Gratitude & Game

[fastlife]

I guess it's that time of year lol. Be thankful, motherfvckers. But on a more serious note, I want to expand on something that I've touched on before but that I think is an integral part of sustaining an internal sense of value & an external motivation for success: With women, with your friends, with your career and, most importantly, with yourself.
I know it's easy to look at where you want to be and focus on all the places that your life comes up short. I think each of us has a kind of idealized version of ourselves we're always competing against and, since it's idealized, coming up short. The ideal version of yourself would've talked to that cute girl at the gym, gotten her number, slept with her, etc. I think each of us carries an idealized woman that we compare all the girls we meet against. An idealized lifestyle. An idealized group of friends. And so on.

Then, when we fall short of these idealizations, the natural reaction is to look for excuses--usually external. Well, if I had a straighter nose and broader shoulders, I'd be able to talk to that girl at the gym or that girl on Tinder wouldn't've flaked. And if it wasn't for feminism or the instability of the nuclear family in the West, that girl would appreciate me anyway. And, well, if I just had more money it wouldn't matter that my nose wasn't straight and I'd have cooler friends. And so on.

But what if I told you that whatever you're going through in life, wherever you are in your journey, YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU SHOULD BE. Millions and millions of variables going back tens of thousands of years and all the decisions you've made in the past have brought you to this exact moment. How crazy is that? And guess what? Nobody is ever going to have the exact experience of yourself that you're going through right now.

And the you you are right now won't be the same you 10 years from now. Every single girl you ever meet, ever kiss, ever feel anything toward won't exist in 10 years. That moment, as soon as it happens, is gone. That girl, as soon as her emotions change or her station in life changes, won't ever be that same girl ever again. And you might kiss other girls and feel chemistry with other girls, but it won't be the same you, the experience will be changed, your perspective will be different.

You might be asking, OK, whatever, @fastlife, what am I supposed to do with this information? How is this supposed to help me get laid? And to that I say, thoughts are habits. If you focus constantly on what you lack, then all you'll find in life are the places you come up short. And since humans aren't great at focusing on more than one thought at a time, you'll be missing out on all the opportunities around you and taking for granted all the advantages you do have and all the good things that you have in your life right now that won't be here forever.

I challenge everyone to take a couple moments everyday to step away from whatever your going through/thinking and really focus on what you have to appreciate about that moment and all the moments from your past. Make it a habit. Nothing huge just 30 seconds 3-4 times a day. And I think what you'll find is that not only do you have more to be thankful for than you realize, but once this type of thought become a habit, your brain will start coming up with new ways to preserve this way of thinking.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I´m thankful because I got laid last night.

 

[resilient]

Refreshing thread.

To be brief... don’t give up yourself. Recognize and value the hard work you’re putting in your DJ life daily. Position yourself to where you’re open and readily embrace change. Ready for anything.

Detach from the outcome as best as one can. Affirm yourself daily that you’re an awesome catch.

If a plate bails for an ex, orbiter, or new branch... so what... when one door closes, another opens, eh?

The you at the end of 2018 is better than the you at the end of 2017.

 

[bigdave17]

It's 50/50 for me


I'm very grateful that I came to the US now and live a fantastic quality of life but my love life has been absolutely miserable. If I still lived in Armenia, I would have been set up with a gorgeous Armenian wife by now...but I have no idea what my other parts of my life would be like

 

[fastlife]

How do you balance all this in the op with a hunger and strive however? Sometimes content is complacent.

You can appreciate what you have while still striving for better. Lord knows I wouldn't advocate settling with the first girl who likes you just because you can or using 'contentment' as a rationalization for not pushing yourself. We have one life, so what else are you gonna do? Push it as far as it goes lol.

What I would say is to enjoy the process. Life has different seasons and they don't last forever--so get as much enjoyment from them as possible while they last. For instance, a couple years ago when I was doing A LOT of approaches with (somewhat) sporadic results, I would get hung up on the rejections & the times when I couldn't make things happen--and use that as the measuring stick for where I was vs. where I wanted to be. But now, more than anything, I miss the rush I used to get. I'm at the point now where I can approach pretty much any girl & usually have a positive interaction & decide how far things go, which is what I was working toward at the time, but I can never recreate that feeling of uncertainty or not knowing exactly what I'm doing.

