Went out to dinner with the ex last night. We had a good time and strange to say she seems like she has turned into the girl I wished she was when we were dating. She was a party animal when we were dating, now shes dating a guy who doesnt drink and they stay in a lot. What would have made her change for this guy? simply the fact that I wanted her to change and he didnt really care? kinda sucks, her boyfriend did call once when we were out and she asked me be quiet, still keeping me on the down low, lol
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
had dinner with an ex last night...
- Thread starter Chromeo
- Start date
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
Kailex
Master Don Juan
Why are you having dinner with your ex?
EDIT:
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH.
The sound of my question going over the heads of a few people here.
Apparently you read my question TOO literally.
First of all, if he wants to bang her... DINNER?
You guys were together... so why dinner? Unless it was at your place and you banged her afterwards... why all the effort?
Second.
#1 Their relationship is still new so she's trying to play the good girl...
Which fails because she obviously ISN'T becuase she's out with you.
#2 You think she really changed?
She's out with you and keeping it on the down low.
#3 You basically provide the excitement, he probably provides more stability than you do.
#4 She's an ex. Who cares???
Answer this question...
Did you even get to bang her?
And shouldn't you have better options than your ex?
That's why I asked:
"why are you having dinner with your ex"
The question was a LOT deeper than you expected it to be.
If I wanted to just have sex with an "ex", which I'd probably never do because they are an ex for a reason...
Than I am sure as hell NOT taking her to dinner... and then on TOP of that, listen to her about her current relationship.
I'm out to bang, not to listen about the current guy screwing her.
Once she's my ex... I move on and I look for NEW and exciting prospects that don't have any emotional ties to my past.
Who cares if she's different now with her current guy? It worries me more than you even care in the first place as to the WHY.
And I really hope it was dinner at... McDonalds or something, not something expensive.
And if it was... I hope the sex was worth it... if at all.
Now does my question make a little more sense?
EDIT:
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH.
The sound of my question going over the heads of a few people here.
Apparently you read my question TOO literally.
First of all, if he wants to bang her... DINNER?
You guys were together... so why dinner? Unless it was at your place and you banged her afterwards... why all the effort?
Second.
The only way you can know that her guy doesn't drink and that they stay in a lot is because SHE told you, which in that case, if you want to bang her... why are you listening to her talk about HIM? Doesn't that seem a little counter-productive... specially when the result you want is sex?
Many things:
#1 Their relationship is still new so she's trying to play the good girl...
Which fails because she obviously ISN'T becuase she's out with you.
#2 You think she really changed?
She's out with you and keeping it on the down low.
#3 You basically provide the excitement, he probably provides more stability than you do.
#4 She's an ex. Who cares???
She picked it up??? UGH.
Answer this question...
Did you even get to bang her?
And shouldn't you have better options than your ex?
That's why I asked:
"why are you having dinner with your ex"
The question was a LOT deeper than you expected it to be.
If I wanted to just have sex with an "ex", which I'd probably never do because they are an ex for a reason...
Than I am sure as hell NOT taking her to dinner... and then on TOP of that, listen to her about her current relationship.
I'm out to bang, not to listen about the current guy screwing her.
Once she's my ex... I move on and I look for NEW and exciting prospects that don't have any emotional ties to my past.
Who cares if she's different now with her current guy? It worries me more than you even care in the first place as to the WHY.
And I really hope it was dinner at... McDonalds or something, not something expensive.
And if it was... I hope the sex was worth it... if at all.
Now does my question make a little more sense?
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Diaforetikos
Senior Don Juan
Yea, he wants some a dat booty. Especially if he's postin his experience here.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
No we didnt have sex.
She wanted to see me
She paid for the dinner, and we didnt "go out to dinner" we were hanging out at her place and decided to get something to eat.
Kailex, your right, its not good that I care, and your also right, ya shes out with me, being bad, obviously because she didnt want her new guy to know. She likes to tell me how they put no labels on themselves but would consider it cheating if she did something with someone else and him as well and would stop seeing him if he did. although she beleives "we spend so much time together there's no way he could" ...ridiculous. Procedes to ask about my love life.
