"Happy Birthday!" or not?

[InLawsHateMe]

GF and I have been fighting since last Thursday. Called her last Thursday to see how she is doing (She's pregnant and throwing up all over the place) she said she's still throwing up. I offered to do something nice, it turned into an arguement, cuz she's and ingrate. So I avoided calling her for a few days. She calls me 4 times Saturday, asking me to come with her to her sister's graduation. I hestitated, and after thinking it over, I went, besides my better judgement. Told her to hold me a seat. I get there, there's no seat for me within her family. She said she just got there, and she was sorry. I sat three rows behind her family. She fought to get me a seat next to her, I opted to stay where I was. After some dirty looks from her family members, I left. Talked to her last night, another arguement, I hung up.... today is her birthday. Don't know what exactly to do here... my question is....

1. Do I call her or not?
2. What should I say if I do? (besides Happy Birthday)
3. By leaving the graduation, does that put a fork in out relationship?

Some people, no matter how much you do for them....

 

[Legend]

Is she having your baby? I hope its not some others dudes.

I see this lot with pregnant women. Its like they go crazy....but you have to work thru it. Its all her fault that the relationship is going sour, not yours. You are doing your best and shes not appreciating it, it seems. Its just the nature of pregnant chicks, you cant do enough to please them. Today is her birthday, i say just take her out to eat and act like everything is alright.

If she brings up why you two are fighting then talk it over. Say you are treating me like pure shyt and i'm not going to take it.

I bet she wont even bring it up because its not her it all the hormones flowing in her body.

If she says anything about you leaving the graduation party just say you felt sick and that you did'nt have a seat. Or i would'nt even give her a reason why. Just because they ask a question does'nt mean they will get an answer.

So...call her, if you dont she will use it against you in the future. "remember that time you did'nt even call me on my birthday when i was pregnant with your child".

Good luck man

-John

 

[InLawsHateMe]

hehe it's mine Legend. ....I want to call her but... how do you go form hanging up on her, to wishing her a happy birthday day and taking her out? I mean, it's what I want to do just not sure how well it will come off. Last night's fight was pretty heated. We have the ultra-sound Thursday and I don't want to miss that and I feel that if I don't call her, I'll miss it. I also feel that if I do call her, then she may think she's right.

 

[Legend]

you are in a tough situation. Its like you are damned if you do and your are damned if you dont. I say swallow you pride and make up with her, even though you did nothing wrong. Just stop by her place and say i'm taking you out for lunch or dinner. I bet if with that heated fight she'll probably forget about it and want to go out.

What girl wants to stay home and do nothing for her birthday.....how old are both of you?

 

[InLawsHateMe]

She's 26, I'm 33.... I seriously doubt that she'll be home tonight if I don't take her out. She's got a HUGE family. It almost seems that there's a birthday every month. Her fmaily will throw her a party like they do every year.

I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

How about I email her a birthday wish? I put off the risk of any chance that she's so pissed off she doesn't want to speak to me. ????? ...at the same time, she gets a birthday from me, leaving room open for convo is she decides too.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

OK!! ..she called me this morning... wished her 'Happy Birthday' asked her out to dinner, she accepted. Damage control in effect.

 

[Monkey]

From what I can see, this girl is having your baby and all you can think about is playing games!?!

Cut all this crap and be there for her.

Arguing is pointless and childish, an argument only happens if two people let it happen. The next time she starts arguing or screaming DON'T retaliate or let it continue, its very easy to do.

This isn't the time to prove you're still the 'DJ' all that goes out the window, right now this girl needs you to be a MAN and you're coming across like an immature teenager.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

I will try to remember that Monkey... she means everything to me. Just trying to handle the craziness that goes with dealing with her hormones. She's getting really emotional at times, and before she was pregnant, I'd put my foot down. Now, do I just bite my tongue and let her boss me around? How do you say 'enough is enough' to a woman you love very much, that is going to have your baby? Do you say it at all?

 

[Monkey]

I'd say let her scream and shout as much as she likes and when she's finished don't respond to any of her 'attacks' just talk to her softly and in control.

Obviously if she wasnt having a baby and acted like this then 'goodbye' but shes having a baby with you, you already have a big commitment to each other. Be the strong rock that she needs.

Let her have her hormonal tantrums, but allow it to completely wash over you.

Good luck

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Do you have nay kids Monkey? The reason why I ask is, I may be hitting you up for some more info as this goes on. Again, thanks for the strong words, and advise.

Thanks again Legend.

 

[Monkey]

Don't have any kids but I've had enough arguments with women to know one thing.

A women will argue with you until shes blue in the face, even if she knows shes wrong.

