Gym crush

[F404]

Hello fellow DJs.

I'd like to start by introducing myself.
I was referred here by my friend, who is a bona fide Don Juan.
I'm pretty sure I can be labeled as AFC right now, and I have read and dabbled in pick-up game, therefore, I do understand some of the PUA lingo, but never really have applied the "game."

I am a 5'11", 235lbs Asian man, former Marine, was training for raw powerlifting meets (285 bench/445 squat/545 deadlift) currently working as defense contractor and moonlighting as a bouncer on weekends. And I have a weakness for curvy women.

I hope to learn a lot from you all!


Back to the point.

I first met my gym crush last year, actually spoke to her a bit by helping her out with moving the incline bench into smith machine. She's definitely HB8+ as she turns heads of all the curve loving AFCs. After that day, I have not seen her. I get caught up in school, haven't been to that gym for about 8 months. Now I go back, and BOOM! She's back.

Again! I happened to assist her with moving the bench, which made me ask: "Haven't I seen you here before last year?" To which she remembers. Small talk here and there and my game isn't on point because... you know. She's my crush. Next day I see her, she snatches me up at water fountain, we begin talking, there's IOIs, kino initiated by her, so I ask her out by saying "Hey, do you want to hang out this weekend?" ------ I'm aware that this was a VERY beta way of closing.
She replies: "Oh no, I don't hang out."
I smile and say: "Alright then, I'll see you around."

Next day, I see her, I say hi, she says hi. I happened to be working out right next to her, and she takes off her earbuds and engages in small talk.
I tell her that I wasn't trying to "just hang out" but instead was asking to see if she'd like to go on a date with me. Which she replies "Hmm, maybe."

Ok, so far so good, although my approach/banter/close game could have been a LOT better. And here's the problem. There's this black guy (AMOG), he's a stereotypical "bad boy," muscular, tats, etc.
Possibly affiliated with Bloods as he has red "B" tattooed under his ear and all of his buddies always dress with something red. I'm acquainted with the guy, he's not a jerk, but a definite player. His main venue is the gym. He definitely has ton of value due to befriending (HB7/8+ only) women only and he definitely FCs bunch of women, because I've witnessed this MILF he FCed tell him to "dont' talk to me" when he was saying hi to her. I've seen him out in town also, never with a same girl.
So this AMOG opens my crush and man, he's moving fast. He's definitely getting more IOIs and kino, We talked again today, until my workout buddy, being the horrible wingman he is, interrupts the conversation so I can spot him. The AMOG's go-to trick of the trade is initiate spontaneous date right after the workout to get a drink, and close, whatever type that may be.

I'm pretty sure I've lost this one, I'm just sitting here hoping she's classy enough to not fall for the "bad boy" BS.
Unless this can salvaged, I think the right thing to do is move on, and just better my game. :box:

 

[zekko]

"I don't hang out".
What does that mean exactly?
That she wants more firm plans, she's not going to just go out with some dude and do nothing?
That she wants to be asked to go somewhere nice?
Somewhere expensive, lol?
A flat out rejection?

 

[Tortendieb]

Agree with zekko, "I don't hang out" could also mean "I like a man who knows what he wants, hanging out sounds like LJBF, you look like a badass and I will accept only if you show some BALLS".

Actually had a girl-friend tell me (years later): "be more direct. you should have asked me out on a proper date, not for a coffee. that's so lame".

Anyway don't fret it. Coffee is alright. I sounded lame. You could have responded:
- (amused smile, like you just heard something crazy) "So what DO you do then?"
- whatever the answer, suggest drinks at a cool place

Finally - maybe she's not interested either. But as we're learning - nevery call it quits before we have a definite rejection. AFCs reject themselves way too early.

Finally pt.2: about moving on: Chances are slim. Start thinking about other girls already. In your head, degrade her to low priority. But if you like, test your balls and ask her out one more time takes 5min. No use thinking too much about it.

 

[F404]

Tortendieb, one of my biggest issue is that I can be way too direct (thanks to military), therefore, in my mind, I'm always pumping brakes on my assertiveness. I've read that direct game comes on too strong, making women to put on their ASD. Maybe direct game does work for my personality.

I'm gonna ask her out directly one more time, if she gives me BS, I'm just gonna move on. Thanks for the advice gentlemen. :rockon:

 

[Suspens]

Forget the girl, befriend that guy and learn from him.

 

[EveryPostHere]

Most of the women who hang out at gyms constantly are egotistical, materialistic, and attention seeking (hence the tight outfits.) Very few of them are worth dating.

 

[foreverAFC]

maybe = low interest

 

[Tortendieb]

In my opinion an interested chick won't reject a guy who asks her to hang out or drink coffee.

I totally agree. I think it's perfectly clear that her interest is NOT high and that F404 is in the "maybe" zone. So he didn't really screw up, but he had an uphill battle to begin with.

