Having trouble moving things to a romantic level

[skinnydart]

So 1 month ago I had never gone out on a date before, now I've gone out on a few dates with several girls, so I feel good about my progress so far, no problems calling them up and getting a yes answer, and apart from a few hickups during what seems like evey date they go pretty well and I have no problem gettng a 2nd. (like running off the road/out of $, etc... )

The problem is, I'm having trouble moving it to the next level. I know they say kino only works when it feel perfectly natural for you, but seeing that I've never touched a girl it's impossible for it to come out as natural.

I don't want to just keep going out on the same type of formal dates, it would get kinda boring. What are some other ways I can move things along or that show that I find her interesting. I mean right now, if I just put my arm around her during a movie or something not only would I feel totally weird (even though I want to do it) but I think she would look at me kinda weird too from what I can tell.

So right now, some people might not even concider what we're doing actual dating, more like just hanging out, but I don't want that. I don't call often, and tried the ec thing, but never really get any flirtatious ec or actions in return, like she's not getting the signal, almost like they think I'm going out as a friend. Like the ends of the dates always kinda end weird, with me just dropping her off at her dorm and saying "I'll see you soon".

I'm a quiet/reserved type of guy, so maybe that's part of the problem? Maybe what is nessisary is going to seem really weird for me at first?

BTW: I'm looking for an ltr.

 

[dearsappho]

You need to get a sexual feeling in your body m8 and promote that feeling to her.
You say you feel that (as in wanting to touch her) but you fear the consequences.
Train yourself to override that programming by making small moves on her at first. If positive escalate.
Eventually you will cease to care of the consquence because you have reframed your innate fear of the unknown...

 

[skinnydart]

make small moves on her at first. If positive escalate

What other things could I do that is more subtle than putting an arm around her or something. Between that and flitatious ec?

 

[Interpol]

Originally posted by skinnydart
What other things could I do that is more subtle than putting an arm around her or something. Between that and flitatious ec?

Dude, you can only be subtle for so long before you have to man up and make some physical contact. I had the exact same problem as you a few years ago. Even when a girl made explicit signs that she wanted me to touch her, I was still afraid to. But there's really no subsitute for kino, you just have to force yourself to do it, just like cold approaching.

Here's what I recommend to you:

1. Next time you ask a girl out, make it clear to her it's a date and not "just hanging out".

2. Sometime during the date, put your arm around her or hold her hand. If she tries to get out of it, at least you'll know right then that you're just a friend.

3. At the end of the date, hug her, and go for the kiss if you feel comfortable. You MUST go for the kiss by the 3rd date (at the latest) or she's going to think you're gay.

 

[backbreaker]

you have bigger issues than asking taking it to the next level. You are not confident in yourself.

What I would recommend you do is to cut off all ties with these or this women and work on improving yourself.

I bet if you ask the women now are you dating, they would say no, we are just good friends. If by the 2nd date you havent' kissed, you are in the LJBF zone by default.

 

[skinnydart]

What I would recommend you do is to cut off all ties with these or this women and work on improving yourself.

The reason I'm unconfortable doing it is because I have never touched a girl in my life, and only been on 2 dates. I'm very confident in myself as a person. So is forgetting about girls alltogether for a while really going to help me become more comfortable around them/touching them?

Interpol, when you said "Even when a girl made explicit signs that she wanted me to touch her, I was still afraid to..." what signs were these?

 

[backbreaker]

ovbiously something is wrong, because if you are confident in yourself, it wouldn't be a problem.

You might be confident in yourself, but just not with women.

Try this. Do an activity that requires alot of contact. Start with that. Some contact is better than nothing. Learn that contact with women is okay.

If you know she wants you, just kiss her. Dont' think about it or you won't do it. You have to find a way to get over the mental block, I know what it's like, but eventuall you have to find yourself.

 

[Interpol]

Originally posted by skinnydart

Interpol, when you said "Even when a girl made explicit signs that she wanted me to touch her, I was still afraid to..." what signs were these?

Leaning against me when we were sitting on a couch, inviting me to sit with her in a one-person chair, etc...

 

[skinnydart]

Next time you ask a girl out, make it clear to her it's a date and not "just hanging out"

Other than saying:

"hey, this is skinnydart, hey I was calling to see if you want to go get some dinner then go see movie name Thursday evening? Yes? Great, i'll pick you up at your dorm at 5:30"

how do make it clear that it's a date and not just hanging out?