Got dumped

[Fireballs]

This may get a bit long but I need to write it all out for me, and any input from you guys will be great too.

I'm a bit numb at the moment and really angry at myself for not ending it first when I could see it was going to end soon. I guess you could say I fell into the oneitis trap and I was wrong to think I was outcome independant. I'm clearly not at that level yet.

We were together for 2 years, living together for 1, and our dynamic was a bit different as I work away for 2 weeks at sea and then I have a week off at home. When I was home I hardly lifted a finger housework wise while she worked fulltime as a Doctor. I probably should have helped out more and cooked for us on my week off but maybe I took the whole choreplay thing a bit too far. I feel really stupid right now.

Whilst away at work I would hardly call her or initiate texts because my ego is so ****ing big I thought no, she should call me... She would call almost every night and would say to me she wished I'd call her sometimes. I guess I took stuff I've read too seriously and wrongly applied it to my relationship. What an ******* I have been.. Can't even bother to call my girlfriend while I'm away.

I think the penny really dropped a few months ago when she was studying for exams..she would start studying at 7am and not finish studying until late at night. This went on for most of my week off and I was too much of an ******* to even look after the house and make us food and actually support my girlfriend when she needed it. I've obviously taken things I've read about housework/chores/cooking way too full on and it's ruined a relationship and I'm really hating on myself at the moment. I think after this is when she started to check out. She stopped calling when I was at work and her interest level dropped alot..

She has brought this all up in the past about how I don't help out and support her but I just brushed it off as I was stubborn in my beliefs that I would drive her away if I did some washing/cooking or called her/texted her all the time. We kept going for a little longer and had a fight about a week ago. This all got brought up again and she asked when I'd stopped loving her. She didn't feel it, didn't feel supported. This is the first time she's actually heard the word ''sorry'' from me. But I genuinely meant it. I'd finally realised how much of an ******* I had been and told her things would be different.

But when I started helping out on my week off and actually calling her when out at work, she said she hated herself for staying with me for so long when I treated her like that. And that me being this different person now made it worse. I called her this morning and she was being short so I called her out on it and she said she doesn't know if she can get past this.

I stayed calm on the phone and well..we broke up.

We went halves in a boat and I offered to put money into her account each week to pay her out but she said no that she wants me to have it.. What to do here? It's a large sum of money that she paid. Thinking when I move my stuff out when she's not there to leave her something to sign..

We lived in her work house and she has also offered that I can stay there as long as I want and she will stay with a friend as long as I need to find somewhere.

I think I really ****ed up this one.

Is NC the only way to go from here?

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want her back but it will never be the same so I need to make her decision final right?

I'm not on the level of some of you guys and still have alot to learn. Go easy on me.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

I honestly don't wanna be the one to say it...but I know everybody else is saying it...

...I think there may be someone else bro

 

[GeniuzKhrist]

This is a case where it's to little to late, which sucks and I feel for you.

If I were you I'd find a place to live ASAP like in the next three days, exit her life and surroundings. Accept that she no longer wanted the relationship to continue and walk away and never look back. This is crucial if you want anything in the future. You should be strict NC for at least 60 days, and it's going to rip you apart, but you have to do it.

Best of luck. Life has the highest of high's and the lowest of low's, but in these trials we need to remain grounded in the middle

 

[dustmuffin]

Read the just been dumped thread on the main forum. Learn from your mistakes. Nc is the way to go. You can't fix it. She made up her mind months ago. You would just wind up looking like a needy ass if you did.

She may even have another guy on the line. It really doesn't matter. Just move on. That is the only course of action you have.

 

[LiveYourDream]

From a woman's perspective... She clearly loves you. I suspect she doesn't want the break-up either. She just doesn't know that what she really wants/ed with you is actually possible with you. Everything has led her to believe it isn't what you want or at least not with her.

It's not just about you cooking or cleaning more. Those are symptoms of a deeper distress in her. It's about her no longer feeling like she's important to you or that you genuinely care about her. She likely feels that, life with her, is simply a routine or convenience for you. She wants/ed to feel like she really matters in your life and she no longer does. She likely feels more like a fwb or fb or roommates that fvck when you are home than bf/gf who really love each other. After two years she wants/ed to know that the two of you have a meaningful life together. It sounds like she felt you acted as if you simply had a place to stay on your weeks off. Remember actions (or lack of) speak louder than words.

