Lost
Master Don Juan
ok so.... what was the point of the post then. everyone knows the more u do something the easier it is, thats not what the post was talking about tho.
Hello Friend,
If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.
It will be the most efficient use of your time.
And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.
Thank you for visiting and have a great day!
Habit is All
- Thread starter Pook
- Start date
LionFox
Don Juan
I can't believe I'm saying this but..
I disagree with Pook!
I know I know, what am I thinking?
Pook is right on in what he says.. Make sucess with women a habit. There is a difference between an excellent game and "Game Excellence."
But here's my take on it:
IF YOU SIMPLY TRY TO CHANGE YOUR HABITS, YOU WILL FAIL.
Because we are more than just a collection of habit patterns.
Pook says be confidence and natural and ease into conversations with women like warm water, so you try it, but it DOESN'T COME NATURALLY so you fail.
Before you can change your habits, you have to change what you believe about yourself. Your identity. If you believe "I am not good with women" you might go out an have an occassional success, but this habit you are trying to develop of being smooth will not work because at your core, you do not believe it. You may try and try with women and make approaching a habit, but you will fail alot and look toward success with women as validation.
People will always act in accordance to their identity. It's harder to change habits than to change identity. There are some people who have to fight every day not to take drugs. They go to meetings every month to remind themselves they are drug users but that they can't take drugs, and it's tough. But another person will decide they are not drug users, that using drugs is something THEY COULD EVER DO EVER AGAIN in their lives, and they can stop overnight and start making new habits.
So, the first step is changing your identity. You can do this in one second. You rip out all those old beliefs about yourself and write down all the ways YOU WILL BE from this day on BECAUSE this is your TRUE identity.
The old habits will still be there, but you will notice when you express them, and it will make you mad because now these old habits of not having success with women doesn't fit who you've decided to become. Only then will Pook's habit stratagy begin to work.
I disagree with Pook!
I know I know, what am I thinking?
Pook is right on in what he says.. Make sucess with women a habit. There is a difference between an excellent game and "Game Excellence."
But here's my take on it:
IF YOU SIMPLY TRY TO CHANGE YOUR HABITS, YOU WILL FAIL.
Because we are more than just a collection of habit patterns.
Pook says be confidence and natural and ease into conversations with women like warm water, so you try it, but it DOESN'T COME NATURALLY so you fail.
Before you can change your habits, you have to change what you believe about yourself. Your identity. If you believe "I am not good with women" you might go out an have an occassional success, but this habit you are trying to develop of being smooth will not work because at your core, you do not believe it. You may try and try with women and make approaching a habit, but you will fail alot and look toward success with women as validation.
People will always act in accordance to their identity. It's harder to change habits than to change identity. There are some people who have to fight every day not to take drugs. They go to meetings every month to remind themselves they are drug users but that they can't take drugs, and it's tough. But another person will decide they are not drug users, that using drugs is something THEY COULD EVER DO EVER AGAIN in their lives, and they can stop overnight and start making new habits.
So, the first step is changing your identity. You can do this in one second. You rip out all those old beliefs about yourself and write down all the ways YOU WILL BE from this day on BECAUSE this is your TRUE identity.
The old habits will still be there, but you will notice when you express them, and it will make you mad because now these old habits of not having success with women doesn't fit who you've decided to become. Only then will Pook's habit stratagy begin to work.
This is why I don't post more often. Here is a post so simple, so clear, so not rocket-science, that the only way I can imagine anyone not *getting* it would be deliberate.
Looking back at my own life and comparing it with others, the only difference I can find was that I sought to change my habits. My old friends, they are just getting drunk every other night. They haven't established a being of self. They are acting like it is still high school.
A guy sees a girl. His mind then goes...
-How ought I to get her?
-What should I say?
-What TECHNIQUES should I use?
And so on. This is WRONG. You'll just enter a never ending circle.
This is RIGHT:
-Hey! Another chick!
-Let's talk to her too
-Who cares if she blows me off. There are PLENTY more chicks I'm going to go for RIGHT AFTER her.
