"Have a female friend" article on sosuave

[WORKEROUTER]

AThe recent article on sosuave says to have "one really good female friend."

What do you guys think about this? To me, it just doesn't make that much sense.

He points out the "benefits" of it as follows:

1. Having someone to give you style and dress tips.
2. Having someone to listen to you...and to give you a female perspective on things.
3. Being able to go out with an attractive female, which will help to make other girls more intrigued by you. He brings up a bar example, where he tells the waitress the girl who she thinkgs is his gf is actually his "best friend." He says she was blown away...I just can't imagine that.
4. Having her talk to other girls about you in a really good way.

I reject these.

1. Sure, she can give you dress tips. But so can a girl who you're f*cking. In my opinion, a girl who you're f*cking (note...doesn't have to be a gf) will probably give you a lot better choice for dressing because she'll think of you more as a man than a gay friend.
2. I talk to many girls who listen to me. I still succeed at f*cking them though. Why would you want to spout off talk about chicks to a girl anyway? She's bound to just give you retarded advice anyway. Talk to some guy friends instead. And if any questions arise, come here.
3. Again, why not make it a goal to go out with an attractive female who you're f*cking? Hell, why not make it a different one each week!
4. Is her saying how much of a great "friend" you are really what you want her telling her female friends? He says to only have one rather than 10 female friends, but I highly doubt that these female friends are going to end up wanting to date him.

And another thing. Doesn't mean being her "friend" mean that you're going to just "hang out" together in a platonic way and talk? I have honestly never done that or have wanted to do that in my life, unless it was with my grandmother. Imagining a scenario like that just seems like it has no benefits whatsoever. Do you really want to her talking about her "jerk" bf?

Now I may be wrong here. I'm the guy who just doesn't have female friends. All the girls I've been with I have been with because I want to get with them. If that doesn't happen, I don't keep them around as friends. I dump them.

But I want to hear some responses about this, both from those who agree with me, and from those who disagree.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Lots of female friends are cool to have. You can go out with them and use them as pivots. Social proof.

007

Yeah..but why do you need this?

 

[manbearpig]

Yeah..but why do you need this?

Social proof helps build status, which is definitely helpful when it comes to picking up chicks.

 

[makinwOmensmOuthdrOp]

Ever heard of a cut-buddy? You can have female friends and still have sex with them. Of course the attraction is going to be there. She just might have a bf.

 

[S1NN3R]

Yeah..but why do you need this?

Have you read anything on this website beside the one article you chose to comment on?

I'm the guy who just doesn't have female friends.

Obviously. However, given that situation, what makes you think you are in any way qualified to make any judgements or suggestions on the subject? You can "reject" all of the things stated in the article, but if you've never had any female friends, then you really wouldn't have the first clue about it, now would you? And being that you have no experience with it, it would be rather stupid of anyone to give your opinion any creedence, kinda like how you wouldn't try to get DJ tips from a virgin or drving lessons from someone who's never been in a car.

You have female friends for the same reason you have any other friends. Because you like to be around them, you have fun with them, you benefit in some way from them being around.

Imagining a scenario like that just seems like it has no benefits whatsoever.

Do you really benefit from guy friends that much more? You can sit around and talk with girls just like you can with guys. You can hang out, go to bars, watch movies, whatever. Why does them having tits make any difference in what you can do with them. Being friends with a girl is a bit more involved than you just sitting there listening to her talk about her boyfriend.

I'm going to go way out on a limb here and venture to guess that this is just another thread by someone who wants to disqualify that which he is incapable of doing as a method of making himself feel better for not being able to do it.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Have you read anything on this website beside the one article you chose to comment on?


Obviously. However, given that situation, what makes you think you are in any way qualified to make any judgements or suggestions on the subject? You can "reject" all of the things stated in the article, but if you've never had any female friends, then you really wouldn't have the first clue about it, now would you? And being that you have no experience with it, it would be rather stupid of anyone to give your opinion any creedence, kinda like how you wouldn't try to get DJ tips from a virgin or drving lessons from someone who's never been in a car.

You have female friends for the same reason you have any other friends. Because you like to be around them, you have fun with them, you benefit in some way from them being around.


