Got one for you guys

[prairiedog24]

I'm psychoanalyzing this one just for a deeper understanding of girl-think, not gunning for any outcome here.

I deleted my facebook account about 3-4 months ago. Just felt like switching up my usual habits was a good idea.

Fast forward to this week: A friend who I keep in touch with started complaining about me not having a facebook and asking me to come back to it. I ignored her or made fun of her for telling me what to do. She was persistent and even said "well if you'd do what I want you to before I had to tell you then I wouldn't have to!" This behavior is really odd because:

1) Even when we were closer we didn't communicate on facebook much. We usually would call/or text. She still generally texts me ever day or so, so it's not like she can't keep in touch in other ways.

2) Often she'll text and say something like "I'll call you later" but usually doesn't. Thus obviously her interest level isn't that high and she hasn't suddenly decided she wants me around more or anything or she'd be trying things other than just facebook. We do have a lot of history together, and it's clear to me she does want to be platonic friends (and at this point that's fine with me.) But you can see why I'm working on the very likely correct assumption that her IL is low.

Thus, I don't get her motivation for making several very specific attempts to get me back on facebook. Something like that is very much not her style. She knows she can get attention from me by calling/texting/writing, etc if she needs a quick ego fix. I always answer or joke around with her when she initiates. Why would she care about facebook stalking me if her IL is low? Perhaps she instinctively thinks keeping her pictures a click a way keeps her foot in the door in a way that texting/calling doesn't, and it's not about me at all, but rather her?

Just haven't quite put my finger on this one yet.

 

[Stagger Lee]

Maybe she thinks through Facebook she can keep an eye on what girls you are talking to and try to gauge what kind of success with other girls you are having.

 

[prairiedog24]

Maybe she thinks through Facebook she can keep an eye on what girls you are talking to and try to gauge what kind of success with other girls you are having.

Maybe. I'm inclined to not even flatter myself that much.

If women are this subconsciously interested in who else is interested in us... that would just be another demonstration of why spinning plates and getting out there works more times than not.

You would think they would prefer the mystery of wondering/imagining and not really knowing...

 

[t00dumb]

meh, i think she likes to keep her collectives in check. other than that, move along nothing to see here. i stop analyzing women's motives a long time ago and go for what's in my best interest not the other way around.

 

[prairiedog24]

meh, i think she likes to keep her collectives in check. other than that, move along nothing to see here. i stop analyzing women's motives a long time ago and go for what's in my best interest not the other way around.

I am dude. This isn't me trying to be successful with this chick. Just curiosity about people's relationship with facebook/etc, and how men and women use it different. I would never give two beans if some girl I wasn't interested in left facebook.

 

[mahoney]

facebook is useful to keep low-level contact - if you think about your facebook there are lots of different types of people on there, people you see the whole time, people you just met, people in other cities - you have different levels of contact on there - some people the whole time, some people now and then, some people infrequently

the people you have contact with now and then, that maybe comment on something every now and then - if there was no facebook these people would probably have dropped off the radar entirely, but with facebook there is low-pressure contact (and also they pop up on the lists of events that you are going to) - or they comment on a mutual friends thing you have commented on

now, a lot of dudes (especially on this site) are kind of all or nothing type dudes (which is actually a big part of their problem - this is a little bit intense and not always that much fun, because its kind of pressurizing - this demanding of high IL or they'll walk away nexting, and pruning rather than growing their social circle)

but for a lot of girls this kind of low-pressure contact-level is good, it keeps a lot of of people in their orbit at different levels (dudes should do this also - i most certainly do) - it keeps people around but without the feeling of obligation that a lot of dudes kind of demand

i think one of the reasons so many of the dudes on this site delete their facebooks is an inability to handle this kind of sporadic interaction (a type of interaction which is actually really normal if you have a large social group with many people on many levels of friendship) - you can see this in the constant demands for texts these dudes always make - they want either constant contact or zero contact - and facebook is really all about that middle area.

if you're the addictive personality type that most of the dudes that have problems are, this can be very difficult to cope with, and its why most of the dudes with problems here are the melodramatic deleting kind

 

[thevilittletroll]

my guess is that she's probably one of those facebook junkies who posts 50 things a day like when she's taking a crap and wants everybody to know about it. these types of people demonstrate a validation seeking behavior. "hey everybody look at me!" be very weary of this behavior, i wouldnt be supprised if she has low self esteem and or depression. i wouldnt worry about it too much, i used to tell chicks i was against facebook and was starting a boycott to have it removed from existance. if you have her phone #, thats all you need.

 

[mahoney]

You would think they would prefer the mystery of wondering/imagining and not really knowing...

Want to come back to this and say, it really depends how you use it. A lot of peoples facebooks are pretty active but not that self-explanatory about what they are doing. If you are a popular person, that is certainly obvious tho

I think if you look at it like a cell phone, this is where it's at now. Is someone without a cellphone more mysterious than someone with?

 

[Johnnyventana]

"Is someone without a cellphone more mysterious than someone with?"

Yeah, mysterious in a "I don't have any money kind of way!" ha So, to agree, nope!

 

[Atom Smasher]

Sounds like her interactions with you are throw-away amusement for her; a break in the boredom of her life whenever she feels up to it. Personally I would't even waste my time, though you know more than I do about the specifics.

 

[Amazing]

Didn't read the whole thread just the question my .02 is she is attention seeking and figures if you are on facebook you can post stuff on her wall making her look better. I had girls in the past ask me to write something sexy on their walls, sometimes they will flat out say it is to make another guy jealous. It is sign of immaturity, I probably wouldn't keep her in my life is I were you.

On another note facebook is pretty good at keeping up with girls who might have feelings for you but are not around, you can post music on their walls they can do the same and it is sort of like "checking up" on them while raising temperature.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Women love facebook, because it plays to their love for hen-party gossip.

 

[prairiedog24]

Women love facebook, because it plays to their love for hen-party gossip.

lol