Got One For You- Girl Who is a Friend, Who I Want to Keep as a Friend

[RedEye37]

WARNING- This is really, really long, and contains text messages. I apologize in advance. Just need a fresh set of "eyes" for some advice.

That is right, I actually want to keep this chick as a friend. You may say "Why?" well it is simple:

1) I already messed up with her, so no redeeming things there
2) She has a hot line-up of female friends
3) We geniunely have a blast together.

I am going to make an attempt at some quick background to explain where we are at: 3 months ago I met her in one of my classes. We hit it off. Found out she was dating a guy, and I pulled the "let's just be friends" card on her. Shocked the hell out of her, and she melted. So we start hanging out three times a week in-between classes, and realize that we just geninuely hit it off. Sad thing was, no attraction on my part and I was of-course not feeling it on her end. So I just let it go cause she is a blast to hang out with, and she has a stable of hot friends. Figure its a win-win. Boyfriend screws things up when she thinks she might have gotten pregnant during one of their "sessions" (as she calls sex), I am there to pick-up the pieces. Big problem.

She started opening herself up more and more, and what happened? My dumb ass fell for her...HARD. I am talking "I love you" hard because I realized she was everything I had been looking for in a woman. I tried to blow it off, because I thought maybe I was reading things wrong. Well, I messed it up- she says she finally wants to go out on a "friendship" date, which included going to a comedy show on-campus and then dinner. The day before, during one of our break sessions, I let it slip how I felt about her and she gave me the usual "I am not ready for a relationship, I want to play the field line." Not thinking, I told her to wait and tell me how she felt down the line (ugggh, I hate that now looking back). The next night we go out on that "date." We are having a blast, and then trouble hits- her co-worker (a 35 yr. old married guy who she hits on and he hits back to the point he has taken her lingerie shopping) calls and asks if we want to go drinking. I agree. We get there, and she is ALL OVER his guy friend. What happens? Predictable like an idiot I got jealous and told her. We worked it out, and went to a Tattoo Convention together the next day, and had a blast. She called it the "best weekend of her life."

So here are the issues. I know I messed up with this chick, and I am 99% certain there's no way out. When she is herself, she is a blast to be around. When she isn't...boy watch out. That is the period we have found ourselves in now. Every single time, and I mean EVERY single time her and I have went out together, she has made out with a new guy each time. I was pissed, because it seems like this chick is using me. Basically, at this point I just want some ****ing respect if we are going to stay friends. I even told her that if she asks me to go places as her friend, then I would assume she is with me. If she sees a guy she wants to hit on and make-out with, he is driving her home. I would do the same thing if I see a chick I like, so as not to be rude. She flipped an un-holy hell over this.

We also constantly have the "relationship" talk for some reason. It's not always me though (I admit I have brought it up twice), sometimes she brings it up as if she is trying to re-assure herself that she "just wants to be friends." I have told her numerous times, that I am not waiting around for her when she asked if I could deal with her just being my friend, and that if she wants to do something down the line she will have a LOT of darn convincing to do to get me to agree (she also has had a crap-storm past with boyfriends, cheated on them when they started to drift away "emotionally", and then blamed them for the realtionship ending). Last night, she asked me to go to a Fashion show. Not my idea of a good time at all, but since I dragged her ass to a basketball game, I figured being a good friend I would return the favor.

Again, we have a blast. She even makes the comment that when we are together it feels like she has "known me for years," and that other then her one girl friend and the co-worker, I am the closest person in her life. Hey listen, that is sweet and all, but then why are we arguing and all lately? Anyway, back to the story. She lets it slip that she wanted me to meet one of her guy friends after the show (already knew it wasn't a date, because she made the point to TELL me that it wasn't a date the day before). Figuring we were just going to have dinner and go home, because I was dead tired and told her that (I was running on two days of sleep due to work and classes), I put up a little bit of a stink. She changes the subject to sexual stuff (surprisingly, the show was pretty "hot and heavy" for both guys and girls, and she was telling me she needed to "take care of herself" later that night after seeing the one guy without a shirt on. Ugghh, ok.), and I figure we are done on this. So then she brings it up again, and I half-heartedly agree. We go to Applebee's (late night, don't ask) and I am just dead mentally at this point (11 PM). So we are eating, I assume we are having fun because I can't remember much of the night, and then we go to leave. What happens again? Of course, she kisses this dude. Now I got a car full of high school kids enjoying their Friday night laughing at me as they drive by and see it, so safe to say I am in a pissed off mood. I even let it slip to her gently that the kids did that, and she apologized about it. As we are driving to her place (had to drop her off), I am starting to fall asleep. Not thinking, I reach and offer my hand over. She takes it, and we hold hands. Hey, nice sweet moment as friends, alright. I drop her off, hug her, give her a kiss on the cheek at the door.

