LittleBigOne
Don Juan
Because she is having the same phone.She is not gonna change her phonenumber because a friend falls in love with her and calls her once a day. It isn't stalking..not yet.Vypros said:
"The Kiss of Death Mistake"
You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?
Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.
One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.
Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Guy wants to win over my GF (?)
- Thread starter LittleBigOne
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
I love how trusting that you guys are of your women. You are SO trusting that automatically he must have "stalker" tendencies. lol
How did he get her phone number in the first place? Don't tell me because they work together on projects and stuff, because I don't buy that. Think about it man, on a site where a "number close" is a huge deal, you don't think it's a little crazy that she gave him her number?
How did he get her phone number in the first place? Don't tell me because they work together on projects and stuff, because I don't buy that. Think about it man, on a site where a "number close" is a huge deal, you don't think it's a little crazy that she gave him her number?
Sir Drinksalot
Don Juan
- Joined
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All of this is your woman's fault. She's leading him on and is probably an AW.
Without much detail, I had major, major problems with this 12 years ago, I allowed it to hurt me and go on for too long.
Finally, I told her, "you KNOW he's in love with you, I question YOUR motives in staying friends with him, if you don't end the relationship with him, I'm ending ours."
She dropped the guy, I wish I'd have done it a lot sooner.
She became my ex-wife. Come to think of it, I'd have been better to let the little a$$hole midget have her.
Without much detail, I had major, major problems with this 12 years ago, I allowed it to hurt me and go on for too long.
Finally, I told her, "you KNOW he's in love with you, I question YOUR motives in staying friends with him, if you don't end the relationship with him, I'm ending ours."
She dropped the guy, I wish I'd have done it a lot sooner.
She became my ex-wife. Come to think of it, I'd have been better to let the little a$$hole midget have her.
Women and there strange ideals regarding male and female friendship.
Women think men and women can be friends.
Men think men and women can be friends, then these men realize they actually like the female friend, pretend to be her real friend secretly want more and wait or build up situations where they can try to WIN her over.
Male friends are usually AFC wan*ers not worth the effort to get worried about, using stupid tactics to win over the female friends.
The female friend thinks its just him being nice as tbh women are pretty dam stupid when it comes to what men are like.
Some women actually believe in the men and women can be mates and will argue the toss with you about ‘there right’, even when you see there male friend pass in her roses and trying to take her out to dinners are some other shi*, some women genuinely don’t think they are trying to get anything more.
Women on the friend thing are generally rather fuc*ing stupid and this is the real problem.
Some women realize what the men are after and USE them for the attention, these are the attention who**s.
Some women generally believe in the female and male friendship thing BUT and this is a mother fuc*ing huge BUT.
The women that believe in the men and women can be mates DO NOT ENTERTAIN MEN THAT WANT A RELATIONSHIP and telegraph it to her.
Now some women are pretty dam stupid on the men’s intentions and will see things like courtship behaviour as them being nice and just being mates, its weird its fuc*ed up and it is one of many reasons why I don’t like male friends for my GF in anyway shape of form, as simply I DO NOT TRUST MEN, women I think can be rather stupid.
The AFC and the ALPHA set up.
The AFC male friend tries to game the chick, the ALPHA sits back and know this guy his going to shoot himself in the foot, he does not have to do fuc* all, if anything he is getting bored and annoyed at how dumb his GF actually is in relation to men. He waits patiently for her to figure out the guy is some sad case looser and is not actually being her mate as she thinks he is, but is trying to woo her with Beta moves. The ALPHA sits back relaxes, does what he always does and waits for the BETA to get more and more frustrated and waits for the BETA to make the MAIN mistake and cross that line and profess his true intentions at this stage the ALPHA waits and see;s what his GF does on this information.
If his GF does not Mind that her male friend is making advances and is aware of them and actually spends more time with the other guy, this certain ALPHA says, ‘oh yeh is this how it is, right you want to play those games np’ he then goes out and gets some Female friends of his own and starts to spin his GF and his new Female friends as his GF is either showing she is really dam stupid, an attention whor* or she was not that into him anyway, he puts in the motions for damage management.
On the other hand his GF realizes she as been a little naive when the BETA male shows his true intentions, she then apologises to her BF for being stupid and shuts the BETA male out of her life for good.
