Have a G/F? Want one? Heres my expert Advice on this one....

[In2theGame]

Whats up everyone, Damn its been a while since i come here, Reason, I have a Girlfriend of 6 months now. Great woman .. im happy ..BUT let me put some advice into all you out there..... Here we go.....

First, you MUST! i repeat..you MUST let her know that you do not stand for lies, games, lack of trust and time wasting. Tell her to sit down with you, put your arm around her, cuddle her or whatever. Do NOT i repeat Do NOT... talk to her in a Macho type way or making it seem like your laying the rules.. Example of this is: "Listen, dont Fvck around with me, i dont wanna hear bullSh!t from you or lies" <~~ Girls dont respond well with this because they feel as though your laying rules. If you get into a relationship, its because you want to be with them, not control them and God knows, when a girl feels like your "controlling" her.. all her "women defensives come up". The best way to let girls know... is a DJ way. Calm voice and a Calm attitude. An Example of this is... "Listen, i just wanted to talk to you about us, Im in this relationship because i really like you, if your going to lie to me or mislead me in anyway at any point, just let me know now because even though i do like you,. I dont want to waste my time with someone whos just going to play games. Just let me know right now and ill just leave" <~~ she will know that your interest in her is real.. because if it wasnt.. you would still be sarging and picking up random girls instead of being with this one girl.

If there are things she does that does not make you feel right, you MUST!!! talk to her about it. Examples: she Drinks too much, She Smokes, She hangs out with losers, Talks to an Ex, has way too many guy friends..
The reason it is important to let her know of your discomfort is to avoid arguments in the future.......

Let me give an example of a popular problem with guys: Ex-Boyfriends.. and it should go like this......
"Talking to your Ex doesnt sit too good with me, He was in the past, I feel the same way you would if i still talked to my Ex-girlfriend while im with you. If your going to keep talking to him, I think we should end this relationship now because i dont want to put my heart at risk of being hurt and dealing with these type of things" If she does respond with "Well, I understand what you mean and i will stop talking to him" Then you respond with "Okay, i trust you and believe that you will stop talking to him, But at any point i do find out that you are still in contact with him behind my back, I'll just end this relationship right away because you lied to me and i already told you i dont want lies to be part of this relationship"

Do you guys see what is happening here? Your building a strong foundation for the relationship in terms of getting respect from her. Youve let her know you do not stand for any type of BS with out acting like a controlling man. You are just a man with a strong backbone and is not afraid to express yourself and talk to her. Girlfriends want a guy who can guide them and get them out of their own way. What is the big thing girls always say: He doesnt give me Attention.. It sucks because its true but the problem is girl get with certain guys who use em and trash em, when there are guys out there tryin to be with someone and actually get somewhere with them.

The reason why i am posting this is because i want to pass on the knowledge that i have obtained through rough past relationships, to those who have no clue on how to handle G/F situations. I was brutally beaten emotionally in my last relationship because of extreme AFCism. Sometimes you must go through very hard and hurtful times to truley understand yourself and women.

I am currently in a Relationship with a wonderful girl, shes amazing and the relationship is awesome not because it just "happened" but because i built a strong foundation for it. I let her know i do not stand for any type of games and if i ever sense BS, i will leave without a word. I Recently has a conflict with her and i will share. She Smoked way too much, i did not like it one bit. i sat and talked to her, she didnt smoke for 4 months. she went out with a friend and she confessed she smoked a little. What did i do? I walked out of her house and took the subway home. she cried and cried and cried but i told her exactly........."I already said what would happened if you smoked again, I am breaking up with you because i clearly stated i would leave if you smoked" She cried and actually got on her knees and begged to work things out, that she would never touch it again. Since i really did like her and felt a promising future with her, I decided to work things out but i CLEARLY!! said "One more slip and im gone for good". Till this day. Our Relationship is based on Honestly, Trust and communication.

Listen guys Keep your cool, Be as smooth as a DJ. Many girls vary but if you come across one that is good quality, Just communicate and let her know that you do not stand for any games. Good Luck with everyone out there.

Take Care.

 

[Jariel]

All that sounds way too harsh to me! In my experience, it's better to keep the relationship fun and exciting, and if she's keen she won't want to mess you around and there'll be no need for these conversations and emotional blackmail.

Personally, my relationship has benefitted most from having enough confidence in myself to let my guard down and trust her. She gets hit on all the time, but I know she adores me too much to be tempted by other guys. Plus she knows I have plenty of girls after me so she knows she will lose me if she messes me around.