However, depending on how much he interacted with her before, maybe she doesn't know much about him and a successful first date might get her hooked after all. Or are you saying to ignore every woman that doesnt immediately offer herself to you? My life would be pretty sad.

 

[Yewki]

also, as a general rule, I never help women out with shiAt when I'm at the gym. I don't help them move equipment. I don't invite them to work in with me. Why would you go out of your way to help some chick who hasn't even deserved it? you want to make her earn your respect.

If someone asks me nicely to help with something simple I'll almost always oblige, doesn't matter if they're a man or a woman. Maybe I'll give them some sh*it about it, but I don't get all serious and refuse to help without reciprocation or anything like that. That's kind of weird.

 

[F404]

Most of the women who hang out at gyms constantly are egotistical, materialistic, and attention seeking (hence the tight outfits.) Very few of them are worth dating.

ONLY at the gym? That's pretty much any HB. Isn't that why we're here?

I agree with you Espi, RoyalFlush and Tortendieb. I KNEW I fumbled the direct/assertiveness when I asked her out. She does start conversations when she sees me at the gym, just not as much as the AMOG (that goes for IOIs too).

Right now, my mentality is screw the AMOG, I'm going in anyway. /godmodeon :box:

 

[F404]

If someone asks me nicely to help with something simple I'll almost always oblige, doesn't matter if they're a man or a woman. Maybe I'll give them some sh*it about it, but I don't get all serious and refuse to help without reciprocation or anything like that. That's kind of weird.

Well, easiest line I usually throw after helping out a girl is "that'll be 5 bucks," but AA kicked in, and goes the autopilot, and rest of the banter.

 

[old married dude]

Agreed. So many of these inane criteria women have for men only apply at the margin...if you dont believe me try dating significantly down you can get away with murder.

When a girl with low IL and/or beta male is told "hang out, coffee" she thinks "not confident/assertive enough".

When a girl with high IL and/or player is told "hang out, coffee" she thinks "he barely has time to fit me in in between all his other *****es"

Yeah maybe be specific when you talk about hanging out.

I only mention coffee or whatever if it's a girl I'm totally platonic with.

If I want some action I'll invite them over to my place late one night for some drinks & watching some movies on my sofa.

They generally know what that means lol.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Imo I think guys handle social interactions a little to polite and nice. Just because you don't know her well doesn't mean you can't bust her chops or at the very least, reply the way you actually feel.

She said: I don't hang out.

You smiled like that rude reply was cool.

When you should've said: What?

With a straight face, it puts her on the spot and then she really explains wtf she meant by that idiotic comment.

You can't be afraid to lose women, us men need to stop beating around the bush so much with chicks.

Also, for future reference, NEVER asks woman to hang out. You either demand or suggest it.

Ex1: Let's hang out soon.

Ex2: Come get a drink with me real quick.

Its way better than 'do you want to hang out soon?' Or 'you want to get drinks?'

Also, chicks, especially gym ones, always go for the bad boy. You lost this one bro, quit while you're ahead.

 

[F404]

Totally agree SmooveMooves, I shouldn't have ASKED, I actually learned that from reading The Manual by W. Anton, great inner game/direct approach game book.

The most frustrating thing is, this bad boy AMOG is all beach muscles, she's seen me lift and I'm probably one of the strongest guys who lifts here. But again, women ARE shallow. FML. Haha!

 

[zekko]

This is interesting. I remember reading here awhile back that today's generation doesn't go on "dates", instead they "hang out", and that's what you should do - try to get her to "hang out" with you.

Now from this thread, it appears that "hanging out" might suggest that you are indecisive as a male, in that you don't have any firm plans in mind as to what activities you are taking her on. I think that all women are different, but I think it's a good generalization to say that women don't like indecision.

Tyler from RSD talks about inviting her into your world, doing whatever you are going to be doing anyway. Like if you are going to buy a shirt, take her with you to buy your shirt. That's really just hanging out, but at least it's a definite plan: "Come with me to pick me out a shirt", lol.

 

[zekko]

It all depends on interest level.

She likely wouldn't object to hanging out with the alpha-muscle gym guy at OP's gym.

Lol, perhaps not.
Unless this "I don't hang out" business is some sort of power play attempt on her part.

 

[mangotot]

Since the black bad boy is a pump and dump merchant, perhaps you can still have a go after him? Next time you see her, its straight to the point asking for a date. If she says no just move on.

 

[foreverAFC]

she already communicated her low interest by saying maybe

"She is either into it or she isnt" - Pauly Shore

 

[F404]

Yes, "hanging out" definitely conveys low confidence. Should have been more direct/demanding like, "let's go eat sushi this Saturday."

But if she has low interest, why does she keep engaging in conversation?
She removes her earbuds, body facing me, all the IOIs are there, even little kino. Maybe I'm just falling into friendzone. -____-;

Well, I haven't seen her since my original post, doesn't hurt to attempt to ask out one more time.

 

[_sideways_]

BecAuse girls think talking and flirting is cool. Nothing ab9ut you