I left without a kiss or a hug just a goodbye and I get a text "jerk" and a "you owe me dinner, call me next week"
psssh ya right, well maybe for a bj lol
all im saying or am curious is to that she was just acting more like I wanted her to be when we were dating. And realizing that me basically verbalizing that and trying to make her be that way instead of taking it face value was the whole problem in the first place and made her feel like sh*t and me too. Basically hung out as friends with no expectations and it was cool, too little to late tho, makes me nervous to hang out with her again like that. I dont owe her sh*t
She wanted to see me
She paid for the dinner, and we didnt "go out to dinner" we were hanging out at her place and decided to get something to eat.
Kailex, your right, its not good that I care, and your also right, ya shes out with me, being bad, obviously because she didnt want her new guy to know. She likes to tell me how they put no labels on themselves but would consider it cheating if she did something with someone else and him as well and would stop seeing him if he did. although she beleives "we spend so much time together there's no way he could" ...ridiculous. Procedes to ask about my love life.
I left without a kiss or a hug just a goodbye and I get a text "jerk" and a "you owe me dinner, call me next week"
psssh ya right, well maybe for a bj lol
all im saying or am curious is to that she was just acting more like I wanted her to be when we were dating. And realizing that me basically verbalizing that and trying to make her be that way instead of taking it face value was the whole problem in the first place and made her feel like sh*t and me too. Basically hung out as friends with no expectations and it was cool, too little to late tho, makes me nervous to hang out with her again like that. I dont owe her sh*t
Kailex
Master Don Juan
Watch out, nothing comes for free... and specially not at the expense of your "feelings". She's playing you and possibly swinging back to you or trying to... this is BAIT to get you and reel you in.Chromeo said:
Oh wow, stay away from this one. Keep her as an ex.
You obviously are looking at this the wrong way. She is NOT acting the way you'd want her to. Can't you see what's happening? She's cheating and blatantly doing so.
Not only that, but she's justifying seeing YOU behind HIS back. Obviously they don't spend that much time together because she found time to make you dinner and have you over.
Trust me, she's NOT acting the way you wanted her to... she's ACTING. Period.
And then she has the audacity to ask if there was anyone in your life.
I REALLY hope that you didn't give her a straight answer and if you did, you said you had LOTS going on.
You don't owe her sh!t. See what I mean... nothing comes for free. I bet next week she'll want to go out and have you spend money. Do NOT call her.
Wanna bet she'll end up calling you when you don't? Do NOT have dinner with this chick and not at your expense either.
Use a night dating someone a little more mentally stable.
You got it right... you don't owe her anything.
If she wants to hook up... do so without all the dinner and crap... do NOT spend a dime on this chick.
That's why I asked... why are you having dinner with your ex...
This will bring you nothing more than a mindfvck.
Nothing good could come out of this other than a pump and dump.
Like I said, do NOT invite her to dinner, do NOT invite her to drinks. If she really wants to bang... just tell her to come over and do the deed and that's IT. But at this point, I wouldn't even qualify her as a fvck buddy.
And one last time... for emphasis... she is NOT acting the way you wanted her to act... unless you wanted a girlfriend willing to cheat at the drop of a dime and a girl who cooked for other men while you were somewhere else...
Think about all of this.
Just be glad you asked one question and got 10 more answers about other stuff. Save yourself the trouble with this one. She's your ex and definitely not worth it.
Originally I did try and just make this a hook up situation.
her:are you coming? im about to get in the shower
me:good I want you right out of the shower all wet
her:if you think were hooking up you got it all wrong
her:why do you have to ruin everything
me:ruin what?
her:hanging out
me:haha I didnt ruin anything, ill be over in a little bit
Kailex, oh ya I dont condone the hanging out with me.
me saying "shes acting more how I wanted her too" has a lot more behind it.
