Havent heard from her in a week, is she waiting on me?

[jts3443]

So I started hooking with this girl a little over a month ago, she was a little hard to get. We saw each other pretty frequently as she worked at a restaurant very close to me. We had hooked up a few more times over the past few weeks and she had began to show a lot of interest in me as more than a "hook up/FB". When we would go out drinking with friends she made it known I was hers and contacted me pretty regularly. Last week we got together to hang out and it turned out to be her friends birthday, so she had to meet her friend out. I went out with her and long story short the night ended with me not being able to stay at her place and having to go home. She texted me the next morning apologizing and saying hopefully we can meet up that night after her work, I told her to text me after. She texted me after and it turns out that she had went to a bar down the street with a few coworker afterwards; it was the grand opening of the new restaurant she was working at. Regardless I felt my time had been a bit wasted. She may have been waiting for me to ask if she still wanted to meet up but I didn't. She asked me about my day and basically said it was a crazy and a long story and left it at that.

This was a week ago today and I haven't heard from her. Now heres the thing, she almost ALWAYS initiates conversation. For some reason, Ive always been afraid to initiate contact with this girl first. I just don't trust the idea of putting myself out there with her, but I'm not usually like that. I have no problem making the move sexually when in person but I don't show her interest outside of that. The week before she had mentioned something about how I never hung out with her unlelss she was working that day and how I never called her first to hang out, when I asked her what she meant she just ended the convo.

I'm not sure now, since she hasn't messaged me in a week if she lost interest, if theres nothing wrong or if shes just waiting on me to contact her. Like I said she was doing 90-95 percent of the initiating. This girl is super hard to read and a bit close to the chest so I just have been afraid to put myself out there at all with her. I'm not sure if I'm digging my own grave on this one.

Like I said she was the last to ask to meet up (a week ago) but I didn't make concrete plans with her and she wound up going out with coworkers, but we had seen each other for a few days straight, and now, no contact..... I just cant get out of my head with this one. I feel that I may be playing it so close to the chest, afraid of coming off as needy and clingy, that I'm just coming off uninterested and not making moves. But I'm also wary of initiating contact first and coming off as more interested than she is. Is it possible that she just got sick of initiating meet ups and is waiting on me?

 

[kenpiffyjr]

You ain't gonna lose a broad that's into you due to lack of care at this stage. Just stay patient and live your life. Do not text. Mingle with other females or dive into your work

 

[Tictac]

There is nothing wrong with calling a woman up every week to ten days and asking her out, especially if she's initiating texts and calls most of the time. Use the phone to arrange meets, not get involved in a textship or phoneship.

While around here over-pursuit is the biggest problem, there is such a thing as under-pursuit. Women can and do lose interest if you don't 'keep the channels open'. I you DGAF, no worries.

 

[Serenity]

I think your doubts are correct, you're digging your own grave. I think in this case it would be better to go against against your thinking and your fear, most important is always to go against this type of fear.

Fears like this become self-fulfilling prophecies, you're afraid of being needy and clingy thinking you'll lose her by contacting her. Thing is that doing this leads you to exactly that, losing her. Let's do some logic here, if she doesn't contact you and you don't contact her then this interaction is dead. If she waits for you which isn't unreasonable considering she's done most of the initiating, then not contacting her leaves the interaction dead. Women may after all also check interest level by seeing if a guy gives enough of a sh!t to remember her, especially if she's done so much to further it already. The fear ruins it for you in that you end up in the extreme opposite of what you fear, instead of contacting too much you contact too little.

In the perspective of people observing and her, you're appearing to not give a sh!t as opposed to giving too much of a sh!t to handle. There's imbalance here and that's never really good, trying to appear less interested is self-defeating. You wouldn't want to do the opposite either and be more interested, you probably know how that ends as that is probably the basis for your fear. The optimal is to match her interest, but it's fine (and realistic) to drift close to it, either slightly more or less interested than her. There's nothing wrong with being slightly more interested than her, as long as that makes her interest increase. There's nothing wrong with being slightly less interested than her, as long as that doesn't make her interest decrease.

