Have noticed a lot of inner changes.

[rhcp83]

I used to be a guy that dreamed of having this great connection with a woman, where her and I were best friends, understood one another like no one else...made love, etc. . I wasn't an AFC...it wasn't a disney like thing...I just thought that I could find a woman that I really clicked with and we'd be the "exception couple."

Even for casual sex, I dreamed of making love with a woman...going slow...telling her how beautiful she looked, cuddling after, her walking around in my shirt after, etc. . You get the idea.

I guess when you get enough dating experience (and I haven't had a lot, but I'm a quick learner) that you realize this doesn't exist at least with attractive women.

Even most of the so called "6s/7s" are full of bs and drama. They don't walk around thinking "I'm a 6/7, I should be grateful"...they still get more attention than the average woman even if they aren't all dressed up to the nines.

I also realized that men and women simply think differently. If a man says something, he means it. If a woman says something, watch what she does, not what she says. I mentioned it in another post, I dated a girl that said "I'm just a cool, laid back girl" and that's how she'd LIKE to be perceived, but behind closed doors she loved to argue about small differences in opinion and would get worked up over nothing. Another woman I know in her mid 30s claims to want "love" and to have marriage and kids, but guess where she is on the weekends? That's right...nightclubs taking pictures with random people. And when I messaged her on a fake profile as some shirtless guy, she was all over him.

The things you read on here all start to add up when you see them in action. I even had my first psycho (that seemed normal at first) a few weeks ago. Flipped out on me just for following up (We had a good date...spent 4 hours talking/made out a few times) then sent some psychotic message back and she was a 6/7 at best.

The thing is, just because cuties/hotties usually have crap personalities or aren't compatible for the long haul doesn't make me not interested in them. I look at them now, and just look at them strictly as sex objects. A lot of guys on here, I get the impression, they get easily attached just based on a woman's physical beauty. If hotties are what you're looking for, even if you like a specific type of hottie (I like women that have nice T n A but not to black women extent) there is another one like her. They also generally aren't meant for LTRs unless you want a project on your hands.

I find myself if I get rejected or a date doesn't go well, easily moving on for that reason. That and I don't have time in my life to beg women that have low/no interest.

I don't even think it's so much "spinning plates" (A lot of us are lucky enough to get one date on occasion) as much as it is playing the number's game and hoping you get a "yes" from just one of them, and if she flakes, finding another.

I think what happens to a lot of guys is they start off like me (or similar) then realize it doesn't work (like I did) then become all out jerks/douches/a**holes. To me that's just transference and fighting fire with fire.

I'm just no longer "Mr. Good Guy" and more assertive and am quick to cut my losses and won't put up with bs.

We'll see now if this translates to any success. This wasn't the reason I wasn't meeting as many women as I'd like or not getting the sex I wanted (I didn't have opportunities anyway) but I get the impression even if I had those opportunities, I would have screwed them up with the love making bs.

When you realize there is no such thing as a "quality woman" (at least one you'd lust after) it opens up doors very quickly.

I'll be honest though, it feels like a part of me has died and not in a good way.

 

[DanelMadr]

No Santa? No unicorns? No perfect women? Yeah, time to grow up.

I understand your pain, it is a huge disappointment BUT this attitude of yours will create a new matrix for you and you won't even see the almost perfect for you woman. When you look for anything to reinforce your image or world view you will find it on every corner. Be more open minded, less judging and labeling. So you can connect and love. Not in a selfish way of 'I need her to make me....' but in way of mutual fun and connection. You won't get the connection when you expect it or dismiss it.

Hot chicks tend to be very spoiled but who are you to judge, you started to walk on your own just recently. Amused Mastery is much better outlook than disdain.

 

[floydb25]

It's just reality; unfortunate as it may be. I never met a hot girl that was LTR worthy - even though they thought they were, and complained about not finding a "good guy" to have one with.

One of the biggest mistakes I used to make was assuming that everything they claimed was who they really were deep down. So, I'd play the role of the nice guy - in hopes of finding this nice girl they claimed to be. My line of thinking was, they were just pretending to be "bad" until a good guy came along. Ha. They were just delusional. Needless to say, it was never found - because it was never real. Got fooled and played a lot because of this, and taking their side in general (sympathizing with their victimization claims, etc). These girls never found an LTR because they weren't good girls - nor did they seek after someone who was. They just complained and felt entitled. Didn't change who they were: losers complaining about other losers.

