Had a Bad Date - Interesting Observations

[Latinoman]

Francisco...that was also EXCELLENT advice!

 

[Bonhomme]

Double post

 

[Bonhomme]

Sometimes it just doesn't work out, Latinoman. No need to overthink it. Next ...

Francisco wrote:

I'm not saying that being a charismatic conversationalist is the easiest thing to do, but things that are worthwhile seldom are; and contrary to what many believe you do not need to be born with it, you can learn how to do it. The question you need to ask yourself is whether you have the fortitude to put aside past limiting beliefs and push yourself to learn how to make women interested by your character without having to deflect her attention using other methods. You need to ask yourself just how long do you feel she would be interested with that charade.

I question the implied premise that one really judge a person's character from banter. There's much more to life than talk.

I've found that "sit down and talk" first dates tend to accentuate first date edginess and encourage a "job interview" sort of vibe, which can be great if you have a great resume', but can bury your real character under your past and your stats if your resume' is not so stellar.

Also, action dates can provide readymade conversation fodder.

Different strokes for different blokes.

 

[penkitten]

im curious if she will actually respond to the response you sent

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Sometimes it just doesn't work out, Latinoman. No need to overthink it. Next ...

Francisco wrote:


I question the implied premise that one really judge a person's character from banter. There's much more to life than talk. .

Banter isn't conversation. HUGE difference.

 

[Bonhomme]

Strange as it may seem, I agree wholeheartedly, Francisco. But I don't find many gals who can hang with the kind of conversation I find interesting (philosophical matters, music and arts, and yes, the old taboo subjects of politics and religion, etc.). At least not many unattached ones when there's mutual attraction who are within realistic age range.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Strange as it may seem, I agree wholeheartedly, Francisco. But I don't find many gals who can hang with the kind of conversation I find interesting (philosophical matters, music and arts, and yes, the old taboo subjects of politics and religion, etc.). At least not many unattached ones when there's mutual attraction who are within realistic age range.

Welcome to my world, welcome to my world... They are out there though. The good thing about it is that once you find them, more times than not they will have an interest in you because you have more depth than the typical guys that hit on them. Use this to your advantage, you'll notice your success rate rise if you can find these needles in the proverbial haystack.

 

[newbie81]

I've found that "sit down and talk" first dates tend to accentuate first date edginess and encourage a "job interview" sort of vibe, which can be great if you have a great resume', but can bury your real character under your past and your stats if your resume' is not so stellar.

So what if your resume is not good? Wrong mindset, it's her resume that counts not yours. You're the prize.

Of course if you have worked on personal improvement (which you should all life long) & can provide a great resume naturally, she will sense you being the prize even more.

High self-esteem leads to high standards. Yes it hard to find quality women. Is this a problem? No, bachelor life tastes good. A man has time, much more time than a women to settle down.

-good luck.

 

[Bonhomme]

Of course if you have worked on personal improvement (which you should all life long) & can provide a great resume naturally, she will sense you being the prize even more.

That looks all well and fine on paper, but just one big misfortune or bad decision can derail all one's best self-improvement efforts... then the best option is to pick up the pieces and make the most of what you're left with...

On can think they are "the prize" all they want, but there are certain criteria that go along with being thought of in that way, which is what really counts, and we have very limited control over that. The best one can do is find those who value where your current value lies.

 

[Bonhomme]

Very good point in your last post, Francisco. But they sure are like needles in the proverbial haystack.

However, the fact is, I've had very good relationships with women who were not so "deep," in that sense. More often than not. I question the common preconception that people have to have a great deal in common to have a good relationship. "Chemistry" comes first. Why take an approach that discourages these sort of relationships between somewhat dissimilar people who complement each other well despite their dissimilarities, especially when the odds seem to overwhelmingly favor the latter?

 

[newbie81]

That looks all well and fine on paper, but just one big misfortune or bad decision can derail all one's best self-improvement efforts... then the best option is to pick up the pieces and make the most of what you're left with...

I sense too much negativity in your posts. Why are you even thinking about making bad decisions in your life? You CONTROL where your life goes.

On can think they are "the prize" all they want, but there are certain criteria that go along with being thought of in that way, which is what really counts, and we have very limited control over that. The best one can do is find those who value where your current value lies.

I do not believe in "thinking you are the prize". I believe in "being the prize", in a natural way. Pretending will lead to failure. The road to being a MAN is long & not easy - but it is possible.

You have control on who you want to be. Stop this qualifying nonsense to "her values". You are who you want it to be. You want to be the prize, work on it, naturally. The women will follow. You don't find the women? No problem, a MAN enjoys being single.


-good luck.

 

[Ricco]

Hmmmmm...good point. Plus the fact that he might be a "foreigner" (Eastern Europe?) in Canada might also add to the wound. I know...trust me.

I wonder how old is DJ and how old was that woman.

Latinoman.....I agree with you on the foreign aspect of dating especially here in the midwest. I have noticed that if I date a white hb7 or higher the issue of money/job is usually brought up early on the first date. Their interest dwindles from there on. I don't see that with fuglys. Interesting you mention that.

 

[WestCoaster]

Delete.

 

[Bonhomme]

Man, did you misread my posts, newbie81. The only way you could really understand what I'm talking about would involve things happening to you that I wouldn't wish on anyone except my worst enemies.

Most of the people who have been dealt the cards I've been dealt are barely even functional, much less a homeowner with their own business. Without telling my life story, I can honestly say it has taken an extraordinary amount of discipline and perseverance to get where I am, which may not look all that impressive -- unless someone knows the story.

 

[Don Ronny]

I got three words for you

Te. Qui. La.

 

[That_Guy81]

I never give options on the first 3 dates. Although I am a newbie to the DJ board so maybe I'm doing it all wrong