The LadyKiller
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2011
- Messages
- 409
- Reaction score
- 25
I've made some posts in the past about how when things don't work out with a HB, I always ask why. While I'm far from perfect, I don't possess any obvious turn-offs that would make some HBs act strange. But today, somehow, I figured it out. And I have a feeling those HBs saw it long before I did.
One of my closest friends says that I am misunderstood by some, that those people see my joking and ball-busting as a sign of hostility when in actuality it means they're in my good graces. Another one of my friends says that if I start off well with a girl (usually by being outgoing and attempting humor), I will stick to the same script with them because "it works." Eventually it gets old and things fade out. While my two friends don't know of any obvious "flaw," their opinions carry some merit.
So, what is this "flaw" that I feel my friends sense and that HBs might have identified? I am secretly afraid to let people in, and will use my outgoing personality and humor as a defense mechanism. When I was young, I was taught to never let people see you look upset, never show that somebody got to you. While I joke with friends anyway, sometimes I'll overdo it and make it a "go-to move" when conflict arises to diffuse a situation (instead of trying to talk things through). In other situations, I will say the "right thing" to avoid going into how I really feel about things.
I feel that if people see me down and out, they will run away. Like shadows, these people would disappear when the sun sets (mostly HBs). While I am in no way "fake" - I don't go against my values or try to be someone I'm not - I don't feel as comfortable being 100% with everybody because I have been hurt by people in the past.
I feel better now that I was able to write it out. While I've lived my life and read on this forum that it's good to act like nothing HBs (or other people) can do will break your stride. But perhaps it's finally caught up to me and that others have caught on. My question for you - is there any way I can open up to HBs without giving everything away and still be seen as a catch? I'm not completely sure that this is what the HBs have seen, but it makes a lot of sense.
One of my closest friends says that I am misunderstood by some, that those people see my joking and ball-busting as a sign of hostility when in actuality it means they're in my good graces. Another one of my friends says that if I start off well with a girl (usually by being outgoing and attempting humor), I will stick to the same script with them because "it works." Eventually it gets old and things fade out. While my two friends don't know of any obvious "flaw," their opinions carry some merit.
So, what is this "flaw" that I feel my friends sense and that HBs might have identified? I am secretly afraid to let people in, and will use my outgoing personality and humor as a defense mechanism. When I was young, I was taught to never let people see you look upset, never show that somebody got to you. While I joke with friends anyway, sometimes I'll overdo it and make it a "go-to move" when conflict arises to diffuse a situation (instead of trying to talk things through). In other situations, I will say the "right thing" to avoid going into how I really feel about things.
I feel that if people see me down and out, they will run away. Like shadows, these people would disappear when the sun sets (mostly HBs). While I am in no way "fake" - I don't go against my values or try to be someone I'm not - I don't feel as comfortable being 100% with everybody because I have been hurt by people in the past.
I feel better now that I was able to write it out. While I've lived my life and read on this forum that it's good to act like nothing HBs (or other people) can do will break your stride. But perhaps it's finally caught up to me and that others have caught on. My question for you - is there any way I can open up to HBs without giving everything away and still be seen as a catch? I'm not completely sure that this is what the HBs have seen, but it makes a lot of sense.
