Guys, Don't Waste Your Time & Money at Bars & Clubs - Here's Why

[runner83]

Now in my "old age", I don't tend to go out to bars and clubs to try and "pick up" for a lot of the reasons mentioned in the posts.

Plus, I've cut down on my drinking a fair bit for muscle building and health reasons.

So I might go out with mates sometimes, but mainly just try to focus on having a good time.

Depends on location though, for how bad it is.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Most men never realize this, but in all actuality, Clubs (and some bars) CAN represent the worst battlefield to win a woman's attraction.

Why?

Because BEFORE a woman can be attracted to you, she first has to notice you.

BEFORE she can notice you, you have to first be able to stand out in the crowd in such a way that you capture HER attention, you have to HOLD her attention long enough to establish a strong enough connection.

And in order to build upon that connection, you have to be of high enough status in HER EYES whereas she is NOT distracted by all the attention she is getting from a squadron of desperate guys hungry for sex.


In most cases, even the LESS attractive women have "an edge" over most guys who approach them in the club.

To thrive in the "Club" scenario, you have to have the kind of distinction that a woman finds attractive...AND you have to be able to PROJECT that distinctiveness to a wide range of women.


Soldier on.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Double Post.

 

[Just a Shot Away]

Think of clubbing 10 years ago, circa 2000. No cell phones. No texting. No digital cameras. No Facebook. No MySpace. No online dating sites.

Uhh...what? No cell phones in the year 2000, huh? No cameras either? Where did you grow up exactly, spinaroonie?

 

[Mike32ct]

Uhh...what? No cell phones in the year 2000, huh? No cameras either? Where did you grow up exactly, spinaroonie?

I remember I had a car phone until say 1998. If you had a PHONE in your CAR, you were the sh*t back then lol. Handheld cell phones become more common later on.

 

[Eugene__]

Hi,

Great thread by the original poster. I just wanted to confirm that everything he's observed is true in my experience. Indeed, clubs/bars have changed their role over the past several years. Whereas previously, they were legitimate mating markets, with the two genders actively seeking each other out and exchanging numbers, nowadays they're mostly a destination for cliques (social groups of friends) celebrating special events: birthday parties, bachelorette parties, a night out, etc. Clubs currently cater to closed social circles, where meeting strangers is highly unusual. I don't think I've seen a phone number exchange in years, now that I think about it!

Believe it or not I created a very similar thread on some other game forum, discussing the same observation.

I've seen the shift first hand. Nightclubs used to consist of a large dancefloor, whereas nowadays dancefloors are rare, the space is now taken up by VIP tables and seating with bottle service. Even in popular culture, you can feel the difference. Pop songs circa 2004-2006 used to be about humping on the dancefloor, while modern Pop songs are about popping bottles (e.g. "Like a G6").

Now here comes my question. I understand this is due to Facebook emerging as the social network, and single women don't need to go out as much anymore. Makes sense to me.

Here's the problem: What if you don't have a good social circle? Since everyone's on Facebook, can you use Facebook to actually meet people? The answer is no. I've tried and had really bad results. You can't really use Facebook for romantic purposes, it's not a dating site a la Match.com. People are guarded and protect their info and girls especially, it seems to me, are wary of strangers.

So Facebook allows girls to stay home and not resort to going out, but the guys are kind of out of options if they don't have a social network, because they can't meet girls on FB as they would in a club. My question is, what's the right strategy in this situation? How do males without a large social network currently find women?

 

[spinaroonie]

Eugene, what's the forum on which you made the same observations? Can you put the link up to the thread here?

And yes, only guys 25+ will be old enough to note how night game dynamics have changed since the early 2000s, before the Facebook/smartphone explosion changed the game.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Clubs currently cater to closed social circles, where meeting strangers is highly unusual. I don't think I've seen a phone number exchange in years, now that I think about it!

I don't know what you guys are talking about I have tons of success going out to bars. I don't go out to clubs, though, because the clubs we have here are absolutely terrible.

Maybe it's just different where I am but I disagree, everyone that goes to bars here is really open to meeting new people and girls especially.

