Guy friends

[CaptFinnBad]

Clearly you are.

Thanks for your valuable input.

I'm not threatened, But it is a concern as the whole premise is not something that feels appropriate to me.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So I approached the subject.

Actually the other night we were having the best night together, really intimate, great sex e.t.c.

She actually brought it up and said it didn't feel acceptable her going and explained she had these trips booked when she were single and they were arranged well in advance.

Then mentioned she could just cancel them if I wanted.

I didn't want to tell her to cancel the trips. Instead I flipped the subject and explained how I find a little possiveness in a relationship really hot (which I do). Explained the difference between trust, controling and possesivness (as in protective/territorial).

So a little bit if possessive play between us. We were both getting off on it. Went home.


When I got home she re introduced the subject. I explained it's not the values I hold in a relationship.


Told her about a girl I was getting exclusive with until she went on an over night trip with a male friend. I hold her how I lost attraction to the women, re framed the relationship , I stopped being exclusive and it's actually how I ended up meeting my ex I was with 7 years.


I explained what attracted to me to her is her possesivness over me. It reflected my own values back to me.


So the girl I'm seeing got a bit insecure asking me if I see us as exclusive (she clearly knows we are) .

Telling me she wants to cancel the trip. E.t.c.


I told her it was all a **** situation for us to be in.

1. Her going away on hikes with guys is not a value I'm looking for in a long term partner.

2. It's not my place to stop her doing something she wants to do. I will not control someone like that and tell them what they can or can't do. It's not who I am.

I told her the situation we are in is lose, lose for both of us regardless of outcome.


She asks if she's jeopardised what we're building.

She agrees it's totally unnacceptable going on the hikes. She's so sorry she put us in this lose lose situation.

Explains how they were arranged months before meeting me, she's going to cancel the hikes as they don't matter. I'm what's important to her.


She didn't sleep all night and she's been stressed today.


It's actually been a bit **** for me too. These retarded hikes have put a barrier between us. Screwed up the natural flow.


So I go see her tonight. Says she will never ever put me in that situation ever again. Building something with me is important.


Explained that this is not the type of person she is, Explained how the context of the friendships, how they were arranged before meeting me e.t.c.

Told me how she also see's it's totally inappropriate . This isn't a reflection of who she is as a person. They didn't sit right with her either and was only doing them out of obligation.

This sounds like completely unnecessary drama you've created.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

This sounds like completely unnecessary drama you've created.

What's wrong with drama ?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What's wrong with drama ?

If that's your thing then go for it..I don't have the energy for it.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

If that's your thing then go for it..I don't have the energy for it.

It's not the drama itself I enjoy.

I am looking at this women with something long term in mind. Mabye it's just me but I find rocking the boat a little cuts through a lot of bull****.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's not the drama itself I enjoy.

I am looking at this women with something long term in mind. Mabye it's just me but I find rocking the boat a little cuts through a lot of bull****.

Or it makes you look insecure.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Or it makes you look insecure.

Perhaps, It depends on how you look at it.