Great Reddit Convo On GF Hanging Out w/ Another Guy

[Chromeo]

We've been together for a year, we're doing fine but the relationship is definitely in a bit of a slump. We go out a lot together but also spend time out with our own groups of friends. A new guy has entered her social group a few months ago, and they get along well. It's gotten to the point where they spend time alone, which bothers me a bit, though I don't think anything is going on.
That said, a lot of women tend to start working on 'prospects' for future boyfriends if they feel their current relationship is not doing great. The guy isn't flirty with her, but he might also be playing the 'good guy' card, knowing he will gain her trust and get closer to her. He is single, and attractive though not her type.
In my last two relationships, this is what happened to me. My gf got closer to another guy, didn't cheat, but when the relationship ended, they started seeing the guy in question. So obviously, this current situation is bothering me quite a bit. I have brought it up respectfully, she said that nothing is happening, she loves me very much and I have nothing to worry about. I let it go, but it still bothers me.
I don't really know how to proceed. In more vulnerable moments, I feel like a fool who is just watching them get closer, and I should just break things off now. Other times I feel like I'm just being insecure and they just happen to get along, she's allowed to have close male friends and I should stop being possessive and controlling. But... I can't control the way I feel when they spend yet another night hanging out. She doesn't hide that they hang out (most of the time in a larger social group though) and they are friendly in front of me. Maybe she doesn't even realize what she is doing, and maybe he isn't purposely trying to get closer either, but part of me suspects he is aware of it. Anyway, I'm at a loss. I am building resentment, I don't know how to bring this up again, I don't know what to do about it. What would you do?

Best Response from Jrex

You've got to be able to tell her this bothers you, but first it sounds like you need to accept that it does in fact bother you.Tell me you're very much not okay with this and don't trust what she's doing, but don't want to admit that to yourself. Saying things like "I let it go, but it still bothers me."
People sabotage themselves in these situations because they don't want to admit that they're losing trust in their partner or don't trust certain actions. The thing is, trust is more than just trusting they wont cheat, it's trusting they wont put themselves in a position where it's very easy to end up doing something you regret.
She's putting herself in that position, and with the state of your relationship it makes sense that you question how much you can trust her now. If you don't accept that that's what's happening you wont be able to really communicate your concerns with her.
It's okay for you to tell her that her spending so much time alone with this guy is making you uncomfortable. That's not controlling or possessive, it's just honest.

RetroYouth

bro, your gf knows the score she is not a naive special butterfly. Especially after reading all your responses I think she has you a little manipulated and it's only a matter of time until she cheats if she hasn't already.
Think about it, if you confront her with this and say you're uncomfortable measure her response. If she acknowledges you and understands why it would make you feel that way it's a good sign. If she tries to flip it and say you're controlling, just leave the relationship.

and Backwerdsmen

In any serious, connected relationship, this shouldn't even be an issue... Either party should be sensitive to this, and choose to either not put themselves in a position like this that could cause issues/confusion, or you would be assured, and confident that this is purely just a friendship. At the very least, in a healthy relationship, you should be able to talk about this with her instead of asking people on reddit. So if you are really worried about the truth, you might as well just ask her about it.

I think this snippet accurately describes the most fair and honest course of action in this situation. But what would you guys do in this situation? Dump, Speak Up or Pay No Mind? How long would you let it go on before you made a decisions or is 1 offense enough?

Here's the link to the full convo

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/2bp5pc/how_do_you_deal_with_your_gf_spending_a_lot_of/

 

[jurry]

Oh god here we go again..

At this point it doesnt really matter since clearly he is a weak beta and this continually happens to him.

Either he should end it with her and find new girl where the attraction is higher, or significantly pull back with current gf and start looking for other girls if he wants to regain her interest.

 

[El Payaso]

Either he should end it with her and find new girl where the attraction is higher, or significantly pull back with current gf and start looking for other girls if he wants to regain her interest.

THIS. Especially the second option. He needs to start prospecting new girls himself and withdraw 90% of his interest in his gf. Nothing makes a girl sweat more than seeing her boyfriend losing interest in her or becoming unphased about her behavior. :nervous:

 

[DragonBlood]

Also agree with jurry.

She doesnt HAVE to do anything.

Meet lack of interest with lack of interest. Obligation kills desire. Respect yourself. Respect is everything.

 

[narcissist]

agree with jurry

 

[jurry]

Also agree with jurry

 

[mangotot]

Generally reddit seduction is very basic, its mostly for high school kids who are getting to know the fairer $ex.

 

[zekko]

Must be agree with jurry day, because
I also agree with jurry.

 

[Poweruser998]

Agree with the jury as well! Don't mention any reason for your distance though, be cool about it. Let her make the effort to bring the relationship back on fire and if she doesn't drop her and don't look back for a second because you deserve better trust me.