growing distant...running out of stuff to talk about

solo1

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anyway, been seeing this girl for about 2 months. Usually she's the one to initiate contact with me about everyday so far. And interest lvl was sky high to begin with.

but anyway...here's the problem... so far this week she hasnt been contacting me much. Usually it's me that does it 1x every 2 days...and with that we have 2x as much to talk about. however, she is eager to talk to me when i do contact her...but eventually sometimes we just run out of stuff to talk about. And we end up talking about each other's day and that's it. today was silly of me, i shouldve waited for the 3rd day but i broke it and just spoke to her online. last week she was eager to contact me to meet up last minute. This week it was me, but she is still eager to meet me, even if she is tired.

Im thinking there's something a week ago i may have done to cause this, altho im not really sure. I do have an interesting social life going on. But perhaps the part that's predictable is the fact that im not a player and in fact a 1 woman man that she's able to see.

So im not even sure. maybe she feels she doesnt want to scare me off by contacting me all the time....that she's given me the job to contact her. or worse her IL is slowly dropping.
Yes, you guys may say "give her the gift of missing you." ...which i do believe in. But i also do know, soemtimes "out of sight, out of mind." and by not contacting, you slowly lose interest/attraction in one another.

honestly i dont know what to do, i want this to get better before it gets worse. But truth is, if her IL has dropped, i must admit mine has dropped also. Perhaps a double effect? i drop IL in you and it gets reciprocated? A part of me feels that if i pick up the ball and do the contacting everyday (which shows more interest), her IL will rise again....but again not sure. Anyway ill be gone for a week vacation this month, when i get back...things could be worse or better off than now.

A lot of times, i do my best to keep the convo going...but i run out of steam eventually.
Is there anything i can do to make this better?
 

Apollo_Jordan

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ok what you should do is have other stuff to do to the point where you arent really contacting her. If she wants it to go on she'll contact you- you shouldnt have to work to keep the h0
 

solo1

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Originally posted by Apollo_Jordan
ok what you should do is have other stuff to do to the point where you arent really contacting her. If she wants it to go on she'll contact you- you shouldnt have to work to keep the h0
we both have many things to do to fill our days. But usually everytime she comes back home she's eager to contact me and tell me about her day...but not lately. I remember something similar like this happened on the 3rd week as well....but eventually she got back to contacting me daily.

Anyway i cant help but to think there was something i did that caused this....at least i can learn from my mistakes for future occurances. Right now this feels like some kind of buddy thing where we only talk to each other when we want to go on a date.

probably cause hte last 2 dates were boring, but eventually ppl wind up just eating out on every date.
oh well...regardless of whatever happens, it is out of my control.
maybe i can leave a lasting impression before i leave for my trip and come back with everything back to normal. :rolleyes:
 

ethnomethodologist

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Seriously, it's been said before, talk about anything. If she cares, she will listen, as long as you try your hardest and don't HIDe yourself from her.

If I were you, next time I saw her, I'd tell her I thought her hair was too long, and she would look great if she chopped it off and gave herslf a beard. It's worked for me on random girls before, it could work for your LTR.
 

Colossus

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I have a similar problem.

My gf of about 3 months is not a big talker, which is rare, and at first I liked it. But oftentimes I find myself "carrying" the conversation; i.e- If I dont say anything, she wont either. There have been times when we were on the phone and Ive seriously waited for like 3-5 minutes for HER to say something! That's 3-5 min of DEAD AIR!!

Now, I dont know if your girl is like this, but frankly, I find it boring.

"Right now this feels like some kind of buddy thing where we only talk to each other when we want to go on a date."

I hate to say it, but if it feels that way, it probably is. Ive been there.

"...regardless of whatever happens, it is out of my control."

No it is not. You cant MAKE her call or talk more or whatever, but you can be proactive and take precautions to make sure you come out on top.

"But truth is, if her IL has dropped, i must admit mine has dropped also. Perhaps a double effect? i drop IL in you and it gets reciprocated? A part of me feels that if i pick up the ball and do the contacting everyday (which shows more interest), her IL will rise again....but again not sure."

