Hello, I’m new, so I have tons of questions about how to get started.

[arkadandomaltan]

I’m an 18-year-old young guy. I’ve known this forum for 2 months and I’ve started reading it so thank you everyone for most of your ideas. My problem is yes, to summarize very briefly that I’m not good with girls and socializing. I had one relationship before, but it didn’t really count as experience. I’m short, 171 cm (5'7"), and skinny. What I want is to make good progress—how should I start? I’ve looked through the forum, but my head is completely a mess.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

how should I start?

By clearing up your age. In your post it says 18, in your profile it says 28. Other than that

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Everyone always asks time and time again for recommended books for men to read. So here you go. I broke it down into categories. When I read them, I usually got the book and audio versions. Dating & Relations The Book of Pook (free) The Rational Male The Book of Numbers: Analyzing the ROI on...

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And read Rollo Tomassi, especially his Iron Rules.

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Welcome to SoSuave

 

[arkadandomaltan]

thanks.
Yes, I wanted to enter my age a bit older because in some places there is a 20yearold age limit and such. Sorry about that.

 

[handle]

The main lessons to take away from this site are the following:

- Don't get obsessed with one girl: You can't control what is external to you and there are a million reasons why that girl may not be into you. Instead, focus on being your best self and talking to many girls.
- Don't be a doormat: if a girl is making you bend over backwards for her, or putting you in uncomfortable situations (making you feel like you have to pay for lots of things etc), do what any reasonable person would do and call her on it. The opposite of this is often called "putting her on a pedestal." No reasonable person wants to be on a pedestal anyway, so if you find yourself "pedestalizing" a girl, stop yourself.
- You don't have to completely overhaul who you are in order to be attractive to women. But: having some muscle, paying some attention to appearance, and having some social hobbies are all strongly advised.

That is pretty much it.



Some advice about this forum:
There is a lot of noise on this forum - strange and bitter worldviews, people who are obsessed with a perceived decline of society, borderline incel stuff, etc. That stuff is not helpful. Honestly, I would advise not even reading the forum and looking up "The Book Of Pook" which is a slightly dated but pretty good summary of the ideas this site is based on. I think he is way too harsh on women, personally, but nonetheless he communicates some ideas well.



Some thoughts about being 18:
I found this site when I was around your age. I learned some useful things from it but most of what I learned was not useful at all, as soon as I moved out of my parents' place I realized that most dating stuff got way easier by just meeting people and partying and letting things happen naturally. For most people "be yourself, but make sure to lift weights, dress nice, and be social" is all the advice you need.

Good luck.

Edit: I guess I got carried away with general advice instead of being specific. Without knowing too much about you, I would say you need to make a first step in one of the categories: 1) fitness, 2) appearance, 3) social. Then make more steps. Repeat. Don't get too in your head about it, just take small actions.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Is your issue with socializing a surface-level problem, or is it caused by deeper emotional blockages that progressive desensitization alone won’t resolve?

A couple of things:

1. In regard to socializing, male friendships are less about connecting and relating purely for emotional bonding (as is more common in female socializing) and more about forming alliances in pursuit of shared goals, activities, and interests that create natural connection over time.

2. In regard to your age, you are at a stage where it’s important to build connections and expand your social circle, because as you get older your network naturally becomes smaller due to people’s priorities changing over time.

3. In regard to dating, it’s like fishing with a net. A high-quality net, in this case, your SMV (appearance, status, money, personality), and how wide you cast it (social media, social circle) will determine the quantity and quality of opportunities you attract.

4. In regard to gender dynamics, male energy tends to be assertive, goal-oriented, and leading, while female energy is more relationship-oriented. With this in mind, if you are passive and don’t like to lead, you will most likely be attracted to more masculine women, and vice versa, because people often seek balance in relationships.

There is too much information to summarize here, and a lot that I don’t want to provide unless you go deeper into this topic, since I don’t want to be responsible for shaping your worldview. However, I recommend reading Psycho-Cybernetics to work on your self-image and your true self. Over time, you’ll develop a stronger sense of identity, confidence, and understanding of human nature before fully experiencing it in the real world, and the importance of not only learning something new each day, but also to better than the day before. After all, it is the essence of life.

