Got too desperate with a girl. How to proceed?

[summersky]

Hi everyone,

so I knew this girl (much younger than me) for a few months now and we met up for 3 times. She is flakey, insecure and acting hot and cold sometimes. She texts me as much as I text her but never calls me. On the third date she blocked Sex but we did everything else. She seemed to like it and me too. I thought things will go great. After the date she said something about being afraid of falling in love and get hurt (she was hurt in the past). But anyway she kept texting me and asked me out for the first time by herself (and cancelled due to illness). She always asking me if im talking to other girls or is unsure how i feel about her and im telling her what she wants to hear (i also mean it like that).
The fact that i saw her only three times during four months is disturbing. She almost never got time or flakes. She very often get suspicious and asking me if im dating other women. Maybe she is waiting for me to ask her about beeing exclusive, i dont know..

Last time I asked her out and she said she doesnt have time again but she will call me in the evening. She didnt call me then. And it was not the first time she didnt do what she said she will. I got mad about it and overreacted. I told her that I wont deal with disloyal women and that I dont like that behaviour. Also told her that I dont like it that she is always too busy and never make plans on her own to see me. That she doesnt deserve me and I am moving on.

She wrote me that she didnt expect that and that I hurt her. She didnt call to ask me whats wrong.. So a few days after that I realized that I made a mistake and told her that I overreacted. She answered that she is still hurt. I apologized and wrote a few messages after that. She read them but didnt answer anymore.

So I really like her and want to keep dating her but I guess I messed up.. I already said something little that hurt her and she stopped texting me. I contacted in a week again and things were good again (it was before the 3rd date). So what should I do? i already apologized and told her that we should work things out and go on. But that I am also not happy about her behaviour and being too busy all the time.

So what would you recommend? Maybe she is just not that interested and thats why she is acting like that. Or maybe she is really just afraid and shy.. What should I do to get her interest back?

 

[LiveYourDream]

If you were seeing other women, you would have long ago moved on from this one. She is flakey, manipulative and unavailable. This girl is not worthy of your time or attention. She likes your attention but that does not mean she is truly interested in you. To be so caught up in her hurt feelings and what she wants, after 3 dates in four months, and to be thinking about her possible desire for exclusivity, is seriously out of balance.

You are emotionally caught up in this girl big time. It is not healthy. You need to regain your center. Right now you are not centered in you, you are focused on her. It's not serving you or your life. Get your center back.

Do whatever you need to do to end it with this girl and walk away and never look back. (If you were not so emotionally caught up you could have made her a plate. But you are too invested for that to be a wise choice for you, in my opinion.) Just move on entirely. Start fresh. Meet new women. As soon as you are seeing other women, I highly doubt you'll ever give this one another thought. If you did, she would not be worthy of it.

 

[Kailex]

What in the BLUE HELL are you doing and why are you doing it?

Your first paragraph is a litany of reasons as to why you should STOP talking to her, but you like her? Why? Not only that but you did the right thing but then APOLOGIZED for it. Forget it buddy, you lost the frame with this one.

Why don't you find someone else who wouldn't wait 4 months to have seen you just 3 times. You're her Plan Z, the person she sees when all the other guys are busy. THREE dates and you are already telling her about behavior you don't agree with... you think it's going to get better because trust me, it's not.

Go find someone else, start over, avoid all this drama. This is just a trainwreck.

 

[dustmuffin]

She is Giving mixed signals. That means no...next her and move along. You are to invested in a woman that is not making you a priority.

 

[summersky]

Hi again, thanks for your opinions!

I was talking to her yesterday and said that no real relationship will come out of it if she doesnt make time for us. She said, she is just too busy and the distance (3 hours) is too much to meet more often. I said if people really like each other it doesnt matter. Then she asked if I would be ok with Meeting only 1 time a month. I said it doesnt make sense, she said she thinks too. Then she asked me if I love her, I said I think so, she said she doesnt know if she loves me. She is still afraid and doesnt want to fall in love. Then i said that this whole thing doesnt make sense if she dont want to fall in love.. She agreed and we stopped talking.

So from the fact she doesnt make time for me and what she said on the phone, I think she had low interest from the beginning and it didnt change.. For whatever reasons she just doesnt see me as boyfriend material. Even if she acted like shes totally in love on the dates and was really horny. Women are crazy! Nothing new though.

Not sure if I will make her a "plate". Im not that invested emotionally as it seems really. What i will learn from this? Women that are not making time and ask to meet, are not that interested and shouldnt be considered more than a plate. Right?

 

[Glumix]

Instead of trying to make sense of women, you should try to make sense of yourself.

She gives mixed signals, she is 3 hours away, she is busy, she is flakey, she is insecure, she tells you that nothing real will come out of it and then ask you if you still want to see her 1 time a month so, basicaly, she can get fvcked and nothing more, and you tell her NO?

She refused to have sex with you because you are scary. You want to commit to a LTR with basicaly nothing in hand. If she had given you the pu$$y you would be currently thinking of marriage.

You saw her 3 times in 4 months and you are in love? I mean... if you had seen her 20 times in 4 months and fvcked 25 times, that would be OK.

Perhaps she is crazy, perhaps not. But there is for sure something about you that doesn't make sense. Work that out man.

 

[LiveYourDream]

For whatever reasons she just doesnt see me as boyfriend material.

The issue isn't that she doesn't see you as boyfriend material. The issue is that you are even thinking of her as possible girlfriend material.

 

[LiveYourDream]

She said, she is just too busy and the distance (3 hours) is too much to meet more often. I said if people really like each other it doesnt matter.

^^^^^^^^^ You are either mistaken here or in serious denial.^^^^^^^^^^^^

Beyond that, you really need to look at, and resolve, why you are acting so needy and desperate with a girl (and one you hardly even know.)

 

[Tictac]

You've been out with her three times. There is no relationship to cry over.

Let her come to you. If she doesn't, she not interested.