She believes/d there was greater potential in you and the two of you. She hung on waiting for things to change when she expressed hoping for more. Things didn't change so she was left feeling unheard, unimportant to you, and as if the two of you don't share the same dreams and values for a future together. She felt out of options and slowly lost hope, knowing she couldn't rekindle your relationship, all on her own.

If you truly love her and want future with her, then I believe there is a potential to rekindle what she (and the two of you) is/are missing. It would be tricky and not a common approach at all. (You'd really have to re-invent the relationship) In my eyes, I'd give it 60% odds, if you were truly lined up in your values and desire to be together and willing to play it out fully. I am not talking groveling and cooking and cleaning. I am talking raw, deep authenticity and embracing your masculinity and your desire for her femininity and a life together moving forward.

If your values are more in line with your behavior and you are more distressed by the loss of a good thing than a truly deep desire to change who you are and your behavior, than let her go in peace. If you weren't truly lined up and tried to win her back a bit I'd give you about 5% odds at the best, and soon enough you'd be back where you are now. You don't want a life pretending to be something you are not.

But if you simply got lazy and are now truly distressed by your own incongruence with the life you want, and own it, that might be a different story.

Whatever you do, do not grovel. Nothing will validate her decision (to her) more than you begging, pleading, or crying to get back. The same for indifference. It will prove (to her) that you really didn't care for her anymore. She wants to know you cared and you still do. If and HOW you choose to communicate that, is absolutely CRITICAL! She wants (read...MUST have) a 'MAN' that cares about her, not a 'man' who just lost his place to live, some pvssy and the things that made his life convenient and more comfortable.

The biggest thing for you right now, is to truly look deep within yourself. Question, not from the place of what you just had, but from a completely blank slate, determine what is it YOU truly want YOUR life to be like now and in the future. The picture may be completely different than what you have ever lived or maybe it's what you actually just had, but what didn't work for her. You won't know till you take a totally fresh and unbiased look. If your most authentic desires moving forward happen to be a match to hers, than I highly recommend you do all you can to re-establish and re-invent your relationship with her into it's next chapter. (How to, is a whole different discussion and far different than living together as you have.) If you learn your deepest dream is actually something entirely different, then the gift is, you now know what it is you really want and you can actually go after it.

 

[dustmuffin]

From a woman's perspective... She clearly loves you. I suspect she doesn't want the break-up either. She just doesn't know that what she really wants/ed with you is actually possible with you. Everything has led her to believe it isn't what you want or at least not with her.

It's not just about you cooking or cleaning more. Those are symptoms of a deeper distress in her. It's about her no longer feeling like she's important to you or that you genuinely care about her. She likely feels that, life with her, is simply a routine or convenience for you. She wants/ed to feel like she really matters in your life and she no longer does. She likely feels more like a fwb or fb or roommates that fvck when you are home than bf/gf who really love each other. After two years she wants/ed to know that the two of you have a meaningful life together. It sounds like she felt you acted as if you simply had a place to stay on your weeks off. Remember actions (or lack of) speak louder than words.

She believes/d there was greater potential in you and the two of you. She hung on waiting for things to change when she expressed hoping for more. Things didn't change so she was left feeling unheard, unimportant to you, and as if the two of you don't share the same dreams and values for a future together. She felt out of options and slowly lost hope, knowing she couldn't rekindle your relationship, all on her own.

If you truly love her and want future with her, then I believe there is a potential to rekindle what she (and the two of you) is missing. It would be tricky and not a common approach at all. (You'd really have to re-invent the relationship) In my eyes, I'd give it 60% odds, if you were truly lined up in your values and desire to be together and willing to play it out fully. I am not talking groveling and cooking and cleaning. I am talking raw, deep authenticity and embracing your masculinity and your desire for her femininity and a life together moving forward.