Now how does the above fit in for you?
You will be suprised how stupid women can be to the advances from her male buddies, they are totally dam clueless some of them, they really are.
I always give them the benifit of the doubt until i SEE it as crossed a point where it only the truly simple minded would not see what the guy is trying to do, in that i either think the women i am with is a little too dumb for my tastes, an attention whor* or she wants the guys also.
Women think men and women can be friends.
Men think men and women can be friends, then these men realize they actually like the female friend, pretend to be her real friend secretly want more and wait or build up situations where they can try to WIN her over.
Male friends are usually AFC wan*ers not worth the effort to get worried about, using stupid tactics to win over the female friends.
The female friend thinks its just him being nice as tbh women are pretty dam stupid when it comes to what men are like.
Some women actually believe in the men and women can be mates and will argue the toss with you about ‘there right’, even when you see there male friend pass in her roses and trying to take her out to dinners are some other shi*, some women genuinely don’t think they are trying to get anything more.
Women on the friend thing are generally rather fuc*ing stupid and this is the real problem.
Some women realize what the men are after and USE them for the attention, these are the attention who**s.
Some women generally believe in the female and male friendship thing BUT and this is a mother fuc*ing huge BUT.
The women that believe in the men and women can be mates DO NOT ENTERTAIN MEN THAT WANT A RELATIONSHIP and telegraph it to her.
Now some women are pretty dam stupid on the men’s intentions and will see things like courtship behaviour as them being nice and just being mates, its weird its fuc*ed up and it is one of many reasons why I don’t like male friends for my GF in anyway shape of form, as simply I DO NOT TRUST MEN, women I think can be rather stupid.
The AFC and the ALPHA set up.
The AFC male friend tries to game the chick, the ALPHA sits back and know this guy his going to shoot himself in the foot, he does not have to do fuc* all, if anything he is getting bored and annoyed at how dumb his GF actually is in relation to men. He waits patiently for her to figure out the guy is some sad case looser and is not actually being her mate as she thinks he is, but is trying to woo her with Beta moves. The ALPHA sits back relaxes, does what he always does and waits for the BETA to get more and more frustrated and waits for the BETA to make the MAIN mistake and cross that line and profess his true intentions at this stage the ALPHA waits and see;s what his GF does on this information.
If his GF does not Mind that her male friend is making advances and is aware of them and actually spends more time with the other guy, this certain ALPHA says, ‘oh yeh is this how it is, right you want to play those games np’ he then goes out and gets some Female friends of his own and starts to spin his GF and his new Female friends as his GF is either showing she is really dam stupid, an attention whor* or she was not that into him anyway, he puts in the motions for damage management.
On the other hand his GF realizes she as been a little naive when the BETA male shows his true intentions, she then apologises to her BF for being stupid and shuts the BETA male out of her life for good.
Now how does the above fit in for you?
You will be suprised how stupid women can be to the advances from her male buddies, they are totally dam clueless some of them, they really are.
I always give them the benifit of the doubt until i SEE it as crossed a point where it only the truly simple minded would not see what the guy is trying to do, in that i either think the women i am with is a little too dumb for my tastes, an attention whor* or she wants the guys also.
speed dawg
Master Don Juan
STICKY THIS!!!! 
jonwon's post, that is....
jonwon's post, that is....
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
This is what I expect for the woman that I choose to be with me in a committed relationship:
1) Respect coming from her toward me.
and
2) She making sure she does not contribute toward somebody else disrespecting me.
None are negotiable as I don't negotiate MY respect as doing so would only contribute toward lack of self-respect. That's not going to happen.
If you feel the guy is disrespecting you by trying to hook up with her (knowing well that YOU are with her)...then the ball is in HER park. It is up to her to put a stop to that crap as she is NOT suppose to be a contributor to that disrespect. If she tries (legitimate try) to put a stop to it and he continues, then it is up to you. But trust me...she has the power to put a stop to a disrespect.
Now, that is assuming he is actually trying to hit on her. Also, some actions are inappropriate like he staying with her in her place in another country. I personally view that as SHE disrespecting you. But that's me and those are my standards. Everybody standards are different.
1) Respect coming from her toward me.
and
2) She making sure she does not contribute toward somebody else disrespecting me.
