It has now been two months since my girlfriend broke up with me. She broke up with me because she is only 20 years old, in college, and just wants to be by herself for awhile so she can figure out who she is. This was hard for me to realize at first because it shocked me a little, but in the time since I have come to respect her decision. It was hard for awhile knowing that there were no other guys in the equation, and that we couldn't be together anymore even though we never lost feelings for each other, but I have since learned to move on. The thing is...I think she still thought we would be a part of each other's lives. We tried it for a little while, but eventually I couldn't take it and told it would be too hard to be friends, and that the only way we would truly move on is to learn to live our lives without each other. I gave her the 'all or nothing' speech saying how I cared a lot about her, but being friends just wouldn't work. I don't think she expected me to follow through with this, and it has been about 3 weeks since I have communicated with her. She has attempted to make small talk with me a few times, and I have ignored her as a way of showing that I was serious this time. Well, just today, she finally gave in and sent me a text asking me to please not ignore her and that she really misses me and wants to see me. Following through with my 'all or nothing' mentality, I politely told her that that wouldn't be a very good idea. I am not going to be her emotional outlet, and just see her every couple months when she misses me. I guess what I'm asking is...obviously she still cares a lot about me, and although she doesn't regret her decision to be on her own, she clearly isn't ready to remove me from her life. That being said, I know I can't be the poor sap that keeps going back. Do you think she will eventually give up trying to contact me? I'm not saying I am going to wait around for her (I definitely haven't up til this point), but if at some point in the future we realize we want to try and work things out again, will I lose her forever if I keep ignoring her now? She can't just hide her feelings like that can she? I feel I am doing a good job showing I can live my life without her, and that I am the prize here, and I think it is getting to her. Should I continue to display this?
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Handling 'Moving On'
- Thread starter A-Man2151
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
Don't believe whatever bs reason she gave you for wanting to break up; women say anything to try and not hurt your feelings. She dumped you because her interest in you dropped; that's how it is every time a woman dumps a man. Interest level is really all that matters.
It seems that you are doing well, no reason to change what is working. I hope you are seeing other girls, as that will make things a lot easier for you. She will likely keep contacting you until she falls for another guy, then you won't here from her until she gets bored of the new guy, however long that takes. You are doing the right thing with the 'all or nothing' approach.
Both of you are on the brink of seeing other people, if she is not already. That's going to hurt when you find out, or it will hurt her when she finds out about your new girl. Women are good at beating us at finding someone new, which is why guys are often more miserable in a breakup. If you are having sex with new women, you will be a lot more insulated from being hurt over her, and that is also the best way to play ambivalent to get her back - actually being ambivalent because you have plenty of options.
It seems that you are doing well, no reason to change what is working. I hope you are seeing other girls, as that will make things a lot easier for you. She will likely keep contacting you until she falls for another guy, then you won't here from her until she gets bored of the new guy, however long that takes. You are doing the right thing with the 'all or nothing' approach.
Both of you are on the brink of seeing other people, if she is not already. That's going to hurt when you find out, or it will hurt her when she finds out about your new girl. Women are good at beating us at finding someone new, which is why guys are often more miserable in a breakup. If you are having sex with new women, you will be a lot more insulated from being hurt over her, and that is also the best way to play ambivalent to get her back - actually being ambivalent because you have plenty of options.
The reasons it didn't work out with her and she didn't want to be with you anymore and voted with her feet, could probably still exist in the future as well. If in X years of not hearing from you she looks back and wants you, trust me, she'll contact you. Not that you may want that by then.
Ignore her, because she only contacts you now when she "misses" you, which means this: "Things aren't going so well with these other turkeys I've been meeting lately... sigh. Hey! Let me give A-Man a call! He'll stroke my ego some and I'll feel better!"
Stay strict on the No Contact policy and enforce it.
Purple-Haze
Senior Don Juan
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- Mar 31, 2008
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I agree with the sentiments of the above two posters.
Her interest in you has dropped, this is why she broke it off with you. Stick with no contact and allow both yourself and her to really move on from this.
Remember that NC includes doing things FOR YOURSELF (i.e. hanging out with your friends, working on your body, doings things you enjoy, etc) - do not do it thinking, "I wonder what she's thinking...will she call? does she miss me?" This will only hold you back.
Accept that she left you and by virtue of this action, she no longer wants you. There is nothing you can do but move on and look out for yourself and your interests. Do not sit and stew on possibilities.
And good for you for being persistent with the NC. Do not become her emotional crutch, her soft pillow of comfort - let her know that once you stopped being lovers, she gave up all "rights" to that part of you.
Her interest in you has dropped, this is why she broke it off with you. Stick with no contact and allow both yourself and her to really move on from this.
Remember that NC includes doing things FOR YOURSELF (i.e. hanging out with your friends, working on your body, doings things you enjoy, etc) - do not do it thinking, "I wonder what she's thinking...will she call? does she miss me?" This will only hold you back.
Accept that she left you and by virtue of this action, she no longer wants you. There is nothing you can do but move on and look out for yourself and your interests. Do not sit and stew on possibilities.
And good for you for being persistent with the NC. Do not become her emotional crutch, her soft pillow of comfort - let her know that once you stopped being lovers, she gave up all "rights" to that part of you.
Rata Blanca
Senior Don Juan
Soon she will start flirting with you and will be "touchy", touchy", once you flirt back she will lose interest once again.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
MacAvoy
Banned
I'm only posting here becuase I want you to know that you've gotten some great advice and to not ignore it and think why have only 3 people replied to my thread. BibleBelt hit it on the head when he said that "women say anything to try and not hurt your feelings" however they don't realize that they actually do more damage by spewing this BS than the truth.
What is most important here and what your not realizing and I'm surpised the mysogynists haven't jumped in yet to tell you that she's banging the college town. However I'm going to have to side with them on this one. I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that she dumped you because of all the new prospects at college.
However I can actually respect this women for dumping you and allowing you to move on, she isn't stringing you along while she's taking someone else's cawk in her every other night.
Most importantly though, don't fall for the we must be friends crap, YOU must go the no contact route. That is key, like purple said, don't be her crutch, you have enough friends, you don't need more.
What is most important here and what your not realizing and I'm surpised the mysogynists haven't jumped in yet to tell you that she's banging the college town. However I'm going to have to side with them on this one. I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that she dumped you because of all the new prospects at college.
However I can actually respect this women for dumping you and allowing you to move on, she isn't stringing you along while she's taking someone else's cawk in her every other night.
Most importantly though, don't fall for the we must be friends crap, YOU must go the no contact route. That is key, like purple said, don't be her crutch, you have enough friends, you don't need more.
KontrollerX
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2005
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"I'm surpised the mysogynists haven't jumped in yet to tell you that she's banging the college town."
She's banging the college town!!!
Seriously though dude Mac and Bible Belt especially have given you some great advice.
I hope you listen to it.
She's banging the college town!!!
Seriously though dude Mac and Bible Belt especially have given you some great advice.
I hope you listen to it.
MacAvoy
Banned
KontrollerX said:She's banging the college town!!!
Backup finally arrives, what took you guys so long. Seriously dude, she's banging the college town.The Bat said: