Hate games...playing or getting played

[iroctransam]

Whats going on Fellas? New on here, reading a for bit though.
Anyhow...looking for advice. I have gotten the women's advice and now looking for advice from my fellow gender ha.
I am in the middle of a separation from my wife, been separated for about 2 years now. I started getting back into the dating game about 8 months ago or such. I haven't dated in about 7 years(been with the same chick for a while).
Well after talking to several women and having relations, I started talking to one that is in the exact same situation as me. She has a daughter(I do as well)and getting divorced. I teach the newbs for my place of employment in the city and she was in my class.
So after her excessive flirting in the 8 hour class, break and after. We went our separate ways. Later on I ran into her during a run at her store. We chatted and she told me to request her on Facebook(I know I know). A few days later she messaged me and we talked(no flirting)for a bit. I simply said "Hey this messenger stuff is a pain, text me instead". She replyed with "I don't have your # dork or I would". So of course I did and we texted for a while.
Well now we have gone out a few times, she even went to to drag race track with me to watch and it was her idea! Every single time, we hold hands, make out, talk for hours on end and forget that what time it is. Always good convo and never boring as we are both laughing and talking the whole time with NO SILENT moments at ALL.
A couple of weeks ago, we were talking on the phone(no text :rockon: ) and she asked me what my thoughts on the differences of "dating" and "seeing each other" was? I answered and she said "love that answer!"
I proceeded to ask what are we doing? Are we seeing each other? She then said "well...I wanna say Maybe but deff leaning towards Yes! I told her no rush as I know her situation and mine as well.
Well she works about 55+ hours a week and then works for us on the weekends about 15 hours. So that's a lot of hours to work plus her daughter time.
I saw her 1 times since she told me "maybe leaning towards yes" for about 20 mins after work one day and that was a week and a half ago.
I haven't seen her since, we talk every day though. She will text me at 6am to say "good Morning!!!" and such. Lately it's slowed down a bit, but if I text she'll go on and on. I ask her to go hangout but she's too tired or is picking up her daughter after work(nothing wrong with that).
I understand she works about 75 hours a week currently but damn...how busy are you not to get about a 30 minute break for a guy she "likes a lot"?
I have played the game and not texted her and when I do it's short and to the point. It seemed to work a bit. I went out monday and didn't text all morning then she told me "Good afternoon party animal!!!". "Hey, good afternoon girly". "You hungover?" Me "Nope, I'm good". Her "Why not?" Me "I rarely get hungover". I stayed out only to 11pm, drank 3 beers. I kept it short and make her wonder. My best gal friend said that she is asking by being humorous but wants to be in the GF position without saying it that way. Not sure how accurate that is.
This is a girl that just last week said when I asked her "are you my girl lol well if you want to be" she replied "I don't mind and I am".
Pretty confusing fellas. I am talking to other girls, going out and such but this is one I actually do like. Any advice for me? Been out of the dating game for a while. She said leaning towards yes but I'm leaning towards :box: lol
Info-I'm 32 and she's 26(same age as my "wife"). Both of us have a daughter and she even talked about next year going on a car rally.
Thanks again and sorry for the LOOOOONG intro.

 

[self-respect]

Don't know where to start. You're too nice. You're fast becoming her pseudo-boyfriend, where she gets all the attention from you and then goes and fcks another guy.

You can't negotiate your way with her to where you want to go. Too much talking and not enough action. If you want her to be your girl, act on it. Escalate when you're together. I take it all you've done is make out with her and hold hands? What are you 15?

If you want to know how she sees you, it's simple - escalate. If she likes it, you're good. If she doesn't, she's using you for attention in which case eject and find another girl. You're not invested.

Take some time to read the DJ Bible.

 

[iroctransam]

LoL that was pretty good bud. No not 15, but I am taking it slow, was a rough end to my marriage.
It escalates, but we both stop. I have no idea why I stop, I have been with other girls in the past 8 months but with this one, it's different for some strange and odd reason. I guess it's different when you actually like them and don't want to just screw them. I was going with the flow but I find myself frustrated now and I haven't been with any of the other girls I talked too before her.
I shall read up on this bible you speak off. Thanks Self, I appreciate the bluntness of your post.

 

[lamobatsman]

Don't know where to start. You're too nice. You're fast becoming her pseudo-boyfriend, where she gets all the attention from you and then goes and fcks another guy.

