K, so I have problems making a move on a hang out that hasn't been defined as a date. Like recently was chatting with a girl I used to work with on facebook. I suggested we go grab a drink and I got her number. Now the problem is that I'm unsure whether to make a move because I don't know she if agreed to it as a friendly thing or if she's interested. Sometimes in the past I wouldn't make a move on the first hang out and would wait til the second (figure if she's hanging with me alone a second time it's on). Now I'd like to stop this. Even if the move I make is just a kiss I'd like to make it easier to do in these unsure situations (but if the hang out was defined as a date before hand I have no problem making a move). If you guys have any idea what I'm talking about and have overcame this help me out. I definitely want to make a move with this girl (hb7.5-8, with a great rack).
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Have issues making a move on a girl when I don't know what her intentions are
- Thread starter Scion
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Just make a move. Don't wait for a sign, do it! If she shoots you down, she shoots you down. Whatever happens, it's better than doing nothing. You either succeed, or at least you can tell yourself that you gave it a try. If you do nothing, you'll be kicking yourself wondering what could have been.
Kailex
Master Don Juan
First of all, "date" is just a word. What matters is the intentions behind the "date". She could see it as a hang out, but what determines the course of "hanging out" is how YOU perceive it and how YOU dictate the flow of the night.Scion said:
You suggested a drink, she gave you the number.
I think it's actually MORE pressure to make a move if it is pre-defined as a "date" because as men, we mentally tend to put the pressure on OURSELVES to come through and make a move. You'll spend HALF the "date" not listening to her and looking at her lips wondering when you will be able to get a kiss in.
There seems to be interest in her part.
Is there a date set? And if you need help with lowering your inhibitions... just have 2 drinks and then no more on the first date. Cut the date short and make a move.
How'd I get rid of the "Will I be able to make a move or not?". SoSuave golden rule:
"Rejection > Regret"
Let them say no. I'd rather here a "NO" or have them turn away than to kick myself in the chin because I didn't try anything.
Surefire way for me: End of the first date, I give a hug... I make sure to grab them around the waist or back gently but firmly, which means that I am in close proximity. I usually pull back a little, but DON'T LET GO, and then move in for a kiss. I think I've only gotten rejected ONCE doing this, to which my response was to let ONE hand off of her hips/back and pull her into me by grabbing her chin.
Disclaimer: I've done this successfully only because it was girls I was genuinely interested in and they were in a high IL with me too. Don't just try this with EVERY girl.
Then again, you got a number, so definite good start there. Oh, and STOP WORRYING so much about making moves, it'll just be a dark cloud over your head the day of your "date".
Kailex, you make a lot of good points. For me though I don't think it's a fear of rejection but a fear of embarrassment. You can be rejected even on a "date" but the girl is expecting it so no big deal. However when your just chilling who knows what she's expecting. I know it sounds kind of stupid but meh.
As for giving her a kiss at the end of the "date" isn't that more pressure? Wouldn't be better to kiss her at some other point in the night? This is mostly hypothetical, not really specific to this girl, after all she's just a girl (although a very hot one, lol)
As for giving her a kiss at the end of the "date" isn't that more pressure? Wouldn't be better to kiss her at some other point in the night? This is mostly hypothetical, not really specific to this girl, after all she's just a girl (although a very hot one, lol)
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
I've been in your shoes before. This'll seem like obvious advice, but you can slowly feel out the comfort zone with some kino. It'll make the idea of kissing her, or escalating contact easier for you to envision.Scion said:
That's kind of what's holding you back, right? You don't want to push her too far, too fast and get rejected (embarrassed). Well try to break down that "no touch" zone until the point when YOU feel comfortable going for a move. She has a tattoo? Touch it. She has something in her hair? No? Lie and say she does....then get it out. You gotta go to the men's room? When you're coming back, grab her shoulder before you take your seat. Just make touching natural.
Like I said, it's probably basic stuff to you, and you're rolling your eyes right now. But hey, it works.
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
Kailex
Master Don Juan
Well embarassment is part of rejection.
I doubt anyone says "I'm so happy!" right after they get turned down.
This is why being so self-confident as a DJ is so important. You WON'T feel embarassed. The only thing that'll come to mind is "Well, she's missing out"... or at least that is what you need to portray. No reactions, whatsoever, that she can visually interpret as you feeling let down.
And sorry, I'm kinda "hungover"... so I'll address this a little more.
As for giving her a kiss at the end of the "date" isn't that more pressure? Wouldn't be better to kiss her at some other point in the night? This is mostly hypothetical, not really specific to this girl, after all she's just a girl (although a very hot one, lol)
Okay, to be perfectly clear... I don't ALWAYS wait til the end of the date. I HAVE in fact made a move or even had THEM make a move mid-way through it. But it ALL depends on how much of a comfort level you have built throughout the "date". If there is plenty of kino, plenty of rapport, and plenty of comfort, and again, plenty of KINO... then you should have no problem with moving in for the kill, so to speak.
I just said at the end of the night because at that point, it's no longer a surprise and they are expecting it. Kissing her at another point in the night does have the same Pros and Cons. It could put a damper on the date but it could also heighten the experience.
I just say, in the end... go with the timing that seems comfortable for you.
I think the importance of kino is heavily understated at times. This is what allows you to feel more open towards making a move.