I definitely told her I have a lot going on right now, because I do, and not just women.
and I wouldnt mind being friends, but were both each others last ex... I think you need to put another ex in between there, or two or three, before you can be friends again, because I wouldnt want my girl hanging with exes either.
and ya she is definitely gonna call me when I dont call. As soon as I start ignoring her, she will blow me up, already have experimented with this several times.
*** sh*t you not she just texted me.
her:what are u just going to ignore me? u sort of pulled a jerk move last night. not acceptable and u owe me one.
are you serious?
her:are you coming? im about to get in the shower
me:good I want you right out of the shower all wet
her:if you think were hooking up you got it all wrong
her:why do you have to ruin everything
me:ruin what?
her:hanging out
me:haha I didnt ruin anything, ill be over in a little bit
Kailex, oh ya I dont condone the hanging out with me.
me saying "shes acting more how I wanted her too" has a lot more behind it.
I definitely told her I have a lot going on right now, because I do, and not just women.
and I wouldnt mind being friends, but were both each others last ex... I think you need to put another ex in between there, or two or three, before you can be friends again, because I wouldnt want my girl hanging with exes either.
and ya she is definitely gonna call me when I dont call. As soon as I start ignoring her, she will blow me up, already have experimented with this several times.
*** sh*t you not she just texted me.
her:what are u just going to ignore me? u sort of pulled a jerk move last night. not acceptable and u owe me one.
are you serious?
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
I wish she dragged my by my d!ck, right to the bedroom. lol
little stunt? azzhole?
you guys being sarcastic or what?
shes the one in the wrong here, im single, I can have dinner with whoever I want. she obviously wants me around for backup
side note, she texted me that I owed her dinner at 3:48 am, why would I reply to that? now shes says im ignoring her lol
***Ran out of posts so in reply to stayfly's post below
stayfly, dude she already cheated on the guy once with me, which was the last time I saw her about 3-4 months ago, im not trying to ruin anything. Having dinner with an ex wrong? no. hanging out with and being friends with your most recent ex wrong, and keeping it hush? ya. shes disrespecting her man, not me. Why do I need to give a **** about him anyway? thats on her, not me. whos to say I was gonna have sex with her anyway? saying and doing is two different things, im not gonna not flirt with a woman just because she is seeing someone else, especially one I find attractive and have already had sexual relations with.
Your basically saying my sexual seduction skills are so powerful I need keep myself in check, because a woman couldnt possibly be held accountable for her actions when my presence due to my inescapable sexual vortex....
flattering but completely ridiculous
little stunt? azzhole?
you guys being sarcastic or what?
shes the one in the wrong here, im single, I can have dinner with whoever I want. she obviously wants me around for backup
side note, she texted me that I owed her dinner at 3:48 am, why would I reply to that? now shes says im ignoring her lol
***Ran out of posts so in reply to stayfly's post below
stayfly, dude she already cheated on the guy once with me, which was the last time I saw her about 3-4 months ago, im not trying to ruin anything. Having dinner with an ex wrong? no. hanging out with and being friends with your most recent ex wrong, and keeping it hush? ya. shes disrespecting her man, not me. Why do I need to give a **** about him anyway? thats on her, not me. whos to say I was gonna have sex with her anyway? saying and doing is two different things, im not gonna not flirt with a woman just because she is seeing someone else, especially one I find attractive and have already had sexual relations with.
Your basically saying my sexual seduction skills are so powerful I need keep myself in check, because a woman couldnt possibly be held accountable for her actions when my presence due to my inescapable sexual vortex....
flattering but completely ridiculous
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there's nothing wrong with having dinner with an ex.Chromeo said:
playing games to try and bang her and (most likely) fukk up her relationship isn't suave IMO
as a DJ you have the ability to attract and seduce women. you can do it with some class and style and regard for the other people involved or you can do it just to please ur ego/sex drive and not care about what damage it does to other people.
which one are you / do you want to be?
