Have I messed up here, or can I still recover?

[The Fast Of Us]

Sup folks, first time poster here looking for some advice:

So I've known this girl for ages through work, and while I've had a crush on her for a while it's only recently we've started getting closer. So I'm out of work for a couple of weeks taking a well deserved break and she starts messaging me over Facebook, I ask her for her number and get it and then we start texting back and forth for days without missing a beat.
I decide I'm going to ask her out, I text her and ask if she can take a call but she makes an excuse and says she'll be free tomorrow. I ask again the next day and she says no citing phone anxiety, which is fair enough.
We're still in constant contact through all this so I decide to ask her over text, a little classless in hindsight but no big deal of there's something between us right?
She says she's busy all week, but that we should organise something for the next week. I ask her about it a couple of days later but she has excuses for that week too!
But even after all this she's still texting me everyday.

I'm not an idiot, obviously if you like someone you can make time even if it's inconvenient. But a part of me hopes that there's still a way I can get this girl on a date.

So that's my issue, I guess I'd ask anyone that made it through that wall of text three things:
-Can I still make this work if I play the long game, improve myself and our relationship?
-Should I just give up and move on?
-Am I getting friendzoned?

Thanks for your time.

 

[marmel75]

You've made lots of mistakes but since she already knows you, she already knows what type of guy you are so you've likely been making them unknowingly with her for a long time.

In short, No you cant make this work and you shouldnt want to. Getting friendzoned? You've been friendzoned the entire time you've known her.

Stop wasting your time with this woman. The next time she texts you tell her "You seem like you have so much going on and I don't want to add more to your plate. Get back to me when that is not the case." Then go radio silence.

She will know what you are doing. It might even get you a small modicum of respect in her eyes for walking away, but you are pretty much at the bottom of the Grand Canyon with her right now in terms of interest level. I'd personally just ghost her and let her keep texting you. Have some respect and dignity for yourself because she obviously has none for you.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Welcome to the forum!

Fortunately this is a really easy one to solve, though you may not like the answer.

You have invested a TON of your time and attention in this girl and she's given you nothing in return. That's mistake number one: Never text a girl except to ask her out on a date. There are many reasons for this but the top ones are that you have no reason to give her your valuable time and attention when she isn't giving you anything back (you aren't her f*cking entertainment), that if you do meet in person you will have less to talk about and less mystery for her to uncover, and that it shows you as weak and that your time isn't valuable because you are willing to invest all this time and attention for nothing in return.

Phone anxiety is not "fair enough". It's a lame excuse or a red flag. Who wants to date someone who can't even have a f*cking phone conversation with someone??

She isn't into you. She is bored and wants your time and attention to validate her and you are giving that to her. She is using you. If she was into you, she would agree to meet up.

Ways to prevent this moving forward with other women in the future:
1. Texting is for setting up dates ONLY. Exchange a maximum of 10 messages with someone to accomplish this. You build rapport and attraction in person - you can't do it over text.
2. Remember that a woman's weak point is action. They can give you many words and they are meaningless (she's already doing this to you). Their weakness is action - they can't BS you with their actions. So you ask her out and if she says anything other than yes, then that's her action: No.
3. Always ask her out. Twice max. Ask her out for a specific date. Anything other than yes, ask her what other date would work better. If she won't agree, then drop it. She isn't interested.
4. There.Is.No.Long.Game.With.Women!!! You need to understand/accept this now. You ask a girl out and if she says no, you move on. Anything else is a WASTE of your valuable time and energy. This is why guys who try to play the long game go nuts when a Chad comes along and sleeps with her three days after meeting her. Women are attracted to guys who are bold and take risks and have other options. If a guy has a lot of options, why would he spend all his time talking to a girl won't meet up with him?
5. You aren't getting friend-zoned. Friends don't use each-other. What is happening now is that you are making a contract with her that she isn't aware of: You are thinking if you are nice and talk to her every day and entertain her when she is bored, in return, she will date you and sleep with you. That's a common component of nice-guy syndrome. On her side, she probably knows you like her, but she is fine with using you for attention. So you aren't even friend-zoned... it's even worse!

 

[Glassguy]

first time poster here looking for some advice:

I should have stopped reading here.

we start texting back and forth for days

You just friend zoned yourself by not asking her out. And again, I should have stopped reading after the first line.