Do you really benefit from guy friends that much more? You can sit around and talk with girls just like you can with guys. You can hang out, go to bars, watch movies, whatever. Why does them having tits make any difference in what you can do with them. Being friends with a girl is a bit more involved than you just sitting there listening to her talk about her boyfriend.

I'm going to go way out on a limb here and venture to guess that this is just another thread by someone who wants to disqualify that which he is incapable of doing as a method of making himself feel better for not being able to do it.

The reason I don't have female friends is very simple: I don't feel the need to have them.

If a chick is attractive, then I'm going to be sexually attracted to her. You say it should make no difference if she has "tits." Well guess what, it does, because I want my hands on them. I can't seem having a platonic relationship with someone who I'm sexually attracted to. It's a primal instinct, and I go with it.

You say I've never had any female friends. Wrong. I have tried, and it doesn't work out. Read the above paragraph.

I have a gf right now. If I want to go out, I call her up and we meet. If I want to get clothing advice, I'll ask.

What about when I didn't have a gf? I'll be going out with girls. I'll be dating them.

Obviously I understand the idea of "social proof," and this could very well be a way to improve that. But I don't think you need to be a girlfriend in order to do this. You can have charisma and charm instead. You can tease girls. You can make them want you because you are you, not because you have your best friend, who's a girl, giving you a hug and talking about her problems.

From my experience, I prefer chilling with my guy friends. You are absolutely right. I feel a lot better talking about women with them than I do to some broad.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you can't have a wonderful time talking and going out with a women. I know I do every single time I go out on a date (well, most of the time). But I don't relinquish the sexual side of things.

 

[S1NN3R]

You say I've never had any female friends. Wrong. I have tried, and it doesn't work out. Read the above paragraph.

I was just going off of what you said.....

I'm the guy who just doesn't have female friends.

Well guess what, it does, because I want my hands on them. I can't seem having a platonic relationship with someone who I'm sexually attracted to.

And there is the real truth. You can't just be friends with a girl, because you view them solely as things to have sex with. not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that most people can see that you can have fun with a girl without having sex with them, it's just more fun if you are.

But given that you've revealed now why you don't want to be friends with girls, why didn't you just say that to begin with and what does that have to do with the things you "reject"? If you can't be friends with a girl because you just want to bang them, then what difference does it make what kind of clothing advice she might be able to give you or whether or not you want to talk to her?

This is what I'm talking about disqualifying. You feel a certain way, but for some reason, subconsciously, you don't feel that your actual reasons are enough to validate your actions so you create other, seemingly more plausible reasons to help you feel better about what you choose to do. Kind of along the same lines as someone who can't pull tail on a dating site saying "well internet dating is for losers anyway".

Don't worry, lots of people do it to some extent.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

I was just going off of what you said.....



And there is the real truth. You can't just be friends with a girl, because you view them solely as things to have sex with. not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that most people can see that you can have fun with a girl without having sex with them, it's just more fun if you are.

But given that you've revealed now why you don't want to be friends with girls, why didn't you just say that to begin with and what does that have to do with the things you "reject"? If you can't be friends with a girl because you just want to bang them, then what difference does it make what kind of clothing advice she might be able to give you or whether or not you want to talk to her?

This is what I'm talking about disqualifying. You feel a certain way, but for some reason, subconsciously, you don't feel that your actual reasons are enough to validate your actions so you create other, seemingly more plausible reasons to help you feel better about what you choose to do. Kind of along the same lines as someone who can't pull tail on a dating site saying "well internet dating is for losers anyway".

Don't worry, lots of people do it to some extent.

Let's cut the "disqualifying" bullsh*t for now. I didn't ask you for a psychoanalysis, so keep on topic. I stated my opinion, which was that I see no point in the author's view about a female friend, but you'll notice that I explicitly asked for other views both for and against it. You know why? Because I wanted to expand my own views about it.

I never said that I view them "solely" as objects to have sex with. I said in the previous post that I think women can provide all of the things OTHER than sex. What I made clear, however, was that there is definately a sexual attachment as well, which would impede in the way of a purely platonic relationship. Reread my post. I'm not making more "plausible" reasons for anything. Rather than making up sh*t about what I'm saying, why not just be a man and accept what I'm saying for what it is--a defined reason.

