Have you ever had a female co worker suddenly go super cold on you?

[Doctor Europeo]

There is this female co worker Im not sexually interested in (for many reasons, and Im not single anyways). She has never been interested in me either.

Through mutual friends, we started hanging outside work. Eventually we became more friendly at work; she would always chat me up, ask me a bunch of questions, we would joke with each other here and there.

Then, overnight, cold shoulder. She would always greet me with a kiss in the cheek, now she wont even greet me at all. She goes to great distances to avoid me in the halls (pretends she´s busy in her phone or stuff like that). If I try to play dumb and make some small talk, I get one word answers.

Many people would describe her as a "pick me": She gets along with the rest of the male co-workers and barely talks to female co-workers. Its a bit uncomfortable and a bit annoying that Im basically the only dude in the whole building she gives the cold shoulder.

My gut is telling to just ignore her and the whole thing, I might even be better off, but Im interested to know your thoughts and/or experiences. Thanks in advance.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Im gonna tag some people off the top of my head that Im interested in hearing from but everyone is welcome to help.

@BeExcellent
@The Duke
@Clockwerk50
@Sega Genesis
@pipeman84
@Manure Spherian
@Giovanni SouthSide
@BackInTheGame78
@Serenity
@Glassguy

 

[pipeman84]

She sounds mentally unstable. I think it's best to ignore her and it sounds she makes it easy for you, since she tries to avoid you and doesn't greet you.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Im gonna tag some people off the top of my head that Im interested in hearing from but everyone is welcome to help.

@BeExcellent
@The Duke
@Clockwerk50
@Sega Genesis
@pipeman84
@Manure Spherian
@Giovanni SouthSide
@BackInTheGame78
@Serenity
@Glassguy

@taiyuu_otoko

 

[Bible_Belt]

She had a little crush on you in her head, and then got mad over it going nowhere. The whole kiss and hug thing isn't appropriate for work anyway. You're better off without it.

Histrionic is a spectrum, so you get some high-functioning individuals with it. She does display some of those traits. The no female friends is a big one.

 

[The Duke]

She was interested in you and got her feelers hurt when she finally figured out it wasn't headed the direction she wanted it to go.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Either it’s what others have said, you might have unconsciously left her with “blue balls”, or you did or said something inappropriate that she most likely didn’t like.

Your options are to confront her, which I don’t suggest, or take a step back and let distance and inattention do their trick. I’d just match her energy by being polite, professional, and calm at work. Time often makes these things fade away.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Nah, she's never been interested in me. I can feel it.

You did or said something inappropriate that she most likely didn’t like.

This is my bet.

Your options are to confront her, which I don’t suggest

I agree. I dont think anything good could come out of that.

I’d just match her energy by being polite, professional, and calm at work. Time often makes these things fade away.

This is possibly the best course of action so far. Im should keep calm and mirror her. Thank you.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

My gut is telling to just ignore her and the whole thing, I might even be better off, but Im interested to know your thoughts and/or experiences. Thanks in advance.

My guess is that in her mind, she made some kind of advance that you rejected (even if you didn't know it).

This has happened to me a few times.

You think she's just being friendly.

But somewhere in the friendliness she (in her mind) makes some kind of overt flirtation that she hopes will be reciprocated.

When it's not, she feels utterly rejected and is pretty pissed.

Even if you don't notice the overt move on her part, the change in behavior is a dead giveaway.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Nah, she's never been interested in me. I can feel it.

Don't be so sure. Plenty women have feelings for dudes they keep very hidden.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Eventually we became more friendly at work; she would always chat me up, ask me a bunch of questions, we would joke with each other here and there.

^^What type of joking? Is it possible she mistook the joking as flirting? There is often a thin line between joking, banter and flirting
especially when the "joking" is between a man and a women. Plenty of room for misinterpretation.

In any event, she may have begun crushing (if she wasn't already) and thinking of you more than a co-worker. And given you're in a serious relationship, to protect herself emotionally from becoming too attached, she decided to employ Silence and Distance to self-protect.

There is a thread about this that has been resurrected which imo is spot on. Great post from @BeExcellent... both men and women employ S & D when necessary and it's not only when she/he disrespects you. Or a form of game-playing or being 'butt hurt.'

It's actually smart when feelings aren't reciprocated the way they'd like them to be. True for both men and women as attested to in the S&D thread.

Don't be so sure. Plenty women have feelings for dudes they keep very hidden.

I agree!

 

[BeExcellent]

So my guess (and it is a guess) based on information provided is that you said or did something that she didn't like.

Like others who responded I would wager its either that she had a crush & thought she could tempt you away from your woman (women are very very competitive, never forget, even when they don't know the competition -and assume they are better in some way than your woman.....), and your failure to be tempted feels like rejection or rebuffing, which injures her ego.....

OR (I think the following is more likely)....

In the course of hanging out you mentioned something that reveals your stance on gender dynamics and/or your philosophical mindset regarding women and it is isn't "go girl, rah rah boss bytch".

You expect a woman, and your woman in particular, to be feminine toward you and feminine in demeanor. Sure she can still be smart, sexy, succesful and whatever, but she embodies the feminine, allowing you to embody the masculine.

This creates sexual tension and polarity between you and your woman.

