Have confidence. so much bull**** advice lol

[VikingKing]

I bet you if he created some confidence in himself, millie might still not be attracted, but some other women will. Why would you waste your time a try to explain this to her logically? You didn't change they way she thinks. Shes still not going to date your friend.

Confidence is just that, being confident. Different people build there confidence it different ways. Nothing is absolute. You will know when your are successful in building up your confidence, and there is more than one way to do it.

So, your wife and you are trying to hook your afc friend up with millie. Millie is not interested, and your friend isn't confident.

Thanks for your contribution.

 

[zekko]

Confidence is just that, being confident. Different people build there confidence it different ways. Nothing is absolute. You will know when your are successful in building up your confidence, and there is more than one way to do it.

People also have different ways of showing their confidence. I would think people who were ultimately confident would be completely relaxed. But women might also respond to swagger, which is more likely to be fake. It's an old saying here that women don't know what they want, I tend to agree. Like others here have said, usually when they say be confident they just mean "Be hot".

 

[backbreaker]

everytime people talk about confidence there is one specific incident in my life that i always remember and cemented my entire ideas about confidence

i got off drugs feb 12th, 2005. got an anny in 2 weeks Anyway, so I checked into rehab, stayed there a month and a half. Mind you, I had just sold my company and had a stupid amount of cash, I had my own house, and I moved into this chem free house with these other people in recovery, simply becuase i knew i was not ready to live alone yet.

Anyway it was co ed. I put on some weight when I was in rehab because they feed you **** and the only thing you can spend money on is the vending machine. I had put on some weight as it was, but by the time i got out of rehab i was like, 235. Still, I went to the store and bought some decent clothes for my size, i cleaned up well still, I was quite confident.

So I try to flirt with these chicks up there, there were some cutie pies up there, 2 in particular. nothing lol. Not only nothing, i kept seeing dudes not on my level score with chicks. I'd go to outside meetings, nothing. I'd go to the mall ,nothing. This went on for about, 3 months until like april or so, becuase my friend had the keys to my car(s) and would not give them ot me utnil i had 6 months clean and i had to walk everywhere and the gym was too cold to walk to until then.

Anyway by may/ june my confidence is completely shot. Not only getting rejected but getting rejected by girls I would not even touch a year earlier they weren't on my level. They weren't even close to the girl that i had just broke up with.

So I'm down on myself.. and i remember one day it was a saturday and it was the end of july. I had been going to the gym about 3 months straight now and i was losing weight. This chick was sitting down while I was browing on my laptop and she says backbreaker, can i ask you a quesiton, do you like black chicks? why won't you talk to me? she was black. She was kinda cute, and I needed a slump buster i was just so caught off guard by her being attracted to me I was not expecting it. My confidecne level was zero.

The next week I went clothes shopping to buy clothes that actually fit.. i Had lost lost 25 pounds and this chick who wouldn't give me the time of day, and this new chick who a month later i would end up dating, wanted to hang out with me so bad, i invited the new chick to go bowling with me and the old chick who wouldn't give me the time of day, just invited herself too lol. Then when we get back the new chick asks me do I want to go chill with her by ourselves.

It was about that time I started to actually build confidence and say you nkow what.. i must be pretty good looking again lol. I never was repulsive even when I was big but i mean, i was big. and i don't have a big frame so I look funny when I get big. Anyway my point being, i had zero confidence. these chicks could not have been attracted to the way i carried myself or my swag becuase i had none whatsoever lol.

 

[betheman]

this thread isnt about confidence, its about Backbreakers Narcissism

 

[jafyk]

this thread isnt about confidence, its about Backbreakers Narcissism

Ouch! How are you gonna call someone out like that? lol. Why have you come to this conclusion anyway?

 

[( . )( . )]

Ouch! How are you gonna call someone out like that? lol. Why have you come to this conclusion anyway?

Are you new? Or just a dim bulb when it comes to noticing trends and gauging personality traits?

 

[zekko]

Anyway by may/ june my confidence is completely shot. Not only getting rejected but getting rejected by girls I would not even touch a year earlier they weren't on my level. They weren't even close to the girl that i had just broke up with.