Maybe it just has to do with a failure in your game? Not to be a ****, but I always blame every single failure that I have with women on myself, that way I can pick apart and analyze what I did and where I went wrong and learn from it. Seems like this thread is sort of about blaming establishments or changing social norms when the problem is with you.

 

[Eugene__]

To be honest I don't remember, it was some random post, but what I remember is that people disagreed with me LOL. But, I used to go out a lot in 2004-2006 and the difference is quite striking, so I can definitely confirm it.

The question is, where do girls find guys now? Strictly through their FB networks? I imagine it's a good thing for "Category A" males who are lucky enough to have large social circles that include women. But what about the other half of men, let's call them "Category B," who lack good social connections on FB? They can't just add new girls as friends since that's considered creepy and they will be declined. But they can't go out either, since clubs aren't what they used to be.

In my experience, Online Dating has also declined. There are fewer people on online dating sites than in the mid-2000s. That industry is going through some losses as those sites are losing members.

Another thing which seems to have happened, but which I haven't been able to confirm anywhere, is that there are more guys / less girls now than a few years ago (at least in the US). Not quite sure why that's happened, if anyone knows why the ratio Male:Female has gotten worse compared to early/mid-2000s in this country, please enlighten me.

 

[spinaroonie]

Another thing which seems to have happened, but which I haven't been able to confirm anywhere, is that there are more guys / less girls now than a few years ago (at least in the US). Not quite sure why that's happened, if anyone knows why the ratio Male:Female has gotten worse compared to early/mid-2000s in this country, please enlighten me.

I don't think this is true unless you live in the Mountain Time Zone or something. But there's always the phenomenon of ALL men 18-99 going after the most desirable women in the 18-29 range.

Your perception is skewed because you're seeing more men out on the town than women. As cited in the OP, fewer women are going out explicitly to meet men because women no longer need to be proactive about going out to meet men. Why go out when they can field suitors via Facebook and online dating sites. When they are out it's in large mixed social cliques or out on a "girl's night", seldom do you find that elusive golden 2-set.

Too many guys here still have a Game 1.0 approach to meeting women when we live in a Game 2.0 world. And men have bowed over to allow women too much power to dictate the terms of courtship. It's making neither side happy.

 

[Lexington]

I'm not a big fan of clubs, but bars are still good hunting grounds. It's true that most people go out in groups these days, but you have to look closely at those groups: they consist mostly of single people. Most of those dudes accompanying girls to bars are NOT tapping that a$$.

What I've come to realize about bars is that you have to go in there with a mission; you have to focus on what you're there for. You're not there to chat with your buds while overpaying for beverages. You're there to meet people and socialize.

People WANT to socialize. Why would people go to a crowded, noisy place and pay for expensive drinks when they could just stay home and chill with their group of friends at a fraction of the price? People are just too shy to leave their comfort zones. iPhones etc. provide people with an extra crutch they didn't have before.

Go to any decently crowded bar and just keep talking to people. You'll be surprised at how receptive most people are (both guys and girls) to friendly conversation.

 

[Gray The Prince]

OP, u mad that I get play in the club?

U mad that I get in front of orbiters and take the girl they've been building up the courage to talk to for the last 30 minutes?

U mad that females, esp in the club like my biceps?

U mad brah?

 

[IKO69]

I think it doesn't hurt. Go to one for the experience of being in one or with a group of friends to just unwind. It doesn't hurt and you can expect to meet different people. This is what it's all about anyway. If you go with the intention of meeting women you have to realize you will be faced with lots of stiff competition because the ratio of men to women is so high- you're not the only stud in the joint. This can crush a more inexperienced person's confidence but it doesn't have to if you just go to a venue with the intention of hanging out with some friends or mess around.

 

[Nutz]

Bars are okay for picking up, but clubs are utterly worthless unless you've got tight escalation/SNL game. At least in the DC area. The exception is if you bring girls with you, which you should always be doing anyway. This way you've got options available to you to right off the bat, and gobs of preselection and girls to do the work for you.