I text her and ask if she can take a call but she makes an excuse and says she'll be free tomorrow. I ask again the next day and she says no citing phone anxiety, which is fair enough.

You were a beta and didnt just call her. You asked if it was ok instead. Total beta move. "Phone anxiety". LOL. Come on dude.

She says she's busy all week, but that we should organise something for the next week. I ask her about it a couple of days later but she has excuses for that week too!
But even after all this she's still texting me everyday.

"Hey lets hang out"- Either a yes or a no. If not a yes (as in "we can organize something next week") I would say no problem. You hit me up when you can get free and I will see if I can swing getting free too......deuces. At no point would I ever reach out again......but of course you did keep asking and you kept getting rejected.

if you like someone you can make time even if it's inconvenient

Yep. You just answered your own question. She doesnt like you, only the attention and self esteem that comes with you chasing her.

Game over.

 

[The Fast Of Us]

I hate to say it but you guys are right.
I've been stuck in my head over this girl too much and I've went about this whole thing terribly as a result.
If she doesn't care enough to take a call then I should stop giving a s*** too.
Thanks for the help lads, I'll be amicable but I've got better things to do than waste my time on a nonexistent relationship.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I hate to say it but you guys are right.
I've been stuck in my head over this girl too much and I've went about this whole thing terribly as a result.
If she doesn't care enough to take a call then I should stop giving a s*** too.
Thanks for the help lads, I'll be amicable but I've got better things to do than waste my time on a nonexistent relationship.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Just learn from it and keep progressing and moving forward with your life.

Also, congrats on being one of the few new-comers who actually takes the advice they are given instead of arguing against it......

 

[The Fast Of Us]

Don't beat yourself up over it. Just learn from it and keep progressing and moving forward with your life.

Also, congrats on being one of the few new-comers who actually takes the advice they are given instead of arguing against it......

Haha I know when I'm beaten, I was just denying it despite the obvious clues.
But you're right it's all just a learning experience, I won't know I've won unless I lose first.

 

[marmel75]

Haha I know when I'm beaten, I was just denying it despite the obvious clues.
But you're right it's all just a learning experience, I won't know I've won unless I lose first.

We have all been there before, most like myself numerous times. Your goal as soon as you find a woman you are interested in should be to find another one right after the date ends.

 

[RangerMIke]

I hate to say it but you guys are right.
I've been stuck in my head over this girl too much and I've went about this whole thing terribly as a result.
If she doesn't care enough to take a call then I should stop giving a s*** too.
Thanks for the help lads, I'll be amicable but I've got better things to do than waste my time on a nonexistent relationship.

First thing to remember about chicks is they are very intuitive, they can typically read any man that is interested in them like a book. She's likely known where she stands with you from the beginning. The longer you waited to take action, the less interested in you she will be in dating you. This is just how women are. She sees you as a friend... nothing more, she likes you but not enough to date you. There is no way to know for sure if you ever really had a chance, but if you had taken action earlier, and she wasn't EVER interested, then you would have known right away and you would not have spent all this time thinking about her..... It is your thinking and obsessing over her that puts you in the emotional state you are in now. You have to know right off if she's in or out... if she's out, then she doesn't exist.

You are not going to do anything that will change her mind, it is possible that she might change her mind on her own, but the only way this is going to happen is if you completely back off and not even try. Don't be a **** about it, but you have to move onto other women... best way to get your mind off this chick. Keep busy doing stuff you like and leave her be. You are going to be tempted to go online and look for advice of how to get out of the friends situation, all you will find is a bunch off bullsh!t from PUAs trying to sell you cr@p, and you shouldn't do that because it's only going to keep you obsessed with this one.

For me, I never burn bridges, but if you have trouble with emotional self-control don't do this, but If she texts you, again don't be a d!ck, just respond back to her when you have time and try to make a date. If she waffles... no problem, just move on to others. If she does it again.... again just get to the point and try to make a date.... don't get drug into a texting string. Either she will stop texting you when she realizes you are not giving her non-sexual attention, or she will meet you on a date... that is when things matter. I always leave a crack in the door for chicks to step through, but otherwise stop giving her attention. I don't want to give you false hope, but it is possible to turn this around, but the first step is admitting there is no chance... then your behavior will draw her back in... if and only if SHE is interested. And when you try to make a date have a specific time and activity you have already planned. But do not wait around for her... go out and date other chicks that are willing and able to spend time with you.