None are negotiable as I don't negotiate MY respect as doing so would only contribute toward lack of self-respect. That's not going to happen.
If you feel the guy is disrespecting you by trying to hook up with her (knowing well that YOU are with her)...then the ball is in HER park. It is up to her to put a stop to that crap as she is NOT suppose to be a contributor to that disrespect. If she tries (legitimate try) to put a stop to it and he continues, then it is up to you. But trust me...she has the power to put a stop to a disrespect.
Now, that is assuming he is actually trying to hit on her. Also, some actions are inappropriate like he staying with her in her place in another country. I personally view that as SHE disrespecting you. But that's me and those are my standards. Everybody standards are different.
LittleBigOne
Don Juan
Great post of JonWon!
I do belief this guy is gonna shoot in his foot when he continues with this behaviour. And i totally agree with your ALPHA - BETA set up.
Once more, you can call me naief/dum, but i do trust my gf for 200%. She complains about the fact that every time she acts friendly to a guy that such guy starts to think "hey, she likes me...wanne have s#x?". While for her it's nothing more then being friendly. Does she need to act like a b#tch to every guy so they won't get this idea? It looks she can't be herself. I do agree she must deal with him and she does by not replying to his sms's and phonecalls. And they don't see eachother at the moment.
And yes, he is Dutch, just like me, just like my gf. In this case i don't see a difference to other nationalities.
I do belief this guy is gonna shoot in his foot when he continues with this behaviour. And i totally agree with your ALPHA - BETA set up.
Once more, you can call me naief/dum, but i do trust my gf for 200%. She complains about the fact that every time she acts friendly to a guy that such guy starts to think "hey, she likes me...wanne have s#x?". While for her it's nothing more then being friendly. Does she need to act like a b#tch to every guy so they won't get this idea? It looks she can't be herself. I do agree she must deal with him and she does by not replying to his sms's and phonecalls. And they don't see eachother at the moment.
And yes, he is Dutch, just like me, just like my gf. In this case i don't see a difference to other nationalities.
You were 18, the age in which many of us (due to inexperience) leave things go. I am guessing the dude and this chick are over 25.mr_elor said:Lol I love this 'guilty until proven...well, guilty all the way' attitude
Anyway. Okay there's nothing wrong with a healthy dose of scepticism, trust me on that it's the best way to get through life. However, I don't see all this jumping to conclusions. Why is she necessarily a potential cheat or why must she be losing interest in the OP just because she does things with this guy?
I used to live with a girl a couple of years back at uni who had a long distance relationship with her boyfriend. You see where I'm coming from with this? Basically it was a very similar situation. Incidentally I was into this girl I lived with.
Guess what, we went places togther, usually just us two. We went the cinema, went for a nice walk through parks (yeah I was an AFC at the time), went for meals togther etc etc. Obviously I didn't need to text her, but we spoke a hell of a lot.
And you know what, nothing happened. Ever. Absolutely nothing. Even if we went on a night out together nothing ever happened. If anything she'd come back drunk and go phone her BF.
So believe it or not, no matter how good friends they are, even if he's into her, it still doesn't necessarily mean anything will happen.
It's all a question of well you know your GF.
Put it this way...I'm 39 and there is no doubt in my mind that if she finds me relatively attractive and allows me to visit her and stay a few days...knowing what I know NOW...I would phuck the heck out of her.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
The guy who says invite Him over and try to be his friend is the best answer for all these types of situations.
Most people aren't total ****s, put a face on his victim. Hopefully then, he'll back off. BTW - It's not a good thing she has male friends, they are your competition
In the short term you can't really do anything except trust your girlfriend although I would make it clear to her if he does try something then it's her responsibilty to share that with you.
The real problem is the longer she spends hanging out with him the more HER feelings for him will grow and it may be a mutual thing that they get togeather. You really have to start limiting the time she spends with this guy, not by restricting her because that's seen as controlling but by making her too busy, she should always choose you over him for where she spends her time. If she doesn't you're ****ed, she's already ended it with you, she just hasn't got the nerve to tell you. Start looking for a new girlfriend and end it with her.
Most people aren't total ****s, put a face on his victim. Hopefully then, he'll back off. BTW - It's not a good thing she has male friends, they are your competition
In the short term you can't really do anything except trust your girlfriend although I would make it clear to her if he does try something then it's her responsibilty to share that with you.