It's all about image, and how they want to be perceived. Nobody wants to be perceived as a bad person - even jerks, *****s, and losers claim to be nice. The main thing is accepting them for who they are - not focusing on the potential of who they could be, or how they claim to be. Everyone has an excuse for doing wrong - while still doing wrong. Bad people are reknown for this. A lot of people are also delusional, and don't realize just how bad they are. Not many people look inward at their own flaws and mistakes - its everyone else who is worthless. As well, they don't accept responsibilty for their own choices (due to their own shallow standards, and attracting what they are), and just play the victim all day long. Nobody is a good judge of their own character, and most people are simply full of ****.

What you see is what you get. A ho is a ho. A ***** is a *****. Gotta always pay attention, and focus on the facts; never assume or believe anything. Don't dig for something that isn't there, or make things out to be bigger than they are. Most importantly, don't EXCUSE anything. Who they claim to be, and what they claim to want almost never adds up to reality. That's where a lot of us get confused. Actions over words. Always.

Don't have your head up your ass until its too late to find out the truth.

 

[rhcp83]

I don't hate women. In fact if anything I'm more of a misanthrope and think men svck too...like I said, I just have no interest in seeing men with their clothes off, kissing them, touching them, sleeping with them etc. .

And if some woman over a long period of time (not just at the beginning) proved that she was a quality woman on the inside, I wouldn't be so stubborn as to shut her out. I just think a lot of women, even non psychos, are good at pretending to be one thing then a few months later their true colors show or the old "bait and switch." I don't have time or patience for that crap.

I'm not perfect, but you at least know what you're getting with me. Women, it's like you have to be on your guard at all times (that or you "go all in" and get burned.)

 

[rhcp83]

One thing that scares me is my sudden anger over all of this. It scares even me. (Don't worry, not a threat to anyone, not that kind of anger, but still it scares me.) I guess it's just a build up. It's not like fat women/ugly women/average women are knocking on my door and I'm turning them down because "they aren't good enough"...I don't remember ever being checked out by a woman ever...the two women I dated...one I met on facebook through mutual contacts, the other was an okcupid profile but a very rare, well written one where we just clicked instantly. The psycho date I went on, was also a girl I knew from the past and reconnected with.

I feel completely unwanted by the opposite sex. I've had (especially a few years back) random women laugh at me for no reason other than existing or looking at me like I was a threat to them. (I've posted my pics on here and got compliments on the way I looked.) In fact, 5 years ago in college, there were these two girls (AVGs) sitting behind me in class making fun of everything about me, tearing me apart, to each other. I memorized one of their names and went to the discrimination department and they had to answer to the dean of the college.

When you're a physically healthy heterosexual that works out, keeps himself in shape, and has been told by even other men that he isn't ugly, and you have nothing to show for it sexually, it gets very frustrating.

I'll be honest, while a lot of this is wanting to see a hottie naked and touching her etc (that I'm not paying to see naked) a lot of this is pure determination and persistence and unwillingness to give up, especially after proving to myself that I could get dates with cuties (I mean I was making out with one a few weeks ago.)

But yeah...this anger scares me.

 

[floydb25]

OP: I think I see your problem. It's not external - as in these girls are rejecting, and making fun of you. It's internal, and has very much to do with low self-esteem. You are determining your worth by what other people think of you. You are chasing after *****es and hot girls to prove that you are good enough for them. You are seeking the approval of those who dont want you, so that you can feel accepted and "good enough" Realistically, are you really going after those who want you, or do you keep pining after *****es who hurt and reject you?

The question is, why do you care so much about these people? Even if they were attracted to you - they wouldn't treat you any differently. A ***** is always going to be a *****. You don't need their approval. Just because they think they're better than everyone else, and put people down - doesn't mean they're worth a damn. You are never going to gain the approval of those who don't want you, and are against you from the start. Some people are just straight up cruel. Unless they deem you good enough - as per their shallow, superficial standards - they're not going to talk to you, and will make fun of you. That's what *****es and bullies do.

