Haven't been in the game for a long time need ADVICE!

[seeVip]

I havent been dating for say, atleast 6 months, and now I need on some advice since I am supposedly seeing this girl now. My game hasen't been quite up to par so I need some tips before I misread things and slowly drench back into an AFC, EEEEEK

Well some background info on the situation. Girl I work with, finds me funny etc.... So I ask her to go outsometime, she replies when, I said i'll call her, she responds "do you have my number" I replied " no add it" (handing out my phone)

So 9-11 days later i give her a call, Asking her typical small talk questions and then I said lets go out, she replies ok, she gives me a her home phone number to talk since its noisy. (showing signs that shes helping me out)

So we go out to dinner, wasen't all that to me, i kept the conversation on her , light and funny, End of date she tells me cya thursday( the day we work together for an hour_), Thanks for taking me out. I had a negative feeling about that and the date overall, even though we talked about 80-85% of the time.


Asked the girl shes close to at work, she tells me its hard to get this girl to talk and that shes really shy (which i found the same, so therefore i thought it would be fine progress) Since i would have gave up if it had been the same with a normal girl.

So a week later i ring her up asking to go see a movie she says okay , and then says when , i say tommorow, she says cant friends coming over. So then i say wednesday she says ok.

Now it is tuesday and she rings me up and says that she cant make it for wednesday because her uncles coming over for dinner
whatever, and she suggest we make it another day, so i ask her what day ? she says i don tknow, so i say tuesday? She says okay. She also mentioned that her friend hasent came over yet, dont know if it means the same friend she is supposed to stay home for or not?

What do you reckon guys should i just forget about this?

Sorry for making it so damn long, I been outta touch Slap me back i nto place Djs

 

[dionysius_d]

Can you tell what her IL is by now?? You should be able to guage if she's interested or not.

Take more control of the situation.

To be honest she sounds a bit boring , how you describe her. She could be deep in her shell.

If you have to made a huge effort when taking her out.. that will get tiresome.

Turn up the heat a bit more, see what happens.. don't waste too much time..

 

[seeVip]

Don't know how you did it but it seems like you read it well, i do find her a little boring, but i guess its because shes shy, i did ask her some questions she seems to lack imagination, but i sense that shes honest and has integrity a rare around here so i gave it a try. But what im wondering from her replies , should i go for this tuesday?

Or not go and see if she calls me?

Her interest level is hard to tell because she is shy. I havent been in the game for a long time, and first one back is a shy one to flip all the signs and things around.

Well i wanted to do some c/F kino, and so on on our next date, but now im wondering if i should follow up?

 

[xblitz44x]

Actually, I think you did pretty well. It seems like you can at least SEE what's going on. Most guys are blind and make exuses for her, but you're seeing clearly. Most of the game is just putting yourself out there, seeing if the girl is feeling you, and advancing if she is, or cutting your loses as soon as possible if she isn't. That's it.

To me it sounds like she was interested in the beginning, but on the date felt no chemistry for whatever reason. It doesn't really have anything to do about what you did or didn't do, I just think that she wasn't feeling it. If you're shy, maybe try hard to open up some more.. Pretend you are in front of a good friend of yours. You can't expect her to have a genuine interest in YOU if you're hiding you with a shell. Remember, she's going to learn who you are sooner or later.

"So we go out to dinner, wasen't all that to me, i kept the conversation on her , light and funny"

That might have been part of the problem. Girls who are shy have trouble opening up. The more you keep throwing questions at them, the more nervous and vulnerable they feel. The object is to get her in a position where she can feel comfortable and open up to you so that the communication lines are clear of intimidation, games, mixed signals, etc. You want clear lines from the both of you. You should have talked a lot in the beginning, basically searching for topics that she can jump in and contribute to herself. When she finds something that she wants to talk about, reward her with active listening. This will encourage her to talk more, and contribute more. This will eventually break her shy shell.

"Now it is tuesday and she rings me up and says that she cant make it for wednesday because her uncles coming over for dinner
whatever, and she suggest we make it another day, so i ask her what day ? she says i don tknow, so i say tuesday? She says okay. She also mentioned that her friend hasent came over yet, dont know if it means the same friend she is supposed to stay home for or not?"

Yeah this whole paragraph was bullshyt. Whether or not what what she said was true, it doesn't matter. She's planning shyt on top of YOUR plans. That speaks her interest level directly. I'm glad you can see that too. I would personally just let her know that she seems busy lately, and to just give you a call when she wants to get together. Put the ball in her court. You did enough work, if she's interested she'll help you out .