 

[DJ Alejandro]

this is one of the best advice ive encountered in a while. thanks. now i ask, what have you for mistakes then? the mistakes im talking about is not being able to set this foundation properly. things are really getting bumpy in my relationship. i want to set things right. better. id appreciate your input a lot. things are getting a little rough now. im just taking it one day at a time. but im thinking your input would help me out. what say you?

 

[brucevangeorge]

Wow. That is very harsh.

But there is no other way. I totally agree with you.


This is going in my DJ Bible.

 

[In2theGame]

this is one of the best advice ive encountered in a while. thanks. now i ask, what have you for mistakes then? the mistakes im talking about is not being able to set this foundation properly. things are really getting bumpy in my relationship. i want to set things right. better. id appreciate your input a lot. things are getting a little rough now. im just taking it one day at a time. but im thinking your input would help me out. what say you?

What is the base of the problem? Is it that you guys dont communicate enough? what is it thats going on? If anything, Talk to your girlfriend, communicate with her because the worst feeling is not knowing what shes thinking. You will need to give me a little more as to whats the main problem. Why is the Relationship getting rough?. As for my input, i will tell you that you have to talk to her, i cant stress this enough. Relationships are at their strongest when theres pure Honesty, Trust and Communication.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

""I already said what would happened if you smoked again, I am breaking up with you because i clearly stated i would leave if you smoked" She cried and actually got on her knees and begged to work things out, that she would never touch it again. Since i really did like her and felt a promising future with her, I decided to work things out but i CLEARLY!! said "One more slip and im gone for good". Till this day. Our Relationship is based on Honestly, Trust and communication."

You my friend are awesome.

Nice way to make sure she knows who's in charge.

 

[stubbornlights]

Man, this is so good.

I've read a lot of stuff on this site; I'm often stricken with dismay at how much of the advice to keep girlfriends honest, faithful, open, and all of those types of positive attributes is based on games. Other posters here seem to make it seem that sincerity and openness are at odds with the DJ approach; that honesty is AFC and will get you dumped. This post makes a lot of sense to me.

First of all, it puts everything in the open in terms of where your relationship stands. That's clever: you tell the girl everything that you won't tolerate, and that any transgressions will prompt your immediate dumping of her. Stating your conditions in this way is wise, that way there are no uncertainties. Many people just keep these things unspoken and presumably agreed upon, but having that kindof verbal agreement eliminates all doubts. And the thing that really sets your advice apart from the rest is the delivery in the conversation! Macho really wouldn't work, but your honest, straight-forward manner is awesome. It affirms the relationship, conveys confidence, and true interest in the girl.

Sure, it sortof seems brutal, but I don't see it that way. Everything is done in a sincere manner. This is DJism.

Nicely done, In2theGame

 

[frivolousz21]

this is an amazing post

 

[In2theGame]

Im happy that everyone sees the truth into what i have posted. I want to help and shed light on those who dont understand relationship positives. I would never want anyone to go through things I did emotionally. Crying and have your heart pounded and pounded hard, I went through this in my last relationship and it was so brutal, I could not sleep whatsoever. You guys may wonder, what was so bad?. Well this was a girl i did everything for in a 5 year Relationship, Only to one day hear another guy in the backround saying "get off the phone so we can ****". That hurt because i was so in love with her,.. She would go out smoke with "friends" that were bad influences and wanted her to try heavy drugs and drink heavy. My response to this was "Baby please dont do those things" "What did you do tonight? are you high, drunk!?" Her Response "Stop telling me what to do, You dont control me, I can do what i want". How foolish of me to let things slide. I was 18 at the time but thinking back since i have left her, I see outside the box. I was very bitter against women but i decided not to treat women wrongly, rather understand what a great relationship is built on. The reason why these things happened to me is because there was no open communication, pure honesty and lack of trust sometimes. If you are not honest and keep things inside from each other,.. One day it will come out and the other will wonder, "Why didnt you ever! tell me?" and then the arguments begin along with her wondering what else you have to hide. Today, i would never let anything slide. I would leave the relationship without hesitation if my girlfriend does something she knows would upset me. Tolerance has no place with me and a strong relationship has non either.

 

[Desdinova]

While I agree with you that the lines should be drawn at the beginning of the relationship, there's a hole you need to prevent yourself from falling into:

Control.