You can't negotiate your way with her to where you want to go. Too much talking and not enough action. If you want her to be your girl, act on it. Escalate when you're together. I take it all you've done is make out with her and hold hands? What are you 15?

If you want to know how she sees you, it's simple - escalate. If she likes it, you're good. If she doesn't, she's using you for attention in which case eject and find another girl. You're not invested.

Take some time to read the DJ Bible.

how do you do this when she is very busy to meet up and all their time of interaction is on teh fone or text. in this situation how can you tell if she actually likes huim or just using him for attention??

 

[self-respect]

I can certainly understand how the divorce makes you hesitant, however, sugarcoating things won't give you the kick in the pants you need.

Don't put this girl on a pedestal. She needs to get fcked just like every other woman. You've got to be the done doing it if you want her to stick around. As much as she believes what she says, she doesn't have any control over her pu$$y when it starts tingling.

Step back and get back to spinning plates too. Even if you like her, you're on the internet asking for advice about her so you know you can't trust her yet. Leave yourself with other options so that you're not needy.

 

[self-respect]

how do you do this when she is very busy to meet up and all their time of interaction is on teh fone or text. in this situation how can you tell if she actually likes huim or just using him for attention??

If she wanted to fck him, she would have made time during the 10 days since they last talked. She didn't get the answer she wanted from her question / sh!t test and backed off because of it. But she's happily still eating up his attention. Seen this before.

 

[lamobatsman]

If she wanted to fck him, she would have made time during the 10 days since they last talked. She didn't get the answer she wanted from her question / sh!t test and backed off because of it. But she's happily still eating up his attention. Seen this before.

what question and what answer??

 

[iroctransam]

Actually Self, you hit it right on bud. It was a hard thing on me but I do need that motivation or "kick in the nads".
I have options that I talk to, just actually liked this chick but yeah, can't put her on a pedestal. As much as I do like this chick, if she wants me, she can earn me too, not just me doing it.
Hahaha she just text me.

 

[iroctransam]

Hey Self, are you saying that when she asked what I thought the differences between dating and seeing each other were, I answered wrong? What do you think I should have said as a response to her question instead? She did say she was mine at one point. Either way, I can see where I went wrong, I have no doubt I can still correct this little problem.

 

[self-respect]

Well now we have gone out a few times, she even went to to drag race track with me to watch and it was her idea! Every single time, we hold hands, make out, talk for hours on end and forget that what time it is. Always good convo and never boring as we are both laughing and talking the whole time with NO SILENT moments at ALL.

At this point she's into you. She had the time then to go out with you a few times. Definitely wanted you to bone her.

A couple of weeks ago, we were talking on the phone(no text :rockon: ) and she asked me what my thoughts on the differences of "dating" and "seeing each other" was? I answered and she said "love that answer!"
I proceeded to ask what are we doing? Are we seeing each other? She then said "well...I wanna say Maybe but deff leaning towards Yes! I told her no rush as I know her situation and mine as well.

Here's where she got the thought in her head that she could get your attention without putting out. Leaning toward yes? First of all, don't ask that question. Be more confident in yourself as the authority. If you're seeing her then that's it. But if you do, the answer should be of course.

I saw her 1 times since she told me "maybe leaning towards yes" for about 20 mins after work one day and that was a week and a half ago.
I haven't seen her since, we talk every day though. She will text me at 6am to say "good Morning!!!" and such. Lately it's slowed down a bit, but if I text she'll go on and on. I ask her to go hangout but she's too tired or is picking up her daughter after work(nothing wrong with that).

Now she's too tired. Talks to you with these girly things like good morning and tells you she's your girl, but when it's time to see you she's too tired. She doesn't even pretend to be busy. Sounds like she sees you as an emotional boyfriend.

It's not confusing. Follow her actions not her words. Reclaim your frame. Make it subtly clear to her that if she's all talk you're not interested in that. If you want this to go further, you want her totally into you.

 

[iroctransam]

Ok Self...I am gonna see her for sure sunday for a bit.
What do you suggest I say or do?
I'm also heading out for some brews with friends, thought about throwing that out there to her. Should I ask her or tell her I am going if she wants to go? Or what

 

[iroctransam]

Update: She text me after I said I was gonna go out. I said "well I'm going out, if you wanna come and chill with me, I'll be at Ale House, come bye I'll buy you a few drinks and perhaps get your temp rising ; ). She replied with a "oh really??? Gonna give me some spicy food or what? I replied "yup, I sure am. Only way your gonna find out is if you come out, ball in your court". Said "true".
Let's see.