The real problem is the longer she spends hanging out with him the more HER feelings for him will grow and it may be a mutual thing that they get togeather. You really have to start limiting the time she spends with this guy, not by restricting her because that's seen as controlling but by making her too busy, she should always choose you over him for where she spends her time. If she doesn't you're ****ed, she's already ended it with you, she just hasn't got the nerve to tell you. Start looking for a new girlfriend and end it with her.
Ignore what I said, I hadn't read the whole thread.
As for girls not knowing guys have alterior motives, I'm not sure however I think they know it to a degree and like it, they're able to use it to their advantage. How many times has a girl got a guy to fix her computer, put up her fence, lend her money blah blah!! Just given her the attention!
I'm not saying women are simply that calculating but I also don't think girls are simply that naieve either. They are just soooo used to it, right from the moment they smiled at Daddy and asked for their first bike.
As for girls not knowing guys have alterior motives, I'm not sure however I think they know it to a degree and like it, they're able to use it to their advantage. How many times has a girl got a guy to fix her computer, put up her fence, lend her money blah blah!! Just given her the attention!
I'm not saying women are simply that calculating but I also don't think girls are simply that naieve either. They are just soooo used to it, right from the moment they smiled at Daddy and asked for their first bike.
Any man that trust another person (other than for work related stuff) is a fool. Especially if that trust is directed to a woman. The most I have ever trusted a woman (other than work related stuff) is my former wife and this is because she earned that trust for over a decade. And my trust to her was about 90%.LittleBigOne said:
ANYONE is capable of cheating. And let me add this...women do talk. If you trust you dirty secrets to her...eventually...when things don't go well between you and her, she will run her mouth.
Keep that in mind before you say "I trust my g/f 200%". This is a woman that has very little vested interest in you. I mean, you are not even the father of her children.
mr_elor - Good story, girls have this need to be loved by all. She already knew he fancied her and by going into your room she proved that you fancied her, you would have kicked her out if you didn't. Either way, nothing proves that she fancied either of you. Although as you said, you had more fun than your friend for alot less hassle.
Basically unless you **** a girl you don't know **** what she thinks. That's why it's soooo important to get the f-close.
Oscar Wild - "Men need sex to feel love, women need love to have sex"
Very intuitive for a gay guy!
Basically unless you **** a girl you don't know **** what she thinks. That's why it's soooo important to get the f-close.
Oscar Wild - "Men need sex to feel love, women need love to have sex"
Very intuitive for a gay guy!
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
By the way...there is a huge difference between male "friends" and male "coworkers", "co-students" or any other type of "peers". There are also a handful than could honestly be considered "friends". And those tend to be the geekie type (or the type that obviously never had an iterest) that the person knows for YEARS.
And my experience is that when a woman gets involve in a SERIOUS relationship with a man and she is truly interested in that man...then she understands (if she is mature enough) that hanging around ALONE or TOO MUCH with that other male friend is inappropriate as it can create a difficult situation. So, she tones it down in the case of life-long friends in order to built a strong foundation in the relationship.
A guy that she meets AFTER being with you is NOT a friend. He is either a co-worker or some other kind of peer. If the guys gets too involve in her life for work or schooling purposes, then the appropriate thing is to introduce her man (boyfriend/husband) to that peer.
Calling at night or at home to set lunch or other "dates" is inappropriate.
Men today pretend that by acting "cool" (e.g. ignoring his girl behavior) they are doing themselves a favor. In reallity, what they are doing is allowing their women to think they can get away with things because their "m"en are naive. But when a woman KNOWS that their man is ALERT and that their man has STANDARDS (when it comes to respect)...then that woman is more conscious of her actions as she does NOT want to damage the relationship.
And my experience is that when a woman gets involve in a SERIOUS relationship with a man and she is truly interested in that man...then she understands (if she is mature enough) that hanging around ALONE or TOO MUCH with that other male friend is inappropriate as it can create a difficult situation. So, she tones it down in the case of life-long friends in order to built a strong foundation in the relationship.
A guy that she meets AFTER being with you is NOT a friend. He is either a co-worker or some other kind of peer. If the guys gets too involve in her life for work or schooling purposes, then the appropriate thing is to introduce her man (boyfriend/husband) to that peer.