There's a fine line between laying down your ground rules for a relationship, and controlling her. If you control your woman, she will come to detest you. Here's an example:

She Smoked way too much, i did not like it one bit. i sat and talked to her, she didnt smoke for 4 months. she went out with a friend and she confessed she smoked a little. What did i do? I walked out of her house and took the subway home. she cried and cried and cried but i told her exactly........."I already said what would happened if you smoked again, I am breaking up with you because i clearly stated i would leave if you smoked"

This is bull5hit, and she shouldn't be tolerating it from you. You knew she was a smoker when you began dating her. You knew what you were getting yourself into. Now you're trying to change her? If there were things you didn't like about her in the beginning, why the hell did you even bother going into a LTR with her?

Till this day. Our Relationship is based on Honestly, Trust and communication.

...and control.

Nicotine is a drug. Drug addiction is stronger than "love". I'll bet you $100 that your gf is a closet smoker.

Listen guys Keep your cool, Be as smooth as a DJ.

Being "smooth" isn't controlling women. When you enter a LTR, you accept the small defects you knew about when you began dating her. If you want to lay down the lines for the relationship, you need to do it at the beginning and not threaten her. Use examples and stories to get your message across. Unlike men, women will respond well to subtle hints and she'll understand what you're saying.

 

[insanity]

all women you date will eventually challenge you for power. if you give in to her crys and whineyness, she'll lose respect for you. if you do whatever she says,she'll lose respect for you.

cool post In2theGame. women are looking for leaders, not followers!
if you lay the rules, she'll lay on the bed.

 

[DJ Alejandro]

i guess shes still immature. or i find that her IL in me has lowered a bit. im her first fvck, first guy, first bf and dating for 37 months now. i realize were still young since shes just turned 18. but my point is, weve had arguments and talks recently. shes been entertaining calls from guys behind my back.

this partly my fault since i was a bit too busy for a month. just busy. no excuses about that. then maybe theres this real tendency in her to just flirt around. she quite new with the whole attention thing these new guys are quite giving her which strikes me as a red flag right now. but the problem is this. shes been saying that she hasnt got her fair share of experiences in dating.

tear me up guys. i need it.

ive left her already because of that. the reason ive stayed right now is because she has threatened to hurt herself and change already. but im still yet to see it.

i tell you. she has her tendencies. and im just giving up until the end of the summer to think about whether it is worth continuing or not.

what do you think guys? i just need to let her know in an uncontrolling way that i dont like what shes doing cuz its disrespecting me and the relationship.
how to say it too.

 

[DJ Alejandro]

i did the whole line about the laying the rules thing. i modified it of course to my own language and according to what fitted. its never too late.

 

[DJDamage]

Sometimes you can transmit the message more by your behaviour rather then your words. Making her sit down with you every time she does something wrong and verbally telling her and giving her ultimatums, can lead her to resent you as Desdinova mentioned due to control. She can also use the same tactic on you since you are teaching her that this is the right behaviour atturing threats (not so easy to get out if you are already married to her and she decides to become the control freak after the wedding).

First off you need to very early on in the relationship find a girl that suits your needs. If she was a smoker early on and you don't like smokers that automatically should have disqualified her from ever dating you. During the early stages of the relationship (the dating period) you need to let her know subtley that you want a certain girl and a expects a certain behaviour. You can always mention "stories" that supposedly happen to friends of yours (i.e I had this friend who's girlfriend was still seeing the ex as "friends" what do you think about that??). Based on her answers and behaviour early on you will know pretty quickley what sort of girl you got and if she is good enough for the long haul.

Another thing you should reward a girl with affection and attention when she does things you like and withdraw it away from her what she does things you don't like. If she has a high interest in you, like pavlov dog experiement, she will learn pretty quickley what you do not like and ajust her behaviour accordingly so she can be showered with your affection and attention again.

DjDamage

 

[In2theGame]

While I agree with you that the lines should be drawn at the beginning of the relationship, there's a hole you need to prevent yourself from falling into:

Control.

There's a fine line between laying down your ground rules for a relationship, and controlling her. If you control your woman, she will come to detest you. Here's an example:



This is bull5hit, and she shouldn't be tolerating it from you. You knew she was a smoker when you began dating her. You knew what you were getting yourself into. Now you're trying to change her? If there were things you didn't like about her in the beginning, why the hell did you even bother going into a LTR with her?


...and control.

Nicotine is a drug. Drug addiction is stronger than "love". I'll bet you $100 that your gf is a closet smoker.