 

[RangerMIke]

If she was doing almost all this initiating, then that's too much, she should be doing MOST of it, but not ALL of it. But it's likely how you respond when she reaches out to you that is the problem.

When a woman reaches out to you then you SHOULD be trying to make a date. She reaches out, you try to see her. That is what you should be doing. If she reaches out and you do NOTHING, then what's the point. If you do this correctly then she will be reaching out to you 4 times as much as you do with her, and believe it or not... this is what she prefers.

 

[jts3443]

There is nothing wrong with calling a woman up every week to ten days and asking her out, especially if she's initiating texts and calls most of the time. Use the phone to arrange meets, not get involved in a textship or phoneship.

Ok, so now that we haven't talked in 9 days, does a simple opener to ask her out work

"Hey ____, Hope you (insert a callback or something playful). Lets get together this weekend."

 

[Mot1veProgress]

1) 85% of the time it means that she's already got a guy or guy's she prioritizes over you.. Meaning you're an option, but a bit undervalued as opposed to the other guys she has on circuit.

2 )10% Could be that you are her most valued guy she has contact with.. But, she's busy enough that she doesn't want to bother contacting you all the time.. And is possibly waiting for the next time you can ask her out.

3)5% It can also genuinely mean that she's super busy and having fun enjoying life, time with friends, that she forgot.. But usually when this is the case, it also means she's usually not looking for anything at the moment.. and life is keeping her happy in other ways

It shouldn't be hard to determine if it' is or not the 2nd or 3rd option.. So, I'll say the 1st option is probably true.

*I added percentages of chance that it might be one option over another.. but take them with a grain of salt

 

[Asmodeus]

"She always initiates the conversation?", she is inconsistent, giving you mixed messages about how you never hung out with her but then she decides to wait over a week... Fears of abandonment yet at the same time she is flighty? "she made it known I was hers". "Super hard to read"... Mildly impulsive traits.. I know what this girl is... Can you see the trends? Careful, if you want to play with fire.

 

[BeExcellent]

Here is how to answer your question. Ask her out. Not "let's get together this weekend". Lame; too vague. Rather ask her for a specific day & time. I'd also build in an excuse why you've been ghost lately ("Hey life's been crazy!! Let's grab coffee/brunch/beer at such & such place at noon Sunday - You in?") If she likes you but is already busy she will counter. And I like Sunday afternoon dates because you are less likely to get rejected from her already being busy on Fri or Sat. If she wants to move it up to Friday or Saturday, she'll mention it.

While around here over-pursuit is the biggest problem, there is such a thing as under-pursuit. Women can and do lose interest if you don't 'keep the channels open'.

What Tictac said. There is such a thing as being so cool that the whole thing goes cold...You don't apologize for not contacting...but you acknowledge it, and then you get a date and don't mess it up by texting too much beforehand.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Always fall back to calling once per week to arrange the next date. Don't text. Sunday-Wednesday evenings are good times to call. If you went out with her on a Monday or Tuesday, just wait until the following week. If you follow this, you should be calling her every 5-10 days roughly when you don't hear from her. You have to be in her orbit, but this gives her space to "miss you."

In this one, you are probably being a bit too distant. Call her.

 

[jts3443]

*I added percentages of chance that it might be one option over another.. but take them with a grain of salt

Yea... those numbers seem a bit skewed, id say its 50/50 that she either A. Is with a different guy. B. Got sick of always having to initiate hangouts even after mentioning it to me. Like I said I may have initiated a hangout 1 or 2 times over the last two months, where as shes asked at least 10-15 times. Shes also introduced me to all her best friends and they've given off the vibe that I was the only one shes dating, they treat us like an item and one of them called us a "couple" the other week. Shes also told me how they ask about me. They've told me she talks about me and they always know when she disappears for a day shes at my house. She hasn't directly asked but has mentioned monogamy and was asking me to hang out about three times a week, unless shes extremely sneaky I just don't see there being another guy, but than again, who ever knows...