You need to change your focus away from those who don't want you, and onto those that do. They're the only ones who matter. You don't need to prove anything to yourself. These people aren't a prize. They're nothing special. You aren't not good enough for them - because they're not worth anything.

I've dated girls as you described before. The only difference is, they found me attractive. They still put me down, used me, made fun of me, and everything else a ***** does. That's because they're *****es. Them finding you attractive isn't going to change who they are. At best, they'll pretend to be nice to win you over in the beginning. No one is an exception to their bull**** and abuse. In fact, they treat those closest to them even worse.

That's why you go for those who have a good character. Guys do this ****, too. You don't need them, either. You can't let this stuff get to you - because there's a lot of bad people out there. Just gotta avoid them, shrug them off, and not give a **** about what they think. Don't think that someone who rejects or insults you must be better than you, and that you need their approval. **** them. This is a good way to get involved with abusers, as well. If you keep seeking their approval - as they keep destroying your self-esteem, and making you seem not good enough.

Gotta realize your own worth, and not determine it by what other people think. **** other people. Stop focusing all of your energy on those who don't want you, or you'll just keep going around in circles with this. The more you focus on this negative energy - even in your thoughts - the more miserable you become. It's not worth it. These people aren't worth it.

 

[yougottaknow90]

OP: I think I see your problem. It's not external - as in these girls are rejecting, and making fun of you. It's internal, and has very much to do with low self-esteem. You are determining your worth by what other people think of you. You are chasing after *****es and hot girls to prove that you are good enough for them. You are seeking the approval of those who dont want you, so that you can feel accepted and "good enough" Realistically, are you really going after those who want you, or do you keep pining after *****es who hurt and reject you?

The question is, why do you care so much about these people? Even if they were attracted to you - they wouldn't treat you any differently. A ***** is always going to be a *****. You don't need their approval. Just because they think they're better than everyone else, and put people down - doesn't mean they're worth a damn. You are never going to gain the approval of those who don't want you, and are against you from the start. Some people are just straight up cruel. Unless they deem you good enough - as per their shallow, superficial standards - they're not going to talk to you, and will make fun of you. That's what *****es and bullies do.

You need to change your focus away from those who don't want you, and onto those that do. They're the only ones who matter. You don't need to prove anything to yourself. These people aren't a prize. They're nothing special. You aren't not good enough for them - because they're not worth anything.

I've dated girls as you described before. The only difference is, they found me attractive. They still put me down, used me, made fun of me, and everything else a ***** does. That's because they're *****es. Them finding you attractive isn't going to change who they are. At best, they'll pretend to be nice to win you over in the beginning. No one is an exception to their bull**** and abuse. In fact, they treat those closest to them even worse.

That's why you go for those who have a good character. Guys do this ****, too. You don't need them, either. You can't let this stuff get to you - because there's a lot of bad people out there. Just gotta avoid them, shrug them off, and not give a **** about what they think. Don't think that someone who rejects or insults you must be better than you, and that you need their approval. **** them. This is a good way to get involved with abusers, as well. If you keep seeking their approval - as they keep destroying your self-esteem, and making you seem not good enough.

Gotta realize your own worth, and not determine it by what other people think. **** other people. Stop focusing all of your energy on those who don't want you, or you'll just keep going around in circles with this. The more you focus on this negative energy - even in your thoughts - the more miserable you become. It's not worth it. These people aren't worth it.

Holy f*k, you just described me. Everything you said just resonated within me.

 

[rhcp83]

Floyd, I'd say if anything, over the years, the women that have disrespected me the most, given me dirty looks, treated me bad have been ugly/overweight/average/6s that think they're 10s etc.., not the hotties. .

It might not seem like it, but me wanting a hottie in bed (a hottie by my standards) yes a lot of it is "the accomplishment" but more so wanting to see a girl naked that *I* think is hot and not paying for it.

I at least admit I'm a shallow man that is preoccupied with a woman's physical appearance (by my standards) and that is the reason I refuse to quit the game. The girl I went on the date with a few weeks ago would have been more than fine lookswise had she not been a psycho.

But like I said, I will admit that the bigger the challenge, the more I want it. The point I was making is that it's not like ugly/overweight women/average women are knocking at my door or giving me IOIs either.