So I'm down on myself.. and i remember one day it was a saturday and it was the end of july. I had been going to the gym about 3 months straight now and i was losing weight. This chick was sitting down while I was browing on my laptop and she says backbreaker, can i ask you a quesiton, do you like black chicks? why won't you talk to me? she was black. She was kinda cute, and I needed a slump buster i was just so caught off guard by her being attracted to me I was not expecting it. My confidecne level was zero.

This matches my experience also. I've been at points where I had no confidence at all, only to be surprised to find that some young chick was interested in me. Admittedly this is not the same thing as a cold approach, but I've faked my confidence in cold approaching also.

Yet the gurus will tell you that if women even sniff a lack of self confidence on you, they will blow you out. That's why I can only take this PUA stuff so seriously. There is such a large element of randomness in it all, that defies attempts to reduce it all down to forumula. IMO. There are certain women who will be attracted to me and certain women who will not.

 

[Married Buried]

It's not about just being confident it's about doing things that require confidence like cold approaches. If you cold approach a chic you are confident even if you get rejected. I have cold approached before and sometimes they are so impressed you had the balls to walk up and talk to them it pays off, even if you act like an AFC with them afterwards.

It's about doing things like walking into a gym full of meatheads when you are a stick and working out. If they say anything tell them to f/ck off.

Things like that.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yet the gurus will tell you that if women even sniff a lack of self confidence on you, they will blow you out. That's why I can only take this PUA stuff so seriously. There is such a large element of randomness in it all, that defies attempts to reduce it all down to forumula. IMO. There are certain women who will be attracted to me and certain women who will not.

Also, I've found that MANY women, if they REALLY like a particular guy, will forgive any of his supposed shortcomings and will instead over-inflate whatever good qualities he may have---just to get with him.

However, I've also found that women will usually only remain in this state of euphoria/delusion/"unconditional love" ...TEMPORARILY.

Except in very rare cases, men usually have a very finite amount of time before the POWER STRUGGLE nature of relationships DEMAND that they acquire AND EXUDE whatever level of confidence that they'll need to continue to command RESPECT.


V.U.

 

[zekko]

Also, I've found that MANY women, if they REALLY like a particular guy, will forgive any of his supposed shortcomings and will instead over-inflate whatever good qualities he may have---just to get with him.

However, I've also found that women will usually only remain in this state of euphoria/delusion/"unconditional love" ...TEMPORARILY.

Except in very rare cases, men usually have a very finite amount of time before the POWER STRUGGLE nature of relationships DEMAND that they acquire AND EXUDE whatever level of confidence that they'll need to continue to command RESPECT.

My point is I don't believe women can actually detect whether you are truly confident or not. I don't believe they have this "magic confidence radar" that so many gurus talk about. Because I have always known to at least fake being confident - that's as fundamental as taking a shower every day. Otherwise you open yourself up and expose a weakness. That's something men don't do, or at least that's how I was raised.

Also, regardless of how confident I have felt, or whether I have felt confident with women or not, I have never tolerated disrespect from them - outside of a few early AFC mistakes when I was very young. I learned those lessons early.

 

[backbreaker]

In other words, confidence is important in the sense that i see a chick at starbucks and I want to talk to her i need to have the confidence in myself to go do it. I will never know until you try right?

however, that chick at starbucks who i cold approach, will not know if i'm confident or not she will know if she likes what she says.



better yet, i can't say it any better than this here lol. this is really gold lol.

has a woman in the history of all mankind ever said

"damn, I got approached by this dude today at starbucks, i didn't think he was cute so I rejected him, but my god he was so confident" lol.


if the chick that you approach thinks you're hot, she will think that's confident. if she thinks you aren't hot she will think you're a creep.

women are not capable of knowing what true male confidence is.

 

[Die Hard]

Wow, some high level reasoning going on here, *ahum*. People finding out there are exceptions to rules and everything, lol. Hey, perhaps we can reinvent the wheel while we're at it?

 

[samspade]

Way too much analysis here guys. As I said before: Status, wealth, confidence, looks, game, in no particular order, but some combination. Women's demands are elastic to a point. They will forgive a deficit in one category for a surplus in another.

 

[Mike32ct]

My point is I don't believe women can actually detect whether you are truly confident or not. I don't believe they have this "magic confidence radar" that so many gurus talk about. Because I have always known to at least fake being confident - that's as fundamental as taking a shower every day. Otherwise you open yourself up and expose a weakness. That's something men don't do, or at least that's how I was raised.

