Having to see the ex and trying to save face

[Romjuan]

Im going to be encountering a sticky situation and Im seeking advice. Been broken up for a little over a year now. Ex has a new boyfriend shes been with for a while now. Ive been dating other girls off and on. We still have tons of mutual friends which sucks for both of use because we continue to hear about each other regularly.

The question I have is this weekend is my cousins birthday and the ex will be there with her bf. Everyone in the group will be coupled up and Im the only single person there. I can bring a date if I like, but I dont have any really hot prospects nor do I like any of them enough to want to bring them. So how should I act at the party. Its going to suck being the only single guy there, and its going to suck more to be around the ex with her bf. The common response is going to be " go there, have fun and dont give a ****" but thats easier said than done. And I have to go,so not going is not an option. Any suggestions?

 

[samspade]

Who said you have to go? A judge?

 

[scrouds]

Go find a quiet spot.

Stand up tall.

Grab your balls.

Roar as loud as you can.


Be yourself. Wherever you are, how ever you are, with whoever you're with or not with. Once you truly become comfortable with being just yourself, this petty issue won't be a problem.

 

[Romjuan]

To address both of your questions:

samspade- I have to go bc its my cousins suprise 35th bday. All my family and friends will be there. Its not something I can skip out on or give a reason not to go.

Scrouds- I guess Im not comfortable with myself to act normal in an uncomfortable situation so I would need an alternative solution.

 

[SecondHalf]

Don't really understand the question.

No woman to ask - means you're going alone.
Cannot be yourself - means ... try something new?

Think it may be time for a human experiment / social practice...

Step outside your box, spread yourself out and socialize.
Spend extra time with that aunt that you typically shimmied past.

Engage strangers...

Try to spend about 10 minutes with each individual then bolt.

Maybe if you focus on this "human experiment" it will take your mind off this awkward situation.

Dunno, never had a problem with awkward situations, in fact, I kind of thrive in them.

SH

 

[Mike32ct]

There's not much you can do at a couples' party.

Make your appearance for your cousin, but don't stay long. Have a good excuse to leave early. Have something fun planned for later or worst-case make something up.

You have a sports game to go to, or another party, or you're going out to xyz later. Or you're going out to dinner at this great restaurant with "a friend.".

Then thank the host, say your goodbyes and jet your as$ out of that lame party.

Remember you're the only free (single) man in the room. You're the one with the exciting life that the taken (ie ball and chain) people should be envious of.

 

[backbreaker]

the only time it's an issue is if there are still feelings there. The girl that brought me here, her and i go on double dates whenever i'm in little rock with her husband, and honestly have a blast. hit downtown little ck, go grab something to eat. there just is nothing there anymore. why harbor the bad feelings?

 

[scrouds]

To address both of your questions:

samspade- I have to go bc its my cousins suprise 35th bday. All my family and friends will be there. Its not something I can skip out on or give a reason not to go.

Scrouds- I guess Im not comfortable with myself to act normal in an uncomfortable situation so I would need an alternative solution.

Fake it. Go there. Go alone. Think of a cool dude. Unphased by anything. Always himself no matter what happens. Pretend to be him that night.

You won't learn what to do reading sh~t here. Go and do it. Good learning experience. Very good learning experience. Take advantage of it.

 

[samspade]

The key is to turn on the charm. Regardless of your feelings toward anyone in particular, make them feel as though you haven't seen them in 20 years. Like scrouds said, fake it. Be the guy you want to be - the one they're all envious of. There's nothing wrong with a little acting. Carol Burnett could never sing in front of an audience as herself; she had to be in some kind of character to do it. So go be Mr. Charming George Clooney Great to See You Gotta Run.

 

[Delly2000]

No way you can win this one unless you have a hotter babe or a better one (as in even though ur ex is hotter the one ur with is a better catch..a lil cute got her act together..money etc). If you go solo you are going to look like a luzzer...try as you may to look like an unphased social butterfly.

Just dont go or bite the bullet take one of ur plates and dont stay long so people can figure out the gravity of the relationship between u two. Focus on ur plate and pretend.

 

[L B]

Go alone. Don't plan to be there too long if you can. See a group of ladies you like, strike a conversation with them. Have fun and enjoy yourself. Your main purpose is to be there for your cousin. Use your dj skills to obtain future dates if you see any good prospect. You're making this out to be more than what it really is.

 

[Boilermaker]

your family will be there, too. and I am sure you will not be the only single person there and nobody will care really.

Everyone has their own problems and everyone's life sucks in its own way (Anna Karenina principle).

So you don't have to seem special. Trying to seem special will make your ex feel more comfortable because she'll see you are as miserable as she is. She'd love to relate to that fact.

Acting cool and not trying anything special (read aloof and indifferent and happy) will make everyone think there's something wrong with you. You are not b!itching or trying hard .. You will be the star of the party.

Compliment people, look HIM in the eye, shake his hand, be respectful and you will come across as larger than life.

 

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[maverick72]

DO NOT GO ALONE.

If you go bring a woman. Exes are poisonous when you see them with another dude. It is the ultimate insult to your ego because you have been naked with her. Now she is getting naked with another man. And pyschologically she wants you to see that. Don't give her the luxury.
She will kiss him in front of you, etc, to piss you off.
Exes do it unconsciously, it is their nature.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Just say you have a headache and then dip out after 30 minutes to an hour.

 

[Duffdog]

Mav has it right:

You can either bring a girl who looks hotter than your ex or don't go. Bringing a hotter girl than her will **** with her mind and ruin her day. Going alone just reinforces her thoughts that she was better than you anyways and will ruin your day.

I wouldn't want to f-ing go anywhere my ex goes unless she has to see how futile her existence is.

 

[scrouds]

Mav has it right:

You can either bring a girl who looks hotter than your ex or don't go. Bringing a hotter girl than her will **** with her mind and ruin her day. Going alone just reinforces her thoughts that she was better than you anyways and will ruin your day.

I wouldn't want to f-ing go anywhere my ex goes unless she has to see how futile her existence is.

Why should anyone care what an ex thinks? Get out of that mindset. Getting back at someone doesn't hold a candle to displaying complete, uncaring indifference.

 

[Duffdog]

Why should anyone care what an ex thinks? Get out of that mindset. Getting back at someone doesn't hold a candle to displaying complete, uncaring indifference.

Except that "complete uncaring indifference" does not exist in the real world. It only exists in theoretical discussions which don't involve real people. In the real world, people have emotions.

 

[Slickster]

Wow, sounds like a lot of you guys are still harbouring feelings for your exes.

Whether you still love her or hate her that is no way to live.

Move on.

 

[Desdinova]

Been broken up for a little over a year now.

After one year you're worried about encountering her? She's moved on, and you should have by now. By the sound of it, you haven't.

If you're not happy about currently being single, then that's where the solution to your problem should begin. Why are you not happy about being single?

You don't need to have a girl hanging off your arm to show up your ex. All you need is to be content with how you life is and how it's going to be regardless of what she thinks. She is no longer a factor in your life, so why the hell are you letting her judgment continue to affect it?

So what if everyone at that party has a mate. The guys have to put up with her bytchiness, her demands, and they have to spend money to keep them happy. The women have to put up with their guy being boring and giving into their every whim.

You don't have ANY of that 5hit. All you need to worry about is your own life. THAT is something to be happy about.