming years. i have seen this with my own eye's where this 17 yr old biitch, coulnt get the fact that thier home was about to be reposessed, but she kept asking her mom for money spending the money she worked for in just 2 days, she earned like £800. per month and blows them all on designer ****. id avoid women like that wen it comes to dating.

i wouldnt blame it all on the parents,because some kids just will-not learn. ?. but the fact is some parents are weak. signs of the times eh?

shiiiit where i grew-up i saw my friends parents showing love by feeding them 3 meals a day when they came back from school and that was it .lol

 

[wayword]

Here's my motto: If you can't afford something NOW, how the hell are you going to afford it later?

IOW, if you can't afford to pay for it in full now, what makes you think you will later with loan payments? Borrowing money should be done very cautiously and generally avoided, if possible.

Which also goes for your parents treating their kids like 401K plans. Do they really think those spoiled parasites are going to pay them back when they finally retire? :nervous: I'm not sure I would bet the farm on that...in fact, their strategy has obviously already backfired on them thus far. Cuz when you enable, you disable.

Look, your whole family is banking too much on each other. You all need to separate and stand on your own 2 feet more. Each and every one of you. Frankly at around your ages, you should be helping THEM more around the house and taking them out to dinner, etc. Instead of crowding the nest like greedy leeches.

 

[zubs]

I agree with iqqi totally. If you talk about this with your family and your sister, it puts her at your level of maturity; which she is not. I also see this situation repeating itself when your parents need care as they get older.


But man, I know exactly what you mean; my sister is a hypocrite too. You say your valid point to your family, then she says "but you did blah blah", and they listen to her! Or in the case of my sister, if my parents ever even start to take my side, she goes and says that "you don't love me" or "he's your favorite". Even worse, they agree with me, but then listen to her anyways.

 

[Ken785]

Man this b1tch is pissing me off!....

she just bought a Mercedes ML 500 out of state for 37k the other day...

im down stairs and trying to ask the details to make sure she didn't get ripped off and how my mom just admittred the other day that when she first bought her other car that my sister would agree to pay half of it then she just stopped paying... then she starts saying stuff like

"She owed me money..your always trying to outsmart me but you cant,mom owed me money from before so she isnt paying my bills, she pays yours, your IQ is like this high and mine is like this (making a level sign with her hand)"

and my little 16 your old sister is backing her up...

so she keeps saying how much smarter is is than me and my blood is starting to boil...her arguments don't even make much sense and are filled with lies...she said my mom owed her money but with all the payments my mom has been making for her it way surpassed how much she "owed" her...

i was so pissed off!...pissed at her disrespect towards her older brother, her insulting my intellegence when her arguments dont even make sense against mine...for ex...

shell say something like "mom owes me money anyway!"
then shell follow that with "feel stupid! get modeded!"

then when i try to say something like "she payed more bills for you then she owed you!"

then shell say "what about you?!? she pays for all yours even if she only makes minimum payments like it really makes a difference...your hella dumb trying to outsmart me!"

little sister: "yeah i know, haha"

how do i handle some stupid sisters that think theyre so smarter than me, how do i handle these adolecent mindset?? my sister is 22 btw, not really adolecent but thats how she thinks...