Has her IL dropped after my stuff ups? How do I proceed?

[Tomo]

My DJ skills finally came into play as I threw all caution to the wind with my newest HB. She's one of the high quality HB's. Looks in the 7s but of firm family and moral grounding (or so she says). She's the type that opts for movies in with friends over going out and partying. First date (of which she still raves about) kissed closed, second date making out. By the third we were naked and making out (no sex as she was not sure where 'we' were going). Fourth date she took my v-plates (I didn't tell her til afterwards although she took it ok). It was pretty awkward but I still made sure she orgasm'd with my other skills. We spent the next day together and everything seemed great. All this within a few weeks. She was still planning trips for me to head over to hers for a visit as she was leaving overseas before returning interstate (where she is from) when I left that day.

Then this happened: It was the next day after that night we first slept together and that afternoon, we had planned a more or less spontaneous meet up that night but I had things come in my way and it became a late night 10pm thing (more or less a booty call?). Anyways after having to push back the time, she messaged me to say that she was too tired and would not be good company. I of course 'agreed and amplified' and left it, telling her to let me know when she was up for meeting up again. Previously, I'd get an alternative offer but not tonight. So this sent me into a spiral because I've realised I've developed oneitis for her. Fair enough the quick reply after about her feeling bad seemed genuine but am I over thinking this that her IL must be dropping? I know I should not have asked her out again that night but it was a spontaneous thing.

 

[Driggs]

I would back off right away if I were you. Go no contact until she gets in touch. Say nothing about it, just vanish. If she doesn't contact you forget her.

 

[Jariel]

I'm guessing that it's because you've developed oneitis for her and giving off a few subliminal signals. Sometimes when we get like this and things seem so perfect, it only takes a small dip in her attention and we can start thinking the worst and get paranoid.

What you have to understand is that no girl shows constant interest. One day she could be talking about marrying you, then the next she's not responding to your texts. It's just their natural behaviour and if we chase or push when they back away, then they back away even more.

Best thing to do is to mirror her. If she's acting cool, play cool. If she cancels on you, wait for her to contact you.

I can see from your post that the paranoia and desperation is kicking in and you CANNOT let her see this!

Above all, have patience. This is a virtue so few of us men posess and yet it can be your greatest power once you master it.

 

[NewJack]

What you have to understand is that no girl shows constant interest. One day she could be talking about marrying you, then the next she's not responding to your texts. It's just their natural behaviour and if we chase or push when they back away, then they back away even more.

I concur. When a woman creates a vacuum (i.e. goes silent) - EVERYTHING that you read into it is your own insecurities speaking. This is a chance to study yourself, why are you freaking out - not a chance to "apply a quick fix to get back with her". That will happen or it wont depending on her, not your next move.

I love that vacuum. Because the girls I like most, when they take a few days to respond or are otherwise delayed, they frighten the fvck out of me and I have to face all my fears that they stir up in me. Then, almost inevitably, you find out that it was fine and its still on, she still likes you, just had something else going on or just has a lazy texting style.

And how many relationships have we destroyed, just because of what we read into that silence? I have at least one.

So yeah, you want to man up and all that, become a stronger man and all that: face this silence, make it your teacher. Learn the lessons of that silence, and when you can coexist with it, then... I don't know, you'll win some candy or something.

 

[Tomo]

Thanks guys, as this is my first proper relationship, I need all the help I can get! This new type of silence is most definately a new feeling to me. Yeah, dating her, I've turned my whole outlook around and based it on indifference and not being needy. I actually call if I need to talk to her as opposed to messaging and have taken the lead as a man should.

Obviously I'm not initiating now until she does but how do I stop myself from falling into this trap again? The reason last night I had this full AFC post was because everything I had planned - friends, party etc then meeting HB just fell apart and I needed to vent my frustration! I am not sure if that is even good.