If your values are more in line with your behavior and you are more distressed by the loss of a good thing than a truly deep desire to change who you are and your behavior, than let her go in peace. If you weren't truly lined up and tried to win her back a bit I'd give you about 5% odds at the best, and soon enough you'd be back where you are now. You don't want a life pretending to be something you are not.

But if you simply got lazy and are now truly distressed by your own incongruence with the life you want, and own it, that might be a different story.

Whatever you do, do not grovel. Nothing will validate her decision (to her) more than you begging, pleading, crying to get back. The same for indifference. It will prove (to her) that you really didn't care for her anymore. She wants to know you cared and you still do. If and how you choose to communicate that, is CRITICAL. She wants a Man that cares about her, not a man who just lost a place to live, pvssy and the things that made his life convenient or more comfortable.

The biggest thing for you right now is to look deep within and question not what you had, but from a blank slate determine what is it YOU truly want YOUR life to be like now and in the future. The picture may be completely different than what you have ever lived or maybe it's what you had but she didn't prefer. If you find yourr most authentic desires are a match to hers than I highly recommend you do all you can to re-invent your relationship with her into it's next chapter.

If not, then the gift is, you now know what you really want and you can go after it.

I repeat.....don't try to fix it. Let her go. This breakup is a done deal in her mind. She has been thinking about it for months. By trying to fix it you open yourself up to more emotional hardship. If you want her back then follow the instructions in the just dumped thread. It may work may not. What you need to concentrate on is your emotional well being. Trying to get her back won't work and certainly won't help you emotionally. Go nc and stick with it.

 

[Tamura]

This the same girl your previous threads were about? You wanted to dump her since months ago... now she did it.

It's nothing but your ego fu**ing you. Get over it, never look back. Read your own threads, if your hindsight is fuzzy.

 

[Desdinova]

You've been wanting to break up with this chick for a long time...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/girlfriend-turning-out-to-be-a-feminist.230545/
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/exit-plan-from-gf.231588/

You've indicated a lot of things in these threads along with some previous ones that this woman wasn't 100% right for you. You also mentioned that your gut suspected she was cheating. Your gut was probably right.

What you're feeling right now is the sadness over the death of the LTR. Two years is a significant amount of time to be together. That 5hit's gonna hurt for a while.

Whilst away at work I would hardly call her or initiate texts because my ego is so ****ing big I thought no, she should call me... She would call almost every night and would say to me she wished I'd call her sometimes. I guess I took stuff I've read too seriously and wrongly applied it to my relationship. What an ******* I have been.. Can't even bother to call my girlfriend while I'm away.

Yes, you made some fvck ups during the relationship, but everybody does. A woman will let you know when she's lacking something from you. You shouldn't jump when she says jump, but jump at a moment that will surprise her and make her smile. Doing it when she's not expecting it keeps the relationship interesting and exciting. You didn't need to call her all the time, but calling her once in a while when she wasn't expecting it would have made her day. Take that lesson with you into the next LTR.

However, I don't think that's why your LTR ended. She had a new guy in her life and she needed to dwell on your faults to find an excuse to end it.

I think your LTR may have fallen apart because you weren't making the most of the time you actually were together. Since you were away for long periods of time, you needed to make the time you spent with her count. You can't just come home after 2 weeks of not seeing her and sit around playing video games. Take the woman out and show her you missed her. You don't even have to tell her. Let your actions speak for you. Yet another lesson to take into your next LTR.

We all fvck up in our LTRs. Yours just became damaged beyond repair, and judging from your other threads about it, BOTH of you contributed to it's demise. Learn from it, and take those lessons with you to make your next LTR better.

Give yourself a week to mourn the death of the LTR. After that, get out there and focus on the things that bring you joy. If you can find a new broad to fvck, do that. If not, don't worry. She'll come along eventually.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Walk away.

Don't shack up with a woman you aren't at least engaged to. It won't work.

 

[speed dawg]

From a woman's perspective... She clearly loves you. I suspect she doesn't want the break-up either. She just doesn't know that what she really wants/ed with you is actually possible with you. Everything has led her to believe it isn't what you want or at least not with her.

