"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Have you ever felt shame?

tesla8520

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 5, 2024
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HI!

Today I would like to talk to you about a problem that afflicts me in general when I am out there with people, whether it is with friends, or in general in public places, it can be any occasion in which there is a social setting. Even with women.

I am usually a person who takes more initiative than others, I manage to speak or do things that others don't do, but in particular moments, I feel "ashamed", now I don't know how to explain this well, but it's as if I fear that there will be a moment in which everyone turns towards me in silence and starts laughing and this could make me feel ashamed.

So what happens is that when it's my time to speak or do something that I have eyes on, I start to feel this sense of shame, rather than being calm and enjoying it, I'm ashamed,

If I have this sense of shame, what does it depend on?
Did they do this to me as a child?
How can I fix it?

I was thinking about fixing it through exposure, sure, and throuh experience, but the thing is, I can't understand why I have this automatic sensation in my body in these settings.
So, I would like to understand the cause, and then design something to reprogram you.

Has anyone lived with this?
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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