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Have your family/friends tried to set you up with someone?

sosumba

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One year ago my friends and family have tried to descretely set me up with some girls. I dont like being set up as I can't act the same way I do with "random" girls. What about you and what is your thoughts on people trying to set you up? Do you endorse it?
 

BMX

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It does't work. They act retarded and leery off the bat.
 

2Rocky

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Oh yes...I told them she was a non-Starter and dodged it. It was someone I knew but not through that social circle.

The best way is to tell your friends "I appreciate you letting me know who is single. I will meet them in my own way if you will let me."

Setups are usually stacked in the favor of one of the parties more than the other in SMV. If they were equal, the people wouldn't feel obliged to set them up.
 

SirBigBell

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Setups annoy me for 2 main reasons:

1. People tend to think we value the same things they themselves value. Just because you are in a LTR or marriage doesnt mean everyone who is single aspires to have similar arrangements. By trying to set me up with a woman, in essence you are saying “hey, you seem to be struggling to attain what I have, let me help you.” I may not want what you have and certainly dont appreciate you patronising me with your so-called “help”.

2. A setup gives the facilitator “shares” in the relationship. They will feel entitled to progress updates, resulting in the relationship being too crowded. If the setup leads to a successful relationship, you the beneficiary will always feel indebted to the facilitator for arranging a sweet deal. Some facilitators will perpetually exploit every social opportunity to take credit for the favour they did you. Why would I want that.

No thank you, I will hunt my own prey.
 

BMX

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and they act that way around you because they are feeling like they are forcing a fart. So give them a one nighter and move on (at best).
 

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Max Baker

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Haha oh yes just recently. My sister and brother in law keep going on that i live alone and i need a woman in the house. So they tried to set me up with this early forties chick. Now, my sister told me she has been through some trauma in her life, she's lost a brother and a mother and her father is old and very sick so she lives with him and looks after him. And they added she was engaged to a fella about 10 years ago and that fell through.
Alarm bells and red flags started flashing in my brain, i knew she'd be damaged. But i thought what the hell lets give it a crack. So, i asked my sister for any pics regarding this chick. Lets just say the woman looked like she was 65 years old. Haha i nearly threw up when i saw her pics. I politely informed my sister thanks but no thanks to the meet up.
My brother in law wasn't happy. He still bangs on about i need a woman for the house. I just ignore him. A blue pill miserable cuck is what he is. Sad thing is, his son is getting married to a lazy, fat bird this year.
 

SW15

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Very rarely. Due to frequent moves during childhood and a couple early in adulthood, I have a weak social circle.
 

LARaiders85

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the problem is that the boomers doing the setting-up do it from the assumption that both the male and female are looking. Unlikely given the options women have.

In theory it would work great, and did in the past because it was legitimately difficult to find good people.
 

christie

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Very rarely. Due to frequent moves during childhood and a couple early in adulthood, I have a weak social circle.
Me as well, SW.

It would be fun to have someone set me up with someone they think would be good with me. I have often thought if I played matchmaker to others, would someone eventually return the favour and set me up?
Probably, right?
 

9-3enthusiast

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Not too long after I broke up with my ex-wife, a friend (well... mainly his wife) kept hinting... then pushing... me to get together with a single mutual female friend.
Eventually I relented, asked her out for coffee - I hadn't intended to ask her out, but one day I did her a favour and as I was leaving she hugged me VERY enthusiastically, so I thought 'Might as well' and asked for a coffee date.
On this coffee date I just couldn't get enthusiastic about her... We're a similar age... I look 10-12 years younger, but she does look her age, which was a big factor for me. I tend to go more for women in their early-mid 40s usually - or at least those who look around that age (Yes, I know I'm shallow, but if the initial attraction isn't there, it ain't gonna work)
I'm pretty sure she picked up on my lack of interest, the date just fizzled out, and we went our separate ways. No harm done, we're still friends.