It's not just about you cooking or cleaning more. Those are symptoms of a deeper distress in her. It's about her no longer feeling like she's important to you or that you genuinely care about her. She likely feels that, life with her, is simply a routine or convenience for you. She wants/ed to feel like she really matters in your life and she no longer does. She likely feels more like a fwb or fb or roommates that fvck when you are home than bf/gf who really love each other. After two years she wants/ed to know that the two of you have a meaningful life together. It sounds like she felt you acted as if you simply had a place to stay on your weeks off. Remember actions (or lack of) speak louder than words.

She believes/d there was greater potential in you and the two of you. She hung on waiting for things to change when she expressed hoping for more. Things didn't change so she was left feeling unheard, unimportant to you, and as if the two of you don't share the same dreams and values for a future together. She felt out of options and slowly lost hope, knowing she couldn't rekindle your relationship, all on her own.

If you truly love her and want future with her, then I believe there is a potential to rekindle what she (and the two of you) is/are missing. It would be tricky and not a common approach at all. (You'd really have to re-invent the relationship) In my eyes, I'd give it 60% odds, if you were truly lined up in your values and desire to be together and willing to play it out fully. I am not talking groveling and cooking and cleaning. I am talking raw, deep authenticity and embracing your masculinity and your desire for her femininity and a life together moving forward.

If your values are more in line with your behavior and you are more distressed by the loss of a good thing than a truly deep desire to change who you are and your behavior, than let her go in peace. If you weren't truly lined up and tried to win her back a bit I'd give you about 5% odds at the best, and soon enough you'd be back where you are now. You don't want a life pretending to be something you are not.

But if you simply got lazy and are now truly distressed by your own incongruence with the life you want, and own it, that might be a different story.

Whatever you do, do not grovel. Nothing will validate her decision (to her) more than you begging, pleading, or crying to get back. The same for indifference. It will prove (to her) that you really didn't care for her anymore. She wants to know you cared and you still do. If and HOW you choose to communicate that, is absolutely CRITICAL! She wants (read...MUST have) a 'MAN' that cares about her, not a 'man' who just lost his place to live, some pvssy and the things that made his life convenient and more comfortable.

The biggest thing for you right now, is to truly look deep within yourself. Question, not from the place of what you just had, but from a completely blank slate, determine what is it YOU truly want YOUR life to be like now and in the future. The picture may be completely different than what you have ever lived or maybe it's what you actually just had, but what didn't work for her. You won't know till you take a totally fresh and unbiased look. If your most authentic desires moving forward happen to be a match to hers, than I highly recommend you do all you can to re-establish and re-invent your relationship with her into it's next chapter. (How to, is a whole different discussion and far different than living together as you have.) If you learn your deepest dream is actually something entirely different, then the gift is, you now know what it is you really want and you can actually go after it.

What the....? Who the heck let you on this forum and why are you giving this guy advice?

Truth is Fireballs, no matter how you feel, this girl is willing to leave you. And very often, they will use something you did wrong in the past as an excuse for the real reason she's leaving you - she's simply not attracted enough to you. And chances are, she's probably felt this way for a while but now, some other guy finally came along and gave her the closing reason to leave.

Moving on....if she's giving you her half of the house...take it and go. Just make sure it's not in her name.

 

[sodbuster]

Well, you wanted it, you got it.... it's just that SHE had the balls to do it and you didn't.....THAT'S what would hurt me.

But the calling and entertaining? That's just some of the **** you have to do if you want a woman in your life. How would you feel if she didn't want sex? Cheated maybe? Men want sex, women want a relationship. You didn't give her one. Either you learn how to do a bit of that, or you wait for the sex robots to be perfected.....

 

[Fireballs]

I know I made mistakes and it will make me a better man for the next one.

Not sure how to handle her contacting me? I don't want to come across as bitter/hurting by ignoring her texts/calls.

She sent me a text last night about my dog ''She has upgraded from stealing socks to stealing iPhones...'' then sent a pic of my dog which she is looking after until I get home tomorrow which is when my dog and I will be moving out (she won't be there thankfully) but I just ignored it and deleted it. I just really don't want to speak to her at all.