Along the same lines, I think it's important to do things for the right reason. I.e. make money because you want to make money. Sleep with a girl because you want to sleep with her. Those things are ends unto themselves and may or may not be worthwhile--but it's a mistake to think that anything you achieve externally will bring you any lasting happiness. You can enjoy them while they happen, but in a week, a month, or whatever, you'll still be looking for the next girl, for the next promotion.

And then someday you'll be old and your d1ck won't work and you won't have the energy or risk tolerance to make a big financial move and all you'll be left with is the memories. Better learn how to find as much enjoyment as possible from those now.

I'm very grateful that I came to the US now and live a fantastic quality of life but my love life has been absolutely miserable

Bro, you need to find gratitude for all the people who have taken the time to give you advice and start using it lol. You've been given access to more knowledge about women than most men in human history--make it happen

 

[fastlife]

Bump

 

[samspade]

Whenever I find things getting routine, here's what I do for perspective and to feel grateful. I imagine my 12- or 13-year-old self, seeing me in the future, like when Ebeneezer Scrooge was shown his future by the Ghost of Christmas Future (but not as morbid).

I pick that age because it's the "coming of age" time, when you start thinking of wanting self-determination, when you have some ideas of adulthood and masculinity that aren't totally formed, and when you have all these heroes: rock stars, actors, athletes, politicians, or your elder family members or acquaintances.

And even though my 13-year-old self was sure he would be the next great hard rock frontman, I'm sure he'd be pretty impressed with what I've been able to do.

Aside from career accomplishments, travel, lays, etc., it can be something really simple. Once I was sitting in a diner in Brooklyn a couple of years ago. I didn't grow up in NYC but wanted to live there as a kid. Now I had for many years, and knew the city, most of it anyway, not quite like a local but really well. Anyway, I thought, "Shoot, I'm sitting in a diner in Brooklyn, and it's ho hum. How cool is that?"

Next time you're not impressed with your life, ask that lower-case g what he would think.

 

[FMCSMT]

@fastlife - Great post!!

2015 - Surprise divorce, 3 kids, she was a 9 to me, 11 years married - kept the house, 50/50 with the kids and custody - very thankful every day for that

2016 - Reinvested in the marital home, raised kids on my own, dated a few, trial post divorce with my ex and prevailed - super thankful

2017 - Red Pill, I become the focus, over everything else, better me for my kids too but I did it for me and focused on getting up better than I laid down. I only did friends with benefits and it was so much fun - Thanks Rollo and SoSuave

2018 - I sell my house of 16 years... I profit enormously...after divorce mind you. I immediately build a new one. 4 bed 3 bath 4 car finished garage with a car lift, tankless water heat, granite, luxury wood flooring, gas fireplace, finished basement, on a half acre suburbia in the front, country fields in the back, neighborhood. I bang 3 women simultaneously, all 7s, but fun and sweet too. But wait, there’s more - I actually pay less to live here because of the amount I had to put down at closing. Now I can say it - Thankfullness meter pegged every single day.

2019 - Banged an ex. Once. It was last weekend. She is still hot and fun. We did it 3 times. Again, thankful for that. It’s been a dry spell but I catch up on other things. There’s always something to do. February is usually the best time to be on the market in my experience.

*side note: I never thank the women of sex or time spent/whatever. I think thanking them is a bad move. Haven’t done it since red pill but have seen others read the book, get laid, thank them, and never again and back to AFC

There’s a book that everyone should have. It’s better than the rational male in my opinion. “Breaking the Habit or Being Yourself”. Easy read. Chapter 13 begins the process and you can jump to that if you want. It is meditation. It’s right up your ally @fastlife

 

[fastlife]

Whenever I find things getting routine, here's what I do for perspective and to feel grateful. I imagine my 12- or 13-year-old self, seeing me in the future, like when Ebeneezer Scrooge was shown his future by the Ghost of Christmas Future (but not as morbid).

I pick that age because it's the "coming of age" time, when you start thinking of wanting self-determination, when you have some ideas of adulthood and masculinity that aren't totally formed, and when you have all these heroes: rock stars, actors, athletes, politicians, or your elder family members or acquaintances.

