have i set myself up to be flaked on potentially? (afc behavior maybe)

[pete101]

i picked up this hot 35 year old woman in a coffee place on sunday, she was beautifully dressed, very elegant smart light purple suit skirt combo (plus she was wearing thigh high stockings) i noticed her as i went past the window that's why i went in to sit next to her and start a convo. i felt she initially tried to friendzone me as i offered to teach her to play golf some time and she asked how much i charged etc.. i turned up the charm and she said to me 'you're so charming'.. i was concerned though i was supplicating too much. the jist is that she's divorced and maybe a little bit short of confidence, she said guys dont approach her cos they're prob scared or intimidated cos she looks high maintenance. i think she was just flattered that a 30 year old male would still be interested in her even though she 'feels' old. i got the number and split and mentioned we'd get together for golf and hot chocolate, but she declined saying she was on a diet and it was too cold for golf and suggested sushi instead but then said i should decide what we do.

i texted her today saying i was busy tonight but we could meet tomorrow or thursday for coffee and i'd be bringing some sushi for her to try. she responded favorably, saying she was going to the opera and concert weds and thurs but was free friday if i was. see this was difficult cos i offered weds and thurs i've made myself look available, so i said i had plans Saturday but not Friday yet and to meet me at so and so place at x time then in brackets asked her if she preferred the salmon, tuna, or sea bass sushi. she texted back saying friday was perfect and the time was good and asked where exactly to meet at the place and that she loved all 3 fish.

i proceeded to send 'i'll bring all 3 then. ok meet me outside the bank if you know where it is. i look forward to seeing your stylish elegant self. see you then.'

she then text back 'thank you so much for your lovely text, you really dont need to bring all three.. but thank you anyhow.. i know where the bank is i've lived here for 8 years ) good night..' it sounds very positive but have i supplicated too much by offering to bring all 3 fish sushi?

to me it doesn't mean anything cos i was only gona bring 1 small slice of each for her to try but it may seem like im going to too much effort to appease her when really it's no big deal. am i setting myself up for a flake because i'm acting too available and too easy to please her?

the reason i think this is she works at a casino in addition to studying full time for a masters so has odd work hours i.e. hours which would take up evenings. yes she's offered Friday now, but i sense a potential flaking on friday, it 3 days in advance unless her IL stays high until then but my supplicating may affect that.

 

[JohnChops]

My personal opinion is that your trying to hard to be unavailable instead of truly being unavailable. If your not truly unavailable why fake it? Why not just go out with her and then later become unavailable for a true reason. Your trying to be alpha and trying to display alpha behavior. Instead just do it, just do what feels right to you. You seemed a bit nervous and overthunk everything on the spot as you were when you wrote this thread.

I say just see what happens, if she flakes then so be it. Stop worrying and have some fun!

Good luck, better bang her cause if not pass her number to be, id hit it with a hot 35 year old anyday

 

[VladPatton]

I think you did fine, just go with it. Screw the fish, who cares how many types you bring. The point is, she wants to hang out with you and seems receptive. If she flakes, phuck it, try one more time, you know the drill, but for now, wait till go-time and see what happens. Be yourself first and foremost. Good luck.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I think you sounded like you were trying too hard to impress her with the sushi offering.
I follow the advice I read here and that is to treat women like an annoying kid sister. In other words don't make out as though you're doing her a favour, just tell her what you're going to do.
My interpretation translates to: "Ok, I'll bring some sushi and I just might consider letting you have some. If you don't like sea bass and tuna, you'll be disappointed."
Her: "lol, you'll let me have some!? I like all types of sushi."
You: "Great. I'll see you at 8."

Maybe a tad overgaming for a mature woman but you get the drift. Women want men who are decisive and take the lead. Asking her her preferences is courteous but I worry that some modern women could see it as weakness.
Good luck. Hopefully the fishy smell on your fingers won't just be from sushi.

 

[pete101]

i think i should have said 'i'll bring a selection' rather than 'i'll bring all 3 then'

tbh it makes no difference to me at all but it does seem try hard which it wasn't meant to be that way. we'll see if she flakes tomorrow or not.

does it sound try hard to you guys?