This sentence is still puzzling me:

"If you can't be friends with a girl because you just want to bang them, then what difference does it make what kind of clothing advice she might be able to give you or whether or not you want to talk to her?"

Lastly, you say most people can see that you can have with a women even if you're not banging them.

First off, let's stop talking about "banging" in particular. I'm referring not so much the act of having sex as the feelings of sexual attraction and not acting on them.

Secondly, I that's plain wrong. MOST guys who claim to be "friends" with women are too AFC and puzzy to actually get them. Usually, they want them deep down (because obviously they can't get rid of that sexual attraction), but try to be friends with them instead. Give them one chance to bang their "friends" though. I bet they would.

Next time you respond to my post, bring up some valid points. No need to explain this week's psych 101 topic to me.

 

[S1NN3R]

Next time you respond to my post, bring up some valid points. No need to explain this week's psych 101 topic to me.

Yeah, I don't waste time on people who ask for opinions then get pissy when those opinions don't jive with what they want to believe.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Yeah, I don't waste time on people who ask for opinions then get pissy when those opinions don't jive with what they want to believe.

You sound like a woman.

 

[flippinfreak]

You sound like a woman.

You sound like a whiny AFC

 

[Jackman]

Every girl that I've been on any kind of a real friends level with came from one of the following situations:


1) I already hit it (ex-GF), but it was a while ago and somehow we ended up cool with each other after years apart.

2) I wanted to and could have hit it, but I was getting a lot of hookups through her and I knew if I did hit it that would all come to an end because she'd want a relationship.

3) I was hitting it and still getting hooked up through the girl.

4) No sex. We we're just cool. She helped me, I helped her. Period.


Situation #1 was pretty much the most useless and most platonic. I got nothing out of such an arraingement other than having another friend, which I already had more than enough of.

Situation #2 was great, but I could only hold out for so long. This girl had the most gorgeous rack I'd ever seen. Well, ok, maybe not. But when you see them bounce and jiggle for weeks on end and you never touch them....they become greater in your mind. You've got to tap it eventually. You just have to.

Situation #3 was the best of them all for obvious reasons.

Situation #4 never happened.

Still, I've learned plenty from women who have willingly helped me out in a way a guy would like to be helped out. I got every advantage the article lists, including the one that it doesn't.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

Personally, I think this whole "We shouldn't be friend with women because they're different" is bullsh!t. I dont know what kind of friends you guys have, but my definition of a friend is someone who I do stuff with.

I have female friends. They hang out with us guys, go drinking, go skiing, play a game of hockey, TP houses during halloween, etc.

Whether they help me get laid is not something I bother to consider.

 

[flippinfreak]

You want a few ideas of why and how, plus a guide to getting into platonic friendships?

click here

 

[tobby]

Originally posted by WORKROUTER:

Secondly, I that's plain wrong. MOST guys who claim to be "friends" with women are too AFC and puzzy to actually get them. Usually, they want them deep down (because obviously they can't get rid of that sexual attraction), but try to be friends with them instead. Give them one chance to bang their "friends" though. I bet they would

This is the most valid point in not having female friends. Most men don't really see a girl as their friend. When someone (either the girl or boy is attracted to the other) then there is no way the friendship can happen. I've on the other hand haven't had a "plantonic" friendship with women. Maybe when people are married then those couples can have good friendships, but I don't see it working out between single men and women.

This guy on the article even admits it when he says that you have to control your urge to have sex with the girl and she in the future will want to have sex with you.

Friendships between men and women who are single don't happen. Someone's attracted to the other so the "friendship's" fake. The ex-friendships are also fake because each one of you have relegated the relationship into "hanging out" when you were attracted to each other in the past.

I do however believe in social proof, so I'm not doing away with the friendship between men and women. I just want guys on this site to admit their friendships with women are for a few basic reasons:

1. One person is attracted to the other and doesn't want to act on it.
2. One person has been rejected by the other, he/she can't get rid of the attraction so they hope to see it manifest in a friendship.
3. One person used to be attracted to the other, but wants other people to "hang out" with so he has a "friendship".
4. One person wants to benefit from hanging out with the other in some way. ex. less time spent sarging by picking up through social circle/social proof etc.

 

[flexion_]

I have no female platonic friends and like it that way.