Also, regardless of how confident I have felt, or whether I have felt confident with women or not, I have never tolerated disrespect from them - outside of a few early AFC mistakes when I was very young. I learned those lessons early.

Interesting observation. I agree that we're taught from gurus and even mainstream sources that women have this all powerful "intuition" that knows ALL, including your "confidence" lol. In reality, I think they greatly OVERESTIMATE women's intuition and underestimate a man's. Plenty of women get involved with abusive, dangerous men, but somehow their "superior" intuition didn't warn them. It's usually a guy friend or male family member that detected right away that the guy was bad news.

Sure, I think a female can tell if a guy is REALLY nervous. That doesn't require any magical powers lol. But other than that, she probably doesn't know jack about what real confidence is. She is unable to logically separate it from her feelings of attraction or lack thereof. As BB just said, confidence versus creepy-ness because her way of saying hot or not.

An average or ugly quiet guy who doesn't feel the need to impress anyone might actually be confident. But he won't get credit for it from females.

 

[zekko]

It's not about just being confident it's about doing things that require confidence like cold approaches. If you cold approach a chic you are confident even if you get rejected.

Interesting idea. If you are afraid or anxious but approach anyway, that is definitely a positive trait. Probably more fortitude than confidence though.

Sure, I think a female can tell if a guy is REALLY nervous. That doesn't require any magical powers lol. But other than that, she probably doesn't know jack about what real confidence is. She is unable to logically separate it from her feelings of attraction or lack thereof. As BB just said, confidence versus creepy-ness because her way of saying hot or not.

An average or ugly quiet guy who doesn't feel the need to impress anyone might actually be confident. But he won't get credit for it from females.

Yeah, if a guy is obviously nervous, that's a big tell. But generally I would say that not only do women not know how to detect authentic confidence, they probably don't even know what it is.

I think the main reason women like men to be confident is because then they don't have to do anything. Confidence is useful for the man to approach and escalate, while having fun at the same time. If the man does all that, the woman can just sit back, be passive, and soak up the sexual validation and male attention.

 

[potato]

This thread reminds me of the question, “Am I photogenic because I’m a ham or am I a ham because I’m photogenic?”

Nonetheless I’m sure that confidence, as a separate characteristic, plays little if any in a woman’s attraction to a man, or not. Back when I was a shy insecure teenager I received a lot of female attention. In the same way that as I've gotten older and have gotten more confident in other aspects of my life. I have become more confident that I can attract women because of my successes, not the other way around. That is that I am confident around women because of an accumulation of positive experiences around women. Which is also to say that women being attracted to me is what made me confident that women are attracted to me.

This thread, especially the OP, does much to make my long held point that women are most attracted to physically appealing men. This point is often obscured because many women, like many men, tend to settle for what is readily available.

 

[SaturnGreed]

Way too much analysis here guys. As I said before: Status, wealth, confidence, looks, game, in no particular order, but some combination. Women's demands are elastic to a point. They will forgive a deficit in one category for a surplus in another.

very well put. simple and to the point. what if i have a deficit in all 5 lol. Im doomed.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Women perceive confidence on two fronts - Social ease and daring action.

If you can display social ease, she will perceive you as "confident". When you combine that with boldness of action (either with her or in any part of your environment), you are deadly confident in her eyes.

Nothing more is needed. The way to achieve social ease is to make a habit of "small talk" with people throughout you day.

As Nismo says... Case closed.

 

[samspade]

very well put. simple and to the point. what if i have a deficit in all 5 lol. Im doomed.

Be glad Mother Nature made you a man. You can always improve.

 

[zekko]

Women perceive confidence on two fronts - Social ease and daring action.

If you can display social ease, she will perceive you as "confident". When you combine that with boldness of action (either with her or in any part of your environment), you are deadly confident in her eyes.

Nothing more is needed.

Yeah, I mean really you're either confident or you're not. I used to think if there was just some way to display more confidence then it would be easier to attract. As if you could stoke your confidence in a white hot furnace so it burned hotter and brighter so they could see it better. Of course then you start looking like a douche lol, but some girls like that too.

I remember reading some article on women telling you how to pick them up. It's always stuck in my mind that this one girl said to ask her to dance, and that "you should display your confidence through your dancing". Which I guess just means get up and do it and move smoothly without caring what people think of you. And look hot lol.