SoldMySoul
Master Don Juan
This will get you in a shyt load of trouble too!!! It is more empowering to stay away and it is harder to do if you still have a ton of feelings for her. OP, if you are interested in my story about entertaining an ex, send me a PM.... YOU WILL KNOW WHY I SAY DO NOT DO IT!!!! I will not throw it out for everybody... but you will want to hear my story!!!
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
I agree with a lot of what you said. The only thing I disagree with is that he's not f*cking up her relationship, she is. I can guarantee that if the OP wasn't hanging with her some other guy would be. I'm assuming this girl is young, early 20s, right? At that age they don't really care for relationships, if one gets f*cked up they mourn it for like a day and move on to the next guy.stayfly said:
I have to say I am proud of you guys in this thread.
Dude, you obviously are getting off on having her wanting to cheat with you. You gotta realize you are being used to have a quick fvck.. meaning, you are a tool. I mean would you want a woman who WANTS YOU and doesn't want anyone else because she knows you are the best for her, or a woman who chooses a guy, cheats on him, because she is bored or he pi$sed her off..
She is clearly trying hard to get you to bang her. You can also think about this - you moved on to better things, and you left her behind. And now she is coming from the "behind" saying - "I am still just as good in your life now!"
But that's not the case!
In fact, this made me think about something, gonna post a new thread.
Dude, you obviously are getting off on having her wanting to cheat with you. You gotta realize you are being used to have a quick fvck.. meaning, you are a tool. I mean would you want a woman who WANTS YOU and doesn't want anyone else because she knows you are the best for her, or a woman who chooses a guy, cheats on him, because she is bored or he pi$sed her off..
She is clearly trying hard to get you to bang her. You can also think about this - you moved on to better things, and you left her behind. And now she is coming from the "behind" saying - "I am still just as good in your life now!"
But that's not the case!
In fact, this made me think about something, gonna post a new thread.
Sounds like she hasn't changed.
Not one little bit.
She's bored or tired whatever goes through their little heads.
She's feeling you out for a branch swing.
She's an ex!!
There's a reason (or many).
This is a drama bomb waiting to go off in your face.
BUT......the little ego voice in your head is telling you, " Hmmmmm....I bet we can get back in the cage with the tiger that mauled us nearly to death last time and with our new knowledge and 'alpha-ness' we can tame her. Then once she's tame we will feel truly healed from our wounds."
Why risk another mauling?
There's milloins of other chicks to hook up with.
Why go back to a bad news situation?
OK, you're gonna roll out the "make her into a f*ck-buddie" deal.
If that's the case state your terms up front and see if she flakes.
If she agrees better procede with caution.
If she flips out you'll know ---- branch swing.
My advice --- spend your time on new chicks who don't have a bad history / track record.
Over and Out.
Not one little bit.
She's bored or tired whatever goes through their little heads.
She's feeling you out for a branch swing.
She's an ex!!
There's a reason (or many).
This is a drama bomb waiting to go off in your face.
BUT......the little ego voice in your head is telling you, " Hmmmmm....I bet we can get back in the cage with the tiger that mauled us nearly to death last time and with our new knowledge and 'alpha-ness' we can tame her. Then once she's tame we will feel truly healed from our wounds."
Why risk another mauling?
There's milloins of other chicks to hook up with.
Why go back to a bad news situation?
OK, you're gonna roll out the "make her into a f*ck-buddie" deal.
If that's the case state your terms up front and see if she flakes.
If she agrees better procede with caution.
If she flips out you'll know ---- branch swing.
My advice --- spend your time on new chicks who don't have a bad history / track record.
Over and Out.
He already told her he wanted to hook up with her and she responded by asking why he had to ruin everything. This ship's sailed. And by trying to bang your ex girlfriend when she has a boyfriend you KNOW about, you're really no better than she is. You just look like the jealous little ex boyfriend who's going to will his way back into his ex girlfriend's pants. PLEASE don't be that guy.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.