Being "smooth" isn't controlling women. When you enter a LTR, you accept the small defects you knew about when you began dating her. If you want to lay down the lines for the relationship, you need to do it at the beginning and not threaten her. Use examples and stories to get your message across. Unlike men, women will respond well to subtle hints and she'll understand what you're saying.

I did not know she was a smoker when i first started seeing her. I found out by talking to her. She was afraid that i would not like her if she had told me but through good communication i told her that i do not like the smoking and she told me she wanted to stop doing it. By the way i am not talking about Cigs, im talking about pot. She was heavy into it, very heavy. I told her that if she wanted to keep doing it, that i would not want to be part of the relationship because thats not who i want to be with. we do care and love each other and I wouldnt want someone i want to be with seriously to be a pot head all their lives. I dont think you would like the fact of your G/F, Fiance or wife being heavy into smoking pot if you were serious about her and the relationship.

Please dont confuse what i am saying. I dont think any guy should control their woman because yes you are 100% correct about them detesting you later on. What i am simply saying is that, I simply talk about what i dont like.. i keep the communication open with her so she knows what i am thinking, i dont like things being kept inside. am example of what i am saying is : "If you would like to keep doing those things then i would not like to keep you from things you want to do nor control or change you, If what i say bothers you, let me know and we will end this relationship" Im just being honest with her. She tells me she doesnt want to do those things anymore and out relationship is much more important. So by me talking to her and she talking to me, We understand where our relationship stands.

 

[In2theGame]

Guys please dont confuse what i have said with controlling or making rules to your girlfriends. That is NOT what i am saying. Communication with your girl will make the relationship strong and the more you talk to her, the more she will feel better about talking to you about things thats bothering her. do not set Rules, never set rules. If something is bothering you, talk to her but not to give her boundries, your talking to her to see where the relationship stands. In my own case, i dont say things like....."If you do this, i will your Ass!" No no and no. What i say is "These certain things bother me and i do not want to change you and keep you from anything. Maybe we should end the relationship because we want to do different things" IF SHE wants to change herself for YOU and the relationship then to me, In my opinion, she wants the relationship to go somewhere and her Interest Level is very high for you. In my case also,.. My girlfriend smoked pot so heavy she messed up in college and everything... She stopped smoking because i brought her away from "friends" that brought her down. Can you guys blame me for wanting to bring this relationship up? or helping my girlfriend better herself? I care about her and i offered her the choice of wanting to keep being the way she was or go on with this relationship, she orginally wanted to stop and now she has stopped completly.

 

[applaya]

I see your points, but you gotta understand if you go out with her for a long time she will f-up at one point or another. You can't just leave her whenever she does somthing you don't like. There is no perfect woman out there and it's not fair for her to constantly feel like shes gonna get dumped first slip up.

You will f-up as well eventually if you go out with her long enough. I don't think that you would want her to leave you.

Don't get me wrong I like a lot of what your sayin though. You should have standards and things that you will and will not tolerate. That's good and she should know where the line in the sand is drawn.

 

[In2theGame]

I see your points, but you gotta understand if you go out with her for a long time she will f-up at one point or another. You can't just leave her whenever she does somthing you don't like. There is no perfect woman out there and it's not fair for her to constantly feel like shes gonna get dumped first slip up.

You will f-up as well eventually if you go out with her long enough. I don't think that you would want her to leave you.

Don't get me wrong I like a lot of what your sayin though. You should have standards and things that you will and will not tolerate. That's good and she should know where the line in the sand is drawn.

Well, when she told me she was going to stop smoking and i told her i believed her and trust her. When she confessed to me that she did a little again.. I didnt "give her a second chance",.. I understood she was not perfect, yes you are right.. no relationship or person is perfect but when i told her i didnt like what she did and i wanted to break up... she understood that i was serious. What if i has said it was okay and forgave her without letting her know i didnt tolerate it? I did not want to let it slide and i stand by what i say when i say it. The real reason i did not leave her and end the relationship is because i love her and see us getting somewhere together, I explained that to her and she understands now that when i say something, i mean it. There are women who will push and push a man without him saying anything, then things start to fall apart and suddenly the man has hardly any say. Again, this is not about control, rules or boundries.. its about keeping the communication wide open between the two and through that, trust and honesty will follow.

 

[insanity]

like or not man, this has to be the best advice a can give you.....compromise is the best thing you can do for a relationship. it's not like the old days, like us men can get away with.
they work, u work.