Hardest time of my life...I really just need some guys to read and respond

[217]

Thank you for reading this. I'm not trying to get advice on some one-itis or a pickup line. I'm just at a really difficult time in my life and well, I just need some input.

Giving away this much detail much ruin my anonymity...but I just need to talk.

I'm 22. I have a 4 year old and 1 year old. I was married 4 years when our home burnt down in December. It was traumatic and our dog even died. The insurance process has consumed my life. In January, my wife said she was leaving me. I didn't take it well. I read some books from psychotherapists and marriage counselors and I have REALLY gotten over it. It's been an amazing transformation.

I had read sosuave material back in highschool but kind of dropped it, being married and all! Well one night a few weeks back, I met a girl at a bar. It all came back to me. Talking about her passions, C&F, the kino, etc... I took her back to my place. We didn't "f-close" but I was happy to make out and hold her overnight.

So that thrust me into the dating mentality. I continued to step up my inner game and registered on SS again. I've been working out, dressing nicer, etc... I even have gotten several numbers and have 3 or 4 girls I can setup dates with.

Well, I went on a date with that girl from the bar finally. I was certainly not on game. To sum it up, I didn't pull AFC moves but I certainly wasn't pulling DJ moves either. It was a half hour drive, then bowling, ice cream, half hour drive back. It was too long for a first date, 2 1/2 hours. Just hugged her at the end. She gave mixed IOS. Heavy EC, smiling...but the kino wasn't really there and well, I just didn't "feel it"

So I got to thinking...why didn't I game well. I realized something. I think I went into this new dating process with the idea that I would meet a girl. I'd get to know her, find some crazy trait she had and go NEXT. Eventually, I would build up a set of rules....she MUST have this trait and CANT have this trait. I think I tried to sabotage it. I just couldn't find a problem with her and it scared me. Like I'm scared of one-itis or an LTR maybe. Maybe this girl shouldn't have been my first out of the box.

I've got a couple other girls that are interested. I'll probably pursue them. I'm just lost.

Do I chaulk this up to fear of committment? Is it the unhealthy start of one-itis? Or is it time to break the rules and tell her "hey" and explain it. Like I'm afraid of committment and she surprised me by not being well...crazy.

Your thoughts? And thanks. I REALLY needed to vent.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It sounds like you have had to deal with a lot for only being 22. That would wear on anyone.

Now for the constructive insults

bowling, ice cream

First of all, why are you eating ice cream in February? And I bet that bowling isn't really your thing, either. You're just doing those things because you think you're supposed to, not because they are truly fun to you. That's why it came off as forced, because it was. She's not going to have fun if you're not, and that was the difference between the two times you were together.

 

[AlphaNate]

You pretty much pointed out all your own mistakes. Being able to discern what you did incorrectly is important. The fact that you've been out of the game for four years and didn't have a good first date is not surprising.

If I were you, I'd hit up a few of those other girls or maybe try to meet some new girls.

 

[sighsigh]

Well, you certainly leapt into adult life quickly.

Your thinking is characteristic of an AFC. You shouldn't even be thinking about concepts like LTR and marriage when you take a girl out. But you do, and you nit-pick about a girl's particular traits because you are screening the girl to determine if she is potential LTR material or not, or potential marriage material or not. You shouldn't think like that. It should all be baby steps. The purpose of the date isn't so you can eventually propose and marry and have a baby with her... it's just to hang out and have fun with her. And you can include that to have sex. If the only purpose of the girl is to provide you with fun and to provide you with sex, then what does it matter if she has one trait or another as long as she can provide these things?

A 30-minute one-way commute (which is just sitting in close proximity together with no action) isn't doing anybody any favors. And yeah the date was too long, but you realize that.

 

[217]

Thank you. You guys sure tell it like if is. Right girl wrong time...might as well just be wrong girl.

As Tyler Durden said:
"You met me at a very strange time in my life"

 

[shizz702]

Hats off to you for all you have overcame and the positive attitude you maintain throughout it.

Don't be too hard on yourself, take it easy and go with the flow.

Sure you might have been a little rusty this time around but you will hone and polish your skills back up to snuff after a few more rounds.

The important thing here like another poster mentioned is to HAVE FUN and genuinely enjoy yourself when you are with these chicks. That will radiate onto them and if she is feeling you she will thrive off it.

Good luck with your other plates and best wishes bro.

 

[oxford comma]

Thank you. You guys sure tell it like if is. Right girl wrong time...might as well just be wrong girl.

As Tyler Durden said:
"You met me at a very strange time in my life"

technically, "narrator" said that, not tyler