So yesterday roles around. She texts me like crazy, 98% of the time it is her texting first. We even have pet names for each other and say "love ya" a lot. Anyway, this is what I get:

Her: Hi
Me: How are you?
Her: Just almost at **** (friend's name) house. U
Me: Saw a movie with the folks- "I Love You Man." Was funny. You are just going now, what were u doing before? (Before you start, it was my Dad's birthday and he wanted to go to the movies)
Her: Just cleaning...doing things here and there...
Me: That's cool. Anything good or just homework and all?
Her: Just doing things....

Won't bore you with the rest, but you see where the tone of the conversation is at. So here is the end:

Me: Alright then. Have a great night. If u need me, u know where to find me. Love ya **** (her pet name).
Her: Take care

 

[RedEye37]

Continued from Above (sorry, it is long)

BIG warning sign right there. Every single one of our fights or something completely stupid in my opinion has started right after one of us was affectionate, and it wasn't returned. I knew instantly, a **** storm was coming....and I was right. An hour later:

Her: Did u feel like a couple while we were holding hands in the car?
(In my head- Oh crap, here we go)
Me: I didn't think about it. I was so tired. Did you?
Her: It did...is that something you do with your friends too?
(In my head- Uhh....no. Every girl who was my friend was an ex.)
Me: 2 of them. But with them it felt like I was going through the motions, u know? Last night just kinda felt comfortable and natural, honestly. How did it make u feel?
(I am lying now, I can admit that)
Her: That we were a couple and that is not what we are. I should have let go.
(In my head- What? Whoa? Why? That isn't even in the picture! We are just friends, I have said it and you have said it. What the hell?)
Me: Its alright. It happens. If it makes u uncomfortable, then we won't do it again. I honestly didn't read that far into it, but that is sweet u felt that way.
Her: It makes me feel uncomfortable. It didn't feel uncomfortable with **** (the guy she randomly kissed last night that she knew for years, like ALL the other guys she has kissed when we went out. They are ALL her friends from "waaayyy back") But its a very different dynamic with you
(In my head- HAHAHAHAHA...ok what are you getting at?)
Me: Ok. Can I ask why it is different? Just wondering. And we won't do it again.
Her: We are friends. Plain and simple.
(In my head- This crap AGAIN??!! I KNOW THIS ALREADY! Why keep telling me?!!)
Me: I know. No problem, we won't do that again.
Me: Anything else on your mind? (cause darn I don't want to listen to more of this later)
Her: Not really though one thing that caught my eye. Y did u keep looking down when *** (the friend's name) aimed for my hand under the bar?
(In my head- Uhh...what now? I was so out of it last night you could have beat me with a baseball bat and I would have smiled, what the hell are you getting at?)
Me: I didn't even notice I was, honestly. I was so out of it at that point that I don't remember 2/3rds of what we talked about. It could have been me tryin
Me: To pay attention and I kept getting distracted from something out of the corner of my eye. Twice the bartender said something to me and I don't even remember it
(All of this is true. As a matter of fact, the bartender was a woman and I got her number. I don't even remember asking for it, nor talking to her. Seriously, I was that exhausted)
Me: I had to pull over twice and focus on my way home, that is how tired I was- that never happens.
(Also true, as a matter of fact a cop pulled up beside me last night since it was 2AM and asked if I was ok. Freaked the hell out of me).