Also have a girl coming over Wednesday to, in her words, ''Tend to my every want and need''..

 

[Fireballs]

Would like a bit of advice on how to go about this.. Have a few questions..

We broke up over the phone while I was away at work on Easter and on the Wednesday I got back in and went home while she was away for a few days and packed up my stuff and left. I left a note on the kitchen bench saying I was going to come and grab our boat on my next week off and sell it then deposit half of what it sells for into her account. The main reason I wrote the note was so I could go NC. When she got home Wednesday night she tried to call a few times and left a voicemail where she was in tears and was asking if I was ok and where I'd moved to.. I didn't call back then she sent a text saying ''Please don't be hasty in selling the boat. Think about it for awhile? When you're ready to talk I'd love to hear from you. I'm hurting too.'' I never replied and I think I maybe should have? Should I respond to her text now? I'm starting to feel bad for ignoring her.

Now that was a week ago and has been radio silence since. Do I need to contact her to let her know which day I'm coming to take the boat or do I just go and get it while she's at work and say nothing and continue on with NC? We haven't spoken since the breakup 11 days ago.

Does me ignoring her make me look butthurt? Or make me look like I don't give a **** and never cared about her? I tried my best to figure this out by myself but my judgement is clouded.

 

[dustmuffin]

She dumped you. Her feelings are not your concern. That isn't your job anymore. NC is best so you can heal and move on. No it doesn't make you look but hurt. She wants to talk to make herself feel better. She isn't concerned about you. Stay NC and pick up the boat when she is at work. Worry about you she kicked you to the curb. She needs to face the consiquences for her actions. That is no more you.

 

[Desdinova]

Do I need to contact her to let her know which day I'm coming to take the boat or do I just go and get it while she's at work and say nothing and continue on with NC?

Just go take it as long as you have access to it. She knows you're taking it, so just do it when you're ready.

Does me ignoring her make me look butthurt?

Why does it matter how you look to her? The relationship is finished. How she perceives you is no longer relevant. Do NC for your benefit, your healing, and your beginning to your new path of life. Fvck what everyone else thinks.

 

[Lutefisk]

I'm new here, but I've been around the block a few times and have broken up and been broken up with more than my fair share of times...The question you need to ask yourself is what do you really want to achieve? Do you want to stay friends? Do you want to kind of keep her on the back burner and see what else is out there? Do you want to make her suffer even if its just a little bit?

The only reason I write this is that you two separated in the same way that I have in the past. She dumped you, but you managed her out. You probably were only semi conscious of it, at least that's how it works with me. It's like when you have an employee that you want to fire, but have a difficult time making it happen. You make their job a little more painful in hopes they just quit. If they don't, you ramp up the pressure a little. I've never really been proud to do it in relationships or at a professional level, but meh..it happens. When it happens professionally you go out, have a beer and celebrate. When you successfully manage out a girl in a relationship and they "quit" the feelings are a little more complicated...but being aware of what you did helps.

Doing what dustmuffin says above is the standard around here and I have no problem with it under true "got dumped" or "you dumped them" circumstances...Its the gold standard of reactions.

Anyway, i could be wrong and she really did just dump you and you're heartbroken. I just wanted to write a little this morning over my coffee. Fair winds and following seas!

 

[Colossus]

Fireballs if I'm not mistaken this is the same girl we corresponded about a year and a half ago. If so, it may be this relationship just ran its course. LYD is probably right that this girl just didnt feel loved or important to you anymore, and when that happens it's a matter of time before she branch swings or dumps you. She's probably been planning/debating this for a while.

I'm not sure I'd advise trying to get back together; this seldom works and almost never lasts. If you really feel she is the one for you and you just got lazy and fvcked up, then there are threads detailing how to approach this; but again don't let the post-breakup remorse cloud your judgment here.

She wants to hear from you to make herself feel better and hopefully validate her choice one way or the other. It's not just to "make sure you're ok". NC is the standard here and in the majority of cases I agree. At times I think there is a happy medium between NC and "staying friends", but the problem is you are emotionally vulnerable during this time and even opening up a small dialogue can reel you back in. So I would be polite re: shared property or whatever, but not invite any dialogue.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Whether your fault or hers, the damage is done. Walk away. If it's in your cards to reconcile, she'll reach out to you. If she does, keep it short, and ask for the date.