 

[arkadandomaltan]

No, I don’t have a major problem with socializing. I feel normal. I have friends and I spend my days like that. I’m just a normal NPC. But in my subconscious, there are a few issues that slightly worry me. Let me list them clearly:

1)I worry about my appearance. I know most people worry about this when they’re young, but I’m short and my “face card” isn’t good. Not being genetically advantaged sometimes turns me into a sad person.

2)Throughout my life, I haven’t developed a skill and taken it to a good level, so I don’t really have any achievements.

3)I’m not someone who is highly respected by the people around me. I understand this,would have needed to do something to earn respect.

4)I have anxiety about the future.

5)I want to be more successful when it comes to having a girlfriend. I feel like if I don’t do something, my relationship with women will never be good.
These are all of my general problems. Also yes, I’ve started reading Pook’s book. I hope that in 2–3 years I’ll be a completely different person.

 

[HaleyBaron]

I’m an 18-year-old young guy. I’ve known this forum for 2 months and I’ve started reading it so thank you everyone for most of your ideas. My problem is yes, to summarize very briefly that I’m not good with girls and socializing. I had one relationship before, but it didn’t really count as experience. I’m short, 171 cm (5'7"), and skinny. What I want is to make good progress—how should I start? I’ve looked through the forum, but my head is completely a mess.

Location and your family origin?

 

[arkadandomaltan]

Location and your family origin?

live turkiye origins also turk

 

[HaleyBaron]

live turkiye origins also turk

Yep, I kind of expected you were from that part of the world. You have a far harder time than western men.

 

[arkadandomaltan]

Yep, I kind of expected you were from that part of the world. You have a far harder time than western men.

because of culturally?

 

[HaleyBaron]

because of culturally?

Culturally and your looks are going to be against you. Turkey women have access to international men, and women from your part of the world love traveling or hooking up with european and western men to upgrade their lives. One of my buddies got him a turkey girlfriend cause of that.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

What I want is to make good progress—how should I start?

Check out yotube shorts from stoiccole, he covers a lot of basics.

 

[Clockwerk50]

No, I don’t have a major problem with socializing. I feel normal. I have friends and I spend my days like that. I’m just a normal NPC. But in my subconscious, there are a few issues that slightly worry me. Let me list them clearly:

1)I worry about my appearance. I know most people worry about this when they’re young, but I’m short and my “face card” isn’t good. Not being genetically advantaged sometimes turns me into a sad person.

2)Throughout my life, I haven’t developed a skill and taken it to a good level, so I don’t really have any achievements.

3)I’m not someone who is highly respected by the people around me. I understand this,would have needed to do something to earn respect.

4)I have anxiety about the future.

5)I want to be more successful when it comes to having a girlfriend. I feel like if I don’t do something, my relationship with women will never be good.
These are all of my general problems. Also yes, I’ve started reading Pook’s book. I hope that in 2–3 years I’ll be a completely different person.

As previously stated, what you’re describing are mainly self-esteem and self-image issues, which is why I still recommend the book I mentioned earlier (Psycho-Cybernetics). It goes deeper than surface-level motivation and helps you understand how your self-image affects your behavior, confidence, and the way others perceive you. Many of your concerns such as respect, achievements, anxiety about the future, and success with women are connected to this and can improve once you start fixing your reality, or in manosphere terms, your "frame".

Also, you are in your prime time to work on your appearance, status, money, and personality. At 18, your responsibilities are minimal, which gives you a huge advantage if you use it correctly: lifting weights, improving your style and grooming, socializing, working extra hours, reading, and applying what you learn. Looks can also be improved over time through working out and, later on, things like braces or cosmetic surgery once you’re making money. If you stay consistent for the next six months and go “monk mode,” it’s very realistic that you’ll be a completely different person.

However, I wouldn’t completely cut off socializing. Your social network tends to shrink as you get older, and many older men try to compensate for this later with little success, and you will have less opportunity to practice. I am sure @Manure Spherian can explain this better than I can.

 

[arkadandomaltan]

As previously stated, what you’re describing are mainly self-esteem and self-image issues, which is why I still recommend the book I mentioned earlier (Psycho-Cybernetics). It goes deeper than surface-level motivation and helps you understand how your self-image affects your behavior, confidence, and the way others perceive you. Many of your concerns such as respect, achievements, anxiety about the future, and success with women are connected to this and can improve once you start fixing your reality, or in manosphere terms, your "frame".

