Grrr ... Rejection/being ignored impacting on self-esteem - how to avoid?

[Firefly]

So have been having a bit of a downturn with women lately, which is impacting on my self-esteem. Quite a few women I have been asking out have either rejected me or just ignored my attempts to contact them. One girl who I took out a few times even ended up making a date and going home with a guy she met at a bar we went to.

I have taken a few steps to try to overcome this:

a. Weight Loss. I have let myself go recently, and managed to creep up to 30 pounds above my ideal weight. I think this may have a big impact on my recent lack of success. I have put myself on a diet and excercise regime, and have already lost 8 pounds in the last two weeks.

b. Social visibility. I am in a situation where I have a chance to meet a lot of attractive young women and organised a lot of activities which gave me social proof. I stopped for awhile due to work commitments, but am starting up again which has already caused one expression of interest.

However, I am still feeling the crushing weight of insecurity which is beginning to impact on my day to day activities. Any suggestions for useful things to keep in mind or other things I can do to up my attractiveness would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Falcon25]

I hate to say this to you my friend, but looks is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of getting women. I want you to be determined and lose the weight. They COME TO YOU once you do that. As far as rejection goes, don't worry about it. If you ask a hundred girls, one will hit. It's just a part of the game, but, remember that if you look and feel good, rejection becomes the least of your worries. Just start losing the weight. Everytime you get hungry and want to eat a lot, remember what I said; LOOKS DO MATTER.

What you wrote here, is what they can read as well, on your face. So once you put the weight off and start looking good, start talking. EVERYONE gets rejected. Women are like that. They are not like men, they have "certain types" they are attracted to. Just keep talking and getting rejected. Fuvk it, what have you got to lose.

 

[st_99]

I think looks are up there in top 3 or 4 but not MOST important. I think the most important thing is just the general art of seduction. Are you any good at it??

 

[Boilermaker]

Looks are important, AS MUCH AS EVERYTHING ELSE.

In order to get women consistently and wildly, you must be near perfect on all the things you can change. That ensures that whatever genetic or sociological circumstances you are dealt with will be bumped up enough for you to be in the top class of men.

Here's what I mean: You can't change your face, but you can lose weight right? So, if you are not a natural born Johny Depp, you have to be THIN. That much you can do, and you HAVE TO DO.

This goes for everything else. Money? Status? Game? You don't need to be a millionaire or a rock star or Mystery to get women. But you have to make the changes and fix your gaps --- to get past the dreaded average.

If you can't find your weaknesses and make them at least a notch or two above average you will consistently fail .. more than you win.

go and do five push-ups now. and start seriously pondering over the other changes you need in your life.

best of luck

 

[deuce42]

At various points in my life women and even men have commented on my looks. I have sometimes noticed strangers on the bus or in the supermarket staring at me and flirting. Needless to say, I am on this board because I have not been particularly successful with women in the last six years and hope to learn and develop my skills.

This point of this is to say that looks are not the most important thing to women. I have known guys that are not particularly handsome pulling some of the hottest chicks I could never dream of pulling despite my best efforts.

Develop every facet of who you are. The weight is only one issue. How you carry yourself is of far more importance I think.

 

[squirrels]

I hate to say this to you my friend, but looks is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of getting women. I want you to be determined and lose the weight. They COME TO YOU once you do that. As far as rejection goes, don't worry about it. If you ask a hundred girls, one will hit. It's just a part of the game, but, remember that if you look and feel good, rejection becomes the least of your worries. Just start losing the weight. Everytime you get hungry and want to eat a lot, remember what I said; LOOKS DO MATTER.

What you wrote here, is what they can read as well, on your face. So once you put the weight off and start looking good, start talking. EVERYONE gets rejected. Women are like that. They are not like men, they have "certain types" they are attracted to. Just keep talking and getting rejected. Fuvk it, what have you got to lose.

"Looks" includes "style".

Marketing is everything. Definitely lose the weight. But think about what your clothes say about you, for example. And the way you walk, the way you speak, the gestures you make with your hands. Your smile. What kind of car you drive.

I'm not saying think, "What would be most likely to attract chicks?". That's the loser thought-process. Think, "what shows off who *I* am the most to other people?".

Don-Juannery is just a marketing tool to draw women in. Once you get that first date, you can't break down and go full-on chump. You have to send a consistent signal to a woman that plays to your strengths. When she thinks about you, you want her to remember you by two or three words. Things like, "adventurous" or "sensitive" or "witty" or "professional" or "strong" or "fun" or something like that. You want her to be able to describe you to her friends in two or three of those words and make you seem like a dreamboat without having to say much more.

Figure out what image you're trying to market to them and then project it.

Both men and women think these days that it's all about "quantity of dates". If you can keep her around for 6 months or so, you're "in". They focus a lot on the dates (I'm guilty of this myself), trying to think of interesting crap to do, and hoping THAT keeps the girl around, completely forgetting to market THEMSELVES in the process. Then they wonder why suddenly the girl starts going on the same dates with other guys.

Figure out what it is you like about yourself, then learn to express that.