Meantime, keep busy, and start your self-improvement journey. Take baby steps. Write down 10 small goals a day and commit to this list. The list is now your boss. Do not succumb to emotions; focus only on the list.

Time will heal your wounds champ; you'll be fine.

 

[LiveYourDream]

There are countless men here, who everyday wish they could meet and have a LTR with a woman who exudes the qualities of your ex. As I recall, she happily had sex whenever you wanted, no problem. She wasn't a woman out whoring herself at bars, she is a doctor. She wasn't looking for a provider, she was looking for a partner. She wanted to be with you. She loves you. She wanted a future with you. To further that, she invited you to move in with her. You did. It was her work provided living arrangement, which I am assume also meant, you benefited from paying little to no rent as well.

What else...

You dreamed to own a particular very expensive boat. You could not afford it on your own, so she went halves to help you purchase it. Why? So you could have your dream and enjoy it. Was she personally looking to buy a boat. I doubt it. Why would she pay for a half a boat then ? She loves you.

You work away from home two weeks at a time. She misses you. Do you ever call to connect? No. She calls you often, or everyday if I recall correctly. She tells you that it hurts that you never initiate reaching out to her? She is a woman after all. Do you take that to heart and reach out? No. You ignore her request and just keep leaving it for her to connect, while you live away two weeks at a time.

When you are finally home, after she has been missing you like crazy, do you pay extra attention to her? No. Do anything special? No. Do you do anything to convey that you care and are glad to have the week back home with her? No.

Two weeks at a time, while you are gone, she only shops for, cooks for and cleans for herself. The week you are there, suddenly there is more cooking and cleaning. Do you pitch in? No. She continues on hoping at some point you will. Do you? No. She asks you to please pitch in. Do you? No.

You equate your non-participation with your masculinity and sense of dominance. You think calling her while you are away, showing her extra affection when you are finally home, pitching in with feeding you and the clean up, is too much to ask of you. That's your choice and so are the results.

I imagine as a doctor, her hours are likely beyond the standard 40 many people work. The weeks you are together, you have every single day off work. Sometimes during those weeks, she has had extra pressures at work or studying to do. She's asked you to support her, in her times of extra need. Did you? No.

Did she bail after all her unheard and unfilled requests? She didn't. She loves you. She is loyal to you. What did she do? She kept loving you. She believed in the two of you and your future together. She held onto hope. She believed that you weren't intentionally trying to be insensitive to her, her feelings and all she was doing for you. She believed if she shared her needs with you that you would listen, and that you care enough about her and your relationship to respond. She persevered. She felt disheartened yet she kept on going with you because she believed in you and your future together.

Month after month after month after month do you, call her, do you take her out, do you pitch in at home when you are finally there, do you help her in her times of need. No. Your woman was slipping away and you didn't want to see it. Meanwhile your ego felt good because your non-participation reassured you that you are masculine and dominant.

As the months go by, you notice she feels more distant. She's still hoping. She still the one calling, cooking, cleaning, having sex whenever you want and doing all she does to show you that she cares. Do you ever engage more? Nope. Actions speak louder than words. She can't deny that month after month your actions don't show much care for her. As loyal and hopeful as she is, her feeling that you actually care about her are fading.

You feel her pull away more. You get panicky. Your sense of control and dominance feels in jeopardy. You post multiple times. Conversations here discuss dumping her before she dumps you, that her fading affection is likely due to another man, how to manipulate the situation to save your dream boat.

Was there ever real acknowledgement that this is a quality woman that loves you, is loyal to you, has persevered with you, that has stood by you and your relationship, even when you have invested next to nothing month after month. Did you acknowledge this is a woman who happily sex with you whenever you wanted. She helped you buy your dream boat because she loves you. This woman invested financially to make you happy. She cooked, she cleaned, she kept calling you when you were away from home because she cared. Did she complain a lot? She just hoped and waited that you would wake up and see all that she offered you. She hoped you wanted a future together too. Your actions said you didn't. After two years together, with no change over time from you, what was she left to do? She broke up.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Part 2

Did she want to break-up? No! She wanted you to care about her and your future together! That's what she wanted all along.