I know what this girl is... Can you see the trends? Careful, if you want to play with fire.

No I cant see them....What exactly are you trying to say

let's get together this weekend"

Too late, already said it, cross my fingers, I knew in the back of my head to set a specific date, but wanted to keep it nonchalant I guess. but I didn't even mention the fact that id been ghost the last 9 days. But yea, I think I was being a little too cool and she "sniffed it out". The last time we talked she asked to arrange a meet up and I, like a dummy, didn't set a specific time, and never hit her up to rearrange. She ended the last convo with "another time, I guess"

In this one, you are probably being a bit too distant. Call her.

Yea I probably should have called. I thought about it, but it just didn't feel natural, and we usually communicate through text. I sent the text I said I was going to. But yea, I feel I was a bit too distant and didn't take enough initiative, I know from experience with her that she is the kind of girl to wait for the guy to take initiative whether its in the bedroom or out. Hopefully her ship hasn't sailed, if so oh well, I put the invite out so now she either responds, or doesn't, and theres my answer.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

I had to drop a plate a few days ago in a similar situation like yours. She used to initiate all the time and then I didn't hear from her for like a week and a half. She came to the club I was coolin at and I saw her IL had plummeted to the point she was annoying me with drama. Dropped her there and then because I know the fun would be over between me and her. I aint got time for bull**** and neither should you, if it aint fun anymore and you find yourself worrying and overthinking, drop her. If I was you I'd try to meet up with her and check if her IL has gone down, if it's gone down you're better off without her because it usually keeps going down.

 

[jts3443]

She used to initiate all the time and then I didn't hear from her for like a week and a half.

Right, and I agree and had thought about just dropping her, but she was my "main plate" and I had some interest in a LTR. I just cant figure out WHAT exactly dropped her interest out of nowhere.

 

[jts3443]

5% It can also genuinely mean that she's super busy and having fun enjoying life

I also feel I should mention that she just started a new job shes at 4-5 nights a week

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Right, and I agree and had thought about just dropping her, but she was my "main plate" and I had some interest in a LTR. I just cant figure out WHAT exactly dropped her interest out of nowhere.

Could be a lot of things bruv. She might've met some other guy who seems intresting (never take this personal), you might've done something on social media which made her IL drop (that's why one doesn't add plates on social media), etc. Don't try to find out through confrontation, they'll lie and try to manipulate. Try to see her in person is my best advice, good luck and tell us how it pans out because this is intresting.

 

[jts3443]

Try to see her in person is my best advice, good luck and tell us how it pans out because this is intresting

Thanks man, now I just have to get her in person lol. Ill keep you posted bro!

 

[Atom Smasher]

A man's role is to maintain momentum. Loss of momentum is one of the most common reasons for a new relationship to fizzle out, especially if she's on the fence.

The others have already mentioned the pros & cons of over-pursuit vs. under-pursuit. It's a matter of learning the right formula, but realize that the responsibility of maintaining momentum rests upon you when it comes to arranging get-togethers.

 

[EyeBRollin]

A man's role is to maintain momentum. Loss of momentum is one of the most common reasons for a new relationship to fizzle out, especially if she's on the fence.

Disagree with the whole idea of "momentum." Women are 100% illogical. They're going to do whatever the hell they want to do. She either likes you or she doesn't. The best a man can do is be consistent in his own actions.

Always treat them the same. No thinking about or analyzing "momentum." Relationships fizzle out too early because of over pursuit, not under-pursuit. Once a week works fine. If she's interested, she will be blowing up your phone and wondering why you haven't called.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Momentum only applies when the fact that she likes you and wants to invest in you is established. Establishing momentum establishes dominance and control, a weakness of hers that she'll fall for every time.

What you don't see here is the nuance of detachment within the paradigm of maintaining momentum. Relationships can fizzle out due to both under-pursuit and over-pursuit. Part of the art is finding the sweet spot.

 

[Dynamited]

If she's always initiating then you should man up and ask her out if you like her.

There's a rather distinct line between being needy and not showing any interest at all.

She needs to know you're still in the game