-Blitz

 

[seeVip]

I feel what your saying i also noticed the same, i felt her interest level lowered, but i wonder why she would say okay right away like she did the first time. She acts totally different to how she feels most of the time, thats why im a little messed up with signs.

I know it probably was my fault for asking too much maybe and not gettin her into comfort zones, guessed im too used to being with experienced open girls.

Either way, what do you personally think i shold do now.

See her on this tuesday coming up?

Scratch it all together?

Or miss the tuesday without telling her, and see if she calls me to wonder why and etc?

Any change of regaining the game?
Even if it a likely miss, any chance of turning it into bed buddie? (oh wait this must be the 6 months of no date talking side of me_)

 

[xblitz44x]

Hey try to elaborate on this part for me:

" So a week later i ring her up asking to go see a movie she says okay , and then says when , i say tommorow, she says cant friends coming over. So then i say wednesday she says ok.

Now it is tuesday and she rings me up and says that she cant make it for wednesday because her uncles coming over for dinner
whatever, and she suggest we make it another day, so i ask her what day ? she says i don tknow, so i say tuesday? She says okay. She also mentioned that her friend hasent came over yet, dont know if it means the same friend she is supposed to stay home for or not?"

I'm not sure what's happening exactly? What day did you ask her out initially? Are you saying that you asked her to hang out on Tuesday but her friend was coming over, and now ON Tuesday you were talking to her and she said her friend still hasn't come over yet? Try to clear things up a little bit if you don't mind.

-Blitz

 

[seeVip]

Oh right, that was really bad of me.

I was asking her out to the movies yesterday, Which was monday. The day which she say ok, and that she cant make it Tuesday(Today) because of her friends. So i said Wednesday (which is tommorow) She said okay. She rang me up tonight and said she cant make it Wednesday (tommorow) and she is sorry because her uncles coming over. So i ask her when then? she replies she dosent know, So i say how bout tuesday (meaning this time next week) and she replied okay.


Yes i also remember her asking "How are you" when she picked up the phone, I felt that was kind of too formal to ask? It was weird in my mind what do you think?

 

[xblitz44x]

Oh ok. Much better. Well bring up next Tuesday, and tell her to give you a call sometime during the week to talk. If she doesn't call you, I say forget about it. If she does, then go out with her again. Try to open up a little more yourself and that might make her more apt to open up to you.

I don't think "how are you?" is too formal. It's just a sentence. It's not going to sway her feelings towards you significantly anyway. She probably doesn't even realize you said that. Cut the cautious "should I say this, should I say that" bullshyt and say whatever you feel like saying. Just let loose. Free yourself from these rules and be whoever you are. That's what opening up is all about.

-Blitz

 

[seeVip]

Well she already agreed to tuesday? And i dont think ill be talking to her again until then, unless i see her at work where we have this not really discuss any of that stuff at work moment.
I usually dont call girls to check up , either they do or not after we settle the plans.


She is the one who said "how are you?" to me. So im wondering whats on her side. I find that a little odd could it be a sign of low interest level because she is just saying a line ?

 

[seeVip]

Wow anyone else have any ideas on what i should do?

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Read!!

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=36163

 

[seeVip]

Yeah i dont think you have read my post ( i may be wrong)
But the fact is , i've realised i didnt do so well in the conversation, could have done better to let her guards down,
but from what she replied, we are due for tuesday again and i was wondering if its worth it? What should i really do this time to change things? off the top of your head. I was thinking staying on a topic she likes and gettin deeper into it, some CF (which i suuall do ) and kino.

To show i did read your post, yes i was confident when i was calling her up talking to her all that etc... (maybe tiny bit rusty on execution but no confidence downfall there)

I dress sharp, drive a Benz 380SEC , which i never talk about unless they ask. I give replies such as its a 2 door,

 

[seeVip]

Anyone whos reading, please suggest what i should be doing next. Since i dont think it was really ever answered?

Either way, what do you personally think i shold do now.

See her on this tuesday coming up?

Scratch it all together?

Or miss the tuesday without telling her, and see if she calls me to wonder why and etc?

Any change of regaining the game?
Even if it a likely miss, any chance of turning it into bed buddie? (oh wait this must be the 6 months of no date talking side of me_)