Half of you are try-hards... why the focus on talking?

[Alphathree]

"Friends talk... lovers make love" or however it goes. You expend a TON of energy trying to whip up a firestorm of words with women. Why?

She's not sitting there thinking, "His words are so sexy, the way he arranges them into sentences, and the way he talks about his mother, oh, it's just so cool!"

TRUE, once you have generated attraction and have kissed, cuddled, or otherwise been somewhat intimate with her, you're going to need to do a lot of TALKING to learn about each other before she'll have sex with you (except in a ONS scenario). At this stage of the game, it should be easy anyway. There's not a lot of pressure to "say the right thing." No one needs advice here.

Even on cold approaches, I'm telling you, don't shoot yourself in the foot by using too many words. Cool and laid back, remember? Doing what you want to do, remember?

You are using WORDS to convey TRAITS. Maybe you speak with a deep voice, maybe you're particularly funny (I hope you don't come off as goofy), maybe your words convey confidence. It doesn't take many words to show these properties, and sometimes none at all.

I personally use words to:
- convey the above traits
- direct her actions
- express my thoughts about her or the world around us: CURRENT EXPERIENCES, not story telling. (This has the effect of drawing her into your reality because everything is seen through the pair of glasses that is YOU.)

I read you guys saying "there are lulls in the conversation" and "I don't know what to say to her" and I scratch my head. Friggin don't say anything to her if you don't have anything to say! Doing otherwise is try hard!

You're running your life, and anything you say to her is just incidental until she proves herself to you.

Also, things not to say include:
- talking about yourself in any way, but especially not bragging
- complimenting her from a context of "getting her to like you"

If you must be a blabbering idiot, say things that are relevant to your current experience. You will suck her into your reality. It doesn't have to be big things. Just your interpretation of whatever is going on.

You can analyze the body language of other couples. You can show vulnerability, sparingly. Hell, I had a bunch of girls laughing the other day because I was using an old-fashioned pencil and I went on a monologue rant about how wonderful it was. (These girls were writers, it was context specific)

You will literally SEE the attraction building when you speak your mind freely. It's called being authentic, genuine. It's a requirement for good game.

 

[milkman]

Originally posted by Alphathree
being authentic, genuine

Yes, that is great.

 

[Jariel]

Excellent advice! I used to get caught up in all this trivial verbal nonsense too and actually believed if I said the right thing (like some magic word) I'd get a woman interested in me. Duh?!

Drop the sales pitches and trying to qualify yourselves and focus on being good company. Let her experience how great it is to be with you, make her feel good about being with you and leave her wanting to see you again and again.

 

[penkitten]

sometimes less is more.

 

[Q-Pid]

Originally posted by penkitten
sometimes less is more.

Oh the inuendo.

 

[pimpfromdayone]

If I did only what I wanted, I wouldn't get very far... haha. j/k man I know what you mean. Everything should be action. Problem is, it's hard to do actions when you're on the dam-n phone, so you have to at least have basic convo skills. But I agree with you. The worst thing I see guys do when hitting on girls is they will sit there and start talking about a bunch of boring stuff only they care about, or normal convo like they're talking to grandma, and that is horrible. If you're gonna talk, at least keep it interesting.

 

[DjDreamer]

Yep... dependency on words can be oh so problematic... it can results in awkward pauses and pretentiousness... one can even make the mental mishap of using a big word in a wrong manner due to trying to impress a chick with vocabulary...

An old saying goes it's best to keep your mouth shut and be perceived as wise then open up your mouth and remove all doubt...now that makes hella lot of sense... afterall... a master Don Juan be seductive when speaking nonsensical jibberish...

 

[h2o]

Originally posted by Alphathree

You will literally SEE the attraction building when you speak your mind freely. It's called being authentic, genuine. It's a requirement for good game.

This is a very very very very very very very very very important point that more people need to read. Good post.

 

[pimpfromdayone]

quote:
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Originally posted by Alphathree

You will literally SEE the attraction building when you speak your mind freely. It's called being authentic, genuine. It's a requirement for good game.
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I don't mean to be a smartass, but for some people, speaking their mind freely is a bad thing: we have people who are very boring and, as I said before, talk to women like they're talking to grandma. I suppose as long as you're not boring her, talking about yourself too much, or talking like runaway train, you should be fine being genuine. Also I might add that you should never tell her how much you like her early on in the game and you should not talk about your feelings either.... there is a limit to how genuine you should be. If I were being COMPLETELY genuine I would talk about this stuff, but I don't, because I know better.