Also, you are in your prime time to work on your appearance, status, money, and personality. At 18, your responsibilities are minimal, which gives you a huge advantage if you use it correctly: lifting weights, improving your style and grooming, socializing, working extra hours, reading, and applying what you learn. Looks can also be improved over time through working out and, later on, things like braces or cosmetic surgery once you’re making money. If you stay consistent for the next six months and go “monk mode,” it’s very realistic that you’ll be a completely different person.

However, I wouldn’t completely cut off socializing. Your social network tends to shrink as you get older, and many older men try to compensate for this later with little success, and you will have less opportunity to practice. I am sure @Manure Spherian can explain this better than I can.

I understand. Six months of monk mode sounds long, is this a kind of mental reset or brain detox? I did some research and I think I need to isolate myself from social environments.

what happens in the end? I mean, do you become a man who can attract a lot of girls, who is at peace with himself, strong and effective? How do the lives of people on the forum who have educated and improved themselves actually go?

 

[Clockwerk50]

I understand. Six months of monk mode sounds long, is this a kind of mental reset or brain detox? I did some research and I think I need to isolate myself from social environments.

what happens in the end? I mean, do you become a man who can attract a lot of girls, who is at peace with himself, strong and effective? How do the lives of people on the forum who have educated and improved themselves actually go?

If you read about female hypergamy, the general idea is that women tend to be attracted to men who rank higher than them in some combination of status, appearance, money, resources, or personality. If you look into seduction theory, you’ll notice a similar pattern: people are often attracted to qualities they lack or cannot easily develop on their own. When you combine these two ideas, the conclusion is simple, working on yourself increases your options, not just with women but in life overall. That’s the main reason I told you to focus on self-improvement first.

Right now, you’re still in a phase where you need female attention and validation. That’s normal at your age, but it can easily become a problem. When the first woman shows interest, there’s a high chance you’ll develop oneitis, overinvest emotionally, ignore red flags, and tie your self-worth to her reactions due to scarcity mentality and thinking this will be the only woman you can get. Most guys learn this the hard way.

This is also why I said you shouldn’t completely cut off socializing. Full isolation isn’t a mental reset or a magic detox. Social skills work like muscles, if you stop using them, they weaken. In reality, even men who are experienced get rejected often. They get no second dates, get ghosted, or have relationships that fail despite doing many things “right.” Dating has a low success rate, and it’s largely a numbers game. The difference is that every small success makes the next interaction easier. Over time, confidence grows, anxiety decreases, and women stop feeling rare or intimidating.

So all in all, it takes a lot of work and practice to reach wherever you want to reach. I’m not sure if you think being passive and waiting will suddenly lead to a lot of girls, but that’s simply not how it works.

 

[BeExcellent]

I’m an 18-year-old young guy. I’ve known this forum for 2 months and I’ve started reading it so thank you everyone for most of your ideas. My problem is yes, to summarize very briefly that I’m not good with girls and socializing. I had one relationship before, but it didn’t really count as experience. I’m short, 171 cm (5'7"), and skinny. What I want is to make good progress—how should I start? I’ve looked through the forum, but my head is completely a mess.

Welcome from the old lady. I agree with @Clockwerk50 not to stop socializing. It is important especially in youth in a more conservative culture because often people find life partners young so you don't want to cut off social opportunities.

You've been given some wise advice. What are your plans as far as university or career? That is something to think seriously about at your age, and it is something that will affect your value in the eyes of others over time, thus increasing your options.

Your job is to love yourself (and if you are fortunate you have friends & family who love & care for you..).

Part of loving yourself is working on fitness, style, career/education, and social skills. Improvement & maturation in these areas will increase your visibility to women.

 

[arkadandomaltan]

Welcome from the old lady. I agree with @Clockwerk50 not to stop socializing. It is important especially in youth in a more conservative culture because often people find life partners young so you don't want to cut off social opportunities.

You've been given some wise advice. What are your plans as far as university or career? That is something to think seriously about at your age, and it is something that will affect your value in the eyes of others over time, thus increasing your options.