I think they do it becasue they know physically they are the weaker sex so they have to win with words at any cost.

I could recall so many times with past gfs when I knew for certain they were wrong yet they still had to drag an argument out for hours and make me feel bad about it.

If you let them say what they have to say and don't counter attack, you'll give them nothing to continue the argument and they'll end up burning themselves out

 

[Starman]

What we have here is a BREAKDOWN in communiCATION!

Listen man,

You have your differences..but should put aside your pride for just a moment and think this through.

#1 you are having a power struggle

you are upset about the way she has been treating you, and are trying to show her your anger by not calling her..and being distant.

You need to become the better person and understand..this isnt your typical boy/girl situation. She is pregnant with your baby. You pretty much have her by the balls(so to speak).

Like the guys said. She may be overly emotional from the surge of hormones right now.

Take her out to dinner..and just say "I really care about you and Im just frustrated at the way you have been treating me lately"

Bottom Line is .. you KNOW you are going to make up sooner or later. Tell her your issues..but DONT get into it at dinner etc..Just say "I just want to tell you whats on my mind..I dont want to fight or argue" then if you can pull it off..take her out and let her think about what you said.

If you ignore her birthday..you will be in a worse situation than NOW.

 

[Bungo Pony]

Take her out to dinner..and just say "I really care about you and Im just frustrated at the way you have been treating me lately."

There's a good way to start an arguement in a public place. Personally I would say "I'm having a difficult time dealing with you in your pregnant state, but I care deeply about you", then turn the subject to something else (ie all the cool junk you can buy your kid). You might want to educate yourself a bit on pregnant women. Their hormones are flying around like crazy, and they're going to be extremely unpredictable. One minute they could be yelling, another minute they could be crying, another minute they could be vomitting.

 

[Ronin I]

I wonder if her behavior isn't some backwards test to see if you are going to stick around for the long haul. I mean she's pregnant with your baby but you guys aren't married so in the back of her mind I'm sure she's worried about the possibility of you taking off and leaving her a single mom.

So she treats you like sh!t as a way of testing how much you really care for her.

I would just sit down and very calmly let her know that you're not happy with how she's been treating you but that you understand that she's going through some severe mood swings etc. due to her hormones. Then just reassure her that you'll be there for her and that you guys will work through this stuff. Recoginize that there is a long road ahead of both of you and that nothing worthwhile is easy.

 

[Starman]

Bungo,

There is no way to delicately get into this tense relationship..without somehow discussing what happened.

Ive been in situations like this before..where two or more people are still harboring anger..and are forced to engage in each others company.

The body language is all too blatant..and it usually erupts in a fight or argument.

His problem..is that he knew her birthday was coming..but waited the last second to find out how to break the tension and whether to discuss their issues.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Thanks Bungo... your suggestion of words over dinner is excellent. I am truly lucky to have buds like you to help me through this.

Thanks Star, it is a power struggle, which at one time, I did have the upper hand, now, with her pregnant, it's a whole new ball game. You're right though.. I've got a lot of work to do as far as learning how to deal with these strange new situations.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by Ronin I
I wonder if her behavior isn't some backwards test to see if you are going to stick around for the long haul. I mean she's pregnant with your baby but you guys aren't married so in the back of her mind I'm sure she's worried about the possibility of you taking off and leaving her a single mom.

So she treats you like sh!t as a way of testing how much you really care for her.

I would just sit down and very calmly let her know that you're not happy with how she's been treating you but that you understand that she's going through some severe mood swings etc. due to her hormones. Then just reassure her that you'll be there for her and that you guys will work through this stuff. Recoginize that there is a long road ahead of both of you and that nothing worthwhile is easy.

I think you may have something there Ronin.... I wondered about this as well. When she called me today, she was sobering, and asked me 'I haven't heard from you all weekend, where have you been, what have you been up to, why didn't you want to call me anymore?'

"nothing worthwhile is easy." So true....

 

[GirlCrazy]

My advice is to be patient, understanding and compassionate about her situation. A woman carrying a baby is like PMSx10. You are going to see her go through the whole range of mood swings. She probably understands that better than you do, and will be glad you accept what she is going through. Sounds like you need to cut her a little more slack. It's not as bad as it looks right now man, it's really not.

Not to burst your bubble but the hard part is once she actually gives birth and you guys will be even more cranky from lack of sleep and snap at each other more. These are some of the biggest issues that make or break a relationship, so it's better to learn to solve these sorts of problems sooner rather than later. Like Starman said it's all about communication.

Good luck man I feel for ya!

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by GirlCrazy
A woman carrying a baby is like PMSx10.
Good luck man I feel for ya!

WTF?!?!?! ...and thanks for the warning.