The focus is on the consistency of it, rather than making the approach *perfect*. Face it, you aren't perfect. People stay on this forum for years thinking they'll become *perfect* with women.
So instead of making the approach perfect, the dates perfect, the talking perfect, etc., make yourself consistant about it. A guy who is perfect only A FEW TIMES is inferior to the guy who is imperfect and tries ALL THE TIME. (This is why AFCs are landing hotter chicks than you. While you are on this board trying to be 'perfect', they are jumping back on the horse again and again. Sure, they may crash and burn more but in the end, they win.)
Lost, if you still do not get it, send this Pook $100. I will give the money back to you AFTER you've asked out 50 women. Knowing you, you enjoy your money and do not want an evil Pook to take it! So you would ask out 50 chicks even just to get your money back. But you know what? I will KEEP the money because many of those chicks are going to say YES.
If you're worried about crashing and burning, you can always give yourself a 'reward' once you reach a number. Any incentive is good. But the point is to get the focus away from the chick and on to YOU. How can you think of techniques to get her if you can't even control your own life?
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM guys make is that they place value to the chick AT THE START. Nice Guys, as we know, turn them into goddesses. But still, you might already register her as a '9' and already give her value. Why do that? She is just ANOTHER chick. Don't just talk to the 9 chicks. Talk to ALL the chicks (maybe minus a certain few). SHE MUST PROVE HER VALUE. Don't start assigning it right away.
It is machine-like. You go out and, rather focusing on the chicks, you focus on YOU going for the chicks. The differene is that you're placing your success on what YOU do rather than her REACTION. In other words, success will be GUARENTEED. It all becomes a matter of time!
Lionfox
Before you can change your habits, you have to change what you believe about yourself. Your identity. If you believe "I am not good with women" you might go out an have an occassional success, but this habit you are trying to develop of being smooth will not work because at your core, you do not believe it. You may try and try with women and make approaching a habit, but you will fail alot and look toward success with women as validation.
This identity, this 'as you think you shall become' is already covered in like 99% of my other posts. Does it have to be 100%?
Looking back at my own life and comparing it with others, the only difference I can find was that I sought to change my habits. My old friends, they are just getting drunk every other night. They haven't established a being of self. They are acting like it is still high school.
A guy sees a girl. His mind then goes...
-How ought I to get her?
-What should I say?
-What TECHNIQUES should I use?
And so on. This is WRONG. You'll just enter a never ending circle.
This is RIGHT:
-Hey! Another chick!
-Let's talk to her too
-Who cares if she blows me off. There are PLENTY more chicks I'm going to go for RIGHT AFTER her.
The focus is on the consistency of it, rather than making the approach *perfect*. Face it, you aren't perfect. People stay on this forum for years thinking they'll become *perfect* with women.
So instead of making the approach perfect, the dates perfect, the talking perfect, etc., make yourself consistant about it. A guy who is perfect only A FEW TIMES is inferior to the guy who is imperfect and tries ALL THE TIME. (This is why AFCs are landing hotter chicks than you. While you are on this board trying to be 'perfect', they are jumping back on the horse again and again. Sure, they may crash and burn more but in the end, they win.)
Lost, if you still do not get it, send this Pook $100. I will give the money back to you AFTER you've asked out 50 women. Knowing you, you enjoy your money and do not want an evil Pook to take it! So you would ask out 50 chicks even just to get your money back. But you know what? I will KEEP the money because many of those chicks are going to say YES.
If you're worried about crashing and burning, you can always give yourself a 'reward' once you reach a number. Any incentive is good. But the point is to get the focus away from the chick and on to YOU. How can you think of techniques to get her if you can't even control your own life?
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM guys make is that they place value to the chick AT THE START. Nice Guys, as we know, turn them into goddesses. But still, you might already register her as a '9' and already give her value. Why do that? She is just ANOTHER chick. Don't just talk to the 9 chicks. Talk to ALL the chicks (maybe minus a certain few). SHE MUST PROVE HER VALUE. Don't start assigning it right away.