She breaks-up. She hurts. Does she get angry and bitter. No. She loves you. She reaches out. She offers her place to you so you can move as it's convenient, not for her, but for you. She loves you. Does she become a raging b1tch and demand your dream boat be sold so she can get her money back? No. She loves you. You leave her a note saying you are going to sell the boat. Does she inwardly celebrate. No, she writes you back, aware of how much the boat meant to you and suggesting you don't act rashly but you reconsider, for you. She loses money in her own proposition. She loves you. Even though you have broken up, she still supports your dream. She loves you.

Advice here equates to, she dumped you, so never look back, as if you get to punish her for breaking up, as if it is never justifiable. You never own it either. The sad thing is, in your scenario, there was a actually a great deal to lose, not just some ONS or two week fling.

You continue to maintain that front of dominance and masculinity that is most important to you. You don't say this was a woman who gave me sex whenever I wanted, loved me, was loyal, supported me and my dreams and faithfully stood by me, for two years, despite me treating her with great disregard for long periods of time. No, you don't.

She's simply some chick that broke up with you. So like any other meaningless woman that disregards men, you are advised to move on and never look back. Same advice given about some chick you hit on in a bar who didn't respond back, same advice given for a chick you fvcked once but never heard from again, same advice to move on from a crazy BPD. Go no contact so you can heal and move on. Quick to type. Sounds simple. Go no contact. Forget about her. You can just get yourself another woman anytime you are ready, once you have healed, is what I read inferred in those posts. Don't bother yourself with her. She dumped you (doesn't matter why) so move on.

Meanwhile the majority of the men on this board are here doing all they can to up their odds of meeting a woman that is not looking for a provider, and is loyal, loving, caring, persevering, supportive of their goals and dreams, has sex whenever they want, not to mention she's willing to do almost all the cooking and cleaning. That was your Ex. You were too preoccupied with maintaining your masculinity and dominance to appreciate how loved and supported you actually were.

When she broke up, you asked for advice here. In my view this was her final hope for you to wake-up, to get how much she loves you and still wanted it to work out with you two. At that time, I believed that was possible, but would take reworking the relationship in big ways. I and others suggested you re-evaluate what you really want for your life, outside the reflexive response of having just been broken up with. I never read anything to suggest that you did.

You post again, confused. You have maintained No Contact. You seem to be looking for reassurance that you made the right choice and that your masculinity and dominance is intact and remains so. To others you have maintained No Contact, after she broke up with you, so as you are following standard advice given here, it would follow to most, that you are doing the "right" thing.

Meanwhile, you follow standard advice and you lose a good, loyal, woman who loved you more than you ever knew. She loses the man she loved and wanted a life with. Posters here go on to the next post, unaffected. Your life will forever be changed, as will hers. I find it terribly sad. You'll move forward with your sense of dominance and masculinity but in this case, you'll have lost an opportunity to love and be loved, in a way that very few ever encounter.

This woman stood behind you with her love and her actions. I find it sad that a forum that so wants men to have a woman, like you had, were so quick to advise you, to throw her and the potential you shared away, as if a woman, that loves you so selflessly, can be replaced as easily as a ONS, despite the daily threads stating otherwise. At the same time, I suspect in an effort to maintain your image of dominance and masculinity here, you only offered choice pieces of your story in each thread. Thus it was easy for all to jump on the somewhat standard assumption that the issue was a defect in the woman and you are best without her. You never really spoke up much to suggest otherwise. The consequences are your own.

Despite the fact that she loves you the way she does, and many would be thrilled with such a woman, I recognize that you may not actually really care for, or love "her". Perhaps you really do see her and what she brought to your life, primarily as a means to an end and really nothing more. In that case, I apologize for my projection. In that case, I especially agree, move on and never look back.

TL;DR In the desire to maintain dominance and masculinity, always be vigilant not to lose your objectivity, as the consequences can be forever life altering (in your own life and/or those you give advice to.)