 

[Desdinova]

Floyd, I'd say if anything, over the years, the women that have disrespected me the most, given me dirty looks, treated me bad have been ugly/overweight/average/6s that think they're 10s etc.., not the hotties. .

As it's been stated, you care too much about what other people think of you. Why does their opinion matter? What effect is their opinion going to have on your life? How is it going to destroy your life?

If you're not living with these people, it's not going to affect a SINGLE THING about your life. Their opinions matter to them only. There is no reason for their opinion to matter to you. They don't like you? Oh well, not everyone will.

It REALLY does matter what you think of yourself. In fact, your opinion about yourself is THE MOST IMPORTANT OPINION of all. Look at yourself and the things you've accomplished. Don't look at the failures. Focus on the things you're good at and the things that you've accomplished. Bad 5hit happens to everyone. Let it slide off your back, and keep searching for the good.

When you look for anything to reinforce your image or world view you will find it on every corner. Be more open minded, less judging and labeling. So you can connect and love.

Agreed 100%

I used to be of the opinion that most women are garbage and I ended up settling for someone who was 'good enough'. The last gf I had was actually pretty nice, but I dumped her due to her biological clock. My current gf is stellar. She's young, low mileage, low baggage, never sexually abused, hot, emotionally stable, and it seems that I'm the first guy she's fallen in love with. It's been about 11 years since I've felt the desire to feel love for a woman. It's finally come again.

Will I experience heartbreak with her? Maybe, but I know what to do when and if it happens again.

Anyway, back to my point. You can't keep looking at the 5hitty side of things all the time. Once you feel great about yourself, you shine around others. People are drawn to those who shine.

 

[rhcp83]

I'm looking to retire from the game period after I get my one lay. This isn't all talk either. 99 percent of my interest is the unknown. I masturbate maybe twice a month and that's for maintenance purposes (I could go longer if I wanted) and I'm densensitized to any kind of porn (looked at so much of it from ages 20-27 that it doesn't even turn me on anymore.) This is about wanting to have sex with 1 woman that I think is hot. Nothing more, nothing less.

I've done "everything else" and found it severely overrated. Kissing is fun but gets old after about 20 seconds and not something I "can't live without." Same with fooling around. Oral, I didn't get any sensation out of whatsoever with the few women I've had it from.

This is just having sex with a woman my type on a pedestal and wanting to demistify it once and for all.

I would pay if the local strip clubs were like I hear about in other states, where you pay 100-150 dollars and get whatever you want including sex. Here you can't touch whatsoever unless you get a champange room for 400 dollars and even in there you can't have sex.

 

[rhcp83]

I was thinking about what some of you guys were saying, and insecurity does play a part but for different reasons. When I'm out with my brother, or friends, and see the girls that I'd want to sleep with check them out, and don't see any women checking me out, even the UGs/fatties and when I cold approach getting completely blown out or getting weird looks for God forbid talking to them, it does take its toll on me, especially when guys on here see my pics and say I'm "attractive" and aren't just bsing me.

Even the women I dated/been on good dates with, never complimented me on my appearance. Sure, the fact that they were there with me (and I wasn't taking them out to fancy dinners or am rich etc., don't even drive) and kissing me, and with the first girl I dated, a lot more than that, the attraction can be implied...but I've never got "that smile" from a girl for no reason and I suppose that does bother me. I would like to feel appreciated. Even with the first girl I dated, we'd fool around in her car, and one time a friend of hers called, not only did she answer, she also said "Oh I'm just with my friend rhcp8303" (We'd been dating/fooling around for a few weeks at that point.)

But that's not the reason I'm in the game. That perhaps the reason I've locked up my heart. But my reason for still being on this site, and still being in the game, is wanting to be in bed (or a couch/car/whereever) with a woman I find physically attractive.

I'm 28, have plenty of time to find "Mrs. Exception To The Rule/Almost Perfect"...right now, though I feel like I'm going crazy over not experiencing sex (when I've done everything else and the women I've dated were cute etc.)

It's not even fair to a potential "Mrs. LTR" in the future because I don't want her to be some guinea pig or be dealing with a guy with years full of resentment over not getting laid.

The fact is, I don't know and no one else knows what sex is going to mean to me until I have it. I do know like I said that I found the rest overrated (with someone that isn't right for me) but I just don't know and would like answers before I go crazy.