Guys, am I right to get pissed off?

[RyanAD]

Bit of background; my girlfriend of 14 months has this need to tell me everything, otherwise she feels guilty about it... it generally revolves around guys she's been with in the past, but really dumb stuff, like making out in a club or something - she's only ever slept with one guy prior to me.

It's like a weekly thing now where she say's she remembered something, like the time she made out with a guy in a club, and she needs to tell me about it because she walked past him at university and it reminded her of it. It's pretty much because she regrets her past and want's to be honest about it.

I've done alot of **** in the past that i'm not proud of, but if I get asked about it, i'm honest and then I move on... I don't fixate on things and 99% of the time I don't even remember because i've moved on and put it behind me.

I've ended up getting really pissed off because I don't need to constantly hear about every dumb time she's made out with a guy, I don't need that floating around my head while I've got other things to get on with. I told her we're not 12 years old, and that I don't need the highschool-like gossip of who-kissed-who and all that. That basically ended up in her getting really upset lastnight.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Of course it pissed her off. You are perfectly valid in communicating to her that you don't care to hear about those things, but the way you did it was needlessly rude and insulting.

Further, there is a deeper message she is trying to express to you here in the typical covert way that women do. It will help you if you learn to seek to understand what that message is, so that you can evaluate how you feel about it and then how to response to her accordingly. For example, if the message is that she really, really likes you and is insecure that you finding out about something in her past is going to cause you to leave, then with that understanding, you might be better able to respond to her with kindness when you explain to her that you don't need to hear about it. Or if the message is that she's trying to make you jealous, then you can note that to yourself and potentially start disengaging from her because she's disqualifying herself to you. You know her better than I do, so you are the only one who can best determine her motives.

 

[Kotaix]

She's coming from a place of insecurity like every other woman and she probably wants your absolution for what she thinks are her sins. You did put her in her place, which is necessary, some understanding conversation will help, but don't apologize. Never apologize.

 

[Robert28]

This girl I’m seeing off and on loves to talk about her exes in high school. No recent exes, but high school exes. I’m 36 and she’s 33 and about the third time she mentioned it in passing I thought to myself “this is weird she keeps doing this”. It was never deep stuff, but like I saw this badass classic car the other day and she said “my ex in high school had a car like that”. I’m thinking “damn if I can remember what any of my exes drove in high school”.haha I just found it weird she would randomly mention exes from so long ago but never recent ones. I finally asked her “do I bring out these high school flashbacks for you or something?” But I said it in a joking way. She got the message and apologized and said she didn’t realize she was talking so much about her exes, I told her it didn’t really bother me but I told her she was acting like a female Al Bundy (Polk High, 4 touchdowns in one game).haha