So as to not bore you, since this is already WAAAYY too long already, I will jump ahead. Safe to say you aren't missing much. Mostly her worrying about my "health" and wanting me to go to the doctor because I shouldn't be "forgetting things from just exhaustion alone." Anyway, at this point, I am tired of her crap. I had planned on doing this when she went on her trip to Florida, but I decided to pull this card now. This is where I would like your guy's advice, to see if this chick (who is 26 by the way) is just immature and playing with me, or if she is worth being friends with? Here is the end of the convo:

Me: I'll be fine. Its exhaustion, plain and simple. I should be good come Monday, this weekend is good- detox from you.
(In my head- Since we have a class together and break at the same time 3 days a week, I can't ignore you, so here is me doing that. God, I am pissed.)
Her: Very funny
Her: I could use a break from you too
Me: Then take it if you need it. It won't hurt anything. We are both busy we can catch up on Friday at the game.
(We are going to another basketball game since she liked it the first time, plus I actually am busy from work, classes, and I want to call that bartender chick. Anyway, this was me calmly saying, "Go ahead, I can play this game too.")
Her: Whatever
Me: Haha, alright. I guess I will start it tonight. Have a great weekend, I will see and talk to you on Tuesday. We will catch up when the schedules click.
Her: Thank goodness
Me: Yup. We will talk, text, and see each other then. Have fun!
(Translation- You're ignored this weekend, screw you)
Her: Bite me!
(I ignore this completely. 10 minutes later)
Her: Be an *******. See if I care.


So that is the long and short of it. I am coming to you guys for some advice for what to do if she tries to get in contact this weekend- ie, at what point should I actually take her OFF the ignore, since she is my friend? Also, advice in general about this situation. My one friend, who knows all the little details because he is a freaking rumor hound that won't leave me alone, thinks she is confused about what she wants- that she is using the "play the field" excuse and random make-outs with guys around me as tests since she professed her attraction to me, and that she wants to see if I will wait. To which I have told him not a chance in hell do I believe that, nor would I put up with it. At this point I just want some mutual respect out of this friendship, or I am pulling the plug. It will hurt, since she actually is great, but I am tired of this crap. Let me know what you think, and you can be brutal. I am the stereotypical "nice guy" that has trouble with dating, so I use every experience I can to learn how to get better. As well, before you ask, I have been on other dates while being friends with this girl. As a matter of fact, she got jealous because I "forgot" to tell her about one of the girls I went out with. So don't think I am putting all my eggs in one basket here, I already have ZERO interest of pursuing a realtionship with her and have looked for the next one.

 

[Frog X]

Tell her to go wash the sand out of her vagina. :crackup:

I know this sounds immature but doesnt the saying go 'a man doesnt have friends, just girls he hasnt F@cked yet?'

My interpretation of the saying is not that its wussy to have female friends but that its almost impossible to not want to tap that ass haha.

My two cents dude goodluck, sounds like a soap opera.

 

[crazymedstudent]

you need to make yourself less available. It sounds as though you are in deeply in the friend zone. If she is bringing up the fact that she feels uncomfortable holding your hand when she doesn't with guys that she makes out with, then there is a big problem.

In order for you to gauge if you have any chance with this girl you need to do exactly what you said. Take a break from her, and honestly try to spin other plates. Do you have her friend's numbers? Go out with other people, guys or girls and the next time SHE contacts you don't be available to go to the basketball game.

She is using you as the surrogate boyfriend who I don't have to ****.

Do these things:
1) BREAK contact, and wait for her to come to you. Don't text her, call her, etc.

2) Don't reveal anymore of your feelings to her or answer her questions when it pertains to something about the 'relationship' between you guys. You might think its a good thing that she is bringing it up but it isn't.

3) Go hang out with another crowd of people. You obviously are putting all your eggs in one basket and that is not a good thing. A guy should always have options.

4) Did I mention don't contact her?

 

[RedEye37]

Thank you for the advice so far guys. It is all very good advice. She hasn't contacted me back yet today, so ignoring her is no issue (although I do hate Facebook updating crap that she does on her profile like talk to other guys. Anyone know how to change it so I DON'T see her profile updates when I log on to catch up with college buddies?).

The only two questions I have are about the no contact thing and the basketball game. Like I said, I have a college class with her three nights a week. The meeting up during "break" thing won't be hard to change, as my friends have break then to and I can tell her I am busy. The class thing will be much harder, since she likes to sit next to me. So any tips on that?

With the game, those tickets cost me $75, and the only reason I was taking her was because none of my friends were available that night. Do I just eat the cost of the tickets or if she finally contacts me sometime this week still go to it?

Thanks in advance!