It is machine-like. You go out and, rather focusing on the chicks, you focus on YOU going for the chicks. The differene is that you're placing your success on what YOU do rather than her REACTION. In other words, success will be GUARENTEED. It all becomes a matter of time!
Lionfox
Before you can change your habits, you have to change what you believe about yourself. Your identity. If you believe "I am not good with women" you might go out an have an occassional success, but this habit you are trying to develop of being smooth will not work because at your core, you do not believe it. You may try and try with women and make approaching a habit, but you will fail alot and look toward success with women as validation.
This identity, this 'as you think you shall become' is already covered in like 99% of my other posts. Does it have to be 100%?
This post is one example of the pitfalls of one-way communication/lecture. No one can cover every...single...angle in each one of thier posts. This forum would read like lawyer-speak if we had to make each article perfectly logically consistent! (And who the hell likes to read laywer-speak? Yech!)
Well, if anything else, this forum proves WHY such dialect like lawyer-speak even exists at all!
Let's face it, most of the people on this forum are the type to analyze things to death (and then some!) Guys, this is LIFE, it is not physics, not calculus, not logic, not strategy! Over-analyzing things will never make you any happier.
Also, I notice that many of you will see a post and come from a presupposition that the poster is already WRONG! Look! Pook writes a post, and instead of reading it and taking what you can from it, some of you guys have to already ASSUME that he is wrong and LOOK for ways that you can tear apart the observations.
There are no theories Pook is spouting, they are just observations. If you guys actually LOOKED around in the world and TALKED to people, you would probably already know what he is saying! What, you think he is lying? How can you disagree with an observation?
Look at your friends who get lots of girls. Do they make a HABIT of sitting at home, going to the same crappy boring job every day? Or do they get out there and interact with many people?
Getting girls is not some thing that has to do with "ability-points" or shit like that. You do not build up your "Don Juan experience levels" and chicks magically come to you; just get out there, your "game" will tend to itself.
As he said in his original post, habit is the child of mindset. You have to WANT to change your habits. This does NOT mean that you need to FORCE yourself to approach chicks, (because why get into the habit of forcing yourself to do something that should be fun?) you should make it so that you genuinely WANT to.
This reasoning applies to EVERYTHING! Look, even the seductionists agree; look at juggler method...read SexPDX's posts. You should have it in your mind that you actually WANT to interact with girls, you should WANT to show your life to other people. What is stopping you?
Your life itself?
Well, if you sit around all day playing computer games, and eating bon-bons...your life is boring, and you should not share that with anyone! If you sit on the porch all day, drinking beer and smoking blunts...your life is useless, and then what do you have to talk about? If you are poor and fat and dress in rags...well, I think you get the picture...
Changing THIS is what is meant by 'self-improvement'. Changing THIS will help you on your goal to be more open, because if you have an interesting life, why would you NOT want to share it?
The main point of self-improvement is NOT GIRLS! It is making your LIFE better. You can still get hot girls whether or not you sit at home all day, or run around doing many different things...but girls cannot be everything, I have seen many people with crappy lives and HOT girlfriends that imploded when they finally broke up with the girl. Women lull men into a false sense of security sometimes, THAT is the devouring element of women.
Your insecurities?
Once you have solved your problems in the real world, it is time to solve them in the mental one. This is where the 'as you think you shall become' mantra comes in. As long as you are HONEST with yourself about your OWN problems, you will have no trouble overcoming this barrier.
Your thoughts?
Are you afriad to open up to people because you do not want to share your mind with them? Everyone has and uses thier brain, we are all thinking something. Are you busy thinking of what to say, carefully making it sound 'perfect'? Or are you simply honest, and say what is on your mind?
"But icepick, I HAVE to make up things to say...the things that I am thinking are bad things (like: I hate people, I just wanna fuck her, I wanna 'manipulate people, I wanna go play video games, etc.)"
Well, then you are going to HAVE to change your thoughts. Put yourself in a better mood. Realize the VALUE of interpersonal interaction, and people's feelings. Develop EMPATHY, and you will be able to read people's moods/emotions better. Express your emotions...no, this does not mean be gushy, but don't stifle your natural actions out of fear. Act as you are going to act, and accept the consequenses. Let your mind be shaped according to your goals in the outside world.
