"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Heated argument all from a pair of boxers, I think?

jigga23

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Ill make this short as possible. Im on a rollercoaster in six flags. Broke up with GF with her 1.5 yrs. Lived with her then just moved out like a week ago over a bunch of sh!t she basically busted a 180 mostly thanks to her friends inputs cause she cant think for herself. After I moved out we talked like a day later and then like a couple of other times. I said I would come up there and see her during this weekened

So I call her sunday and tell her im coming up. The main reason I wanted to go up there was to drop off our dog cause its hard for me to take care of it and I know she wanted it. My intention was to drop off the dog and then just drive back home. So she calls me to see when im leaving i get up there to her house and its a lil weird. I didnt try to hug her or anything. So im just cruising she comes up and gives me a hug so I give her a kiss on the lips. Harmless stuff. So I go with her to do somehting. Then I bring up whats on my mind cause I have a right after all i got the 180 busted on me. She acted suprised that i called her out but I think she was expecting it. We get a lil heated but nothing too bad its cleared up. We go back to her house I decide to stay overnight. I walk in the bathroom and I see a pair of some boxer shorts size 34-35. So I go and say

Me: "whos the lucky guy"
Her: "what"
Me: "whos boxer shorts are those?"
Her: (she kind of laughs with a stupid smurck) "oh my god I cant believe you would think that is that expected of me"
In my head i was like yep and you are a bad liar.
She starts getting defensive and i say im just messin just to have her shut up.

So we get into bed im exhausted stayed out till like 5am the night before and woke up early. Im laying in bed being kind of standoffish. I could just smell it that she wanted to see if i would try to bust a move on her to fvck. But i just layed down. She then says can you massage my fingers so I do for like 2 seconds then she says can you help me put in the flooring tomorrow (remodling the kitchen) so i was like yea. So i go to bed and dont try to do anything with her she probably felt all rejected. I wake up the next morning shes at school doing her research or whatever I call her and say do you still want me to help you? she said yea ill be home in like 20 mintues. She gets home and all of the sudden says what are your plans for today and i was like help you with the floor. she was trying to push me to go home for somereason literally like 20 min after she said she wanted me to help her. We get in a heated argument cause shes like a freakin light swtich. up and down. we argue i tell her shes crazy and a phsycho and basically that i know what she is doing. I finally just drive off go home call her up cause I kind of said some messed up stuff to her and apologized and she did too. we left it at we shouldnt talk till saturday and shell come down. I didnt call her last night and she didnt call me. I still dont know what ticked her off to do that though. It seems like she tests me to see what I would say. Could be the boxers? I dont know? Funny stuff.. All i know is that i want to fix everything and just have things back to normal but i know she needs her space and im giving it to her. Can I call her just like once this week to see how she is or just dont call her ever and see if she calls me. Yea i know she is not the only project...im going to start other projects but still what should i do about this project besides next her?
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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shyguy32

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Don't call her dude....let her call you. And when she does call let it go to your voice mail and call her the next day or something like that.
 

OpenMind

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what should i do about this project besides next her?

nothing.....
 

Heretolearn

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Originally posted by shyguy32
Don't call her dude....let her call you. And when she does call let it go to your voice mail and call her the next day or something like that.
good post

- awesome focus on yourself and see why you are into this drama.

She may be the nicest girl in the world but right now you are in a drama loop.

Why are you going back for more?
 

Maximus_Decimus

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Originally posted by jigga23
I walk in the bathroom and I see a pair of some boxer shorts size 34-35. So I go and say

Me: "whos the lucky guy"
Her: "what"
Me: "whos boxer shorts are those?"
Her: (she kind of laughs with a stupid smurck) "oh my god I cant believe you would think that is that expected of me"
In my head i was like yep and you are a bad liar.
She starts getting defensive and i say im just messin just to have her shut up.

... Could be the boxers? I dont know?
Jigga23, there are two possibilities:

1) She is f*cking another guy while you aren't there. There is nothing you can do to stop her in this case. Getting jealous will just push her further away from you. Your choices in this case are:
i) Dump her and move on
ii) Use her as a FB.
iii) Tell her you don't mind if she is sleeping with other guys because you enjoy the freedom to sleep with other girls (read up MLTR - Multiple Long Term Relationships). If you opt for iii), you better believe it and find other chicks to sleep with because she will see right through you otherwise. Then, you can ask her if she wants your boxers as well, because you want to help her in her journey to decorate her bathroom with boxers of every guy she sleeps with.

2) She bought the boxers and is playing you ... she wanted to see your reaction and get you jealous.

In either cases 1) or 2), you lose if you get jealous! If you truly believe she is sleeping with another guy and this is something you can't handle in the relationship, then NEXT her, use her as a FB, or add her to your MLTR.

Maximus_Decimus
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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