I have often noted the "double effect" of IL, but only after the early stages of dating. I have often felt that if my girl were to show more affection and interest, I would have more also. Nobody wants to date somebody who is ho-hum about them.
 

solo1

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Originally posted by SevenOne9
Have you banged her yet?
yes once

two words: more sex
i wish, haha. Apparently her christian ideals or something is stopping her to proceed with my advances.

Seriously, it's been said before, talk about anything. If she cares, she will listen, as long as you try your hardest and don't HIDe yourself from her.

If I were you, next time I saw her, I'd tell her I thought her hair was too long, and she would look great if she chopped it off and gave herslf a beard. It's worked for me on random girls before, it could work for your LTR.
that's a good idea, thanks.

I have often noted the "double effect" of IL, but only after the early stages of dating. I have often felt that if my girl were to show more affection and interest, I would have more also. Nobody wants to date somebody who is ho-hum about them.
i also have noted that in a relationship, taking the person for granted is easily a relationship killer. stay aware of your actions.

Well she contacted me today and told me about her day and what i was up to. i guess probably the lack of contact is usually due to the fact that we tell each other our upcoming plans beforehand.
 

AmIAFC

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i wish, haha. Apparently her christian ideals or something is stopping her to proceed with my advances.
Oh brother. Trust me, if you're doing her good, she'll come up with all sorts of justification to having sex. Kinda like feeling that whacking off was morally wrong, but we can't help it anyway.
 

solo1

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long convo with her...

i had a long convo with her over the web yesterday. All of a sudden she asked if i missed her...since we somewhat lacked contact for a few days. She said she missed me.

Anway our relationship is difficult to categorize. Basically it's like we're best friends and at the same time bf/gf w/o the exclusivity (or commitment part)...so no arguments can arise from that.
And we're both cool with that strangely enough.

we had a long convo about us and each other, anyway she asked some strange things like what makes her special from other gurls ive dated, or if i like having her by my side. and then asked if we would still be friends if i got into a LTR with someone else.

truthfully i have no clue what to make of all this....if any of you have been in a similar situation, input is welcomed.
 

Holland

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You should try to take this to the next level. Just talking to a girl for two months will make her just another friend, even if she was interested in you romanticly at first. Don't lose hope, you can turn still turn things around, just tease her more and do physical things with her. Just have a damn good time.
 

solo1

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Originally posted by Holland
You should try to take this to the next level. Just talking to a girl for two months will make her just another friend, even if she was interested in you romanticly at first. Don't lose hope, you can turn still turn things around, just tease her more and do physical things with her. Just have a damn good time.
I do stuff that a friend does and that a couple does....teasing, kino, c&f, making out, kissing...etc.


WHeres the ROMANCE!!!!!
once in awhile...
its only been 2 months!
 

Thomas94305

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Dude,

It just seems you are settling into a relationship. It breathes. It's a week of ho hum, there's no danger sign.

Relationships have stages. You've gotten past initiating, establishing rapport, getting the first few dates, etc. You know some basics about each other, so rehashing that is not too interesting.

I'd ask myself "what do I want?" It's the classic alpha question. If you want to talk about your day, then do that. If you want some time to explore other friendships, then do that. You may want something that does not come from her, like basic happiness. You can talk with her what that means. You can talk about areas where you are growing. You can take on new activities or projects or whatever together. Sharing adventure and growth would be very interesting, and might be the next thing to do with her. The balance is that you are not depending on her for your growth, you are simply sharing it with her.

I suspect you are getting quite attached to her, but feel a little insecure. She does want your attention, the "miss you" comment. The question is if this recent time apart is just a momentary thing, or a trend.

In any event, continue to grow and direct your life. Invite her in on that. But, decide for yourself if she's a contributing part of what you want to be, and if you want to give to her too. You don't have to stay with her, you don't have to part. What do you want? There's no guarantee of this girl, but you'll be fine either way, and it basically sounds like things between you two are OK anyhow.
 

foomee

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Re: long convo with her...

Originally posted by solo1
Anway our relationship is difficult to categorize. Basically it's like we're best friends and at the same time bf/gf w/o the exclusivity (or commitment part)...so no arguments can arise from that.
And we're both cool with that strangely enough.