Well, if anything else, this forum proves WHY such dialect like lawyer-speak even exists at all!
Let's face it, most of the people on this forum are the type to analyze things to death (and then some!) Guys, this is LIFE, it is not physics, not calculus, not logic, not strategy! Over-analyzing things will never make you any happier.
Also, I notice that many of you will see a post and come from a presupposition that the poster is already WRONG! Look! Pook writes a post, and instead of reading it and taking what you can from it, some of you guys have to already ASSUME that he is wrong and LOOK for ways that you can tear apart the observations.
There are no theories Pook is spouting, they are just observations. If you guys actually LOOKED around in the world and TALKED to people, you would probably already know what he is saying! What, you think he is lying? How can you disagree with an observation?
Look at your friends who get lots of girls. Do they make a HABIT of sitting at home, going to the same crappy boring job every day? Or do they get out there and interact with many people?
Getting girls is not some thing that has to do with "ability-points" or shit like that. You do not build up your "Don Juan experience levels" and chicks magically come to you; just get out there, your "game" will tend to itself.
As he said in his original post, habit is the child of mindset. You have to WANT to change your habits. This does NOT mean that you need to FORCE yourself to approach chicks, (because why get into the habit of forcing yourself to do something that should be fun?) you should make it so that you genuinely WANT to.
This reasoning applies to EVERYTHING! Look, even the seductionists agree; look at juggler method...read SexPDX's posts. You should have it in your mind that you actually WANT to interact with girls, you should WANT to show your life to other people. What is stopping you?
Your life itself?
Well, if you sit around all day playing computer games, and eating bon-bons...your life is boring, and you should not share that with anyone! If you sit on the porch all day, drinking beer and smoking blunts...your life is useless, and then what do you have to talk about? If you are poor and fat and dress in rags...well, I think you get the picture...
Changing THIS is what is meant by 'self-improvement'. Changing THIS will help you on your goal to be more open, because if you have an interesting life, why would you NOT want to share it?
The main point of self-improvement is NOT GIRLS! It is making your LIFE better. You can still get hot girls whether or not you sit at home all day, or run around doing many different things...but girls cannot be everything, I have seen many people with crappy lives and HOT girlfriends that imploded when they finally broke up with the girl. Women lull men into a false sense of security sometimes, THAT is the devouring element of women.
Your insecurities?
Once you have solved your problems in the real world, it is time to solve them in the mental one. This is where the 'as you think you shall become' mantra comes in. As long as you are HONEST with yourself about your OWN problems, you will have no trouble overcoming this barrier.
Your thoughts?
Are you afriad to open up to people because you do not want to share your mind with them? Everyone has and uses thier brain, we are all thinking something. Are you busy thinking of what to say, carefully making it sound 'perfect'? Or are you simply honest, and say what is on your mind?
"But icepick, I HAVE to make up things to say...the things that I am thinking are bad things (like: I hate people, I just wanna fuck her, I wanna 'manipulate people, I wanna go play video games, etc.)"
Well, then you are going to HAVE to change your thoughts. Put yourself in a better mood. Realize the VALUE of interpersonal interaction, and people's feelings. Develop EMPATHY, and you will be able to read people's moods/emotions better. Express your emotions...no, this does not mean be gushy, but don't stifle your natural actions out of fear. Act as you are going to act, and accept the consequenses. Let your mind be shaped according to your goals in the outside world.
Whoa whoa whoa hold on there. I quote pook:
I understand your thinking, and I'm glad you're not prone to all the "To get girls do step A then step B then step C and then D will just fall into place. Oh and make sure you smile" stuff.
However, Pook is talking about creating habits of being social, talking to lots of people. You say
"If you believe "I am not good with women" you might go out an have an occassional success, but this habit you are trying to develop of being smooth will not work because at your core, you do not believe it. "
It's one thing to believe you're not good with women. It's another to have to change that before you can be good with women.
