Having trouble with cold approaches

[Magnatolia]

Hi all,

Okay, well a huge part of my problem is I'm insecure and have a lot of trouble actually making any kind of move, be it a smile or even saying hi.

I find that I need them to make some sort of obvious move before I can do/say anything.

I also have no friends - the type of friends you can call up and hang out with. There's people I used to work with that I have personal convos with them.

Over the last 4 years of working, only one decent looking girl has agreed to have lunch with me. She had a boyfriend but we had lunch. I've asked other girls and they had plans at the time - but they never offer another time and even ask me at a later date. Am I just being paranoid thinking that they're not interested and should I suggest a day in advance so they won't have plans?

These are the sort of things that really hold me back. As an example there's a group of women at work who usually sit outside and have lunch - most of the guys don't, but I want to - you know, be more sociable but I get gripped with some sort of fuc*king fear that they don't want me to sit with them so I don't.

A couple of questions: 1 - How do I get over the above problems? I'm looking for a guy's perspective - something other than 'just do it' as I've tried that by actually asking them to have lunch. It's the lack of results that are putting me down.

2 - Say you're walking down the street and a hb passes you. Do they usually look at you? Then you return the look and go with the flow? I find that in my area the girls don't look around them so they don't look at me. I'm trying to do the first stage of bootcamp and it's fu*ken hard when I can't get their eye to actually do the smile thing. What would you do in this situation?

3 - If you're trying to get hb's attention or do a cold pickup do you wear sunnies? I get the idea that the hb's would feel awkward as they can't see your eyes? And they wouldn't be certain you were looking at them?

Thanks guys, I really need your help with this.
J

 

[Fash]

1 - How do I get over the above problems? I'm looking for a guy's perspective - something other than 'just do it' as I've tried that by actually asking them to have lunch. It's the lack of results that are putting me down.

You are doing a few things that are fundamently wrong. Why do you not socialise with the guys at work? You say you talk to some of them on a personal level, so what is the problem?

The group of women will not want to associate with you if they see that you don't even social with the men! Being sociable will raise your value in their eyes. Read up on ALPHA MALE characteristics!

Stop asking these women out to lunch! that's kinda lame. Instead, make the effort to talk to them. It is very easy to start up a conversation with a chick at work because they feel that they are in a safe environment and their b1tch shields are weak.

You only ask a girl out for lunch AFTER you have made a connection with her, have talked to her a few times and have had *some* IOIs from her. If you ever do, make sure she pays her half! she will respect you more for that! trust me!

2 - Say you're walking down the street and a hb passes you. Do they usually look at you? Then you return the look and go with the flow? I find that in my area the girls don't look around them so they don't look at me. I'm trying to do the first stage of bootcamp and it's fu*ken hard when I can't get their eye to actually do the smile thing. What would you do in this situation?

I agree with you, street pickup is hard for me too. If you are walking down the street, and a HB is coming towards you, you will have to physically somehow stop her to talk to her. I just cant do that. You sometimes get eye contact, maybe a smile, but thats as far as it goes. Don't rely too much on walking around the streets and picking up women.

Next time you are in a situation where you catch eye contact, just give a sincere smile. WHAT IS THE WORST THAT WILL HAPPEN???? she will look away! so what???? big deal!!!!! NEXT!

3 - If you're trying to get hb's attention or do a cold pickup do you wear sunnies? I get the idea that the hb's would feel awkward as they can't see your eyes? And they wouldn't be certain you were looking at them?

If you want some examples of easy to use cold pickups, look up some of mine and Shezz's FRs. Our evenings out include multiple cold approaches every time.

Dont worry about sunglasses or whatever. Once you have started talking to a chick, make sure you maintain eye contact with her! I can not stress how important this is! YOU MUST look at her in her eyes when you talk to her!

It will show her that you are confident, as well as honest and sincere. Use your eyes, you will be amazed at how easily you can turn a woman on by just looking at her in her eyes!

For added success, try tilting your head slightly, it gives a stronger impression of sincerety.

Good luck dude!

Just remember, any girl you even consider approaching should feel privilaged because you are an exciting guy and you are giving her the opportunity to have an amazing time with you! If she turns you down.... HER LOSS!!!!

 

[blinkwatt]

I cant help you with it all but I can help with some.
When you see a hot babe walking down the street,look into her eyes and say "Hey" thats it. I do this all the time at my job,if they are interested they will find some dumb question to ask me(its easy to tell real questions from phony ones they use to talk to me),and I know to run from there.
I personally never wear sunglasses,but if you are going to have a intense converation with a chick,take them off. I cant see how wear sunglasses can help a conversation.
Just remember,grab your balls and go,the best way to learn in life is from personal expierences...you never fail in life,there are only lessons to be learned.
Thats how I view life.

 

[everywomanshero]

Why are you thinking before doing a cold approach.

Step 1 is to just start approaching.

You can use simple openers like I wanted to meet you. It doesn't matter, the more you think about what you're going to say the worse your body language and vibe will probably be at first.

Stop thinking and start doing, you cannot figure out how women will react in your head. Even with massive field experience, you will still be wrong a fair chunk of the time. The truth is you just never know what will happen unless you are in state. When you're in state god damn near every set opens I swear to you. You cannot get in state with this anxiety going on though, so step 1 is to do at least 600 cold approaches in the next 60 days.

Ask them what kind of coffee they like for all it matters, but you have to start approaching. I do both daygame and nightgame. There is never an excuse not to approach even if you're hospitalized you can sarge nurses, the smoking area, and the lobby. No excuses. Approach.

Another secret for beating approach anxiety is the length of your sarges. For the best results sarge in 8 hour shifts just like it's a job at a busy mall. This kills approach anxiety very quickly, within 2 weeks you will loose almost all approach anxiety.

One last note, while looks do not matter much have you ever noticed the best PU guys are rarely ugly. For example, according to friends, Lovedrop gets props for his knowledge, but seems to be behind some other more physically admirable instructors in the field. It is also worthwhile to find a look that works for you as a means to instantely raise your perceived prizability. Two firends who attended RSD bootcamps both told me the stranger looking instructors were unable to PU and were blown out when they attempted to demonstrate. I wasn't there, so just food for thought rather than trying to prove whether or not this is accurate.