And even though my 13-year-old self was sure he would be the next great hard rock frontman, I'm sure he'd be pretty impressed with what I've been able to do.

Aside from career accomplishments, travel, lays, etc., it can be something really simple. Once I was sitting in a diner in Brooklyn a couple of years ago. I didn't grow up in NYC but wanted to live there as a kid. Now I had for many years, and knew the city, most of it anyway, not quite like a local but really well. Anyway, I thought, "Shoot, I'm sitting in a diner in Brooklyn, and it's ho hum. How cool is that?"

Next time you're not impressed with your life, ask that lower-case g what he would think.

That's a good way to look at things. I don't think we step out of our day-to-day often enough to really take the time to appreciate all the cool sh1t that's happened to get to this point. Usually when we measure our present against our expectations, its to focus on all the areas where we 'came up short,' when really the ideal you built up for yourself when you were 13 wasn't all that informed lol.

@fastlife
*side note: I never thank the women of sex or time spent/whatever. I think thanking them is a bad move. Haven’t done it since red pill but have seen others read the book, get laid, thank them, and never again and back to AFC

There’s a book that everyone should have. It’s better than the rational male in my opinion. “Breaking the Habit or Being Yourself”. Easy read. Chapter 13 begins the process and you can jump to that if you want. It is meditation. It’s right up your ally @fastlife

Ya, definitely don't do that lol. But actually, thinking back, I do that kind of thing from time to time, usually after I've lost interest in ever being physical with that girl again (which for me happens pretty quick). Nothing sappy, but just a: 'Hey, thought of you. Just wanted to say you made last summer dope for me' or whatever.

I think it's useful to give girls that sort of closure & to always be reframing the experience as something positive for them. But as far as current love interests or girls that broke up with you, fuhgettaboutit. But still take the time to appreciate all the good that inevitably happened before things turned sour.

BTW I think your story's really cool and, as a younger man, really encouraging in a lot of ways. Definitely a common thread on SS is, Welp, didn't experience X, Y, and Z in high school or college. Never gonna have a chance to...[blah blah blah], when really we all will have opportunities to rebuild ourselves at future points in our lives. Maybe not the way we anticipate, but that's half the fun. I'll be sure to check out that book

 

[samspade]

@fastlife - Great post!!

2015 - Surprise divorce, 3 kids, she was a 9 to me, 11 years married - kept the house, 50/50 with the kids and custody - very thankful every day for that

2016 - Reinvested in the marital home, raised kids on my own, dated a few, trial post divorce with my ex and prevailed - super thankful

2017 - Red Pill, I become the focus, over everything else, better me for my kids too but I did it for me and focused on getting up better than I laid down. I only did friends with benefits and it was so much fun - Thanks Rollo and SoSuave

2018 - I sell my house of 16 years... I profit enormously...after divorce mind you. I immediately build a new one. 4 bed 3 bath 4 car finished garage with a car lift, tankless water heat, granite, luxury wood flooring, gas fireplace, finished basement, on a half acre suburbia in the front, country fields in the back, neighborhood. I bang 3 women simultaneously, all 7s, but fun and sweet too. But wait, there’s more - I actually pay less to live here because of the amount I had to put down at closing. Now I can say it - Thankfullness meter pegged every single day.

2019 - Banged an ex. Once. It was last weekend. She is still hot and fun. We did it 3 times. Again, thankful for that. It’s been a dry spell but I catch up on other things. There’s always something to do. February is usually the best time to be on the market in my experience.

*side note: I never thank the women of sex or time spent/whatever. I think thanking them is a bad move. Haven’t done it since red pill but have seen others read the book, get laid, thank them, and never again and back to AFC

There’s a book that everyone should have. It’s better than the rational male in my opinion. “Breaking the Habit or Being Yourself”. Easy read. Chapter 13 begins the process and you can jump to that if you want. It is meditation. It’s right up your ally @fastlife

I echo what @fastlife said, what an amazing story, and in no more than four years. I'd call it a turnaround but you seemed to be pointed the right way in spite of it all.

 

[flowtheory]

Nice post.

Can be difficult to stop for many moments in daily life and reflect on what we do currently have. Our social system is programmed to look at what we don’t have yet or where we’re going. Mindfulness is a strong practice to implement. It’s easy to get caught up in where we’re going or what we had. Presence is important.