It sounds like you've been getting into a lot of the stuff I've been preaching (http://sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23151), changing the roots before worrying about the outer stuff. I don't know or expect that you got it from me, but let me tell you something. There's a difference between practicing your social skills and practicing your smile. Social skills are not something to be faked, processing "how can I put a funny spin on this" is not the same as a pre-programmed "I'm friendly." smile.
You don't go out thinking you're smooth, you go out thinking "I'm going to become smoother."
Great post Pook.
diplomatic_lies
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2002
- Messages
- 4,370
- Reaction score
- 8
I think what Pook means is that if you do something as simple as striking up a conversation with a woman on the spur every day, instead of feeling scared when you're talking to some hot girl, you'll just feel natural - which I believe can override ANY factor.
Or making it a habit to strike up convo with some random guy on the street, would improve your social skills and make it more natural (because it would be natural).
I got the same advice from my management teacher, and never forgot it. You can apply to nearly anything, and it works.
Or making it a habit to strike up convo with some random guy on the street, would improve your social skills and make it more natural (because it would be natural).
I got the same advice from my management teacher, and never forgot it. You can apply to nearly anything, and it works.
Dammit Pook! You beat me to it. I was going to post a tip on this very subject. But I do agree. I see some guys here are still making it harder than it needs to be.
To use your own words, Nice Guys are unwilling to focus on their habits because it also means having to let themselves fail.
To use your own words, Nice Guys are unwilling to focus on their habits because it also means having to let themselves fail.
Ahah
This just dawned on me.
We know habit is central.
So what changes habit? HOW you think.
What changes HOW you think? ..When you start focusing on yourself. Focus on improving yourself. Focus on your actions, rather than focusing on the chick. You act, never react.
As you focus on yourself, you realize you can be who ever you want to be. You define yourself, for as you think, you shall become.
When you define who YOU want to be you realize that YOU are the prize to be won! You are the great catch.
It makes sense to me.
This just dawned on me.
We know habit is central.
So what changes habit? HOW you think.
What changes HOW you think? ..When you start focusing on yourself. Focus on improving yourself. Focus on your actions, rather than focusing on the chick. You act, never react.
As you focus on yourself, you realize you can be who ever you want to be. You define yourself, for as you think, you shall become.
When you define who YOU want to be you realize that YOU are the prize to be won! You are the great catch.
It makes sense to me.
LionFox
Don Juan
Drow.. Exactly.. That was exactly what I meant to say..
Pook.. you are probably the best poster on this board, but it sounded to me, on this particular point you were making, that you were leaving out the belief side of the arguement. Yes, if you go out and ask 50 women out of habit, it could help build a better reference for your sexuality and make you a better DJ, but it could also destroy you if you misinterpret what it means.
I had a friend to was really really bad off. All he wanted was a girlfriend. He had low self-image and spent all of his time searching for a girlfriend. He probably asked out a woman out at least everyday. He got rejected time and time again. Even among his friends, (men and women) it was sort of a joke. But you know what happened to him? A year later he was MARRIED. to the first one who took the bait. And he isn't any happier and his life isn't any better.
That's all I'm saying...
Pook.. you are probably the best poster on this board, but it sounded to me, on this particular point you were making, that you were leaving out the belief side of the arguement. Yes, if you go out and ask 50 women out of habit, it could help build a better reference for your sexuality and make you a better DJ, but it could also destroy you if you misinterpret what it means.
I had a friend to was really really bad off. All he wanted was a girlfriend. He had low self-image and spent all of his time searching for a girlfriend. He probably asked out a woman out at least everyday. He got rejected time and time again. Even among his friends, (men and women) it was sort of a joke. But you know what happened to him? A year later he was MARRIED. to the first one who took the bait. And he isn't any happier and his life isn't any better.
That's all I'm saying...
Janez
Don Juan
Once again I agree with pook. 
Damnit I'm so happy things are changing the way they are.
When you make habit talking to girls, you start to enjoy it more and more. How to make that habit?