I just came out of a relationship exactly like your's... I know you probably really really like her as a friend, and at the same time like her more than a friend. I'm going to warn you now... once you guys break up, it's going to be SO hard to have that same special friendship that you used to have. So if you're gonna break up, just be prepared to not be as close and possibly not even be friends with her anymore. But right now.. take it easy, have fun... and don't rush anything. Your relationship with her is going pretty good and I miss my relationship with a girl that I was in for 4 months in September, and it was some of the best 4 months of my life. So enjoy it while you still can and have fun :) Don't worry so much.
 

solo1

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Originally posted by Thomas94305
Dude,

It just seems you are settling into a relationship. It breathes. It's a week of ho hum, there's no danger sign.

Relationships have stages. You've gotten past initiating, establishing rapport, getting the first few dates, etc. You know some basics about each other, so rehashing that is not too interesting.

I'd ask myself "what do I want?" It's the classic alpha question. If you want to talk about your day, then do that. If you want some time to explore other friendships, then do that. You may want something that does not come from her, like basic happiness. You can talk with her what that means. You can talk about areas where you are growing. You can take on new activities or projects or whatever together. Sharing adventure and growth would be very interesting, and might be the next thing to do with her. The balance is that you are not depending on her for your growth, you are simply sharing it with her.
relationship? well who knows. Anyway it was weird in our convo yesterday, kept using my name and calling me babie a few times...i dont know why the sudden change. But by all means im not depending on her for my growth, and she has taught me a lot about women and overcoming my fear of kino entirely. you're right communication is always important, whether it may be expectations or disagreements. i guess she wanted to know if things were 'ok' or indifferent between us, hence the talk yesterday.

I suspect you are getting quite attached to her, but feel a little insecure. She does want your attention, the "miss you" comment. The question is if this recent time apart is just a momentary thing, or a trend.
attached? i hope not. Insecure...far from it my friend...truth is she has a bf, but she only hangs out with him once every few weeks or so.
good question! the apart time thing was most likely momentary.
actually the apart time gave each of us time to think about what "US" really is...as i've been pondering about it for the past 2 weeks as i told her.

In any event, continue to grow and direct your life. Invite her in on that. But, decide for yourself if she's a contributing part of what you want to be, and if you want to give to her too. You don't have to stay with her, you don't have to part. What do you want? There's no guarantee of this girl, but you'll be fine either way, and it basically sounds like things between you two are OK anyhow.
yea...we're smack in the middle between casual and exclusive, friends and lovers....seems more like a 2 way street if you ask me.
I think the only explanation as to why things are ok is because we are laid-back about the situation. Could we expect more or less from each other eventually?....only time will tell.

A couple times she told me im the 'perfect' guy. However i have a strange feeling she's afraid to fall into commitment....of a fear of losing contact altogether if things dont work out. hence i rephrase what she said yesterday "friends last forever".

I just came out of a relationship exactly like your's... I know you probably really really like her as a friend, and at the same time like her more than a friend. I'm going to warn you now... once you guys break up, it's going to be SO hard to have that same special friendship that you used to have. So if you're gonna break up, just be prepared to not be as close and possibly not even be friends with her anymore. But right now.. take it easy, have fun... and don't rush anything. Your relationship with her is going pretty good and I miss my relationship with a girl that I was in for 4 months in September, and it was some of the best 4 months of my life. So enjoy it while you still can and have fun Don't worry so much.
thanks for your insight, it's helpful. she said something about if we could still be friends if i got into a LTR with another girl. i responded, 'there are certain things we wont be doing anymore' and 'who knows maybe even no more contact'.....then she mentioned something about still hanging out and being supportive to each other...
again something that time will tell..

If you dont mind my asking, what was the reason things didnt work out. And where do you stand with her currently?
 

ethnomethodologist

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Originally posted by solo1
she has taught me a lot about women and overcoming my fear of kino entirely.

"friends last forever"

'there are certain things we wont be doing anymore'

'who knows maybe even no more contact'

...then she mentioned something about still hanging out and being supportive to each other...
wow like 4 of the truest statements, I still have to confirm in my life.

"friends do last forever, but enemies make better lovers"

"this too shall pass"

"next her"

...three things to think of, it's your choice...

Originally posted by Thomas94305
I'd ask myself "what do I want?" It's the classic alpha question.
Something I just recently began asking myself, been far too many years since I have.

Thanks guys... and oh yeah, **** you:D
 
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