Your job is to love yourself (and if you are fortunate you have friends & family who love & care for you..).

Part of loving yourself is working on fitness, style, career/education, and social skills. Improvement & maturation in these areas will increase your visibility to women.

thanks. I dont really have a career plan for now. I’ve considered different careers, but there isn’t one that I feel would genuinely make me happy.

 

[BeExcellent]

thanks. I dont really have a career plan for now. I’ve considered different careers, but there isn’t one that I feel would genuinely make me happy.

Ok. That's fairly normal for your age. How do you support yourself (or are you still living at home with your parents?)

Here is why this matters. Women as a general rule want to see the man as a MAN. Not a boy, not a man child. Not dependent on mom & dad. That is Ok during schoolboy years but after schoolboy years are over it is time to find a means to support yourself.

How can you be a solid husband and/or father unless you have some way to support yourself and a family? Like it or not, this is an important thing most women seriously consider. You see having a family has risks, pregnancy and babies take time and cost money and have real health risks. So a man's ability to provide during childbearing years is a factor sensible women must think about.

None of this is meant to discourage you at all. But the first order of business in your life needs to be figuring out how to support yourself, even if you are in a culture where it is normal to live with parents until you marry.

If you are not sure what you want to be or do for the rest of your life, are you at least doing something in the meantime to earn a living for yourself or are you in a higher education program?

If a man is grown, living off mom & dad, and not doing something to create income, women are going to view such a man as having no plan for life, and that will scare women away.

Yes you need to work on fitness and style and grooming and all that, but your biggest priority needs to be providing for your future financially, as that income buys you some economic freedoms and allows you to take your place in the world as a full grown man. Women have a level of respect for men who are out there making their way in life....

So I'd encourage you to figure out either a way to create income or a way to earn higher education. Doing so will improve your prospects in life, and in turn with women.

 

[arkadandomaltan]

Ok. That's fairly normal for your age. How do you support yourself (or are you still living at home with your parents?)

Here is why this matters. Women as a general rule want to see the man as a MAN. Not a boy, not a man child. Not dependent on mom & dad. That is Ok during schoolboy years but after schoolboy years are over it is time to find a means to support yourself.

How can you be a solid husband and/or father unless you have some way to support yourself and a family? Like it or not, this is an important thing most women seriously consider. You see having a family has risks, pregnancy and babies take time and cost money and have real health risks. So a man's ability to provide during childbearing years is a factor sensible women must think about.

None of this is meant to discourage you at all. But the first order of business in your life needs to be figuring out how to support yourself, even if you are in a culture where it is normal to live with parents until you marry.

If you are not sure what you want to be or do for the rest of your life, are you at least doing something in the meantime to earn a living for yourself or are you in a higher education program?

If a man is grown, living off mom & dad, and not doing something to create income, women are going to view such a man as having no plan for life, and that will scare women away.

Yes you need to work on fitness and style and grooming and all that, but your biggest priority needs to be providing for your future financially, as that income buys you some economic freedoms and allows you to take your place in the world as a full grown man. Women have a level of respect for men who are out there making their way in life....

So I'd encourage you to figure out either a way to create income or a way to earn higher education. Doing so will improve your prospects in life, and in turn with women.

I am preparing for the university entrance exam and I understand that I need to study harder. It’s not possible right now, but I have no doubt that I will work jobs in the future. Turkey is not a cheap country due to inflation, and I will try to take advantage of the opportunities that come my way.
I also want to ask one more thing: are looks and height really as important as social media makes them seem? And would I have problems if I came to the West? There is a rumor on social media that girls in the U.S. care a lot about height. Social media is completely filled with blackpill content
it’s unbelievable.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I’m an 18-year-old young guy. I’ve known this forum for 2 months and I’ve started reading it so thank you everyone for most of your ideas. My problem is yes, to summarize very briefly that I’m not good with girls and socializing. I had one relationship before, but it didn’t really count as experience. I’m short, 171 cm (5'7"), and skinny. What I want is to make good progress—how should I start? I’ve looked through the forum, but my head is completely a mess.

First things first, you have to determine two things, before you proceed..

1. What kind of man do you want to become?

2. What kind of relationship are you looking for?

Realizing that it all begins/ends with YOU.

Have you answered these questions?