Every time you go out you talk to women. In the beggining to one, maybe 2 girls a night. In .. some time (it took for me almost a year) you will get used to it and there will be no point of going out if you don't speak to women.
addon: you just can't enjoy night if you don't talk with women.
Damnit I'm so happy things are changing the way they are.
When you make habit talking to girls, you start to enjoy it more and more. How to make that habit?
Every time you go out you talk to women. In the beggining to one, maybe 2 girls a night. In .. some time (it took for me almost a year) you will get used to it and there will be no point of going out if you don't speak to women.
addon: you just can't enjoy night if you don't talk with women.
Last edited:
Angryman
Don Juan
Why does everybody treat this guy like some kind of Dj God? This post was alright, nothing that I havent already heard. I could have sworn I read this post somewhere before. Anyway I dont see how this is a 5 star article!!!! POOK, YOURE OKAY, BUT UR NOT SOME DAMN MASTER DUAN JUAN WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING!!! I can see it now, "ANGRYMAN SHOULD BE BANNED BECAUSE HE DISAGREES WITH POOK, KILL HIM!!!" ANYWAY IVE SEEN BETTER POST ON HERE ANYWAY!! ANGRY MAN OUT!!!
P.S. GO AHEAD AND FLAME ME FOR NOT SAYIN "POOK U ROCK" ON HIS EVERY ARTICLE!!
P.S. GO AHEAD AND FLAME ME FOR NOT SAYIN "POOK U ROCK" ON HIS EVERY ARTICLE!!
Adr3nalin
Don Juan
Pook, ever think of changing your name to "The Pook"?
Lionheart
Master Don Juan
Wow, angryman sounds a tad.......angry.
You might have *****ed at Pook, but i'll flame you for being a moron, who wouldn't know eloquence if it penetrated you in the a$$hole
Pook is on fire lately, we don't hear anything from him from a while, then he just blitzes us
Nice Posts man.
You might have *****ed at Pook, but i'll flame you for being a moron, who wouldn't know eloquence if it penetrated you in the a$$hole
Pook is on fire lately, we don't hear anything from him from a while, then he just blitzes us
Nice Posts man.
Last edited:
comic_relief
Master Don Juan
bump
FINALLY! Someone admits what I always expected was true!
Alas, it does not help me; it just pushes that wretchedly painful first step further back!
... but how can I avoid doing that? They say you have to face your fear in order to overcome it, but how often does that really happen? I'm the guy who's too scared of change and its necessary pain to care what good may come of them - what must I do to overcome my fear first in order to face it?
But what makes women, or anything else for that matter, into "warm water"? This is key because until I figure this out, doing stuff is always going to be cannonballing into ice water.
Habit – automatic and unthinking instinct - is exactly what I wanted DJ-ing to become, and what I wanted every other "great work" in my life - from architecture school to weightlifting - to become, rather than bitterly despised self-inflicted pain that would I avoid and/or resist at every opportunity.
But how can this be accomplished in my absence of not only the real man’s appetite for challenge and conquest, but also of his inexhaustible drive and iron willpower, not to mention his indifference to physical, mental, and emotional pain?
Don Corleone
Don Juan
This is Bible material. I think the bible should have another section. "The Gospel of Pook:". If people read your stuff and none others, they would be well off.
Me too ..... It's actually one of the posts that influenced my success with the ladies as it cleared and simplifyed things for me . However I'd like to add something of value to guys with the same mindset .
Socializing , talking , dating etc.. is now very easy for me . It's like breathing or like pook once said i ease in it pleasently ,I flow from the inside But there are times when one is so busy (work , projects , college etc...) to get into the habit . I mean i have this fear of being rusty too quick and not knowing what to do . those self-doubts inside that say that you aren't like before , you need time to pick up the the skills you have had etc....
The treatment for this as i've found is to keep things lightly , limit expectations , be consistent then i find myself picking up again like before just like the muscle memory thing for you guys who are into bodybuilding ....what would you guys say ? what do you do to overcome these kinda os situations or false beliefs that you've lost it or are getting rusty and thus forgetting the girl becuase you need to get into the habit .