Your colleague is a masculine chick. Perhaps she thinks that being the "cool girl" or the tomboy, or one of the guys is going to build rapport and accomplish her mating endgame. She possibly doesn't have female friends because she sees girliness as inferior, or finds women covert and/or manipulative and therefore does not understand male/female polarity.

I was a tomboy myself growing up. Been there, done that. I had to unlearn/relearn A LOT in my teens & early 20s, and it was annoying that guys I really liked ended up going for some really girly girl. So I had crushes & got hurt back then (had my hopes dashed unrequited, which sucked).....

But really my wager would be you said something that really offended her belief system, especially if she is a woke/liberal/feminist/girl power chick.

Its one of those 2 things, hard to say which......

And yeah, you gotta be cool & not worry about it. Just act normal and do NOT ask her about it. Its her issue, whatever it is. Let it go.

 

[Sega Genesis]

But really my wager would be you said something that really offended her belief system, especially if she is a woke/liberal/feminist/girl power chick.

@Dr.Suave can you provide more context as to what you and she discussed and/or joked about? It might be helpful in determining if what BE has suggested above has validity or not.

I still believe she was crushing but eventually realized it was a no-win for her... again given you are in a serious relationship living together. And as such she thought it best to emotionally distance herself. As you stated "go super cold."

Not as a game or some sort of shyt test to elicit a response, although given I don't know her, that IS possible. But rather to (1) respect herself and (2) respect your relationship.

I agree with BE that some women can be quite competitive however with a man who's in a serious relationship?

I know some women who would but personally I wouldn't touch that. To me that's a BIG risk, a recipe for disaster (and hurt), and I have too much self-respect (and other options) to intentionally put myself in that type of situation.

This is all speculation of course and in part projection. Again, more context might help provide more clarity.

 

[Prepostereax]

She gets along with the rest of the male co-workers

had one that followed a pattern, which I didn't recognise until after she'd gone.

She'd flirt with guys she likes whenever she was alone with them, but ignore them in a group situation.
So each guy could imagine that he was the only one she's interested in..

Push-pull, with a twist.
Coquette / Siren.

Afterwards found that she was playing at least 3 guys at work (and who knows how many on the apps..)

 

[plumber]

My gut is telling to just ignore her and the whole thing, I might even be better off, but

Trust your gut. Its fun to think about maybe... but for sure do not worry about it.

All or most women are like the weather. You don't figure it out, you enjoy the sun and get out of the rain or storm.

If your already doing well, your not going to change anything because it doesn't work for one girl.

Something like this happens with some women when we don't escalate. I don't know the exact pattern as it doesn't happen often with me. It doesn't mean there is any error. Your fine, she is not.... her problem.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

There is this female co worker Im not sexually interested in (for many reasons, and Im not single anyways). She has never been interested in me either.

Yes, this helps matters.

Through mutual friends, we started hanging outside work. Eventually we became more friendly at work; she would always chat me up, ask me a bunch of questions, we would joke with each other here and there.

I'm not big on platonic friendships, with women.

To each his own.

Then, overnight, cold shoulder. She would always greet me with a kiss in the cheek, now she wont even greet me at all. She goes to great distances to avoid me in the halls (pretends she´s busy in her phone or stuff like that). If I try to play dumb and make some small talk, I get one word answers.

Many people would describe her as a "pick me": She gets along with the rest of the male co-workers and barely talks to female co-workers. Its a bit uncomfortable and a bit annoying that Im basically the only dude in the whole building she gives the cold shoulder.

My gut is telling to just ignore her and the whole thing, I might even be better off, but Im interested to know your thoughts and/or experiences. Thanks in advance.

I think there is more to the story than your telling us (not saying that you're intentionally leaving out details).

If you guys were tight, there has to be a reason why she suddenly went cold on you...but, regardless, how should you proceed?

The best thing to do in this situation, is ignore her..every time you try to talk to her, you're giving her unwanted (and undeserving) attention..thus giving her power.

As I stated in my "ignorement" thread (and elsewhere), the best power you have as a man, is your attention.

In order to know how much damage it can do to a person, you don't need to look any further than yourself, as you now know from experience just how much of an effect it can have on a person.

It is psychological warfare.

That is about the only thing you can (and should) do.

No chasing after her.

Avoid her as much as your job permits...and presumably, the power dynamic will shift back to you...but regardless, you need to ween yourself off whatever emotional attachment you have with her..and the sooner, the better.

That's about the best you can do for yourself, homie.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Either it’s what others have said, you might have unconsciously left her with “blue balls”, or you did or said something inappropriate that she most likely didn’t like.

Another possibility is that she heard something negative about the OP through the "grapevine".

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

This chick wanted your skin but put her b!tch shield up because you haven’t made your move yet.
You deemed her unworthy, and caused narc injury. She can’t handle it and that is why she is giving you the icy treatment. You spiked some emotions. Well played, bro.

Most times, women are attracted to men that they think really want to fvck them but simultaneously know won't really care if they don’t.

If a girl fvcks up and is willing to work her way back into the mix, that's different, but I'm not going to pursue something that's going out of it’s way to push me away. This chick is not even on your radar like you said. You can never miss something that you never had.

Silence and distance is the old adage around here for a reason. (Shoutout to guru1000)

Start talking to another hotter chick when she is around and watch her hamster spin on high-octane.