 

[pete101]

yep well i think i was right, the supplicating and try hardness by accident made it difficult. i texted her today before our date asking if she wanted soy with the sushi.. she said yes thank you and i said she would look amazing and beautifully dressed as always then she proceeeds to text me to say it would help if she knew where we were going. (we were going to this posh coffee place that opens late)

anyway come date time, she arrives by taxi and i take her next door, the guy says they're about to close and i said 'arent you suppose to be open till 11?' and he said 'yes normally but it's not busy this evening' anyway i had to somewhat negotiate with the guy to stay open for another hour he was bascially being difficult wouldnt let us sit where we wanted etc.

anyway so we proceed to talk.. she goes on and on.. i have to interupt her in order to change the flow of the convo otherwise i'll get friendzoned.. i moved in for the kill kino'd a lot.. tried to kiss close. she wouldnt' let me, turned her head made me kiss her 2 cheeks.. the thing is.. though she let me kino her.. it was more she accepted it.. rather than answered back if that makes sense.. she did not kino me at all.. she said 'i just met you, it's only a first date' she wanted to eat the sushi in the cafe but that wasn't really appropriate so i suggested we go back to her place have some candles and a romantic meal' she declined saying 'i cant i just met you.. we dont know each other that well'

i tried to make sure i didnt' come across as a sleaze tryna get it in on the first date.. yes im impatient but still. she seemed to be in a hurry to leave.. like literally sooner than we had to go.. i got this rousing suspicion she was planning to go elsewhere after. (she was having drinks with girlfriends prior to meeting me i suspect she was planning to head back after meeting me) this was barely 45mins into the date and she was putting her coat on making excuses to leave but at the same time she was enjoying the conversation with me.. i was c0cky and funny being charming but wasn't sensing any reciprocation.. i said to her 'you're in a hurry to leave do you need to be somewhere? we just got here..' she kinda had an odd look on her face and i realize now she prob wanted to head back with her gf's.. she offered to meet me tomorrow during the day, i said i was busy tomorrow had a birthday party to go to.. then i said maybe, then later i said i was busy. we speculatively made arrangements to meet Sunday and she said something about 'arranging it properly' and i was thinking 'wtf do you think this is.. it's a date it is proper' i kind of made that notion to her.

later i made a joke about she wore her best outfit for me.. she retorted that she always dresses like this.. i should have negged her for that.. she asked me 'are you disappointed i didnt wear it specificlaly for you?'

the problem is she's high maintenance, used to guys taking her expensive dinners, opera, theatre etc etc plus she's older 35 (i found out she's lying to me and is actually 38 but she hasn't told me yet) i said to her she's high maintenance.. she seemed annoyed and got up from her chair.. this caught me by surprise and i made the mistake of backtracking on what i said.. i then said she was mid maintenance and that made her laugh.

she said she'd get a cab back to hers and didn't wanna walk cos it was cold and raining (i think she just wanted to get a cab back to go for drinks with her girls) i insisted i walk her back to hers or at least until a cab came by.. so we ended up talking on our walk home me being really c0cky and funny kino'd a lot but she didn't kino me back. we got to her door i gave her the sushi and she let me kiss her 2 cheeks (i made her promise that we'll have a romantic dinner at hers, she provides the candles i provide the food)


she texted me after the date thanking me for the sushi as it was delicious and to have a good weekend and it was lovely to meet me again. (i guess a sign of high IL)

basically she's controlling the frame, i unfortunately dont have any other options.. and she can tell hence why im too desperate. i'll sarge this weekend cos i cant get this woman if she's my only option.

i've decided that im not gona spend much more on her, only cheap dates.. but im running out of ideas.. im def not taking her to dinner or theatre or opera unless she sleeps with me before then. how do i control the frame and make it known that im not gona be one the other guys shes dated who spend all that money on her?

for now she's my 2nd priority and i need to look for new 1s this weekend.