 

[TIC]

Hi,
I don't think I've seen a phone number exchange in years, now that I think about it!

If you've read my approach journal you'd know that getting numbers in clubs is fairly easy. I've gotten a ton of them and its obvious I have little to no game.

Numbers don't mean a damn thing. A texting game occurs which leads to nowhere. Your seriously better off getting her facebook. Women flake flake flake flake flake flake flake flake. Even if she agrees to go out with you through a text/call, chances of her actually showing up are like 10%

 

[handle]

i have a different out take on clubs.

I only go when a certain DJ is playing. For the most part I'm there to dance, listen to the music i love, and show off some of the dance moves ive been practicing all week (jk)

Agreed. There's a wicked electro dj we go to sometimes, the guy is great. I don't go unless I'm gonna enjoy the music (so there's only like 2-3 clubs I go to). That way I'm not frustrated at some bull**** like the girl-guy ratio. Who cares? More important to go somewhere fun.

I notice that the OP mentions how it's always people out celebrating or in groups already at the clubs. Maybe true, but have you ever been with a group? Being with a group makes it more fun -- you and your friends go, they bring their friends, you meet them... Stuff happens. Maybe the club is less of an initial meeting place now, but it's still an opportunity to have something happen between you and an acquaintance.

 

[Veridin]

I gave up meeting women in clubs and bars a few years ago!

Sausage fest is exactly what most bars and clubs are, it's ridiculous, in some places it's like 5 guys for every 1 girl. Fights are a regular occurrences in clubs and I reckon it is because of such ridiculous ratios.

I also notice a lot of couples go out together to bars and clubs now and that's pretty poor.

Coffee shops and shops are the places I search for women nowadays.

I agree with this, but keep in mind, "sausage fest" is a way to insult groups of men. We are supposed to think it is bad for men to get together - because we are lesser people. And of course men unthinkingly use this term, just because it has been widely spread. Why is there no such common, insulting term for women getting together?

 

[Veridin]

Man homie your on my d*ck awfully hard....no idiot I mean get their number go on a date and then f*ck em

Get off my d*ck bro your on the TIP hard

Does joe henny stand for hoe jenny?

Madghost may be right. I really don't see anyone talking like that and being serious.

 

[Veridin]

While this may be in the case in the US, in Europe, clubs are still perfect for spending a Friday or Saturday night and meeting women. Usually when I go out I'll start drinking at a bar and try to meet some girls there, and then move on to the club when it opens (midnight around here). Girls in clubs are usually looking for something and are almost never there for a "girl's night out".

That's like talking about the Americas as one culture. Norway and Greece have little in common, and England and Albania have nothing in common. There are plenty of European countries that have more in common with the U.S., Canada, Australia and New Zealand than with some other European countries. It isn't possible to make a general statement about all clubs in Europe, any more than you could about the clubs from Ontario to Chile.

 

[Sh0t]

Damn I haven't posted on SS in long while. Glad to see it's still around.

I'll come back and write a longer post in a few hours, but I just wanted to add some more to it real quick.

I went to Lake Havasu a few weeks ago. Even popular spring break destinations are becoming ATROCIOUS. 6-8:1 is common and I'm not even joking.

Here in San Diego, the big DANCE clubs are horrible most nights, but other scenes have become "emerging markets", so to speak. I know where to find the girls now, but I've really been trying to dig into WHY. The Facebook, social media theory is a good one, and that explains about 50% of it.

Maybe the economy is the other half, or perhaps, douchebags have just chased the girls away. That's what I've been investigating last few months.

Just got back from Vegas, happy to report things are still good there if you know what you are doing in terms of venue selection, dress, and how to use your time wisely.

And as always, i still advocate hunting women alone, if you can handle it.

Not quite ironic, but it's funny to leave a sausage fest bar with a 5:1 ratio, and hear men complaining about that, then go to a strip club with a 1:5 ratio and hear strippers complaining about the lack of customers. Go figure.

Hats off to SS, glad to see this place still kicking.