Having trouble with flake

[ematsuda]

Here's the story: If been seeing this girl for 3 weeks, 3 dates and 2 intimate sleepovers. She works as a waitresss at a bar my friends and I hang out at. Well, Wednesday we go out and she sleeps over at my place. So I drop her off at home on Thursday afternoon and expect to see her on Friday when she works again. Thursday night however, my friends and I decide to go to the bar to drink and hang out and she is working because she got called in unexpectedly. Well talk about the cold shoulder, she hardly even speaks to me and almost seemed upset that I showed up there. I called her on it and she claimed that nothing was wrong. I wish I didn't do that. I lost a couple of points there.

I feel as though I have to put this girl on ice and give her space since this happened. The problem is that I have to go there again tonight because ALL my good friends are going. I'm not sure what to do here. I feel like I want to just ignore her all night and leave early, but if I do that, she'll just do the same and the whole relationship will go nowhere because we're both stubborn. I don't love this girl BTW - just enjoying her company and the sex. She can easily pull the jealousy routine because she gets a lot of attention from the guys that go there. Don't worry though, I won't get rattled by this.

I think my best tactic would be to just act friendly to her and let her know that this type of attitude doesn't phase me. This whole thing seems like a waste of a Friday night though - very uncomfortable. Any ideas and advice???

 

[Slickster]

Flip the script here for a second.

Imagine you were a bartender or waiter and the chick you were dating shows up at your place of work with all her friends. They party it up and have a grand ol' time while you work away serving them. You'd love to be partying with them but hey you have to work right. The first time it happened you'd be okay with it. Second time in one week would be more than enough. Anymore of it would be very tiresome.

Think about it. Your chick would love to be hanging and partying with you but she has work to do. She might be ignoring you but I bet she sees all the chicks you are talking to as well. I'm sure serving you and all your drunk friends isn't fun either. Ask anyone who has been a server in a bar or restaurant. Serving your friends sucks.

Sounds like you and your friends hang there quite a bit. No where else to go?

I wouldn't ignore her. She probably feels uncomfortable being the "server". Do something to make her feel comfortable. Get her laughing. Set a date to do something, etc.

 

[ematsuda]

Slickster,

Maybe you're right, but usually she's more positive about my showing up there. When I dropped her off yesterday afternoon, she wanted to confirm that I was coming tonight.

Yes, we do go other places, but there's something going on there that my friends want to attend. By having my friends there and me not attending would seem like an attempt to get at back at her - letting her know that her inattention affects me.

I don't think she's upset at having to serve us, she's been more positive in the past. Now she thinks I like her - she's showing disrespect for my feelings. BTW, she's the only one that verbally revealed her feelings by saying "i like you a lot" the night before. I try to keep my trap shut.

 

[Slickster]

Well, she's being a confusing woman then. Thats par for the course.

The best way to deal with this type of situation is calm, cool, and direct. Ignoring her only makes things worse.

If she's still being cold tonight ask her what is wrong. She'll probably say nothing which is ******** for something is wrong.

Tell her you know something is up because of the way she is acting. Tell her "I would really like to work things out and get to the bottom of things. However I'm sorry but have no idea what the problem is. I'm not a mind reader. If you want to talk about something let me know."

And leave it at that. Go have fun with your friends. You've made the effort and you don't have to worry about her being mad at you.

If she comes back with a legitimate beef against you then you'll have to fess up and say sorry. If its something stupid though don't let yourself get sucked into an immature argument. Some chicks love to do this. If she has you cornered then tell her you really want to clear this matter up, but now is not the time and place. You need some time to think about things. We'll talk about this later.

Then go have fun with your friends.

Either way. Go have fun with your friends and don't let her affect your night.