I doubt anyone says "I'm so happy!" right after they get turned down.
This is why being so self-confident as a DJ is so important. You WON'T feel embarassed. The only thing that'll come to mind is "Well, she's missing out"... or at least that is what you need to portray. No reactions, whatsoever, that she can visually interpret as you feeling let down.
And sorry, I'm kinda "hungover"... so I'll address this a little more.
As for giving her a kiss at the end of the "date" isn't that more pressure? Wouldn't be better to kiss her at some other point in the night? This is mostly hypothetical, not really specific to this girl, after all she's just a girl (although a very hot one, lol)
Okay, to be perfectly clear... I don't ALWAYS wait til the end of the date. I HAVE in fact made a move or even had THEM make a move mid-way through it. But it ALL depends on how much of a comfort level you have built throughout the "date". If there is plenty of kino, plenty of rapport, and plenty of comfort, and again, plenty of KINO... then you should have no problem with moving in for the kill, so to speak.
I just said at the end of the night because at that point, it's no longer a surprise and they are expecting it. Kissing her at another point in the night does have the same Pros and Cons. It could put a damper on the date but it could also heighten the experience.
I just say, in the end... go with the timing that seems comfortable for you.
I think the importance of kino is heavily understated at times. This is what allows you to feel more open towards making a move.
Igetit!
Moderator
BAM,here's your problem right here in your very first sentence.Scion said:
You said that this "get together" you have planned with this girl "hasn't been defined". Your concern about looking foolish is legit.
To just tell you straight out,this failure to define this thing rest squarely on YOU.
If YOU initiated this "meeting" between you two,and now you don't know if it's just two people hanging out or a "date",that means YOU WEREN'T CLEAR to her when you invited her out.
You said,"Let's go grab a drink" to her,she accepted,now you don't know what her intentions are. But it's because you weren't clear about your intentions.
A "drink" can be taken either way,but if I had to gamble,I'd say that it falls on the romantic side....BUT JUST TO BE SURE,I'd say or do something that's CLEARLY romantic/sexual and see how she responds.
Tell her you like the way she looks in what she wears...
Give her a hug upon the meeting...
Just start acting like it's a date. If she goes,"uhh...you know this is just a drink,right? That's all,it's not a date.",then there's your answer.
However,if she just goes along with everything like it's just part of the evening,then you "making a move" on her will just be another ordinary part of you two seeing each other.
Well,if it was just a drink only,then it could probably go either way,but her giving you her number too...I think the number signifies romantic intent because giving you her number basically means she's giving you access to her world/her life.Scion said:
By giving you her number,she knows that you two will be in further contact with each other past just the drink.
So unless this is a friendzone situation,I'd say it's on the romantic tip,but to be sure,just do some of the things I suggested when you two meet up and see how she responds.
Nah, not a friendzone situation. I actually haven't spoken to this girl in a long while (partly because I never run into her, partly because she had a bf, though as far as I know she's single now). I'd like to think she gave me here number because she may be interested but who knows. How should have I suggested the meet up so it's clearly defined (not for now but for the future)? I haven't gone to hang with her yet just because I'm busy this week although I'll probably call her tomorrow or the wknd and figure out when we can meet.
Igetit!
Moderator
You've never asked a girl out on a date before?Scion said:
It's pretty simple really.
You flirt,tease,play around with her for a bit. Then what I do is ask her about her status.
I'm like,"Hey,so what's the deal with you,you married? You belong to anybody?"
If she says no,then I straight out,DIRECTLY say to her,"Well look,if you don't belong to anyone,then I WANT to see you...unless you have some sort of problem with that."
I know that seems agressive and pushy,but that's how I intend for it to be.
There is a reason why I'm pushy like that,but that's a different subject.
The point is that by me asking her about her status,my interest is made clear.
I asked her about whether she was married or not/was seeing anybody or not,so that in itself shows that I'm checking to see where she is as far as being in a sexual relationship with someone.
Then when she says she's available,then me saying,"I WANT to see you" plainly let's her know I'm interested (sexually interested) in seeing her.
Don't think that letting a girl know you're interested in her makes her not like you. It's letting her know you like her in an AFC manner that'll either turn her off,make her go AW on you,or start toying with you.
But if you come straight forward as a MAN,DIRECTLY letting her know what you want,FEARLESSLY putting yourself out there,it'll increase your chances of her saying yes because you're demonstrating confidence.
It's when you're all nervous,scared,shaking and trembling,and about to wet your pants WHILE YOU'RE ASKING A GIRL OUT that turns her off.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
What are you some kind of p**sy?? Women are not going to make the move it's up to you! I'm guessing you must be new with women or else you would have never made this thread. Somehow I think you ended up with the opposite way of how the game works. Women are not the ones that make their intentions known. It's men that have to escalate and make things known. I don't know how you got things crossed.
And another basic thing for you to remember. Most women don't go out with a guy unless
1. They are single
2. They are at least somewhat attracted to him
3. Are open to the possibility of getting a boyfriend (but you have to win them over by playing your cards right)
Number 3 is the most important. She can agree to go out with you but it's still your job to make the move, create attraction, escalate, win them over. Her agreeing to have drinks with you just shows she is single, you are not disgusting to her, is open to the possibility for more (but you have to play your cards right). Whether you end up with more than just a date is pretty much up to how you play your cards.