Has anyone ever successfully regained interest level?

[GreyedOut]

I'm not looking to salvage anything here, but I find a very common question on this forum is "how do I get my ex back" or "I screwed up, how do I fix it".

I've been in this situation multiple times and I'm currently facing it now. I have never been successful in recovering from this and I'm starting to assume it's a done deal. I remember reading some PUA stuff where someone compared the girls interest level to a cup. You need to fill it gradually but it can be emptied suddenly. I spent a few weeks gradually filling this girls cup to a point of overflowing. In one single moment I almost completely emptied it. There's still something left...but I can't imagine it's recoverable.

The thing is, I've accepted the more common probability that it's over. I'm actually interested in being friends with this girl and I can't believe I'm saying that. I never thought I'd be able to be friends with a girl after being more with her. This is a big step for me...(no homo).

Anyways, back on topic.

Has anyone successfully recovered from this? From my experience I'm starting to think there is no direct way to recover. The only appropriate response is an indirect approach. So for example, my current mentality may actually help me recover from this. By accepting the thought of being friends, I have already started to redirect my energy towards my own life and looking for other girls. This should indirectly increase the current girls interest level as I make myself less available and if she catches a wiff of other girls.

If I took a direct approach by trying to fix what I have with this girl, I imagine it will only push her away through too much interest.

I think the golden rule is to always show as much or less interest then the girl. Once it's fallen to a certain point, showing as much or less interest is practically no interest at all. This is why it's so difficult to recover. You're walking on thin ice and the cup has so little left, the smallest mistake can finish everything. Your game has to get tighter.

Hmmm...I'm starting to enjoy this...

 

[Alex DeLarge]

The only time I have ever got interest back, is from girls who I dumped.. Then a few months later call them up when I'm drunk or horny lol.

 

[Hakuna]

Yah, it's a bad idea but it's POSSIBLE if that's what you're wondering.

For me the key was gaming her best friend & being perceived differently. Going to the gym and looking different helps, as does gaining social proof via some new development.

 

[Scars]

Only after cutting contact and fvcking other girls.

But by then, you honestly don't care about her anymore.

I missed my ex for the longest time, but after the break up I swore to myself I wouldn't speak to her, no matter what. And that's what I did, and I started seeing other girls. She realized I had her blocked from myspace, and I wasn't answering her calls/texts because I blocked her from everything. Nowadays, she is still trying to get at me. Using mutual friends to tell me that she "misses me" and how I should "talk to her". Noooope. Of course, now, I don't really give a sh!t. You need to have the same attitude brother. If you can't do all that, then don't bother. Or if anything, fake it until you make it. You need to make her believe you absolutely could give two sh!ts, about her. And no words you say can make her realize this, you must speak through your ACTIONS.

-Scars

 

[bigneil]

Scars is right.

The only time I ever regained interest level was years after we broke up. You can basically start new after a complete separation - BUT you will never really believe they are "the one" again. The bond won't be as pure or strong.

It happens bro - hang in there.

Bob Seger said it best:

"Some people say that love's a losing game
You start with fire but you lose the flame
The ashes smoulder but the warmth's soon gone
You end up cold and lonely on your own".

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

The only girl whose interest level I regained ended up toying with me as a result of her renewed interest and in the end just left me upside down from it. I was pretty messed up. Never happened since and never will (both being so messed up over a girl and bothering to try to play tricks to renew lost interest).

 

[BadNews]

Being "friends" with her is NOT going to help you regain interest level..I can absolutely 110% guarantee you that! The only way to regain interest level is completely cut her off...preferably BEFORE she cuts you off, and BEFORE her interest level reaches rock bottom.

It is possible to regain interest level, but often times it isn't worth it...as things will never been the same. The relationship has been tarnished. Your best bet is to cut her off, focus on other things in your life and other women..and if there is a chance of anything actually coming from it, you'll start fresh with her down the road.

I managed to regain the interest of my ex after she said she "needed space"...I completely cut her off for a couple months, and she was begging me to come back. I tried to rebuild our relationship (was a very long LTR), but like I said, things will never be the same..and ended up ending it myself a year later.

Cut her off again, and she still messages me every now and then to "see how I'm doing" haha. She wants it, but I've moved on and couldn't be happier!

I guess my main point is, cut her off..focus on other things. If she regains some interest and YOU'RE still interested, go for it...if not you'll likely have moved on in the meantime anyways!

 

[DCC]

I'm trying this now, but as I've posted before...I think the drop in IL was due to some weird family issues. She's slowly starting to come around, methinks. She's flirtier with me than ever before, she's starting to initiate contact. Definitely not an AW. Mutual friend started talking about us as an item again, and told me that I just need a bit of patience.

Note: I come to the forum for advice, but I'm not a DJ. I'm looking for an LTR and honestly, all I really want is one woman. Especially considering I'm entering ministry.

 

[Tortendieb]

Yeah man it happens. Just not in the short term. As long as you want her there's not much you can do. Once you're over her of course, she'll come back - and you end up dumping the girl you wanted so bad.

 

[mahoney]

the only was to regain interest level is to....be more interesting!

i know it sounds trite and obvious but its self-explanatory - as per usual dudes here think the answer is just to go non-contact in some weird belief that it will suddenly make them seem mysterious and exciting (doesnt really address the underlying issue that if the girl were to contact them again they'd be right back at square one once dude reconfirmed how boring he is)

don't be needy, don't storm off in a huff, don't delete your whole life trying to look mysterious....improve yourself! become more interesting, less needy, more exciting, more fun - and do these things anyway

 

[sinnerman]

mahoney is correct..go less-contact and become more interesting..being friends with her is a trojan horse your mind creates..what you really want is to be in touch in the hope to regain her interest.i'd say dont put a label on it.go very bare contact on her.let her initiate all conversations.

 

[mahoney]

i didn't quite say that though!

reduce contact sure, but going no-contact or very low-contact is a bit melodramatic and silly - as long as you are not at either extreme with contact you should be ok

its not the amount of contact - its the nature of the contact. dont focus on how often you speak to a person focus on what you say

at the end of the day, if you are an interesting, fun, exciting person - then...people will find you interesting, fun and exciting! if you are a boring person - then reducing contact isn't really going to help you - because that isn't really your problem

 

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

same thing other guys have done. A past girlfriend dumped me; I didnt take it well and it became a terrible breakup ending with her telling me she hates me and to never talk to her again. So I blocked her on facebook and moved on.

For a whole year I guess she had friends telling her who I was dating and hooking up with. She couldnt handle it and called me one night crying and asking for me to take her back. lol