Had a bad night - failed date - something's missing

[like2jam]

So, I had this date lined up with this woman from OKC last night.

I figured she was a HB7 or so. When she showed up, she was way hotter than her pics. I was a bit surprised. I'd say HB9 Body with an 8 Face.

Before the date, I was thinking, damn, I'm tired of this routine. I don't really care and I'm not going to try too hard. So I didn't really dress to impress. I was also pretty aloof in general. I think my aloofness may have backfired, I'm not sure. Maybe she just wasn't attracted to me from the get go. Or, maybe her personality was a bit of a dud. I'm not really sure to be honest what went wrong. But I'm a bit upset by it. It was a great opportunity and it's blown.

I don't plan on contacting her right away if ever. And I haven't heard from her and I doubt I will.

I feel like something is missing big time in my game. Not sure if it's humor, or charm, or what. I hate feeling like I have to 'entertain' these women. But that's often how it feels. I mean, sometimes it's natural and it flows back and forth. Maybe the fact that this didn't flow is something as simple as a lack of attraction. But I still feel like if I had better game, if I game across more alpha, more confident somehow, that maybe I could score points and keep the date alive.

I'm a bit exhausted from the online dating process at this point. I'm not gonna take my profile down, but I'm not logging in to hunt profiles anymore either.

I guess my biggest frustration right now is that I'm not sure the lesson from this failure yet, if there is one. Maybe it's just as simple as no chemistry, no attraction. But I look the same as in my profile pics. I think my game needs work. Maybe my conversation skills are off. I don't know.

I just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe you guys have some suggestions. The bible is offline atm ( or at least I can't load it ).

 

[nismo-4]

Enter the judge.

So, I had this date lined up with this woman from OKC last night.

You were selected among many suitors. Keep this in mind.

I figured she was a HB7 or so. When she showed up, she was way hotter than her pics. I was a bit surprised. I'd say HB9 Body with an 8 Face.

Lucky you.

Before the date, I was thinking, damn, I'm tired of this routine. I don't really care and I'm not going to try too hard. So I didn't really dress to impress. I was also pretty aloof in general. I think my aloofness may have backfired, I'm not sure. Maybe she just wasn't attracted to me from the get go. Or, maybe her personality was a bit of a dud. I'm not really sure to be honest what went wrong. But I'm a bit upset by it. It was a great opportunity and it's blown.

When a woman goes out with you, she has decided just how far she'll let you get with her. And the effectiveness of aloofness is equal to how attractive you are. Read the bold. That's what went wrong. When a woman finds you unattractive, she labels everything you do and say as such.

I don't plan on contacting her right away if ever. And I haven't heard from her and I doubt I will.

Don't hold your breath.

I feel like something is missing big time in my game. Not sure if it's humor, or charm, or what. I hate feeling like I have to 'entertain' these women. But that's often how it feels. I mean, sometimes it's natural and it flows back and forth. Maybe the fact that this didn't flow is something as simple as a lack of attraction. But I still feel like if I had better game, if I game across more alpha, more confident somehow, that maybe I could score points and keep the date alive.

Read the bold. Game and confidence can only do so much for you. Also, men chase and women choose. Basically, us as men, can only persuade these women to choose us, but at the end of the day, she has the final say so. It's no different than looking for a job. If you're attractive, you can get away with a lot, just don't put your foot in your mouth. If not, there ain't much you can do right. And ONE wrong move= lose! Game and PUA routines then are laughable at best and annoying/ creepy at worst. How attractive you are physically and financially are your best friends. Those are your hooks. Personality, wit, charm, swag, humor, are all in the grey area of attraction. Those are all reels. What the f**k is a reel without a hook? Absolutely nothing.

I'm a bit exhausted from the online dating process at this point. I'm not gonna take my profile down, but I'm not logging in to hunt profiles anymore either.

Women get too many messages and men get too few replies. A man's online dating profile is only as strong as his WORST picture. Some women use online dating just for an attention fix.

I guess my biggest frustration right now is that I'm not sure the lesson from this failure yet, if there is one. Maybe it's just as simple as no chemistry, no attraction. But I look the same as in my profile pics. I think my game needs work. Maybe my conversation skills are off. I don't know.

You won't be everybody's type. But if a woman isn't attracted to you, no amount of game, confidence, conversational skills, etc. will change that. Women online are gunning for the top 10% of males always. Anything else, watch out for Briffault's Law!

I just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe you guys have some suggestions. The bible is offline atm ( or at least I can't load it ).

As an experiment, put a profile of a male model up and say it's you. Then observe how much attention he will get as well as messages, flirts, requests to meet, IM chat's, numbers, etc. Do the same with an average joe. Which one do you think will have better conversation skills and humor? My money's on the model.

Read between the lines.

Men value love and women love value.

I'll leave this open for further review.

 

[like2jam]

Great reply Nismo. Cheers for that.

 

[Olivia]

No problem. Relax and when you feel like again going at it, then do it. But then again, prepare to feel exhausted, failed. That is just part of success. Have you heard the saying that to success you will have to go through many failures. And by the way - sorry for being attention vhore - if it bothers you. I think they call this attention vhoring, so excuse me if it bothers, but since its allowed to do this, and i have a warm heart, a loving helping heart, then I naturally feel like helping, want to help, it just happens naturally, and im sorry. if this bothers you.

 

[TheCWord]

Yeah, good post by nismo.

OP, I don't know if you're necessarily doing anything wrong in your interactions - unless the date started off with super high interest from her and gradually melted into the dud you described (when that happens usually the guy talks too much, tries too hard, etc.).

But for this situation, doesn't sound like something you have to think about too much. There just wasn't enough interest on her end and that actually helps you - you're only in the business of high interest level girls now, so it's always best to know early when a girl isn't going to fit your requirements.

Though I will flag that, by virtue of you writing this post and the fact that you're reacting to a string of bad dates, you may be placing a little too much importance on these online dates. As you know, those things are a crap shoot. If you were having sustained problems on first dates with women you have met in person before, that's one thing, but the expectation for online dating should be no expectations. In reading your post, it sounds like you expect more than nothing. Don't do that to yourself, man

 

[HedoRick]

What has helped me quite a bit is not thinking exactly about what I say, but more specifically, having a certain mindset. I think "how can this woman impress me". I ask her questions like "are you a good cook" if she says no, I smile and say minus 100 points. I tease them, don't reveal much about myself anymore, and from there I do well on my dates. But that's what works for me. However as others have said, some chicks will not be into you for whatever reason. I had a girl whip out her phone and start texting other people just shy of a minute after meeting me. This was an online chick. I pulled out my phone right there and sent her a text that I was leaving. lol. Online dating sure can frustrating at times....

 

[like2jam]

LOL HEDO that's awesome. Nice move. I think I'd have done the same with that. Or maybe just getup and walk away and never come back.

This is all great advice. I have been putting too much emphasis on the online dates and I need to stop doing that and start trying to meet out in the wild.

Conversationally, I do think it would help if I teased more and I definitely need to withhold more information from now on. I don't want to ignore questions, but I can certainly answer them more vaguely and then change the subject. Need to maintain some mystery.

I'm gonna take a break from it for a while. My attitude was off going into this one and I'm sure that didn't help the situation.

Thanks again for all the feedback. Very helpful.