"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Got Tired of It...

amnbyrd

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For the past few weeks Ive been goin out with this girl here in the dorms(military) tonight I pretty much said **** it. For the past few days Ive had it in my mind that I wanted to break things off but tonight was the last straw for me. I think theres just too many things about her that I dont like-for example shes big into txt messaging as shes always doing it and shes one of them girls that only has guy friends so they're always txting her even if Im with her. Another thing is her supervisor and another guy at work have made it known that they like her and shes hung out with them a few times though she says she doesnt like them. Also theres a guy here that knows we've been going out but he and her talk and she told me that he tried to kiss her a few days ago-she still talks to him btw which pisses me off. She says Im the only guy shes been with since shes been here(about 4 months) though shes got a rep for being a slut(dont know who to believe). Theres also another guy who is trying to get with her. Anyways just got back to my room- she asked me to come along while she dropped one of her guy friends off at his girlfriends house. He drove there and she drove back-he drinks alot and had also been drinking all day. That was pretty much the last for me-I figure she gives me too much BS to worry about and I dont think shes worth it. The whole ride back to base I just acted like I was sleeping and as soon as she pulled into the parking lot I got out and walked to my room without saying or waiting for her. Do you guys think I overracted? How do you guys deal with a girl that only has guy friends/ gets hit on all the time?
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Interceptor

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Have you guys had "the talk"?

The "what are we?" talk? the "What is it you want from me?" talk?
The "Where do you see this going?" talk?
 

ketostix

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I found the stories of you and this girl quite entertaining. :D

I don't think you over reacted. My suspicion is she's probably doing sexual stuff with some of these guys at least sometimes. This story of the guy driving her car there to his GF's and her driving it back doesn't make much sense. I think you were right to pull away from her, especially if you're not feeling into her because of her BS anyway. I'd wait and see if she tries to change her ways to get in your good favor. Then I'd lay down your likes and dislikes and how you want it to be. That all assumes if you even want to keep her around.
 

amnbyrd

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Interceptor said:
Have you guys had "the talk"?

The "what are we?" talk? the "What is it you want from me?" talk?
The "Where do you see this going?" talk?

Kinda-I was about to break things off about a week ago and she said she wants to be my girl and we briefly got into the talk. Last night one guy txted her saying they should hang out some time(not the 1st time he's asked her out) She said she'd tell him she cant talk to him anymore because of me. The way I see it is she should be able to tell all these guys to **** off instead of still txting/talking to them. But yeah we've pretty much had the talk but its whatever now I guess.
 

amnbyrd

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ketostix said:
I found the stories of you and this girl quite entertaining. :D

I don't think you over reacted. My suspicion is she's probably doing sexual stuff with some of these guys at least sometimes. This story of the guy driving her car there to his GF's and her driving it back doesn't make much sense. I think you were right to pull away from her, especially if you're not feeling into her because of her BS anyway. I'd wait and see if she tries to change her ways to get in your good favor. Then I'd lay down your likes and dislikes and how you want it to be. That all assumes if you even want to keep her around.

The guy lost his liscense for drinking and driving so she had to drive back-he drove off base since they dont do checks for ppl going offbase. They've known each other since basic training and they say they're like brother n sister. Im not too worried about him though as he doesnt seem to be that much of a threat. She does act a lil different around him though. Its the fact that he was drunk driving again tonight and thats just one more thing to add to the list of BS-I dont wanna have to worry about getting some phone call saying my gf has been in a wreck cuz she was stupid enough to ride with a guy who was driving drunk. Ive got enough things on my mind and I dont need whatever BS she brings.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Interceptor

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If she said she wanted to "be your girl", and she's doing things that you don't agree with, my guess is that you haven't asserted what it is you want from "your girl".

Talk to her about why you acted the way you did that night.
Put the onus on her. Put the ball in her court, and let her decide if it's a deal breaker.

Put it on the table.
 

ketostix

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amnbyrd said:
The guy lost his liscense for drinking and driving so she had to drive back-he drove off base since they dont do checks for ppl going offbase. They've known each other since basic training and they say they're like brother n sister. Im not too worried about him though as he doesnt seem to be that much of a threat. She does act a lil different around him though. Its the fact that he was drunk driving again tonight and thats just one more thing to add to the list of BS-I dont wanna have to worry about getting some phone call saying my gf has been in a wreck cuz she was stupid enough to ride with a guy who was driving drunk. Ive got enough things on my mind and I dont need whatever BS she brings.
OK I got it except for the part who's car was it, his or hers? If it was hers it would bother me that she let him drive it. And either way she shouldn't have agreed to let him drive, and you shouldn't have either. Other than that, this would've been fine, her basically doing a favor for a friend.

I think me and Interceptor are basically in a greement about what you should do.
 

knglerxt

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amnbyrd said:
though shes got a rep for being a slut(dont know who to believe).

Most military girls that live in the dorms are sluts. I saw this first hand in the Air Force. There's also way too much competition in the dorms. The ratio of men to women is probably 10:1. If I were you, I'd try to find a civilian girl.
 

wjh

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Sounds like a lot of drama and confusion... I'd probably just ignore her and look for other prospects
 
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