I have lots of women around in my life that I work with and chat with in various social circles but I think of them as just people I interact with day-to-day - not true close friends. I think you can easily get social proof just by interacting with lots of women versus going to the mall and shopping with them.

Thats just me - if there is some value you folks are looking for from a female platonic friend then have fun.

 

[organizedconfusion]

this is type of shyte is exactly why girls think all guys are idiots and choose only to fvck guys who 'get it'...the way i see is that most guys are soo concerned with sex,labels and all this other macho macheezmo that they often limit themselves severly when it comes to girls.C'mon, it's like if you aren't fvcking a girl, she is completly useless as a human being or something...that has already made alot of guys ..well..like all other guys and no different.'all guys are the same' statement? that's what chicks are talking about.i don't get it, i think that guys and their EGOs are soo protected that instead of seeing a woman as a person and as a human being,all they see them is as something to pawn,prize,and control or manipulate.thinking that it makes them men..give me a break.

i have friends that are girls that i am just friends with, i don't want to bone them or anything..they are attractive,they are fun,they are people...but i am not all desperate or making up imaginary reasons to which 'gee , i should be sleeping with her if i am hanging out with her...' dude,who cares- it's just hanging out or just shooting the shyte for godsake.i view every girl that i am 'just friends' with as like a sister or a distant cousin or something..it's not an issue because i don't make it one, i am not gonna close the door on a girl just because she is a girl and i am not gonna be cool with every girl just in hopes that i can sleep with her..that is such a scarcity and sleezy way of looking at things.if it happens then it happens..it's not like something i am intentionally pursuing anyways.There are girls that i see as potentional GF's ,hook ups- and there are girls that are just friends in my eyes...i treat them all differently , but i respect them all the same.And i don't have any preconcived notions or expectations out of any of them.

If there is a mutual attraction in the friendship, so be it..if there is none but the freindship chemistry is still there,why not? i just think that it's stupid to write someone off soo quickly just because of their sex..it totally disregards their entire existance, just to fill your imaginary bull$hit egos- which is okay, they are better off without your 'friendship' (like it's some kind of goddanged consolation prize or something in the first place). i am not directing this towards anyone in paticular, but it's just statement on the topic. i think it's completly disrespectfull, not only childish to just write an entire gender off like that just because they don't 'conform' to your ..i don't know..whatever the fvck it is. this goes the same for this issue, i not attacking all guys- just the idiots. i think that the guys that are totally against being freinds with girls are the guys that have gotten their balls hurt from getting rejected and this is the only way of protecting themselves from ever happening again...which is okay by me, i don't really care. i think that most guys would be better off with robots, or zombies instead of woman..that way they can literly control the girl without having to really do anything or putting in any real effort.

when i say friend, i mean someone to hang out with,shoot the shyte,pass time or just bvll**** with...i am sure some might try to twist it around to some bvll**** to make validate their beliefs..which is okay..i don't care either way i personaly wouldn't mind having a few dozen female friends while i have a girlfriend...it's like having my cake and eating it too..or something like that ..besides..if you are attractive to EVERYBODY, you should'nt have to ever worry about being alone in the first place :rock:

just some thoughts..feel free to debate about it and question it, hell quote me and pick it apart.i stand firmly in my beliefs and confident enough to allow others their own,whatever works i say :yes:

 

[Jackman]

Since when does social proof come only when you're friends with them?! That's the biggest crock of **** I've ever heard. I can get more SP from women being jealous of each other than anything else.

 

[Jackman]

Organizedconfusion, I don't understand why you seem to think the fact that I don't see platonic friendships with women to be any more beneficial than just dating them seems to mean I have some huge ego, tough guy, BS thing going on.

I don't treat them like a pawn, prize, etc. etc. They want to have sex too you know. They like it just as much as I do. If they really just wanted to be friends they would have said no. But they didn't, and now I'm the egotistical a-hole?

 

[WORKEROUTER]

1. One person is attracted to the other and doesn't want to act on it.
2. One person has been rejected by the other, he/she can't get rid of the attraction so they hope to see it manifest in a friendship.
3. One person used to be attracted to the other, but wants other people to "hang out" with so he has a "friendship".
4. One person wants to benefit from hanging out with the other in some way. ex. less time spent sarging by picking up through social circle/social proof etc.

That's exactly right. One has to question and define the concept of true "friendship."