A few years on, and the buddy's wife still often asks why I dally with younger women, when I could've had a 'nice, steady relationship' with this (still single) mutual friend.... ROFL :rofl:
 
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SW15

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the problem is that the boomers doing the setting-up do it from the assumption that both the male and female are looking. Unlikely given the options women have.

In theory it would work great, and did in the past because it was legitimately difficult to find good people.
A longitudinal study from Stanford University has been tracking how heterosexual couples in the United States meet since the early 1940s, based upon the year their relationship formed. Fewer heterosexual couples are meeting as a result of their social circles. Meeting people through one's social circle started to decline around 1990, as Boomers were being replaced by Generation X as the main generation of singles. Social circle really took a nose dive around 2000. In 2000-2005, the main groups of singles were late Gen X'ers (1975-1981) and early Millennials (1982-1986). Internet technology affected social circle meetings more than cell phone app technology.

How Heterosexual Couples Meet.jpg

There are a few more notes I want to share from this chart:

Online: It seems to have exploded around 1996-97, with first generation sites like Match, Yahoo Personals, etc and remained strong until around 2004-05. It leveled off about 5-7 years and then exploded with the rise of swipe apps with Tinder's 2012 launch. Instagram launched in 2010, and Facebook purchased it in 2012. Early generation Facebook (2004-2010) was not causing a lot of romantic relationships to form. Instagram has likely been better for relationship formation than Facebook. Same with Twitter.

College: For decades, as more people went to college, more people formed extended romantic relationships from random interactions on campus with the man approaching the woman. Around 2000, as the Millennials were first getting to college, formation of couples in college diminished. I was in college from 2001-2005. I've tracked a lot of my contacts from those years over time on social media. Almost no one today from that cohort (late 30s) is with their college era partner. I went to a large public university. I know someone who also attended a large public university and has been with his college era girlfriend since 2010. This also coincides with the Millennials having poor social skills and the rise of internet technology, which worsened the social skills of Millennials. As an early Millennial, I was on the leading edge of this.

High school sweethearts actually lasting has been in a nosedive since the 1940s. Also, look at the nose dive in workplace related romances since ~1993. Church/religion has been in a nose dive too, starting even before the decline in religious participation.

Bars and Restaurants:This is actually the most interesting set of data points for me.

From 1975-2000, this was quite constant in terms of the percentage of couples forming relationships this way. It has increased since 2000. Why?

What we've seen since 2000 is that as people's college romantic relationships falter somewhere in their mid-20s, they are forced to date again for the first time since college. Many are choosing websites/apps for how they do it, but others have been getting into the bars/other public places for meeting people as their realize that their workplaces cannot serve as a replacement for college socialization for romantic purposes. That last sentence rings especially true for white collar, college educated workers. One does not want to have the feminist HR Manager breathing down your neck over a pickup or relationship gone bad.

Additionally, I believe there's a bit of social desirability bias in the bar and restaurant numbers. Some of the bar/restaurant numbers are people who actually first interacted on websites and swipe apps. In a past Stanford study, this was listed as Bars/Other Public Places. People who meet in non-bar venues, such as gyms, grocery stores, on airplanes, etc. are lumped in here. I believe that the people forming relationships through non-bar daygame is much smaller than the population randomly meeting at bars.

Longevity and Quality of Relationships:

This set of data does not examine the longevity of relationships nor quality of these relationships based upon the means of how the couple formed.

I will rank the 5 leading sources of meeting by my guess as to the median longevity of relationships. This would be my guess

1. Family
2. Social circle
3. Meeting Through or As Co-Workers
4. Bar/Public Place (lifted mostly by what I believe in the small set of daygamers)
5. Online/Apps

It's difficult to guess about which means of meeting produces the highest quality relationships but I would say that social circle or anything in-person would exceed online.
 
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bat soup

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One year ago my friends and family have tried to descretely set me up with some girls. I dont like being set up as I can't act the same way I do with "random" girls. What about you and what is your thoughts on people trying to set you up? Do you endorse it?
I haven't had friends set me up but I've had women try to do it. Generally I don't appreciate it. It's like having someone else choose your wallpaper.
 
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