Calling at night or at home to set lunch or other "dates" is inappropriate.
Men today pretend that by acting "cool" (e.g. ignoring his girl behavior) they are doing themselves a favor. In reallity, what they are doing is allowing their women to think they can get away with things because their "m"en are naive. But when a woman KNOWS that their man is ALERT and that their man has STANDARDS (when it comes to respect)...then that woman is more conscious of her actions as she does NOT want to damage the relationship.
Latinoman - I agree with what you say however isn't it sad because without 100% trust then you can never love 100% and therefore can never be 100% happy.
That's the problem as you grow up, you loose that innocence.
Maybe it's not as foolish as you think to hold on to it for as long as you can.
That's the problem as you grow up, you loose that innocence.
Maybe it's not as foolish as you think to hold on to it for as long as you can.
CalmCoolAndConfident
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2007
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- 71
- Reaction score
- 2
Dude hes in the friend zone dont worry about him, worry bout all the guys she dosnt no.
drmeathead
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2004
- Messages
- 490
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- 47
i would tell her you arent comfortable with the amount of time that they spend together. she will ask if oyu are telling her not to see him...say i am not telling oyu anything and let it go. this is your **** test. if she stops seeing him great...at first. however there may come resentment for "losing" this "friend" when that time comes remember this "when a woman is falling in love with a man he can d o no wrong, when a woman is falling out of love he can do no right".
on the contrary, if she continues to do something that you have explicitly told her that makes you uncomfortable then get rip of her. do you really want some one that disrespects your feelings? do you want some one who continues to do something that hurts you? that is worried about what her friends feelings are over yours? hey if you are ok with that stay with her. i imagine and hope you arent. if you arent, then just walk away. you dont owe her any explanations or anything. do what you want, go where u want, see who you want.
the trick with this is, is to not say a word more about it once you make it explicit that her seeing this guy makes you uncomfortable. she may ask why in some form? no response other than it just does, that is how i feel is needed.
you didnt tell her to stop seeing him or any kind of ultimatum. that is something that can be discussed as to its face value as legitimate or not, rational or not, fair or not. your feeling of comfort is you. it comes from within and cannot be argued or rationalized anymore than why your favorite color is your favorite color or why you are left handed or right handed.
trust me on this, a true keeper will make amends to the problem. she will get a new number if need be. she will call MaBell and get his number blocked. at the very least she wont pick up when he calls...ever. she will avoid him at work. (lifetime has produced a generation of women so wanting to save a friend from a stalker it is rediculous). bottom line is she will make it right with you. if and when she does man, grab on to her. if she doesnt boot her ass out the door. good luck
on the contrary, if she continues to do something that you have explicitly told her that makes you uncomfortable then get rip of her. do you really want some one that disrespects your feelings? do you want some one who continues to do something that hurts you? that is worried about what her friends feelings are over yours? hey if you are ok with that stay with her. i imagine and hope you arent. if you arent, then just walk away. you dont owe her any explanations or anything. do what you want, go where u want, see who you want.
the trick with this is, is to not say a word more about it once you make it explicit that her seeing this guy makes you uncomfortable. she may ask why in some form? no response other than it just does, that is how i feel is needed.
you didnt tell her to stop seeing him or any kind of ultimatum. that is something that can be discussed as to its face value as legitimate or not, rational or not, fair or not. your feeling of comfort is you. it comes from within and cannot be argued or rationalized anymore than why your favorite color is your favorite color or why you are left handed or right handed.
trust me on this, a true keeper will make amends to the problem. she will get a new number if need be. she will call MaBell and get his number blocked. at the very least she wont pick up when he calls...ever. she will avoid him at work. (lifetime has produced a generation of women so wanting to save a friend from a stalker it is rediculous). bottom line is she will make it right with you. if and when she does man, grab on to her. if she doesnt boot her ass out the door. good luck
d9930380 said:
We have to simply adapt to the environment. I loved my ex-wife the MAXIMUM possible way (which is 90%). But going through the divorce and understanding women's emotional character...I am glad that I did not share everything. As a "hurt" woman might sometimes talk to her friends about her partner's personal thing. I have seen it happen MANY times...to then see the same woman and man going back together.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.